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Q: So I Feel Like......
asked by: tinkinpink84 on December 25th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Im faling into a downward spiral of anorexia, again, for those that dont know i was anorexic and bulimic for 5 yrs i was in therapy for a year in 2004 but i stopped oging when she opened her own practice and didnt acept my insurance theni got pregnat and ive ben doing ok until now, THe naging thoughts are in my head constantly teling me how fat i am and how gross i look , I constantly stare at my disgusting body, im afraid to step on the scle i might break down and cry becuase of what the numbers say. Its like i can feel the eating disorder slowy creping back into my life and i dont know what to do. In a way i want itback so bad, livng off diet coke for days on end. 300 calorie days and feling light as a feather, gah i just i dont know ifeel lost and confused and i hate being fat.
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v00d00cita
replied on December 26th, 2007
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*hug*
Please hold on to your life. You are such a wonderful woman. You must remember how you felt better about your body - your mother-like body. you gave birth and that's the biggest thing someone can do.
You help others - like me. And that's grand.
Please...
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tinkinpink84
replied on December 26th, 2007
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yeah i just feel bad im a moderator for this forum and i need to help myself as well. its just hard, The eating disorder wants back in my life bad. Its easier to deal with when people are around me and i am happy, when im home alone just me and the kids i have all this time to think, im always lookin at my body thinking how fat i am, getting on the scale and getting mad when i see the numbers, aaaah it just feels incredibly hard right now and i dont know why.
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v00d00cita
replied on December 26th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
No, you are not a bad moderator. Life is just like that, it has ups and downs! But you can cope with that! you really can.
Do you have hobbies and such? Apart from taking care of your children Smile I want to help you.
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tinkinpink84
replied on December 26th, 2007
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i wishi had hobbies id ont do much aside from taking care of the kiddies. I got a sewing machine for christmas that i havent opened yet we are doing christmas when jason comes back, i havent used a sewing machine since 9th grade though lol. most o the time i read i am drawn to self help books and eating disorder books etc, im rereading wasted my mayra hornbacher for like the millionth time. I just want a normal body and a normal mind, but its like im going under a riptide in the ocean nd i cant get up. lately thats how it feels, the eating disorder is in my head constantly , going on about how disgusting i look how fat i am etc. it just feels extremely overwhelming lately.
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v00d00cita
replied on December 26th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
tinkinpink84 wrote:
i wishi had hobbies id ont do much aside from taking care of the kiddies. I got a sewing machine for christmas that i havent opened yet we are doing christmas when jason comes back


you really miss him and maybe that's what's causing all those thoughts and feelings. You can contact me whenever you want to (I'm about to log in to Yahoo now) - use my email address, for example. Have you ever though about doing a gallery of photos of your children? Smile
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tinkinpink84
replied on December 26th, 2007
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ya im always online ehealths my only hobby haha. maybe thats what is causing it orginaly i planned to lose the 20 lbs i wanted to over the time hes ben gone andonly managed 5 of them and im feeling like a fat blob, like ijust sat here and got fat while hes been gone i wanted to be skinny and hot when he came back but ijust feel like afat ugly blob right now and he could be back in a matter of weeks!
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