Hi, I'm new to this forum, but I've been
reading a lot of posts for the past
several months and found so many people to
be helpful and supportive. I feel a bit
silly posting about this, but at the same
time I know it will be very helpful to get
any feedback/advice. So I will explain my
situation.
I am 21 years old, married and expecting
my first child. I'm not one to get
depressed very easily, and I dont think
I've ever been "really" depressed my
entire life, but lately I've been feeling
really down regarding my father.
My Dad and I have always had a very close
relationship, I've always been "Daddy's
little girl". My parents seperated when I
was 8 and I was sent to live with my Mom.
When I was 13 I decided to move away from
the city and to the country (my hometown)
to live with my Dad & Grandparents.
My father moved away from our home 5 years
ago to move to the city to be with his
girlfriend, whom he later married. They
had a little girl 3 years ago (I love her
to death, just so everyone knows Im not
harbouring any resentment towards my
sister in this situation).
Two and a half years ago my boyfriend (now
husband) and I moved to the city as well
and bought a house. I had gotten used to
not seeing my Dad very often seeing as we
were living 2 hours away from each other,
so I thought that when I moved to the city
(a 10 minute drive apart) that I would get
to see him much more often. However, over
the course of two and a half years he had
only visited me a total of 5-6 times,
while I went to see him faithfully at
least once a week, to see both him and my
sister, as I want to have a good
relationship with her.
Then this year I found out I was pregnant.
My husband and I decided to purchase a
house in our hometown and move back, as in
our current financial situation we didn't
think we would be able to afford to keep
up with the cost of living in the city.
Now, I find myself depressed about how
things are between my father and I. I
thought that he would be one of the most
excited people about me having a baby, he
was very happy when he found out the news,
but I am the one who is always trying to
maintain our relationship, which I find
somewhat unfair. His wife gets angry with
him when he comes out to the country, so
he only ever comes out here when he has to
do something (ie. talk to the bank, cut
wood for the winter, etc) and when he does
come out here, he is never allowed to stay
long as she is calling him every half hour
asking him when he will be back.
Today I felt worse than usual because I
found out he was out today at my
Grandparents and he never called to let me
know he was out, let alone stop by to
visit me (my Grandparents house is a 5
minute drive away from mine). I feel
selfish for wanting to see him, but at the
same time I feel justified in my reason
for wanting to see him. I feel as though
he won't have the time to have a
relationship with his first grandchild,
and that hurts me greatly. I have many
other wonderful people around me, but I've
always counted on my Dad to be there.
He's a terrific person and I feel as
though my child is getting ripped off and
won't have a relationship with him. I
know things may change when the baby is
actually born and he might try harder to
visit and/or call me, but seeing the
situation as it is at this point, its hard
to picture it being any different. I do
get along very well with my step-mom as
well, but I feel as though she can be very
selfish with my Dad's time quite often,
and I can't see him not listening to her
now or in the future. The only person I
can really talk to about this matter is my
Grandmother, but she doesn't like viewing
him in that kind of light and pushes my
feelings away as just being a weepy,
hormonal pregnant woman.
So, thanks to anyone for reading this, I
appreciate it a lot. It feels good to
vent this out, and I don't feel as sad
afterwards.
Thank you all for your time.
|
mommyglamour
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Apr 2008 Posts: 25
Sad to hear Posted: 05-05-08 03:54am
I'm so sorry to hear that! I do wish that
his wife was more considerate of the fact
that you are just as much his daughter as
your little sister is. My dad is in the
pin and has never met either of my
children..not any of his 9
grandkids/babies. I never did get the
chance to feel what it was like to have a
close father/daughter relationship and do
not understand them at all because of it.
His "good times" always came first. I
feel like a lot of my self worth issues
were a result of my "unimportantnance" as
a daughter to my Dad...i also have a hard
time referring to him as a "father". I
kinda felt like he even jipped me out of
having a mother alittle bit because she
had to take up 2 jobs to support the
family because he almost never worked.
|
twilightdiamonds
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 16 Location: , MB Canada
re: sad to hear Posted: 05-05-08 09:39am
Thanks for replying Mommyglamour. Im
sorry also to hear about your situation.
Its always difficult not having an
important figure such as a father in the
picture while you are growing up. I
understand in some way about what you said
about your self-worth issues. I've also
been trying to deal with those for a while
now. Since writing that post I have had
my baby, a little boy named Loki. My Dad
has seen him around a total of 5 times
since he was born-which is
alright-although he's had countless other
opportunities to visit us many more times
than that. Since having my son I've come
to the realization that I shouldnt have to
be the one always making an initiative to
have a relationship with my father. I
really, really do what him involved in his
grandchildrens life as well, but it will
have to be up to him the extent to which
he is involved. My son is 100 percent my
world, and I love him more than anything
else.
Again, thanks so much for replying.
|
mommyglamour
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Apr 2008 Posts: 25
congratulations on your new baby boy! Hi Loki! Posted: 05-05-08 12:42pm
oh how wonderful...i hope your experience
w/ the birth were as wonderful as it was
for me! I know what you mean and it can
get pretty irritating to feel like your
having to be the one to always make the
visit happen...i've felt this in almost
every aspect of my life, w/guys and
friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm having
to chase my own husband for attention,
though it has been better lately. Hope
your enjoying your new bundle! my
daughter ended up having colic, but after
3months she was the world's smiliest,
friendliest baby, and my son although more
shy was a very cuddly,(still is at
14months)quiet, laid back type. I
actually have to give him soda to get him
to start babbling and trying out new
words,lol, his hyperness on soda is
equivalent to your average toddler
w/nuthin but water!
