maybe she needs a little positive effort if it has all been negative. it is hard for people to understand bipolar and it is up to us to go the extra mile to let those people that we are in contact with know that we are trying. it is easy to sit and feel down about ourselves and the situation we are in. it is hard to help to make sure that those we affect are seeing that we are making an effort. easier said than done tho for sure.

looking for another job can be a good thing or a bad thing. running from problems can be escape to safety or can be destructive. what kind of reference will you get from her? a lot of times a change of scenery is a very good thing though especially if people around you have a bad taste for the situation already. are there other people you work with who can help take some of the pressure and work off of your plate?

she's of no consequence really... just my bosses wife. i have expressed to my boss in detail about what is going on with me medically so that he understands. i believe it is in a post called " finally decided to disclose to employer that i'm bipolar" this past friday i was working late on a deadline and my boss comes in and gets on to me... again for making a very simple mistake, which is unlike me. as he walked away he kept listing the f-ups i've been making. as soon as he was out of sight, i broke down. i'm trying so hard to do my very best and it not good enough. i think he sensed my mood because he came back into my office and said that it's been a rough day and that i'm not supposed to be a copy writer, he loves the designs and he will fix the copy. said i could go home. so, i did.

as far as getting another job in this industry... i won't have any problems. the place i work for is wonderful in so many ways but so very dysfunctional. if i go work for a larger ad agency then i wouldn't have to do 10 people's jobs. i would simply be an art director or a graphic designer or routing, blah blah blah. currently, i basically run the whole art department by myself. which, like i said has it's good points. i'm learning a ton of stuff that i couldn't learn at a larger agency stuck in a small space working on the same thing over and over again. i just don't want to be mistreated or pick up bad habits.

It sounds like working there is not good for you. You say you are the only one in the department so every mistake is all on your shoulders. Can you make an argument for the company to hire some more help in your area? If your boss doesn't understand or can not afford to give you the extra support and help you should move on to a place with some extra layers of people who can be your safety net and you can be theirs. In my situation bpd is causing problems very similar to these. I am faced every day with not knowing what I should do. Should I move on or keep trying to press forward with the problems that are facing me. I think I should move on.

wish i could get some help back here but our current ad situation/budget won't allow for it. he's already hired photography and video people in the past 2 months. traditional advertising is taking a bit of a punch due to advertising on the web. the web is where it's at. i'm thinking of learning web design.

he understands my situation but that doesn't change the fact that i'm messing up. not to mention he is very high strung/strung out. he barely sleeps. i'm just happy i'm off tomorrow, it's my birthday too.

Happy Birthday! It sounds like it is your opinion that you are messing up. Are you really? When my problem kicks in I think that things are going bad but sometimes they are not and it is just my feeling and paranoid behavior. Are you really messing up and is it causing trouble? If you are then it can't be good for you or for the company especially with no extra layer of help. Will he snap if he is that high strung? Are the problems from the situation causing the stress with the boss?

I read that your husband works at the company. What is his observation? Our company is small compared to others in our area and industry. When I mess up or fall short of my abilities and expectations it is known by everyone. Sometimes I know I am failing and sometimes I don't know until it is pointed out. Without understanding or support from my coworkers it just makes me want to cry. I am always torn between wanting to quit and find something new and sometimes I wish that management would make my decision for me and just push me out. Many times I just wish I worked at the local plant and had a boring hard to mess up job.

lol! lately i've wished for the same job too. i do get paranoid but the feedback from my boss is not positive. although today, he told me i did a great job today. i was happy to hear it and i thought all day that i was managing everything ok. it's hard with all of these critical deadlines and having to constantly be creative. i swear as i type this i don't even believe what i'm saying right now! i used to be so good and stable. i always thrived under pressure. maybe i'm on the up and up. that's what the dr. said would happen.

my husband knows that it takes a tough person to work for my boss. he can be very nasty. but you can't take it personal. my husband is afraid that if i quit then i'll sit around the house and get depressed. i think he's right, even though that's all i seem to want to do. not because i'm lazy but because i want my brain to stop.

No sense working for someone who is going to be nasty. How does the business stay in business? Is he good? Bad? or just a perfectionist? Does he demand more of the workers, you included, than of himself? Maybe you are on the up and up. But you do need to be happy. Art director I see. Very demanding business.

ok. if i'm being honest here. i have to admit that it is possible that i want to get rid of my job, my car, my debt so that i can check out. i mean what is this medicine doing to my body??? it isn't good. before my diagnosis i was going to go all natural and try to get pregnant because i just had fertility surgery because i was infertile and now i'm on this crap and can't even begin to think about a baby. caca. guess my dr. could be on to something. i think i have problems now... just put a baby in the mix!

he's one of the best. perfectionist to a point. it just depends on the situation. in a way he does demand more of me. the way it is set up i work the entire art dept. and another works the video department. so, we're like little companies for him. he brings in the business and doles it out. i do the rest. yes, very demanding business. lots of pressure.

oh, thanks for listening and chatting with me.

good for being honest. I know that when my problems come and I clearly look at them and become honest with myself it is easier to see the cause/effect. It seems to me that you are looking for someone else to make the decision for you. You didn't answer about your work place and the role of the nasty boss. I think you are like me and looking for new scenery even if you do not admit it. Real difference is that you obviously have something you can do on your own. I don't really.

Oh and waiting for the baby is a good thing. Get right yourself when you can put all of your attention on yourself. Bring a baby into the world and 75 percent of your time has to be devoted to the child.

funny. I wrote what I did based on your first reply. I did not read your second one at the time.

If your job demands a lot of you and you are still there then you must be good at it. Now the question is are you happy with it. And another question is whether or not it is helping your BPD situation or hurting it. Running full steam ahead all the time has got to be tiring.

Why is on one else in this forum getting in on this topic?

yeah... i'm good at what i do. i'm just having a hard time dealing with everything. i think i'm as happy as i can be with it. which is not so happy but i go in every day with a positive attitude, well not every day! yeah, i keep asking myself that question alot. i just don't know if it's helping or hurting. it changes from day to day so it's hard to see objectively. i'm exhausted. my dr. says it will get better. still waiting......

i know! i though for sure people would jump all over a rant and rave thread. where are ya peeps?? surely someone or something has pissed you off recently....

This still irks me. When I went to Henry's on Saturday, there was a guy out front trying to get people to sign up for memberships. As I walked by, I mumbled, "I already have one" and I could hear him calling out "Where do you work out?" as I stormed into the store all pissed off.

As I walked out I saw him there again and I really wanted to walk over and go off on him. I wanted to say, "Look, this is my weekend and the last thing I want to do on my time off is to "conduct business" or be harassed by young punks like you trying to sell me on something that I don't want. So pack up and leave me alone."

And every time I think about him, I get offended by how he assaulted my weekend. And I wish I could track him down and just shred him. Cause someone needs to tell him that what he is doing is wrong. Very, very wrong. Stop harassing people. Leave us alone. If someone wants your freakin' gym membership, they'll come to you and get one. Got it? So leave us all alone. Why don't they get that?

if you don't mind me asking where do you live?

i don't get what he did to you.. puzzld