Friend has been begging us to come and have dinner with her for Christmas. I told her that she is invited to our house but it's hard to leave because we have kids and it's Christmas. We want to stay put. She is unrelenting and would ask us at least every week and yesterday we finally agreed. That's fine. We will be bringing over a few things. My mom is coming with us because she is visiting from out of town and I pray she doesn't go off on friend. They can't stand each other.
My friend is making elk steaks. I can't stand steak and either can my mom. I politely mentioned this a few times and told her we will just eat whatever else is there and we can bring stuff. I told her not to feel bad when we don't eat the steaks because we don't like steaks but my husband will. She doesn't hear me and keeps mentioning those darn steaks she will make for all of us and how good they will taste. We are the only ones she is having over. I told her I can bring some wine. She then told me that there is only one wine and brand she will drink and to bring that. I hope that brand isn't really expensive! She said, "I refuse to drink anything else but that brand and kind." My mom and I our allergic to white wine but that's fine, I will buy two bottles of wine. I don't mind doing that since she is cooking. It's just her inflexibility that is driving me nuts.
I can't afford much for Christmas. I have two brothers, two sisters and three nephews and nieces. There are five birthdays in December as well and people didn't get a birthday gift this year. I got my family professional pictures of our family because that is all we can afford. I did get friend a picture frame and a picture as well. She kept telling me how she can't wait for us to get her gifts and the gifts are so very nice. I told her WAY in advanced not to get us anything (because we can't afford to get them anything and I didn't want to feel like I had to - I didn't tell her that). I finally told her that she may feel her gift is lame. She then said, "What is it, a picture of the family?" I responded, "Yes, it's a tight financial year." My attitude was positive. I didn't say it in a negative way. She then said, "There is always Kohls, I love Kohls." You can get me a cute top. Frick, Frick, Frick...so last night, I ended up going to Kohls to get a few on sale Christmas items plus a box of chocolates for the husband. She didn't get a top because I don't know her style or size.
She has money ONLY because a family member that they hardly new passed away and left a hefty inheritance. They have almost minimum wage paying jobs. They have no kids. She buys everything in sight. It's like she has completely forgotten what it's like to live from paycheck to paycheck. We are so opposite of them. We are very frugal people.
She has fibro and I started to tell her that my fibro is coming back (related to a sleep disorder). I hardly ever tell her my "illness woos." Then she interupted and said, "Oh, I forgot to give this person my gift." I waited to see if she would come back and ask me some questions pertaining to my "illness" but she didn't. I asked her if she heard me tell her about my fibro - sleep problems and she said yes but then continued talking about herself and Christmas. I finally went off and said, "I don't really want to talk with you anymore. I have listened to you about your illnesses from the past three years and have been supportive but the one time I bring up something about myself, you ignore me." She apologized and said, "Sorry, I was insensitive." She then tried extremely hard to be there for me but she really couldn't do it. She doesn't have the ability.
I really believe she has a problem. I guess I shouldn't take things too personal with her knowing she has some kind of mental condition that prohibits her from really being a true friend. Oh well. The whole thing just really ticked me off.
I really don't want to go over their for Christmas but we really like her husband and we want to help make his Christmas good. He is the greatest guy ever.
I know this whole email may sound immature but I don't care. I needed to vent.
Maybe one of your kids can come down with a really horrible illness that you don't want to pass along to her and her husband. You are very tolerant to this woman. A long time ago a friend of mine told me that if you are doing all the work in a friendship, then its really not a friendship. Ironically, we are no longer friends because of things just like you posted above. She got mad at me when i didn't call her for three days after i had surgery.
Anyway, life is too short and your happiness is too important to live under the thumb of a person like this. It's hard when you like her husband and all. But you are driving yourself crazy to please this woman and you are sacrificing your own holiday happiness for hers. That's not fair to you or your family. You guys deserve to enjoy the holidays in a relaxed and easy going manner.
I hope you enjoy, no matter what you decide to do. good luck!
PS you can come over here. We aren't having elk steak and you can bring whatever kind of wine you want!