Womens Chat Forum - Boyfriend Drinking

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Q: Boyfriend Drinking

asked by: jessica12345 on December 23rd, 2007

New User

Hey I have an issue which I am too embarrassed or confused to talk to anyone about.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years.

The problem is that he drinks and acts really different and says really cruel and mean things to me and he is like a ticking bomb and when he starts drinking I just walk around on egg shells around him because its like anything can set him off. For example, right now he is passed out drunk after FREAKING on me for cleaning the bathroom because he does not like the smell of the chemicals. He just said that he hates my doing it guts and he wants me out of here. And I know tomorrow morning he will act like nothings wrong.

He is not an alcoholic (I dont think anyways) because he only drinks like 3 or 4 times a month, but when he does, its very anxiety provoking on my part.

I have tried to talk to him about this (when he is sober that is, learned my lesson trying to talk about it when he's drunk) but he does not take it seriously and tells me its like a stress releaser to drink.

He is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. He is the most considerate, kind, gentle man that I have known, but this 3-4 time a month drinking brings out a crazy side of him.

So what do you think I should do?

Replies(11)

Tylanas

replied on December 23rd, 2007

Especially eHealthy

I'm sorry hun... but this boy is NOT the love of your life unless he's willing to give up drinking. He KNOWS he's a violent drunk and he knows that leads directly to domestic abuse. The fact that he just blows you off when you bring up your serious concerns shows even more how shallow he is.

I do not think this relationship has a bright future unless he's willing to get help. I see him abusing you and I see you letting him.

Mommy35

replied on December 24th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I agree with Eiri. To piggyback on what she said, there is going to be a day that his words don't hurt you anymore and then he's going to do something else to be hurtful and it will probably be physical.

You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells when he's drinking. You should tell him to stop drinking or it's over. Then follow through with your threat.

If my man said he wanted me gone, that is where I'd be. No need to ask me twice.

The next time he goes on a tirade get him on tape/video and have him watch it the next day when he's good and hung over.

purrfection

replied on December 25th, 2007

New User

You have to sort this out ASAP... It will only get worse and what happens if you have a kids with him. Do you want the children to be subjected to this kind of abuse? I know the feeling of being scared around people who drink because my parents always get drunk and get into fights etc and I would always hide in my room and had panic attacks. I now can't be around anyone who drinks or I get anxiety... Please sort it out hun

Rosie H

replied on December 26th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

yeah you need to try to work this out. I would hate to hear that he is abusing you physical, but just remember that this is verbal and emotional abuse and it is not ok.
occassional drinkin is ok and hey if you get plastered then thats your deal, but its not ok to get so drunk you turn into someone else. It sounds like his true colors come out while hes drinking and he is really a very angry person. He needs to deal with the issues that are driving him to drink. Until he does this he wont stop. I know that you love him, but think of your safety first. Try to talk to him again and see what happens.

AMomOf3

replied on January 9th, 2008

New User

I used to live with a guy who would get mean and violent when he drank, too. I finally got enough nerve and gave him the ultimatum..alcohol or me. To say the least...he chose alcohol over me...I became a much better person because I began to respect myself. I didn't have him around telling me I was no good, and he didn't know why he was with me...blah blah blah. If he won't give up drinking, let him go.

Little Miss Oops

replied on January 9th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

Re: Boyfriend Drinking

jessica12345 wrote:

I have tried to talk to him about this (when he is sober that is, learned my lesson trying to talk about it when he's drunk)

What does that mean?? did he physically abuse you when you tried to talk to him drunk about it??? Or what Please explain

PenguinsRus

replied on January 9th, 2008

Supporter

I'm not sure exactly what she means by that statement, but I know that my father is an alcoholic and when we would try to talk to him when he was drunk, he would get mad and not listen at all. Very few times he was remorseful, but the times he was it didn't even matter because in the morning when he's sober he wouldn't remember a single thing we talked about.

It's impossible to talk to a drunk while drunk.

Little Miss Oops

replied on January 9th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

i know.. my dad is a drunk but he's not like physical or anything. He almost ruined our christmas like 2 years back because i had a half sister that died at birth well she got the imbilical cord wrapped around her neck and died and it was my step mom that was pregnant and my dad was so drunk that he kept telling my step mom that she killed the baby and i just kept yelling and screaming for him to shut up and please stop it but we saved christmas lol i forgive him for that because it was a hard blow for him as much it was for me and i can understand that he was drunk and didn't mean it. Yes it is impossible cause when dad drinks he just rambles on about work or whatever lol and me and my step mom tell him to shut up and he keeps talking lol it's quite funny though lol

PenguinsRus

replied on January 9th, 2008

Supporter

That's horrible that that happened; I'm sorry to hear that. It's nearly impossible to stop a drunk and what comes out of their mouths. Sorry about the baby too, btw. You are good at forgiving. I got to a point where I gave up on forgiving and I was past the point of caring anymore. I'm kind of stuck in a weird place where I know I'd be upset and miss him and regret it if he ever died or something, but I can't bring myself to talk to him or forgive him cause I feel like he's asked for forgiveness so many times and still mess up and it all seems so fake and I dont wanna be hurt again and again.

Little Miss Oops

replied on January 9th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

yea i know what you mean i think that is where i am at with my sis. it's ok about the baby though she would have been a little hellion and would have grown up to beat me up and i wouldn't want that but i was looking forward to havin a little sis seeing as i'm the youngest!!!! lol ya i forgive my dad alot

Georgia59

replied on January 9th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

Wait until he's sober and in a good mood. Tell him that you don't like when he drinks, and how scared it makes you. Tell him he gets really mean.

Tell him he needs to stop drinking or you won't stay with him. You need to stand up for yourself.

If he doesn't agree to stop drinking for you, he's not worth it, because he doesn't really care.

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