Pregnancy Community Chat Forum


All Alone Again

Medical Questions-> Health Forums -> Pregnancy Community Chat -> All Alone Again

Author

Message

Becky

Especially EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Jan 2006
Posts: 6228
Location: London, England

Thanks: 0

Thanked:7

All Alone Again Posted: 12-13-07 08:01am


I've split up with Robbie. As you girls on here know i've never really loved him and I don't fancy him. I can't live the lie any longer. I told him that. He was crying down the phone saying I had to do what's best for me but he;s heartbroken that he is losing me and the kids. Now I am crying my eyes out cause I feel so guilty. He is going to sleep on the sofa and is looking for a place to live asap. I feel like the most evil witch in the world. I feel like i've done to him what nel did to me. The guilt i feel is so strong and I tempted to tell him to stay just cause I don't want to break his heart. Please advise me.

rosejackson

Supporter

Joined: 23 Dec 2005
Posts: 4384
Location: hertfordshire, england

Thanks: 7

Thanked:14

Posted: 12-13-07 08:04am


im so sorry. but you cant carry on living a lie. this is best for everyone. please dont feel guilty. its not your fault you couldnt feel the same way back

Becky

Especially EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Jan 2006
Posts: 6228
Location: London, England

Thanks: 0

Thanked:7

Posted: 12-13-07 08:05am


I know but he got really involved with my kids and loves them like his own. That's what hurts the most that he loves us all so much and i don't feel the same. what's wrong with me?! I care for him- I don;t want to see him hurt. I don;t want to be the baddie

rosejackson

Supporter

Joined: 23 Dec 2005
Posts: 4384
Location: hertfordshire, england

Thanks: 7

Thanked:14

Posted: 12-13-07 08:12am


you're not the baddie. it's not as if he's never going to see the children. he'll probably see them on a regular basis. hes just probably in shock at the moment, but when it settles in, he'll realise it wasn't going to work anyway

Becky

Especially EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Jan 2006
Posts: 6228
Location: London, England

Thanks: 0

Thanked:7

Posted: 12-13-07 08:15am


but i don't know if it is wise to let him see the kids? he's not thier dad after all. He loves them but they easily forget him when he's not around. When he went to Budapest for a month they didn't mention him once

pixma

Extremely EHEALTHy

Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 1015
Location: NSW Australia

Posted: 12-13-07 08:16am


There is nothing wrong with you! leaving it till later would have only made things worse in the long run. Its understandable that he would greive for a little while and no one ever wants to be the baddie. You did what was best for you and your children and in time he will understand that!! Chin up mate, time heals all wounds!!

Becky

Especially EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Jan 2006
Posts: 6228
Location: London, England

Thanks: 0

Thanked:7

Posted: 12-13-07 08:17am


Thanks

Kia

Supporter

Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 6594
Location: Planet Tampaxia,

Posted: 12-13-07 08:19am


I think you've made a wise choice. You don't need a man around, you can just be Becky for a while. Goth, mom, daughter, friend. No-one says you can't be friends with Robbie. You can. You just don't need a man in your life 24/7, you don't need the extra commitment. Time for spring cleaning girl - out with the past in with the future.

Becky

Especially EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Jan 2006
Posts: 6228
Location: London, England

Thanks: 0

Thanked:7

Posted: 12-13-07 08:21am


But why do i feel so bad about it?

Kia

Supporter

Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 6594
Location: Planet Tampaxia,

Posted: 12-13-07 08:28am


Because it's change. Most people feel a bit odd when changes occur. You're used to there being a male presence around - Neil from a young age, then Robbie when you broek up with Neil. It'll take time to get used to but the point is you don't need the guys. It's like suddenly realising you don't need half the stuff in your handbag, and that you can fit everything you do need into a small sexy bag instead. It feels odd because it's small and lightweight - you wonder how you'll cope without all the stuff you took out. In reality it was jusst baggage - you never needed it - it was just there and now it's gone. Give it time and soon the new lightweight handbag becomes the norm and you wonder how you managed to lug all the junk around for so long. Because he's feeling a bit hurt. So what - he'll get over it.

-Tanya-

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

Joined: 08 Dec 2007
Posts: 606

Thanks: 47

Thanked:44

Posted: 12-13-07 09:07am


You did what you thought you needed to. Try not to feel guilty.

Emma2

Extremely EHEALTHy

Joined: 09 May 2006
Posts: 4406
Location: Montreal, Canada

Thanks: 1

Thanked:0

Posted: 12-13-07 09:22am


You did the right thing becky...Like Shar said it is better now than later. You feel guilt because your a good person !

Mabel

Moderator

Joined: 09 Mar 2006
Posts: 8951
Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,

Thanks: 179

Thanked:198

Posted: 12-13-07 09:46am

beckster wrote:

but i don't know if it is wise to let him see the kids? he's not thier dad after all. He loves them but they easily forget him when he's not around. When he went to Budapest for a month they didn't mention him once

Well, this is your choice - but I will tell you, I have had more step fathers and more live-ins as my 'step' parent than anyone. Trust me on this, k? If I counted, it would be well over 15.

I still have relationships with 2 of these men. One of them, my mom was 'only' married to for a year and we still get together because he was big hearted enough to love me & my siblings regardless of whether or not he was with my mother. He loved us. He let us know that.

When he left, my brother was only 3. Does my brother know him today? Hell yes he does. Some of our fondest childhood memories are of when this man would take us for a weekend in the summers. And he gave the BEST gifts. Was he our dad? No. He was someone who loved us though.

This is your choice because these are your kids. I don't think kids can never get too much love no matter if it comes from biology or not.

I hope you feel some relief in your decision to end things with Robbie.

Good luck!!

sillyakchick

Supporter

Joined: 12 Apr 2007
Posts: 2712

Thanks: 8

Thanked:1

Posted: 12-13-07 14:46pm


So sorry your'e going through this. It's so hard. Maybe you feel bad because you wanted to love him and then you were sorta disappointed in both of you when you just couldn't. If I were Robbie, I'd be crushed, but I would value your honesty. Maybe you guys can get on as friends after a while. Why don't you leave it up to him? As long as you don't think your kids will suffer any psychological harm in seeing him, I see no reason why they shouldn't if everyone benefits from such an arrangement. Good luck, I hope you get your tears out and feel better soon.

young Girl

Especially EHEALTHy

Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 13932
Location: everythings better in, texas USA

Thanks: 1

Thanked:0

Posted: 12-13-07 17:23pm


maybe you do love him but you dont know it yet?

Sandbox Party

Especially EHEALTHy

Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276

Posted: 12-13-07 18:30pm

the_girlfriend wrote:

maybe you do love him but you dont know it yet?

mhm.

i think that *maybe* things might be *too* good.. and Becca is deep down worried that the old adage is true.. *If its too good to be true it probably is.*

or else.. she just has a really big heart and hates making people upset, which this is obviously doing to Robbie... but he cant expect her to stick around just for his sake.. she deserves to be happy as well.

young Girl

Especially EHEALTHy

Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 13932
Location: everythings better in, texas USA

Thanks: 1

Thanked:0

Posted: 12-13-07 18:35pm

Sandy_Pants wrote:

the_girlfriend wrote:

maybe you do love him but you dont know it yet?

oh i agree
i hear what your saying

just throwing things out there Smile

you cant help who you love and who you dont love becks
make the best decition for yourself hunny. someone always gets hurt in life. it happens
it sucks to be the one to hurt that eprson but sometimes yu just dont feel the way they do and thats not your fault ok?

trust me i went through this over a year ago with an ex. and it was the best deicition i made to hurt him. as mean as it sounds it had to happen because thats how me and travis got together. i dont regret it.
i couldnt hide how I felt just like you cant hide how YOU feel. thats whats most important here. they way YOU feel and YOUR happiness

All Alone Again