Hello this is my first time posting on this site. For the past few months i thought i might have a mental disorder of some kind or something of that type
maybe schizophrenia maybe something else less serious hopefully. When i go to sleep i hear my thoughts saying bad things about me like i hate you and your pathetic and other downers and things like that. This has been like for quite some time i know it was for quite awhile at least but i have horrible memory it gets all mushy but thats just typical bad memory. Now i dont hear these thoughts like sounds outside of my head i hear them like regular thoughts but for some reason or another its like my brains trying to get me to be unhappy or something. I know it sounds bad but its not that terrible. Somtimes when im watching tv or doing anything ill see stuff on movies that for some reason relate to me somhow and i reason there must be some deep cosmic reason for this commercial or something thats trying to send me messages on whats about to happen in the future and i think it actually happens i get major deja vu sometimes and i remember a commercial or a dream and i think i can see into the future.

Now i also see things too nothing serious though its just somtimes i see these little lights flash like little dots almost balls of light and also when i close my eyes when its dark enough i can see these big green spinning strobe lights that form little nifty shapes. I also see things when ever i move my pencil in school around on paper i see a little weird purple line behind it that disappears when i stop concentrating on it. The pencil isnt touching the paper when this happens. None of that is really bad i mean there so minor and insignificant infact one helps with my art and the other can help me pass time. I also have general apathy for just about everything from sex to
homework and all that. So i want to know can anyone suggest what i should do i have no idea whats really going on and i decided i dont want to sleep ever again.

Normally i would never say anything about this im pretty reclusive about my life except for my very close friends. But my uncle who is a schitzophrenic told me about his expriences before he got sick and said that without medication or help the illness can get really bad. Sorry about the typing im kind of tired.