Ok, I really need advice here so I'm going
to pour my heart out. I'm a 19 year old
guy and I've never had a girlfriend. I've
read someone elses topic about the same
thing and that actually helped cheer me up
for a while, but now im back in the same
attitude as before, feeling hopeless and
depressed. I just don't understand...I
know if I think negative about being
alone, I'll never get anywhere, But I've
been rejected so many times I really start
to give up hope. These two feelings
conflict and I can't decide if im going to
give up or keep trying!! It seems even
when I work out, or clean myself up i
still get no where. I can feel myself
becoming more and more bitter about it.
More bitter towards women and the men who
are in happy loving relationships with
them....I've started this habit of
deleting my friends that are girls off of
a certain friendship site. I know this is
wrong but I start thinking negative about
it as well. I need some advice, GOOD
advice on how to keep going after a bunch
of setbacks, rejections and
disappointments!
Hey there, I had the same feelings for a
long time. It wasn't until the month
before I turned 20 that I found someone.
The trick here is to get a hobby to forget
about these things. I turned to helping
kids in my area and teaching them sports.
Not only did I help kids in need, but I
enjoyed what I was doing and it really was
a confidence booster that made me happy.
Don't become bitter because that wont help
anything, actually become friends with
these women. Get to know them as a person
and have no expectations, magic happens
when you least expect it.
Here is my story, it was the end of
October 2006 and I had completely given up
on relationships. I didn't need one or
want one and I was just trying to focus
and enjoy what I did have. I was mentoring
kids and going to college, it kept me
busy. I started talking to people online
and randomly started talking to one girls
in particular. I had no expectations nor
any ideas about a future (I hadn't even
considered the possibility of meeting
someone online). We talked for a few weeks
and one joke about meeting turned into the
real thing, but it was more of a friendly
meeting. Before I knew it I was struck,
and I'm happy to say 13 months later I am
still struck.
Forgetting about relationships allow you
to think clearly about what you really
want, and it lets your true good qualities
shine instead of the qualities you think
you should be showing.
I wish you the best.
|
mominashoe
Supporter
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1547 Location: , USA
Thanks: 13
Thanked:3
Posted: 12-18-07 11:10am
19 is very young. You have a good life
ahead of you. Don't put yourself down in
the dumps about the relationships that
aren't happening...yet. Some people just
take longer to find that one special
person, and this is normal. Actually I
think it's really healthy.
What you should do is concentrate on
developing your talents, go to college,
excel at your workplace, read some books
of academic nature on the side....or
whatever it is you want to do. Give
yourself some life experiences to enhance
the person that you are. That will make
you a richer, more interesting person.
The right one will come along for you soon
enough. Just focus on other things for
the time being and all of a sudden she'll
be standing there admiring what you've
made of yourself.
|
Khaki45
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2007 Posts: 3 Location: ,
Posted: 12-18-07 13:06pm
I also know that I shouldnt worry about
being in a relationship....but whenever i
see an attractive girl thats where my mind
always ends up at. After that I think of
how lonely I'am....and then it leads be
back into depression. Thats how it all
starts....I'm trying not to have a pity
party but I have to get these things off
my mind and replace them with peoples
advice..
|
Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1063 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 13
Thanked:3
Posted: 12-18-07 13:34pm
Women can sense a man that is depressed or
not as confident. By always feeling bad
or depressed you are pushing away all of
the good things that are out there. Try
to give yourself positive feedback after
you think something bad of yourself. Like
"gosh that was stupid" instead say "man I
messed up, but maybe next time I will do
better" or "No ones perfect anyway" Say
good things right after you say something
bad. Pretty soon you wont put yourself
down so much. Also please try not to be
jealous and angry. Nothing can get better
until you let go of your jealousy and
anger. Now how do you do this? I really
dont have a true answer. All I know is
that once you feel better about yourself
you will start to attract positive enerygy
and positive people and eventually
potential dates.
You need to be positive to get postive in
return. I know this sounds crazy or
impossible, but just give it a shot. What
do you have to lose.
Try telling yourself "I am lovable and
competent"
|
mominashoe
Supporter
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1547 Location: , USA
Thanks: 13
Thanked:3
Posted: 12-18-07 13:55pm
Well you also have to tell yourself too
that all because they are attractive
doesn't mean that they are nice girls and
you will get along with them
So chipper up m8, there's one out there
for everyone.
|
Khaki45
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2007 Posts: 3 Location: ,
Posted: 12-18-07 17:59pm
Does anyone have anymore advice for a
lonely and bitter soul? please I'd
appreciate it.
|
beclean
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Mar 2008 Posts: 4
love advice Posted: 03-30-08 11:43am
Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Firsts, focus on yourself. Keep working
out, keep a positive attitude, and tell
yourself affirmations: that is GOOD
stuff. Throw out that old recorder in
your brain telling you you are not
attractive or good enough ..... STOP.
This positive thoughts I am a good
person. I am smart, I am athletic, or
whatever you feel your good qualities
are.
Eventually something will happen for you.
also, women like confidence. Act
confident, do not act weak and unsure of
yourself. girls do not like that.
and...some on......19???? My gosh, I
understand your worry, but I am over 50.
I have lots of years beyond you, and I can
tell you, you are so so young.
I also suggest that you do not delete
friends who are girls off your sites.
Have you set up a myspace? Also, get
out, don't sit infront of the computer.
Go to cafes, jog at a park setting where
there are others. Do you have guy
buddies? If so, go out with them every
chance you can.
BE Patient. my one son did not have his
first girlfriend till he was almost 19.
She was a doll, but was so immature, that
after a year with him, she dumped him. I
was sad for him, but he has many
girlfriends since. He was small and had
acne in highschool...he had some tough
times. Guys many times just mature
later. What you are experiencing for a
young man is normal. Don't focus so
much attention on that, but focus on
yourself now, and being confident, and it
will attract girls. A sense of humor is
a must.
Keep us posted. would love to hear how
you are doing.
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