Teen Pregnancy Forum - I Was a Teenage Mom

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Q: I Was a Teenage Mom

asked by: O0o0h_baby on December 21st, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

I normally wouldn't share some of this, but it breaks my heart to see so many young girl TRYING to have a baby.

When I was just 17 I was in love for the first time, or atleast I thought I was. He was that super hot "bad" boy that every girl falls for and I thought I knew everything.

I got pregnant on the week of my 18th birthday. We didn't use birth control, I guess because I was dumb enough to think it wasn't going to happen to me. He of course, was not the least bit happy about the pregnancy.

Within the first few months of my pregnancy, he started heavily using and selling drugs and I became his physical and emotional punching bag. I went into preterm labor at just 5 months along. I spent 2 months in the hospital, then 2 more in a bed at my parents house.

My son (now 10) was born 6 weeks early, to a mother with no job, no home of her own and no idea how to support or take care of anybody much less a new born. He's never had a real father.

I'm not saying this will happen to all of you, but it WILL happen to some of you. I know being pregnant looks like so much fun. You get tons of attention (most of it bad), babies are soooo cute (sometimes).

The reality of it is you will lose most of your friends and you will lose all of your freedom. Other girls your age will be dating, going to prom, learning to drive, going to parties or shopping, planning a future. And you will be, up all night, probably covered in stretch marks, trying to calm a very fussy baby, trying to figure out how you're going to pay for diapers and very likely wishing you had made a different decision.

Its not "cute" to be 14 and pregnant, its sad. Sad for the mother, and even sadder for the innocent baby.

What happend to me won't change anyone's mind I know but, maybe it will make some of you think. There is pleanty of time when you're grown to have and truely enjoy the lives you can create.

Replies(34)

anniek

replied on December 21st, 2007

Experienced User

Well said! I wouldnt trade what I have but I would have never tried for it either.

I'm sorry you had such a hard time Sad

But good for you for speaking out!

Take care!

O0o0h_baby

replied on December 21st, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

I can say, that my life improved VERY much. I went to college, and I fell in love for real and got married, but I had to grow up SO fast. I'm 29 now and my husband and I are expecting our 4th baby.

PLEASE girls wait until your older, its such a better experience when you're really ready for it.

young Girl

replied on December 22nd, 2007

Especially eHealthy

awsome hun thanks fir shareing this!!!!!!!

i just hope they read it Sad

Verizon-y

replied on December 23rd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Most will read it and ignore it or go into denial, "Oh, that won't happen to me."

Why is that? What are these teens thinking? Are they thinking that they are going to marry the baby's father someday soon and live happily ever after?

O0o0h_baby

replied on December 23rd, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

Everybody always thinks "It won't happen to me". I stopped saying that entirely when my house burned down. In any case, I know personally I never expected to marry my sons father and I don't think marriage is why they want to get pregnant at all. It's because it "looks" fun.

prettygirlygirl

replied on December 24th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: I Was a Teenage Mom

O0o0h_baby wrote:

Within the first few months of my pregnancy, he started heavily using and selling drugs and I became his physical and emotional punching bag. I went into preterm labor at just 5 months along. I spent 2 months in the hospital, then 2 more in a bed at my parents house.

My son (now 10) was born 6 weeks early, to a mother with no job, no home of her own and no idea how to support or take care of anybody much less a new born. He's never had a real father.

I'm not saying this will happen to all of you, but it WILL happen to some of you..

It happened to me. I was many years younger (13), my kid isn't anywhere near 10 (she's 3) but the story is the same.

It breaks my heart to read about kids actually trying to have children. Its a really hard road and I just don't think that there are many that understand just how hard it is. Given the option I wouldn't do it again, not a chance. I would have waited another 10 years for my daughter.

I didn't even care about friends, proms, or whatever. I just wasn't mature enough for the stress, heartache and sheer exhaustion of being a parent. I don't think anyone that makes the choice to become a teenage mother is.

Quote:

babies are soooo cute (sometimes).

Oh! Did you get one of those? I think I did too! I look back at pictures and think that she was so freaking cute, but I just don't remember it! I think I was too busy looking for my next nap, cleaning puke everything I owned and dealing with the kind of poop explosions that go from baby knees to baby neck. That wasn't cute.

Verizon-y

replied on December 24th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! I don't remember it either. I thought I was the only one. (And I was not a teen mom, I was about as prepared as could be). Thanks for sharing that.

rosejackson

replied on December 24th, 2007

Supporter

well said

O0o0h_baby

replied on December 24th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

Re: I Was a Teenage Mom

Prettygirlygirl,
I'm so sorry hun, as hard as it was at 18, I can't imagine how much worse it was at 13. If it weren't for my family I can say honestly, I would never have made it, and certainly wouldn't be where I am today. You are now wise beyond your years.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk =)

~Misty

Verizon-y

replied on December 24th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Prettygirlygirl,

What did your parents do when you got pregnant at 13? How old was the boy? Is he around now? How did you handle all of that physical pain?

letdown_beautiful

replied on December 28th, 2007

New User

Im 17 And Pregnant

Hey I just thought id leave a post here, I'm getting alot of negative energy off this post, and I'd like to say that yes, its stupid to want a baby at a young age, but i'm 17 and 5 months pregnant, i had wanted a baby before but i wasnt trying to get pregnant particuarly, i could have easily prevented it if i wanted to though. But, on the other hand, i guess im lucky because my boyfriend has agreed to stay with me and that even if we do break up for any reason he will always be there for the child. I work a part-time job and go to school and will soon be attending a school for teens with children where they have a daycare facility at the school. My boyfriend got a better job, making a little over $500 a week. And i've changed my whole life around and i have a entirely new mindset of life. Of course i would love to have waited at least until i graduated high school, i ovbiously never thought about that.. But for those girls out there who are young and pregnant the last thing they need to hear is that they are stupid and/or selfish for wanting to give life to the child they created rather than have an abortion. I'm not one of those religious freaks, and i do believe that everyone has a choice to do what they want, but honestly i think its alot more responsible to fix your mistakes instead of 'erasing them' if that makes any sense.

O0o0h_baby

replied on December 28th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

I'm sorry you took my post personally, but it really has nothing to do with you what so ever. If you think you're ready that's fine but there is NO 13 or 14 year old in the world who is ready. My post wasn't to the girls who are already pregnant, it was to the girls who trying to get pregnant.

jessesgirl

replied on December 28th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Re: Im 17 And Pregnant

letdown_beautiful wrote:

You will understand what you wrote after you have the baby.

-elizabeth-

replied on December 28th, 2007

Experienced User

Whoa, okay. First I just want to say, to all the teen moms who posted on this topic in particular, and especially to Misty; I can't even begin to appreciate how hard it must be to be a teen parent, though for the last little while I've began to start thinking about it, based on the fact that I may be pregnant right now. You all are very strong women.
I don't understand why letdown_beautiful got so upset. From what I can tell, it IS a lot of working raising a baby at a young age, and it is unspeakably difficult especially if chances are you will be raising him/her by yourself. You seem to be lucky...you can still work and go to school, and you have a boyfriend who is currently loyal to you, working in order to provide a solid future for your baby. Misty's point was that NOT TOO MANY GIRLS HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE. She wasn't critisizing your judgement, or your future parenting skills..if you recall, she was a teen mother too. AT THE SAME AGE YOU ARE AT NOW. She didn't 'erase' her 'mistakes', so why are you using that defense? Not that you need a defence...because she wasn't attacking you, or people like you, in the least. She was sharing her own difficult experience in the hopes that a young girl will read it, and perhaps decide that her desire to get pregnant, and have a 'cute' baby, will be better placed a few years down the road, when she is a responsible adult and has a career and home of her own.
Thank you again for sharing your experience, Misty, and I'm so happy to hear about your baby #4 coming soon. Smile

- Lily

yellow ribbon

replied on December 28th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Re: Im 17 And Pregnant

letdown_beautiful wrote:

woo you obivously misread something, probably due to pregancy brain but the original poster never said ANYONE should abort their baby, and she didnt say you were dumb for being pregnant. Her point was to let the girls who come here and say "im 14 n my bf n i r in love yada yada we want a baby" they need to rethink and be a teenager first. I know your new here but youll eventually start to see what she means, weekly someone will come on here with the story of WANTING to be pregnant at 13 14 15. And youll also see alot of girls are or were teen moms so we all understand. In fact there are several girls who were in your situation a year ago and life has totally change.

O0o0h_baby

replied on December 28th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

I know that young moms can be great moms, I just think you get to enjoy your children growing up soooo much more when life is a little easier.

Verizon-y

replied on December 28th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

O0o0h_baby wrote:

I know that young moms can be great moms, I just think you get to enjoy your children growing up soooo much more when life is a little easier.

Exactly. It is even better if you are in a committed relationship, preferably marriage as that is statistically a much stronger bond,. It will be much more likely that the child will have a father around, because in many cases he wanted a child, too.

It is also better for you and the father to finish your educations first, because you are much more likely to get a job that you enjoy which pays a decent wage than if you are uneducated. Young teens that get pregnant before the guy has finished his education are dooming the guy (and themselves) to minimum wage, dead end jobs.

Altari

replied on December 28th, 2007

Experienced User

futureshock wrote:

Young teens that get pregnant before the guy has finished his education are dooming the guy (and themselves) to minimum wage, dead end jobs.

I'm kind of surprised to see you say that [about 'the guy'].

Another problem, I've seen, with many teen mothers is that they depend on the boyfriend/spouse. Now, no one get angry, I'm not pointing fingers. This is my personal experience with people that I know and know of.

On Christmas Eve, I actually had a nice little sit down with my grandma, who, though she never really valued education highly, wanted to make sure that, no matter what, I finish college. She said, "You never know when things will stop going as planned and you'll have to support your girls."

If my husband were to leave, or die, or become paralyzed, I would need to support the family. With my current level of education (being half an associates degree) that seems unlikely. I, as a mother, need to protect my children above all. That means planning for the possibility that hubby won't always be around.

That ends my rant on why girls must get degrees. Thank you. =)

Verizon-y

replied on December 28th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Excellent rant, Altari. Now why was my post surprising?

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