The only thing you can do is be there for him. Love him and try to be a good daughter. But your right he will not change unless he wants to. No matter how hard someone trys to change someone else it will not work unless they want it also.

JUut hang in there and hope he comes to his senses. If you are in any kind of danger then I suggest leaving him until he straightens out.

I agree 100% with Rosie. There really nothing you can do untill he reaches the point he has had it and done with it. He has to want to be clean. Follow Rosie's intrutctions above and just be there for him. Do not push him into getting better. The only way this works is if he is ready to stop on his own for his own health and sanity.

Good Luck,
Carrie

thanks girls but its so hard to deal with it! he gets mad at any little thing that i approach him with. and my mom just left us so now its basically me to fend for myself. its just something really hard to deal with. how can i make myself stronger and able to pull through because really i have no parental guidence(sp?)

jessica061506, I am going to ask you a couple of very important questions. It is you choice to answer them or not. But it would help all of us to know the full story, becuase you may be dealing with several different issues here and we need to confront them all.



Why did you mom leave your dad and leave you behind?

How far away is your mother from you now?

If it came down to the wire, who would you rather be with? You mom or your dad?

Was it your choice to stay with your dad and did you really have a choice?

Right now is the time you need to stay strong. You don't need parental training, it is bread into you as human nature. The main thing you have got to understand like I said before, you can not change your dad. He has to want to make that change himself. Rock bottom for him has not yet happened and that is why I asked those qestions. Do you have any grandparents on you mothers side of the family? Or even on your dad side.
There is nothing you can do for him. Except be there for him. He is going to have some pretty bad moments. Crack is probably the worst drug to get off of in my opinion.
If you can, please give us a little more background if you feel comfortable doing so. We are all here for you and the more we can piece this together, the better we can help.
I think somehow you might need to get out of that situation your in.

Love Carrie

Why did you mom leave your dad and leave you behind?
she left him because she couldn't take his drug use and his abuse towards her.

How far away is your mother from you now?
shes not far at all still in the city

If it came down to the wire, who would you rather be with? You mom or your dad?
i dont know because me and my dad get along better in some aspects and my mom is just rude and inconsiderate to me.

Was it your choice to stay with your dad and did you really have a choice?
i didnt have a choice my mom just packed up and left : /


i just hate having to go through this as a teen. i should be having fun and worrying about school. but i am not even in school right now and i am way too depressed to even get out of bed sometimes. i want to go live with my brother and sisters mom but i dont think that my parents will let it happen : /

Now we can start some hard core theropy here. First of all you know you can't change you dad. And I personally don't think it is a good example for you to have to live with this. I want you to talk to your sister and bothers mom about this if you can. Just tell them like it is and that you can't keep your sanity if you are living with your dad. If she agrees it would be wise for you to come and live with them, then she will know what to do and let her take it from there. It could take sometime to get to that point but, if you really don't want to live with you dad then you have to talk to your sisters mom right away. Try and get you out of there.

Carrie

Yea I know but my real mom won't agree. She won't want me living there. I know I can't change my dad. I just got out of a mental hospital because of it all. And it's just hard because I love my dad with alll of my heart and it hurts me to see him like this and not even realize what he has and is still doing to our family! He tells me every day, "Jessica I swear I am not using and bla bla bla" but it's only obvious. He's up ALL hours he NEVER sleeps and he's sooo rude and mean and just not fun to be around. My mom understands but won't let me leave and I really dont want to live with her because shes a nervous wreck about everything and she's always way too depressed to be a mother to me. I just wish I was 18 already. : /

As I said, there are ways around your situation if you truly want it that way. I am just in no position to expedite any of them or even mention them. But, as an adult, (if she approves) there are ways she can get some things done in your best interest. Let's just leave it at that for now.
Does she know what horror you are going through? If so, what does she say about the situation that is going on?

Carrie

Is your dad a crank or crack addict? (you said both in your first post) those are two very different things. does your dad have brothers and/or sisters who might be willing to help? it is important for you to have some emotionally stable family relationships right now. Even if they don't know what to do either, it would give you someone to talk to. I'm very sorry about your situation. Maybe you could contact a drug rehab center and have someone from there help you plan an intervention? I'm not sure what methods you have used to try to convince him that he needs help - maybe something like an intervention would help? Whatever you do, don't let your family problems affect how you feel about yourself, I'm sure you're a wonderful person and your life doesn't have to be a product of your father's mistakes.

hes a crank addict...
it added its own title so i dont know what happened there. sorry about the miscommunication
i have no one in my family except my sister whom i can turn to
the only problem is that my sister is in prison for the next year, so that crosses her out.
her mom and i are very close i consider her my mom and thats where i want to live but my real mom wont let me :/

Do you at least live near your sister's mother and see her regularly? And is she aware of what is happening with your dad? Maybe she could give you some guidance. Why don't you call her and tell her how lost you are feeling? Even if it's not possible for you to live with her right now, I'm sure she could help you out, at least providing emotional support. Otherwise, maybe you could try to get involved in some kind of volunteer thing - a nursing home, animal shelter, anything. That way, you could spend less time at home, and also meet some really nice people that make you feel happy. I went through a hard time in my life and decided to volunteer at a nursing home, and being around nice caring people - and helping people out - made me feel like little pieces of my soul were starting to come back. I hope you do look into doing something like that because it can really help, I promise! Take care of yourself!