Hi, Im new to this and im not really sure
if i should be just letting all of this
out in the open to complete strangers but
after reading some posts on here most of
you seem to have some genuine compassion,
that and im afraid if i dont get any of
this off my chest that the rest of my life
will be more miserable than it already has
been.
I dont even really know where to start so
im just going to type everything as it
comes out I hope some of you will bear
with this as it may tend to be a little
erratic as far as topic goes.
Im 26 years old and im male, ive been
single for the past two years and my last
relationship which went 4 years long ended
on my Bday in 2005, needless to say that
shook me up but nothing compared to what
happened to me 2 days after my 20th bday,
my dad who was the person i was closest
too on this planet died tragicly and
unexpectedly. ten years prior to that my
brother died in a car accident when i was
nine, he died when he was 12. I drove up
on the scene with my father and watched
him get life lighted away. He later died
in intensive care after a week or so. My
mom after my brother died pretty much left
me and my dad, and than a year or so later
came back. After this me and my mom never
really got along too much, and after my
dad died i suppose our relationship got
better, but i dont look at my mom as a mom
she seems more occupied with herself to
give a crap about me. Even simple things
my mom wont do, like cook meals or go out
of her way to do anything for me that
isn't out of her way, but im expected to
bend over backwards for her and every
single whim must be met. If i argue or
protest Im made to feel like complete crap
by her and like im ungrateful. I still
live with my mom even though im 26 and
this bothers me and I havent been able to
finish my college degree since my dad
died. From one time it was focus, to
finances to discipline. All this makes me
feel like everyone else in life has moved
on and im still in the same place ive
always been, in the same situation with
all the chips against me. My love life
hasn't existed in 2 years and that has
done terrible things to my self esteem, as
well as my self image. For some reason i
feel like if ive got someone in my life
who give a caca enough about me to love me
than maybe ill be able to make everything
finally go right. But no one even gives a
crap or even bothers looking in my
direction. I feel like most people are so
damn concerned with what they can get that
it turns me off from even trying to open
up to anyone. It also doent help that i
dont have many friends and the ones i do
have there own lives to try to stay up
with, there own issues and problems.
I see alot of people around me with normal
families, and it angers me off that they
take it for granted. But thats just a
surface issue. I have a hard time finding
any joy in life. Im always alone. for a
single 26 year old male whose A. not
overweight(not that, that is a problem) B.
Somewhat wealthy from my dads estate and
C. Open minded and damn near honest all
the time about my feelings and thoughts on
others. Im home alone every friday and
saturday night while everyone else seems
to enjoy there lives with there families
and there lovers while I dont have a
single person. and Xmas which used to be a
holiday i loved has now become the one i
hate the most.
Someone please for the love of god help
me
Thats all i want is some help is that so
much to ask these days
is for some help
Get out there 
