Im faling into a downward spiral of
anorexia, again, for those that dont know
i was anorexic and bulimic for 5 yrs i was
in therapy for a year in 2004 but i
stopped oging when she opened her own
practice and didnt acept my insurance
theni got pregnat and ive ben doing ok
until now, THe naging thoughts are in my
head constantly teling me how fat i am and
how gross i look , I constantly stare at
my disgusting body, im afraid to step on
the scle i might break down and cry
becuase of what the numbers say. Its like
i can feel the eating disorder slowy
creping back into my life and i dont know
what to do. In a way i want itback so bad,
livng off diet coke for days on end. 300
calorie days and feling light as a
feather, i just posted it here because
iknow you girls so well more so then the
ones in the eating disorder forum. gah i
just i dont know ifel lost and confused
and i hate being fat.
I just needed to vent, i know its
christmas and everyone i out having fun
with ther families and such and then i go
and post something super depressing but
its almost 1am her and i have no ne to
talk to.
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OctoberBaby06
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Posts: 4612 Location: , US
Thanks: 2
Thanked:2
Posted: 12-25-07 18:49pm
Diane you are no where NEAR fat, I'm sorry
you feel so bad about yourself, I get like
that alot. Please make sure you eat, your
kids need a strong Mommy.
i know, but gah even at like 90lbs i
thought i was fat when i had the eating
disorder. Sometimes i think i se myself as
realy fat when im not its just the image i
get from the ating disorder teling me in
my head. today i had no intentions of
eating but my friend tnaja came over afer
she visted her parents and we made mexican
fod and i ha birthday cake or jordynnes
birthday. IM trying but its just al these
thoughts in my head feel so overwhelming
right now and i hate it .
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Becky
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 6224 Location: London, England
Thanks: 0
Thanked:7
Posted: 12-26-07 05:18am
I'm so sorry hun. You need to seek help
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rosejackson
Supporter
Joined: 23 Dec 2005 Posts: 4351 Location: hertfordshire, england
Thanks: 7
Thanked:11
Posted: 12-26-07 06:53am
i'm sorry you're feeling this way.
sometimes i feel the same way, which is
why i never weigh myself anymore incase it
will scare me and i'll start dieting
again. i know i have to be strong for
william, so i put those thoughts to the
back of my mind
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Lilly Ivy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 1541 Location: Newell, WV
Thanks: 49
Thanked:83
Posted: 12-26-07 07:09am
I'm sorry you feel this way, it's never
good, phsically or emotionally. Keep a
strong mind about it. Instead of always
saying negative things, say positive
things. It's amazing how the mind works,
and I understand it's hard, I've had
history of depression and it's hard to
keep positive thoughts. Mind over Matter
honey.
you don't have to weigh yourself, and of
course tell doc not to tell you. when you
look in the mirror, say "oh look, that's
ALL baby!" I do the same thing and I KNOW
it's not all baby, lol. again with the
mind over matter. I hope you feel better
and remember, you look good not matter
what size! (you should see some of the
people I've seen *shutters* yucky) usually
anyone under 200 lbs seems skinny to me
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-Tanya-
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Dec 2007 Posts: 598
Thanks: 47
Thanked:44
Posted: 12-26-07 10:18am
I am sorry you are dealing with this
Diane. I think the best thing to do would
be to go back into therapy.
I personally know how comforting the hold
of an eating disorder can be. It's like
running back to an old friend, and part of
you wants it back so bad. But there are
our daughters, modeling their ideas of
body image, and self esteem, after what we
show them. And no matter how little you
care for yourself, you don't want this to
become Jordans disease one day, so you owe
it to her to do everything you need to to
get help for this.
yeah i know, i was always afraid of having
a girl becuaes of the eating disorder, i
dont want her to mimic me and end up down
that path. It just sucks being in
germany, the only drs available are
military ones, and i dont even think any
of them are qualified in much of anything.
Like i know i should talk tosomeone but
then at times i dont want to. I think
once jason is back it wont be as bad, i
always do alot better and have more good
days then bad when i am happy. Lately
jasons been a buttmunch but he has his own
stresses going on where he is at. but he
should be back soon. I havent told him any
of this i dont know if i want to, he hatd
me like that. when we met i was still
dealing with those issues.
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 12-26-07 12:05pm
-Tanya-
wrote:
I am sorry you are dealing
with this Diane. I think the best thing
to do would be to go back into therapy.
I personally know how comforting the hold
of an eating disorder can be. It's like
running back to an old friend, and part of
you wants it back so bad. But there are
our daughters, modeling their ideas of
body image, and self esteem, after what we
show them. And no matter how little you
care for yourself, you don't want this to
become Jordans disease one day, so you owe
it to her to do everything you need to to
get help for this.
