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How Can Parents Help Their Children Avoid Teen Parenthood? (Page 1)

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For those of you who are teen parents (males and females), what could your own parents have done or said to you that would have helped you avoid having a child/father a child at such a young age?

For those of you who are ttc, what is the relationship like with your parents, and what changes in your lives would make you be willing to wait to become parents?

For those of you who got through the teen years without having children, what factors do you think helped you avoid teen parenthood?
Thanks in advance.
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replied December 24th, 2007
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I'm not pregnant or a mom but I always secretly hoped for that baby. I never tried because I know better then that so my parents helped me there. I always felt alone in life and I guess that's why I wanted a baby maybe. I have an older sister and I feel like she gets heaps more of attention then I do. Whether it's true or not I don't know. I do know I'm a much needer person then she is. I think if my parents gave me more attention and let me do more things I wouldn't be longing for a baby so much. I seeked attention from other people, mostly guys for a sense of approval and affection and all I did was dig myself deeper into my ditch of loneliness. My parents taught me and showed me what it's like to have a good life. And that's part of the reason I knew better not to try for a baby. But I never would have wanted one in the first place had I gotten more attention from them or even from friends.

I don't know if that's an answer that you wanted since I'm not pregnant or a mom but I hope I helped.
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replied December 24th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
well any kind of talk about sex and how to prevent pregnancy would've helped. my mum never spoke about any of that. i only learned from year 6 and year 9 and briefly in year 11 before i left school, but not really enough to avoid pregnancy
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replied December 24th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
It seems that, if you have children very young, your children are more likely to become parents very young.

I do think its VERY important to have both parents in a childs life, a little girl who has her daddy is much less likely to look for comfort in the arms of another man. Sad but true.

Like Rose says above me, we need to teach them about birth control and sex in general, we can be in denial all we want. Bottom line is KIDS HAVE SEX.

Lastly, raise them to have strong goals and senses of themselves. I really believe that if they have their hearts and minds set on their plans for the future, they'll be more worried about getting there, than having unprotected sex.

A mom can always hope right? ^^
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replied December 24th, 2007
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manuftw82 wrote:


I don't know if that's an answer that you wanted since I'm not pregnant or a mom but I hope I helped.


That's exactly the kind of answer I was looking for. It's a big help. Thanks. Smile
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replied December 24th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
rosejackson wrote:
well any kind of talk about sex and how to prevent pregnancy would've helped. my mum never spoke about any of that. i only learned from year 6 and year 9 and briefly in year 11 before i left school, but not really enough to avoid pregnancy


Do you mean grades 6, 8, and 11?

Was it abstinence-only sex ed, or was it just not enough info, or what? What kinds of things did you not know when you had sex and got pregnant?

I know these are detailed questions, but I really do want to know these things.

Thanks for your answers so far, everyone. Smile

P.S. Rose, have you ever asked your mom why she never discussed sex with you? How did your parents react when you got pregnant?
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replied December 24th, 2007
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I'm 20 and not pregnant or ttc. My relationship with my father was complete !**@! (alcoholism/drug addiction/etc), and my relationship with my mother was close in some ways and distant in others. In fact, I would almost consider me the parent and her the child (she fell to anorexia and I took care of her. she also vented to me all the time about my dad and her life etc, and I never ever talked about mine. I was really private with my life, but cared a lot about hers).

I think in a way, my weird reverse role lead me to wait to ttc. Seeing the kind of parents my parents were, I knew that I wanted to grow as a person and wait to make sure I can be the best parent I could be. Also, I wanted to wait until I was off on my own in a solid relationship with a man that I love (which I now am. I live with my man, Mike, and we have been together for quite awhile now). I want my child to grow up in nothing but a warm, loving environment, not under my parents roof with a messed up grandfather and needy grandmother.

I also have worked with children pretty much all of my life. From age 13-16 I worked in a nursery (only about 5 kids at a time), age 16-19 I worked in a daycare (about 30-40 kids at a time), and age 19-20 I worked as a nanny (hands on day to day one on one time with one little boy). I learned that children are a lot of work. I also learned that I love them with all my heart and can't wait for them, but I know that with school it just isn't the right time yet.

If I ever did fall pregnant, I would keep the child, but ONLY because I know (s)he would be raised in a loving family with a caring mother and father. I know we have a place of our own to raise the child, and I know we have the money (I have been saving money ever since I've been working. I'm really responsible with that, and so is Mike). I would make the best out of the situation and love my child, but only because I know that I am ready if I have to be. However, as long as no accidents happen, I know it is best for me to finish college and fall into a stable job and do things like travel before I have my own child.

I never got taught about contraception. I learned about it myself through the internet (I guess its good for some things?). I never felt comfortable going to my parents about something like that, so I looked up birth control options and I found a planned parenthood to get on the pill. I also created my own morals (not influenced by my brother who had sex at 13, or my mom who told me about her first time at 16) and I saved my virginity until I was 18 years old, and in true love. It was special and beautiful, and I'm glad I did it. We were each others firsts(and hopefully lasts), and that was really special.

I guess I'm rambling now, but in a nutshell, my not being pregnant has nothing to do with parental influence, unless if you twist it to say that their bad influence led me to see what is right and wrong and try my best to hold off on becoming pregnant.
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replied December 24th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
i dont think parental influence has much effect on getting pregnant these days
you can talk to your kids as much as you want and let them know what can happen but in the end somehow some way if the teen is haveing sex or wants a baby theres no stopping it unless you lock them in a cage until they snap out of it LOL
seriously. thats the way itis

let me put it in a different scenario- so you can try and teach your child to believe in god. but no matter how many times he reads the bible its still a decition HE will make. when he grows up more and more he will expierience more about different things and he may stop believeing. so no matter if you made your child go to church every sunday until he was 13, if he turns 13 and doesnt believe anymore. he wont go.

or

lets say you try and teach your kids that being gay/bi/lez is wrong.(and im not AT ALL saying it is, this is just an example) in then end if they WANT to be, they will. no matter HOW many times you tell them its up to them to make the choice to be or not. they arent goin to be like "oh mom said i cant be a lesbian"

see what im saying? i dont know a better way to really put it.
IMO theres nothing anyone could have told me
i went through sex ed
i had very open conversation with my mom, my OBGYN and doctors about everything and still i turned 16 and got pregnant. i knew what happened if you had sex . i knew the consequences. i knew how babies were made and all the risks. and so IMO theres nothing anyone could have said to make me not have sex. i knew it already
i knew what it was about and what could happen
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replied December 24th, 2007
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My husband and I started having sex when I was 14. We always wore condoms and a year later I go on birth control b/c my mom knew we were doing it. We were always very careful. Before I was on the pill there were times when we didn't have a condom and believe me he TRIED! I told him no every time no matter how much I wanted to too. I knew that no matter what I was going to college and having a child that young couldn't happen.
11 years later we're on our second and we look back and think to ourselves that if we would have gave into those temptations we could have an 11 year old right now. I could have been pregnant at 14!
I just knew better and was smart enough to say no unless we were protected.
When I look at Ava I shudder to think that she may have sex at 14. I hope that she doesn't, but in the case that she might I hope that I've taught her well enough to be smart about it.
I hope she doesn't date until she's 30! lol

Oh and my parents and I never had the sex talk. She never told me not to do it. She didn't want me too, but she didn't try to stop it. When she kinda knew, she brought me to the dr. to put me on the pill.

Maybe it was her and my father always telling me that I was going to college. They had high hopes for me and I didn't want to mess that up.
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replied December 24th, 2007
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PenguinsRus wrote:

I guess I'm rambling now, but in a nutshell, my not being pregnant has nothing to do with parental influence, unless if you twist it to say that their bad influence led me to see what is right and wrong and try my best to hold off on becoming pregnant.


Thanks for that answer. Your innate intelligence and drive helped to guide you, from what I can see. We can only hope our children have some of that.

the_girlfriend wrote:

i knew what it was about and what could happen


You still wanted a baby and you let it happen. I'm glad for you that it's working out for you, dad and baby, but I don't want that for my daughter. What;s more important, I don't want her to want that for herself. I would just feel like she'd be depriving herself of too much of what life has to offer.
jessesgirl wrote:

Maybe it was her and my father always telling me that I was going to college. They had high hopes for me and I didn't want to mess that up.


I'm pretty sure that's what did it for me, on top of wanting to have a rock solid financial base built first. My father was a very successful businessman, and my step-mother was a very successful businesswoman. They both had their own companies. My father had never worked a day in his life for anyone but himself. The thought of being stuck in a dead-end, minimum wage job was too dreadful to contemplate.

Maybe it's a combination of things that are necessary to keep children from being teen parents.
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replied December 24th, 2007
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oh yes its a combination of things
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replied December 26th, 2007
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For me, it would have been more attention and openness about b/c. When I conceived at 16, my grandfather had just died and my parents were on-again/off-again. They gave me little concern past being alive. Mind you, it hadn't always been that way. But the combination of just being able to stay at his house + not knowing about b/c wasn't helpful.
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replied December 26th, 2007
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Wow, you were allowed to stay at his house? Didn't your parents think you might actually have sex because of your close proximity?

Did they ever have any sex talk with you at all? Did your DH's parents ever talk to him about it? Did you guys ever have any sex ed classes?

What kinds of things about bc, specifically, did you not know, that we should make sure our children know now?

Thanks for your answer.
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replied December 27th, 2007
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my mom hardly talked to me about getting my period, probably mostly he and my two sisters talked about it openly, I knew what to expect. But I don't think she EVER talked to me about sex. The school did that for me, so I knew what to expect if I had sex. I ALWAYS wanted a family and of course that starts with a husband, so I was engaged and THANK GOD AND GODDESS my mom didn't let me get married before I was 18, because I would probably have a 2 year old to a man I despise now. I don't think my mom could have said anything to stop me from having sex,I can't deny it, it just felt too good Very Happy But I am now 18, out of the house, and happily (almost, like less than a month) married to a wonderful man and also pregnant to him.

My mom wasn't too happy at first, when I started dating him, then when I told her I was pregnant. but she couldn't be happier for me now and has been trying to buy things, but is kinda in the hole right now. I live 5 hours away, but she helps as much as possible.
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replied December 27th, 2007
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Ivy, I didn't know you got married, congrats!!!

Another common theme I just realized that I see among teens that have children is that it doesn't seem like many of you were looking forward to your futures, like anticipating going away to college and having a fulfilling career. Sort of like, nobody ever asked you, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
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replied December 27th, 2007
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Just quickly,
rose meant year6= around 10 years old
year 9 = around 13-14 years old and year 11= around 15-16 years old. It's confusing i know lol.

I've always been able to talk to my mum about things and if there was something i was too embarassed about to talk to her then i had my sister who's 4 years older than me. We had the whole sex and pubety talk and i asked my mum's permission to go to the doctors to get the pill, i didn't have to ask her i just thoguht that it was right that she knew. When i couldn't take the pill anymore the first person i told was my mum, she even bought me some condoms after that.
I really don't think there's anything they could have done, they did amazingly well, the told me about periods, breasts etc, sexual intercourse oral sex, sexual abuse ad contraception, hell my mum even told me how to examine my breasts for lumps! I never tried to get pregnant, it happened by acident and my parents understad that, yet they were disappointed but they knew that we had tried.
When Mika's older i hope to have the same relationship with her when she can come and ask me things or confide in me instead of finding out from some girl in her class whose older sister told her something as a joke
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replied December 27th, 2007
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futureshock wrote:
manuftw82 wrote:


I don't know if that's an answer that you wanted since I'm not pregnant or a mom but I hope I helped.


That's exactly the kind of answer I was looking for. It's a big help. Thanks. Smile

You're welcome. Wink
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replied December 27th, 2007
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futureshock wrote:
Ivy, I didn't know you got married, congrats!!!



almost, as soon as we get the papers and go to the court house, I'll be sure to post it though! Thank you!
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replied December 28th, 2007
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I'll have the rice ready to throw at the computer screen, lol!
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replied December 29th, 2007
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Honestly i think that its got nothin to do with the parents. my mum had my sister at 19 and me at 21. my sister is now 21 and babyless and i am 19. my mum was always really quiet at skool so she never fell pregnent at a party or nuthin like that. she always knew she was going to be a mum she tell me. god know what that means tho lol.

everyone in my family are all known for being soo different. it looks like somones grabbed a group of strangers lol. funnily enough i'm the party animal who goes out n makes a full of myself by gettin totally drunk out my face and staggering home from clubs at 4am.

i turned out who i am because of the confidence i built being in a pipeband. geeky?? sounds it tho doesnt it but really its a secret piss up!

my dad left 5 years ago and i was the same b4 he left from what i am now. so its nothin to do with my mum doing it on her own.

no one will ever know what people like me fall pregnant early but to be honest its nothin to do with the parents. its the choices you make in the life you live
xxx
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