Suzy, I moved out of my house when I was young, too. No, I wasn't 15, but it's not much different 2 years later. I have a much younger brother who I love. I was an only child for most of my life and begged my parents for a sibling forever. They finally had one a billion years later, and he became a big part of my life. I took care of him night and day when he was a baby, I went with him on his first day of school, I spoiled him whatever way I could, and I take up for him like crazy now. But I MISS him. It makes me sad that he is now growing up an only child himself. I want to be there for him and take him to movies and football games and stand up for him when my parents yell at him and just everything. But instead, I moved out. And then a while later I got married. So that's it. I'm just never gonna be there for him again. And it hurts me. It's so sad when I see him the few times I ever am able to drive the way and spend a holiday with them or whatever and he asks to come with me or if I can stay longer. The first time he called me on the phone and complained to me about how bored he was didn't make me happy... it made me really really sad. The fact of it was I hadn't even realized at that time that my little baby brother could even use a phone and have a conversation like that. It hurts. I miss my mom. I miss my dad.

I live in a house with my husband, and two of our good friends sleep in our bunkbeds in the guest bedroom (one does 24/7, the other does five days a week) so that they can be close to college and not have to pay overpriced rent. I have no females in my life at all. The worst part is, as much as I love my guy friends, they are assholes to me. None of them care about how I feel or anything, they just make fun of my insecurities and the stupid fights me and Lance get in and it just sucks.

In fact, just last night we got into a huge fight because I felt alone and I told him I wished he spent more time with me. The truth is, he works about 5 days a week, and then of course he's tired and wants to come home and be with his friends and play video games or whatever. But like, I just want someone to TALK to me. He doesn't get that. He thought I was trying to attack him. All I want is for seomeone to care, you know? I feel alone. I've been married for almost 2 years and I don't think it's everrr hit me what my life is really like and just how much it has really changed.

I'm sorry I'm telling you this. My point is... I understand. You are NOT alone! I think growing up and things changing just sucks or something

I know what you are talking about. It's not just one depression. It is layers of depression. One layer was years of abuse, and divorce. Another layer is the problems with my childhood self image that is around today. Another layer is my bad health. It is common to have depression right after heart bypass. Another layer is loneliness. I have children, and grandchildren, I will never see again, or never will. I feel that I will never have good physical contact for the rest of my life. The way I work, and live, I can never have a pet. I feel like the only value I had was as a good worker. I have just been demoted. I have worked night shift for 40 days with a cranky boss that cusses at me. That alone would give the best person depression, and I was depressed when I started.
I am sure some of what you feel is post partum depression. I have the post surgical depression. You have the family isolation. You feel that you should belong to a larger society. I always felt like I should. But, I have felt like I never have.
All I can do is hold your hand, and say, I understand. Love.

thaks loren it really seriously helps to know someone can talk to me about this

i dont even try and bring it up to travis because it ALWAYS starts a fight
i try i mean...to give him the hint that i need friends...like the other day i said "hey one of these days can i have someone come spend the night?" and he said " yeah just call them or whatever"
but honestly it would mean the world to me if one day he just said " what about your sister? wanna go see if she wants to come hang out?"
i would die id be so happy


growing up DOES SUCK
i cry to kristen sometimes at night ( i know that may sound freaking stupid but i do ) and tell her please please dont leave me when shes 15. she will regret it. so many teenagers think they want to leave home so fast. everyone tries and grows up so fast
when the truth is sometimes you just want to go back

honestly i dont know what is going to happen loren. one day i think it will get so rough and so bad between me and travis (like in an argument i mean. beacuse when we fight it gets bad. he ays alot of things that hurt me) that i will end up havening to go home, just for a few days. just to make him understand and scare him... i know that sounds bad but i just KNOW its going to happen
that feeling sucks. to know that one day thats what it may take to get him to understand...

i just hope its not til kristen is a little bit older
then it will be easier for me to take her with me

Hey hunny!
I always found that not only did feeling depressed suck, but it's very very wasteful. It wastes energy, valuable time... it seems to worsen the problems we already have. We miss people, yet we feel so negative and so hopeless that we do nothing to help it. We look back on how things used to be, yet we fail to move forward... The important thing is to realise that even though you feel crappy right now, you have to focus on the good and use that to channel positivity in your life.

Though I didn't leave home at an early age or drop out, I know what it's like to dearly miss a sibling or two. Sometimes all it takes is a hello. I understand that you have conflicts of interest going on, but you have to talk to your sister. Do it for you. I'm sure that if Kristen was older, she wouldn't want to see her mom so sad.

And Suzy, I'm going to take a point of advice that I've seen you, yourself give to other people on here about relationships... if someone isn't going to give you what you need in a relationship, either try really hard to work it out, or do what's best for you and leave. I'm not saying "Leave him!", I'm just saying that looking out for your best interest is best for you and your new daughter.

Feel free to PM... I'm always listening!


PS: Have you looked into any types of post-birth depression? (Or have you had these feelings before you had kristen?)

hey marvel thanks for your post! i need to learn to take my own advice sometimes

i havent looked into post natal depression yet but im going to talk to my doctor about it. i felt this way to a certain extent before kristen was born but not near this bad. its at the point to where im just plain killing myself inside over this. and the only thing that helps is to talk about it...although deep down inside the REAL one i NEED to talk to about it all is travis
id like to NOT have to get on anti depressants because of it. im not a medicine type of person LOL. but maybe i need it. maybe im denying the fact that i feel this way just like i try to hide it every day
hiding things just doesnt work for me. because when i hide them from everyone else, it hurts me so bad. and i get upset
and when i DO feel sad like this whihc is rare...it gets bad

cant sleep
cant eat
cant think
i just want to cry

i cried to my mom today...that really helped me alot too.

Suzy hun, this is what it may be call the post-natal blue (at least to me). The feeling of becoming a new mommy,not hanging out with friend like you used to, guilt (for not talking to your sister & brother), the new resposiblities etc set in.

Hunny it's okay to talk to Kristen about your feeling (personally I think that what's make a mother-daughter bonding stronger). About Travis not being supportive, you're not the only one my husband is also the same at times, if he doesn't do/say what you want them to just follow your heart and do what you think is right. About having the the feeling before Kristen was born it's is call pre-natal blue (don't what to expect of the upcoming life). Don't hide or bottle your feeling it's not healthy let it go, cry if you must after crying you'll feel better. Growing does sucks sometime its part and parcel of life we grow up, gets mature and grow old from our experince.

About Travis give him time, to set in as a new father, like you he may be overwhelm by the new things that has change in his life. P.M. me anytime you need to talk.

I was never a medication person, either. I did go on it for a short time until I could deal with my problems. I found that depression paralyzed me from dealing with the problems that were causing my depression in the first place. A crappy cycle. So I went on the meds, dealt with everything, and now I'm great.

And you're right... you gotta do what you have to do. And we'll all be here to support you!

Hey Suzy!

Postpartum depression (the baby blues) is really really common. Of course, that doesn't make it any easier. On one hand, it might help you to know that it will probably go away soon, but on the other hand, it sucks!

Talk to Travis!! Tell him that you need someone, you need your sis. Trust me, I'm married, and sometimes you need a good friend to whine to about your man or kid or anything. My sis is my best friend too, and I don't know what I'd do without her.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself first, so you can be healthy and happy enough to care for you daughter. If you need help, don't be afraid to go find it.

Right on the money! This is so very commom like Danielle said. I would cry for any reason at all. You have to realize all of hormones are changing all over again. Danielle is right Suzy, it will go away. It is a wonderful but scarey thing to have a new infant. You will make a great mother.
Pluse if you are prone to a bit of depression and the post partum on top of it, that reaslly takes the cake. You do need someone to hang out with. Did you meet anyother new mommies in the hospital at all? You can go to free parenting classes and make some great friends there. Don't let this make you a shut in Suzy. Your life with you new baby has just begun girl. Cherish every moment you can, they grow up way to fist.

Mother of three,
Carrie

Suzy,

I've been there. I know it's hard, especially when you are with a guy who doesn't get it. Sometimes us girls just need to be with someone who we can vent to about all these feelings. I'm glad you are talking to people for support and help. Try to find other moms in your area that you can talk to... they will know what you are going through... and if you want, you can certainly talk to me.

thank all of you so much for your help
you have no ide how much it means to me
things are looking better now. im going to talk to my doctor about post partum depression maybe? i dont feel sad all the time but when i DO get sad i get s-a-d.

happy hiolidays everyone. and thanks once again for helping me

That does not sound bad at all. He needs to learn and understand that he needs to be there for you, and that you do have it in you to leave if you know you really have to. I've had experience with that in two ways. My father is an alcoholic/drug addict, and when I was younger my mom said that we had to get away so she took me with her and we went to stay at her friends house for a few days. By the time we got back, my dad was really apologetic and he got his act together for a few days. Granted it didn't fix things forever, but it really did make him realize that we can do this without him and change himself for a little bit trying to make things okay.

Another way I have experience with what you are feeling is that two years ago when I was 18 I moved away from home. I moved from my home in the Philadelphia area to NYC, which is about 2 hours away. I moved in with Mike. I love him dearly, and him and I have to take care of me, hold me, etc, but sometimes I just miss home. I miss my mom. I miss having my group of high school friends. I always look at their facebooks/myspaces/etc, and see all of the fun things they are doing together and miss it so bad. I miss my brother, who was my really good friend. Could you try calling your sister more? I know when I miss my friends and family the most I try my best to call. Do you drive at all? Maybe you could go for just a day or two to pay everyone a visit. Is there a bus? See if your sister can take a bus to you and stay at Travis's for a night or two. The most important thing is to keep in contact with those who care so you don't lose that part of you. Things will be fine. You are a very strong mother for Kristen and good girlfriend to Travis. They are lucky to have you.

Hey girl. I just saw this and felt I just had to talk to you.

What the others have said is true. Post Partum depression affects a lot of new moms in varying degrees and you have new hormones, too. Plus the fact that some family things in your life are causing you extreme sadness. I know it's not an easy thing to do, but try to talk with Travis some more and explain how much your sister's absense is affecting you.

I was separated from my family most of my adult life (still am) and it took many years of me trying to build up a wall so I wouldn't have feelings for them. Finally, I realized that family is more important than anything else on this earth. So, I tried to make up for lost time.

Family is everything to you and I caution you to not let your situation now determine how much you see your family. Travis will always be yours and the baby will be there, too, but your family will not always be there. So, take advantage of the opportunity while you are young to see them and love them.

I know you don't like medications, but they usually work for short-term depression, so definitely think about talking with your doctor about the way you are feeling. The holiday season is sometimes a sad time for depressed people, too.

I hope you get help for your sadness and crying and, mostly for your pain being away from your family. I know you trust me as a friend and I would like you to know that I'm thinking of you all the time, so good luck.

Lonestarguy

Hey Suzy,
It's gonna take time. Like I said, your body is going through one heck of a change in hormones right now. Plus, you've carried around something for 9 months that you had no idea what was going to look like, feel like etc.....Your a new mommy now and that alone can be scary. You will come out of this. Just understand that it is not you mind and that it is your body that is changing. It's missing something now
and has to get use to the change.

hi everyone. i have no idea how to get through life these days. i had a baby daughter 6 months ago and i have been feeling progressively worse. every little thing makes me want to cry and sometimes i have episodes so serious i curl up on my bed and cry for hours. i dont know who to turn to or what to do. i am on effexor and it is not helping... any advice?