Helping Husband with Bipolar

it is so wonderful that you want to help him. i really don't know him so i'm not sure what his triggers are.

Can you visit his therapist with him during his next session? Perhaps being able to talk in a neutral zone will help your husband understand that you're not trying to control him. The therapist will be able to offer good suggestions, as well. I've been to a few sessions w/ my husband & they've always helped me a great deal.

That was a good suggestion boneyarddiva. Is he going to therapy, though?

He has to want help for himself before he will do anything. You can try to influence his choice but try not to make it look needy. To much pressure on him for this can result in argument and possible physical violence. Some people will continue to deny it for life. Talk with his friends that may also be your own to come up with ways to drop hints. Hopefully he will catch on. Just do not force anything on him. That will cause him to cave in and never seek help.

It does help if you have a friend that Also has BD (one that is getting help). Put them together and hope for the best. Make sure they go hang out and stuff like that. Something may come out of it. If he can see first hand that another is getting help and it helps that will open some eyes.

-Del

I was just thinking about this...

does your husband know much about bipolar? maybe find some information for him and let him know that it doesn't mean he's crazy or less of a person. Perhaps if he knows more about it then he will be more willing to accept it and get help.

You're not the only one - I've just started posting a while ago, and I'm in the exact same boat as you.

I think you just have to keep an eye on what makes him angry. My husband is doing great except for his anger problems, also. I find that what makes him angry is whenever I try to talk to him about problems we've been having - how he's almost cheated on me, how he wants a divorce, blah, blah, blah.

I find that the only way to help my husband is to talk to him when he's calm, and don't push any issues that he doesn't want to talk about. Another time I can talk to him is when he's really happy (not manic, just in a real good mood) and if I make light of the issue. He likes to joke around with me about our situation, and that helps, too.

Medication and counselling are what he really needs - is he getting either of these? Because, believe me, if things were going to be this way for the rest of our lives, I wouldn't be with my husband. I'm just sort've riding the storm out until something clicks with his medication, and then we can work on healing any relationships that need mending.

All you can do is be supportive, and try to put your own feelings on hold until he can control himself. I know that sounds horrible, but it seems like that's what a lot of us are doing.

Anyway, I probably haven't said anything that hasn't been said before, but I hope maybe some of this will help you. Let me know if you want to chat - my husband was just diagnosed about 3 months ago - sounds like we have a lot in common.


Coal

As traumatizing as your situation is for you right now, you are exhibiting one of the most common reactions of a spouse married to a bipolar wife (or a bipolar husband): Wanting to help more than he wants to be helped. It's a slippery slope.

You have a long road ahead of you. You must educate yourself on this illness if you want to stay married. Whatever frame of mind he's in today, guaranteed, it will be different in a day, week, month, year. That's what a mood disorder does. Some people do well on medication; sometimes the medication stops working.

You have lots to learn, and you should start digging in right now. Find a NAMI organization in your area. Read everything you can get your hands on. Join a support group. When you're knowledgeable, you'll have enough ammunition to make intelligent decisions and ask the right questions.

I know all this because my ex-husband is bipolar. In fact, I wrote a book about my experiences because there was very limited support for spouses when I was married. You may want to read it: (edited to remove link)

if a person is diagnosed with bipolar they will admit they don't haven't just because of the fact that all people are equal. how can a person be different? really don't people love each other, and you really aren't trying to hurt him by diagnosing him and it is an act of love or self preservation. he is doing the same.

My husband has just been diagnosed with BD. We are just beginning medication (he is in the hospital now) and the doctors are trying to regulate a manic episode that spiraled quickly out of control. These episodes (intertwined with depressive episodes) have been on-going for about 6-7 years now and we are only now getting to the source of the issue. In a way it is a huge relief to be able to put a name to the problem.

I want to be supportive and I want to know how I can help him. Sometimes I get frustrated and angry because of everything he has put us through. I now understand that it was not him doing all of those things and I think, on some level, I always believed that. However, I need coping strategies because we are still in the very early stages of getting help and the road is really rough right now.

I pray for this episode to be over. We want to have kids but I am afraid of bringing a child into an unstable home. At times my husband can get very angry and he abuses alcohol (a possible side effect of the disorder). I don't know what to do. I feel as if I am living a lie to all of our friends and my family and I fear that this may never end.

I do not know how much longer I can cope with all of this. The stress of this latest manic episode has taken its toll on my physical and mental health as well. Please, if someone can just explain to me how they get through the days with the fear of another episode always present...

I have to believe that there is hope - I love my husband and I do not want to give up now.