I Think My Fiancee Is An Alcoholic Posted: 04-19-04 11:07am
Hi all
i think my fiancee is an alcoholic but i'm
not sure. I can give you today's example:
he went out last night for a drink but had
agreed to be at my house for 1pm so that
he, my son & I could go out for a bar
meal.
At 2.30pm I was worried sick, as he's not
normally late, & phoned his friend to
ask if he would go round to my partner's
home & check to see if he was there
& well. He called at 2.45pm to say
that he had been up but had fallen asleep
& appologised. He said he'd be at
mine in 45mins. Which he was but when he
arrived (by car) he absolutely stunk of
alcohol. Had he been stopped on the road
I have no doubt he would have failed a
breath test. Even when he kissed me good
night at 11.30 this evening I could still
smell the alcohol on his breath. He must
have consumed a huge amount of alcohol
last night.
We have fallen out over this before &
he has to my knowledge driven over the
limit at least 3 times before.
I feel ashamed to tell you that this is my
partner. I do not understand how a 51
year old man who holds & responsible
job, is caring & considerate when
sober; is the good samaritan that will
literally cross the road to help you turns
into a wreckless irresponsible fool when
drunk!
I have told him before that I think he is
an alcoholic, he denies this (as do
alcoholics) & argues that he is a
heavy drinker.
I am thinking of calling off the wedding
before we have even officially announced
the engagement as I do not want to marry
an alcoholic. My father is an alcoholic
& I haven't spoken to him for 9 years.
I'm keeping it that way.
But I feel really torn over this issue
& some friendly advice would be
appreciated.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Alchoholics Posted: 04-19-04 12:29pm
I understand, most alchoholics are in
denial, I was married to one and I also
tended bar, their are classes you can go
to and try to learn to live with one. I
feel it is a disease, an addiction just
like smoking, a lot of them don't wake up
until it is too late, I had my time when I
drank too much but I woke up I sure didn't
want to black out while drinking and
driving and end up hurting or killing
someone, I could not live with myself plus
I had seen a lot of people die with
serosis(sp) of the liver it is a horrible
way to die! I have learned after 3
marriages, I am on my 4th now that you
can't change people! I am not saying to
split up with him, that is your choice but
I know that it is hard to see someone that
you love fall apart!
I hope the very best for you all!
Sincerely,
sandy
It is not uncommon for adult children of
alcoholics to attract alcoholics. It is
the co-dependency that attracts us. You
should investigate al-non. You might
also want to ask yourself if you want to
be married to a "heavy drinker".
(alcoholism aside) I hope you don't get
into a vehicle with him when he has been
drinking.
|
IceAgent
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Oct 2003 Posts: 13 Location: Edmonton, AB
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Hi Posted: 08-05-04 13:49pm
I suggest trying an al-anon meeting.
You may find peace, acceptance and someone
who knows exactly what you are going
through!! Just like I did.
If you don't like the first group you try,
go to a different group. Nothin to lose
in trying it....Sanity to gain.
Take care!
|
nrthrngrl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2004 Posts: 2 Location: Michigan
Alcoholism Posted: 11-04-04 16:03pm
Alcoholism is defined by the consumption
of alcoholic beverages at a level that
interferes with physical or mental health,
and social, family, or occupational
responsibilities. Alcoholism is a
substance use disorder and should be
treated as such. It would seem that the
situation you've described is a repetitive
one. The best thing you can do for your
"significant other" is suggest some type
of treatment. The worst thing you could
do is to do nothing. By doing nothing you
are enabling him to continue his self-
destructive behavior. It's not healthy
for you or for him. He first has to admit
that he has a problem and then acknowledge
that he indeed needs help for that
problem. If he isn't able to take that
first step it's pretty much out of your
hands.
|
eurogal
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Feb 2005 Posts: 1
Don't Do It!! Posted: 02-04-05 02:54am
I married a heavy drinker who said that he
would give it up. I was stupid enough to
believe him. Your guy sounds like mine.
He has had 3 dui in the time i've known
him. He has gone to rehab, was clean 18
months and is now drinking again. I don't
care that it is a disease. His alcoholism
will make you miserable. Mine says he
doesn't drink but comes home reeking of
beer, he is emotionally abusive, and on
top of all of this, he is on two
medications that say that use w/ alcohol
will cause liver failure.
He also has degenerative hip disease from
all his alcohol. Mine is slowly dying and
I must admit that I can't wait.
Alcoholics love their liquor first! If
you enter into marriage with him you will
hate life! He will only get worse. He
won't get better if he loves you, he loves
liquor first.
|
djajt
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2005 Posts: 32 Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posted: 08-28-05 19:02pm
I'm an alcoholic, I just am having a
reallllllly hard time stopping because I
have panic attacks and when I have a drink
it calms me. I don't know what to do. I
have also had a dui (never even had a
speeding ticket in my life!) so I don't
drive anymore and am pretty much
agoraphobic. This has been going on for
about 2 years now and I have quit a few
times but I keep falling off the wagon.
Everytime I quit I go through bad bad bad
depression. I have meds to calm the panic
but I just can't seem to stop the
margaritas. I don't know what to do.
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 08-29-05 10:58am
I also had panic attacks, but as a man I
couldn’t tell anyone about them. I just
thought I was going crazy. I never had
them before, they just started one day. I
think I have figured out what they were
all about (by the way, I don’t have them
anymore).
I was projecting. I was imagining what
the next week held in store for me if I
kept living like I was, and it wasn’t
pretty. I had been drinking nonstop from
the time I opened my eyes until I passed
out, and things were starting to get real
bad. Then I would imagine (project) what
things would be like in a month, then what
they would be like in a year living like I
was living. I was scared.
I stumbled into my first aa meeting in
october of 1998. I haven’t had a
sufficiently strong desire to pick up a
drink sense. The panic attacks have
stopped, and my life is livable today.
You asked “i don’t know what to do.”
I don’t have all the answers, no one I
know does, but what might be a good idea
is type “aa meeting in (insert your town
here)” in your search engine, find a
meeting, and go there. If you don’t
want to drive, take a bus. But get there.
The least effective method of getting
happy joyous and free, is to try to do it
all by ourselves. That just never seems
to work worth squat. We get better
together, we stay sick alone.
Your friend on the road to the good
stuff,
richard
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SuziON
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Posts: 25 Location: Welland
Well.. Posted: 09-08-05 09:56am
I think it's ovious that he has an alcohol
problem and that you'll have to be
straight up and honest with him about your
concerns as you're father was an alcholic
and you know the signs and the affects it
will have on you. If you choose to stay
with him, it is a disease and will not be
an easy fight especially since he will not
admit that he has a problem. There are
alanon programs for family and loved ones
of an alcoholic that you would attend
without him and as stated above by other
members you may want to join aa's. You
also have a choice weither or not you
would like to continue your relationship
with him, I know that is harsh but in all
reality he hasn't been completely honest
with you.
Best of luck
suzi
