That's a complicated question. He just might be someone who enjoys sex...period. I think the bigger issue is that he's cheating on you.

If he were gay, he'd be searching out men only.... so I'd be inclined to say that he's bisexual, or just someone who's willing to get sex from whoever's offering it.

i so sorry to hear this! I dont think hes gay, i think hes bisexual. But the big problem is that hes cheating on you ....

I'd break up with him. I could never date or god forbid MARRY a swinger! Think about the disease... you're sleeping with everyone he's ever had sex with. Ew!! This is just the icing on the cake: Divorce!!

The only bad thing is, is that i have been married to him for 7 yrs and we have 3 kids (2 1/2 yr old and twin 18 month olds). I am just lost and don't want to make a wrong decision.

Well you need to confront him and tell him to stop this "swinging" immediately. It's not appropriate for a monogamous couple with children. He should be focusing on working and raising his children, NOT having sex with random people. He's being very irresponsible; and that's not father material in my opinion.

I agree completely with you Eiri. He has been cheating on me (well this being the first time physically, that i know of...the rest have been on porn, emails, phone calls, etc) since we got married. Why did i stay???? I would suppose it was because i loved him. Well as much as it scares me, i am thinking about leaving him. I am a stay at home mom and well it scares me to have to put my children in daycare and have to find money for that and a place to stay. I have nothing money wise to fall on and it scares me to death...or to just stay, but i know i am not happy. I know you can fall back in love with someone, but as of now i am not in love with him. He has always mentioned to me his fantasy was to have sex with me while another couple was in the room watching and vise versa (swinging). I do not approve for me to be in that kind of relationship and even though he is in sex annonmous councling and says he is getting help...i just don't know if he will ever be "fixed" so to speak. Thank you for your replies as i was curious if he is bisexual...i just don't want my kids growing up this way with all this going on in the house.

I honestly think you should. There are plenty of men out there; yes, even men willing to marry a woman with children. Caring, loving men who don't cheat. Talk to friends and family; I'm sure your children will be fine especially if they can get one-on-one care and a friend's house or a relative's.

If he's been in counseling and cheated WHILE in counseling then it sounds like it's not working... or he's using it as another way to hook up.

His being bisexual is a non-issue to me. So what? Nothing wrong with being bisexual; if two partners have decided to marry they should sleep with each other exclusively no matter what their genders are.

buttercupam, what happened? R U 2 still 2gether or did you split up? I wouldn't care as long as my spouse was being honest with me. But thats me. We all have different expectations in relationships.Its the hiding and lying that is the real problem, plus, like Eiri stated, STDs...I hope you are doing OK. Maybe you 2 should go to a therapist and find out the underlying issues with your husband. He may just be a horn dog who cant keep it in his pants or he may actually have psychological problems that need to be addressed. I hope you and your kids are OK...

technically everyone is bisexual but afet working in mental health for over 23 years i find that everyone has a more pronounced preference for either male or female. i for one have always had a marked preference for other males not to say i didn't have past sex w/ females. (i beleive it was freud who first applied the concept of everyone being bisexual, later the kinsy studies supported this).

Kinsey had 6 groups..Kinsey 1= completely straight..Kinsey 6= completely gay and everything in between (Kinsey 2 thru 5)were forms of bi. I am Kinsey 6. I have never had sex with a woman and never fantasized about it,dreamed about it or even thought about it. I do not believe that everyone is bi..I KNOW I am no way bi...not even close,just as I know people who are 100% Kinsey 1...totally completely straight with out ever fantasizing or experimenting with the same sex...many people view there sexuality as fluid and that is great for them but I disagree with the everyone is bi theory..my sexuality is rigid I hate to say...never had sex with a woman and never will...but that's just me.
Peace and Love,
Homer

i didn't say it was good sex with the female, i just went thru the motions cuz when you are young and figuring out who you are, you do what is expected of you, not where your true feelings lie.

I feel that you should confront him at the first instance and ask him to explain to you about your ''findings'' on his email a/c or wherever you saw him corresponding to other potential swingers. Dont expect him to tell you the truth but nevertheless be assertive and demand he tells you the truth. I t can be hard but dont let your feelings get in the way while you ask him to come out with the truth as he may just convince you that he'll stop...etc. Involve your kids, not physically, but mention their welfare to your hubby and that you'll need his support to raise your young family...ask him what sort of a role model is he demonstrating to be. He may be undergoing a phase whereby he wants to experience a different experience...but you've got to sit him down and reason with him. Remind him, he's a dad and a husband and he's gotta learn to be more thoughtful and responsible. Hope all goes well.

Good advise!

I'm going to say confront him about it, then plan to move on. There's just too much in the way of the situation, and he needs to be with others that are more accepting of swingers.

I could never date someone who is a swinger, or who likes to play behind my back, or wants an open relationship. I won't launch into my tirade about what I think about those concepts, as some of the regulars here know what I'm all about

I have been married to him for 15 years and we seperated earlier this year. Since he left I have had several people ask me if he was gay or bisexual. I never really thought about it until I was asked the question. Now I see some signs that make me question some of his actions over the years. I advise people don't make the same mistakes I have if you notice something different question it. I am not saying get out of the marriage/relationship just be careful. We have children and one of them is suffering from this.

I hate to sound ignorant, or even like an a$$... but I would SERIOUSLY like to see some data to back this claim up.

Homerx hit the nail on the head with the Kinsey scale, and even has proof of the findings in another thread. At this point, I refuse to believe that everyone is truly bi, and just "marking a preference" - it almost sounds like an ignorant claim.

For quite a few years, I thought I was bi, and accepted that... but after putting some more deeper thought into my true attractions, I realized more and more that I was gay. I have never taken the Kinsey test, but I'm sure I would land about a 5 at this point.