Hello everyone,

I am new to these forums and have come in hopes of better educating myself, and hopefully improving my ongoing relationship with my girlfriend.
We are both virgins, aged 19 and 20 (I being the younger and the male), I have been in a few relationships before, but none going past kissing. This is her first relationship ever. We have recently moved towards petting and what could be considered foreplay, but with no intention of having sex. We are both very open about our relationship, and discussed that she is not ready for sex, or any reciprocating foreplay - a sentiment that I have no problem with, and am supportive of; she should go only as fast as she feels comfortable with, and she knows that this is how I feel. I am considerably more knowledgable about sex and relationships than she is, as my family was fairly open about the topic, where her family was fairly conserative, going as far as to highly discouraging and not allowing her siblings to kiss their significant others. She considers the rules ridiculous and thus defies them. (we are both away from home for schooling, and attend the same educational facility).

This being said, I come to the issue at hand. Ill explain the process in detail in hopes that detail will provide a better picture of the problem and hopefully produce more accurate assessments and responses. When we engage in foreplay, we take things slowly, starting with slow kissing and general affectionate talking and the like - then stimulation of the breasts both in and out of clothing, and oral stimulation of the breasts for a considerable amount of time (5-10 minutes? educated guess really, not exactly keeping track of time.) Then stimulation of the vulva and vaginal area. I understand that direct stimulation of the clitoris can be extremely painful for girls and women, and being inexperienced, am learning slowly how fast and how much i can stimulate her without pain - this is not my concern though - during finger penetration, I noticed her wincing in pain despite going about the penetration fairly slowly. Upon asking if her reaction was pleasure or pain, she said it was really painful. So, in an effort to get to the bottom of her pain, I asked her to allow me to try to find the source, to which she agreed - I tried inserting slowly again, and was able to put my middle finger in up to the second knuckle (about an inch and a half) before it started hurting.

Ive heard and read about vaginismus, but am not entirely sure that is what the case is because of the distance of penetration. Can anyone please provide some insight as to what the issue might be attributed to? She has said she feels really bad about not knowing why she feels pain, and I repeatedly assure her that it isnt her fault and that's not a problem - we are both sincere - but I would like to help her get through this so she can have an experience without pain, and maybe even help her to her first orgasm at some point when she feels she is ready.

Thank you for taking the time to read and help us - any response is greatly anticipated and appreciated.