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Pregnancy Forum > Teen Pregnancy Forum > My Friend Is Pregnant, And I Want 2 Help Her..... (Page 1)
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Q: My Friend Is Pregnant, And I Want 2 Help Her.....
asked by: Aunt WeeWee on December 10th, 2007
Experienced User
K. 1 of my really close friends is pregnant. She juz found out yesterday. She's 17, and she dosn't kno how 2 tell her parents. Her bf already knows, and he is forcing her 2 keep the baby, but she wants to give it up for adoption, cause she dosn't want the baby 2 interfer w/ her go-n 2 college. All day @ skool 2day, she was so down bout it. I gave her a huge hug, and told her it will B ok, and she will get threw all of this, and I was here 4 her when eva she needs me.

I juz don't kno wut 2 tell her. She wants 2 tell her parents 2day, so she can go ahead & get a doctors apointment, and she was ask-n me how 2 tell em.

Does any1 have any advice 4 me? i juz feel bad cause I really want 2 help her out all that i can

Thanks in advance
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Katrinadoodle
replied on December 10th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Her boyfriend can't force her to keep the kid. She can give him custody, or have her research adoption anyways. I don't know if he can keep her from giving the baby up for adoption, but I do know he can't force her to keep the baby in her custody.
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mominashoe
replied on December 10th, 2007
Supporter
It's good that you are giving her the support of a friend. When she tells her parents she should just tell them how it is and say that although they may be upset with her for the pregnancy, what she needs more is help, love, and the proper care. Most teens don't even want to be where she is in the first place, so it is enough for them to be in the situation without the parents being upset about it.

If she feels too scared to say it in person to her parents, she can write it on paper and give them the news that way....and in the case of parents who are not very understanding, this way she will be able to say all that she needs to say.

Once her parents know, and as long as they are understanding, a lot of the pressure and worry that she is feeling is going to greatly subside. It is arguable that the BF would have any custody rights at all since he is a minor and cannot provide child support. It is a good decision that she give the baby up for adoption, or maybe perhaps her parents would love fostering child as well.

There are many options to be considered and she has a lot of time to think about what she wants to do. She just needs to know that is isn't the end of her world and that there are many others in the same situation as she is and that there is help for her.

IF she is getting too depressed, you should tell her parents or a counselor because depression can be very harmful and deadly....so just keep a look out for her.

You are a good friend to her, so keep up the good work.
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Katrinadoodle
replied on December 10th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Minors can and do have to provide child support, and the father can have custody. His parents don't need to be involved at all.
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mominashoe
replied on December 10th, 2007
Supporter
Oh, and on a personal side note, it doesn't sound as if the BF is exactly the best choice for her. He sounds a little too controlling to me. I may be wrong in my hunch here, but he should be put out of the picture.
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Verizon-y
replied on December 10th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I agree with mominashoe. It doesn't sound like an equal balance of power in that relationship.
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Tylanas
replied on December 10th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
To my knowledge, there is no legal way for him to force her to keep the baby. She can abort or give it up to adoption and he has no right to say BOO.

If HE wants it, then she can give it up for adoption to HIM, thus wiping her hands of any financial responsibilities - or any at all for that matter. If the BF wants the baby that badly, then he can raise it all by himself.
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Verizon-y
replied on December 10th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
That's right. He can raise the child by himself. Somehow I doubt that is his true aim, though. He sounds like he is a future wife-abuser or at least a domineering/controlling personality.
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Aunt WeeWee
replied on December 11th, 2007
Experienced User
Thanks
Thanks U guys!!!!!! I think she might change her mind and keep the baby. i agree w/ all of U guys. Her bf is older then her, and he is Bipolor. ( i think that how U spell it) I don't like the way he traets her @ all, but U kno how teens R, they don't want 2 listen 2 any1. (I do that myself) (lol) She told her parents last night. Of course they were upset, but they will help her threw it. She juz really wants 2 go 2 college, and thats Y she was think-n bout give-n the baby up...

Thanks 4 ur help
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Verizon-y
replied on December 11th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I hope she goes through with the adoption part and gets on with her own life, for both her sake and the future child's sake. If she keeps it she'll be dealing with that boyfriend for the rest of her life.
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Altari
replied on December 11th, 2007
Experienced User
If he has a history of mental illness, then he should not be taking custody of the child. Depending on her state, she will be required to notify the father before putting the child up for adoption. Ideally, this should be done while she is still pregnant. If she signs away her rights, and the courts remove his, there would be no issue with adoption.

Otherwise, if he isn't determined incapable by the state, he'll take full custody (she'd sign away her rights). I'm not sure how child support would work out.

I agree with the others...if he's controlling her to this degree, then he shouldn't be in the picture, no matter what she decides.
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Aunt WeeWee
replied on December 11th, 2007
Experienced User
Well she has 2 do what she thinks is right. I juz hate the fact that her bf wants 2 act like a jerk bout the whole situation. All I can do is B there 4 her, & thats all I'm try-n 2 do.
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Verizon-y
replied on December 11th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Does he take medication for his Bipolar problem?
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Tylanas
replied on December 11th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
This child needs away from this whole situation once it's born. That's all I'll say. It needs to go away, to a stable home with adult parents who are mature and capable of loving it and caring for it.
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Aunt WeeWee
replied on December 12th, 2007
Experienced User
I'm not sure if he is on medication or not.... I ask her and let U kno....
Now she is say-n she might juz get an abortion (which i don't agree w/), if not her parents R go-n 2 get custody of the baby. That way she can still C the baby, and continue with her education 2.... She told me last night that she's juz not ready 4 it yet. Thats Y she was think-n bout an abortion. She is make-n he decision N the next couple days.... I'll keep U guys updated!!!!
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Verizon-y
replied on December 12th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
An abortion would be the simplest thing. She can have children when she's ready.
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Tylanas
replied on December 12th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
I hope she makes the decision I'm currently considering the smartest one... abortion. I hate to see parents having to raise accidents.
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Aunt WeeWee
replied on December 13th, 2007
Experienced User
Well guys. She is go-n through w/ the abortion..... She has an apointment next wk. I feel so bad 4 her, cause she scared 2 death. Sad
Her bf and his family is mad @ her, but it's wut she thinks is right.

Like I said B4, I don't agree w/ abortions, but mayb N her situation it is the right thing 2 do. It's her choice, and I'm her friend so I'm still stickin by her side, no matter wut her choice is..

Thanks 4 all ur help.
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Verizon-y
replied on December 13th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
You are a good friend. Smile
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Aunt WeeWee
replied on December 13th, 2007
Experienced User
Thanks!!!! I try my best!!! I kno dat if I was n her shoes i would want a friend by myside.
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