Eating Disorders Forum - I Need Help With My Gf Please

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Q: I Need Help With My Gf Please

asked by: iwantmygfback on December 17th, 2007

New User

Its been 10 months, and out of nowhere, my girlfriend decides to break up with me. She has been struggling with her ed our whole relationship, but I did my best with it and did all i could not to make it worse. The day before we broke up, her dad found out about her ed and I think that is what set off her emotions. It has been 3 weeks of breaking up, and then her calling me and wanting to get back together. There is also another boy in the equation. Nothing like cheating or anything, but she said she is interested in him for some reasoon. We are absolutely in love and we both feel we are soulmates, but now she wants space, and is trying to get me to avoid her. She also told me she feels like I deserve better.

I really feel that her struggle with the ed has caused our relationship these problems, and it is hard for me because i feel that she needs someone who loves her to help her through this.

I would love is someone could give me an explanation of what might be going on in her mind as well as what would be best for me to do to help her. Also, how will she act towards me when she recovers?

Replies(7)

fhockey

replied on December 19th, 2007

New User

I've struggled with eating disorders for 5 years. Although I'm only eighteen and I'm sure you may be looking for advise from someone with more experience I may be able to help. I know for me i always broke it off with people I cared about becuase, like you gf, i felt that the other person deserved better. For those struggling with body issues it is very likely that your gf is also suffering from horrible self esteem, which leads her to think you deserve better. In my past relationship that last over a year I was constantly trying to push him away becuase I felt that I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems and that he should be with someone better. It;s very hard for her to explain it to you i'm sure, as it was for me. My suggestion is tell her that you understand, but dont push to hard to help her change...make sure she understands that you will support her and be there for her, but will give her the space she needs to help herself. after all, the only one that can change her struggle with eating disorders...is her. Good luck Smile

iwantmygfback

replied on December 21st, 2007

New User

Thank you so much for the reply. That does make a lot of sense to me, and she has said some of the same things. She is with another guy now and i really feel that she is using him to push me away further. She doesnt want to become attached to the other guy either, but he still makes her happy right now. I will always be here for her, and I know she will come to me again because of the bond we share.

Thanks again for the reply, it has reassured me of a lot.

PenguinsRus

replied on December 21st, 2007

Moderator

As hockey said, she probably has low self esteem. That would make her think that you deserve better. By reassuring her that you are here for her no matter what and that she is the girl thats right for you, that will give her a lot of support and some esteem that she needs. Forcing her to change her ways would not be that great for her, but if you let her know that you are here to help her the best you can in whatever way she may need you, I bet she would appreciate it a lot. Good luck!

iwantmygfback

replied on December 21st, 2007

New User

I always told her that I am here for her no matter what. I figured it out that its best for me to just listen to her when she talks about her eating disorder, but to not ever bring it up, or try to convince her to get help.

We broke up for good, she just wants to be friends and now she is with another guy. I think I will just completely back off for now, but she knows that I will always be here for her, and that I love her.

Any feedback as far as her leaving me for someone else?

Thanks everyone.

purrfection

replied on January 1st, 2008

New User

Maybe it doesn't have that much to do with the ED? I don't know though Sad

I am very sorry this happened to her and I think backing off and giving her space for the moment will help. I can unerstand how hard it must be for you though. I hope you are ok *hugs*

gingerelizabeth

replied on January 11th, 2008

Experienced User

someone cannot be truely happy in a relationship until they are happy with themselves.
give it time.

littlesskitty

replied on January 11th, 2008

New User

I can fully relate to what you are going through. I was with a guy for a long time and we were engaged but I broke it off and left him and went with another guy. I have had my ed since i was 13 and im now 27, so yes along time. I felt that my partner at the time deserved better then me and it was always such a stress on him and his family, I felt like i didnt want to burrden his life any more with my problems. As hard as it was to leave I felt i had no choise but to ignore him so I could move on so could he and hopefully he would find someone better to make him happy. I did like your gf develope a great freindship with another man and thats all we were at that time I never cheated , but I could really turn to the other guy for support and he understood me, after I left mt bf I developed a propper relationship with the other guy but have always felt bad about the way I ended it with my old bf, it hurt alot but I felt like i did it for him and maybe thats the same with your ex gf. Eds are a very hard and complicated thing to understand even for the ones with it. I hope it gets better for you, all the best.

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