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My Friend Is Pregnant, And I Want 2 Help Her..... Posted: 12-10-07 14:10pm
K. 1 of my really close friends is
pregnant. She juz found out yesterday.
She's 17, and she dosn't kno how 2 tell
her parents. Her bf already knows, and he
is forcing her 2 keep the baby, but she
wants to give it up for adoption, cause
she dosn't want the baby 2 interfer w/ her
go-n 2 college. All day @ skool 2day, she
was so down bout it. I gave her a huge
hug, and told her it will B ok, and she
will get threw all of this, and I was here
4 her when eva she needs me.
I juz don't kno wut 2 tell her. She wants
2 tell her parents 2day, so she can go
ahead & get a doctors apointment, and
she was ask-n me how 2 tell em.
Does any1 have any advice 4 me? i juz
feel bad cause I really want 2 help her
out all that i can
Thanks in advance
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Katrinadoodle
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Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 1231
Posted: 12-10-07 14:42pm
Her boyfriend can't force her to keep the
kid. She can give him custody, or have her
research adoption anyways. I don't know if
he can keep her from giving the baby up
for adoption, but I do know
he can't force her to keep the baby in her
custody.
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mominashoe
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Posted: 12-10-07 15:10pm
It's good that you are giving her the
support of a friend. When she tells her
parents she should just tell them how it
is and say that although they may be upset
with her for the pregnancy, what she needs
more is help, love, and the proper care.
Most teens don't even want to be where she
is in the first place, so it is enough for
them to be in the situation without the
parents being upset about it.
If she feels too scared to say it in
person to her parents, she can write it on
paper and give them the news that
way....and in the case of parents who are
not very understanding, this way she will
be able to say all that she needs to say.
Once her parents know, and as long as they
are understanding, a lot of the pressure
and worry that she is feeling is going to
greatly subside. It is arguable that the
BF would have any custody rights at all
since he is a minor and cannot provide
child support. It is a good decision that
she give the baby up for adoption, or
maybe perhaps her parents would love
fostering child as well.
There are many options to be considered
and she has a lot of time to think about
what she wants to do. She just needs to
know that is isn't the end of her world
and that there are many others in the same
situation as she is and that there is help
for her.
IF she is getting too depressed, you
should tell her parents or a counselor
because depression can be very harmful and
deadly....so just keep a look out for
her.
You are a good friend to her, so keep up
the good work.
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Katrinadoodle
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Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 1231
Posted: 12-10-07 15:11pm
Minors can and do have to provide child
support, and the father can have custody.
His parents don't need to be involved at
all.
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mominashoe
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Posted: 12-10-07 15:13pm
Oh, and on a personal side note, it
doesn't sound as if the BF is exactly the
best choice for her. He sounds a little
too controlling to me. I may be wrong in
my hunch here, but he should be put out of
the picture.
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 12-10-07 17:08pm
I agree with mominashoe. It doesn't sound
like an equal balance of power in that
relationship.
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Tylanas
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Posted: 12-10-07 23:01pm
To my knowledge, there is no legal way for
him to force her to keep the baby. She can
abort or give it up to adoption and he has
no right to say BOO.
If HE wants it, then she can give it up
for adoption to HIM, thus wiping her hands
of any financial responsibilities - or any
at all for that matter. If the BF wants
the baby that badly, then he can raise it
all by himself.
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 12-10-07 23:26pm
That's right. He can raise the child by
himself. Somehow I doubt that is his true
aim, though. He sounds like he is a
future wife-abuser or at least a
domineering/controlling personality.
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Aunt WeeWee
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Thanks Posted: 12-11-07 09:28am
Thanks U guys!!!!!! I think she might
change her mind and keep the baby. i
agree w/ all of U guys. Her bf is older
then her, and he is Bipolor. ( i think
that how U spell it) I don't like the way
he traets her @ all, but U kno how teens
R, they don't want 2 listen 2 any1. (I do
that myself) (lol) She told her parents
last night. Of course they were upset,
but they will help her threw it. She juz
really wants 2 go 2 college, and thats Y
she was think-n bout give-n the baby
up...
Thanks 4 ur help
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 12-11-07 13:43pm
I hope she goes through with the adoption
part and gets on with her own life, for
both her sake and the future child's sake.
If she keeps it she'll be dealing with
that boyfriend for the rest of her life.
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Altari
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 127 Location: Chicago, IL USA
Posted: 12-11-07 14:02pm
If he has a history of mental illness,
then he should not be taking custody of
the child. Depending on her state, she
will be required to notify the father
before putting the child up for adoption.
Ideally, this should be done while she is
still pregnant. If she signs away her
rights, and the courts remove his, there
would be no issue with adoption.
Otherwise, if he isn't determined
incapable by the state, he'll take full
custody (she'd sign away her rights). I'm
not sure how child support would work
out.
I agree with the others...if he's
controlling her to this degree, then he
shouldn't be in the picture, no matter
what she decides.
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Aunt WeeWee
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Posted: 12-11-07 14:03pm
Well she has 2 do what she thinks is
right. I juz hate the fact that her bf
wants 2 act like a jerk bout the whole
situation. All I can do is B there 4 her,
& thats all I'm try-n 2 do.
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 12-11-07 16:30pm
Does he take medication for his Bipolar
problem?
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Tylanas
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Posted: 12-11-07 18:02pm
This child needs away from this whole
situation once it's born. That's all I'll
say. It needs to go away, to a stable home
with adult parents who are mature and
capable of loving it and caring for it.
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Aunt WeeWee
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Posted: 12-12-07 10:59am
I'm not sure if he is on medication or
not.... I ask her and let U kno....
Now she is say-n she might juz get an
abortion (which i don't agree w/), if not
her parents R go-n 2 get custody of the
baby. That way she can still C the baby,
and continue with her education 2.... She
told me last night that she's juz not
ready 4 it yet. Thats Y she was think-n
bout an abortion. She is make-n he
decision N the next couple days.... I'll
keep U guys updated!!!!
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 12-12-07 14:09pm
An abortion would be the simplest thing.
She can have children when she's ready.
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Tylanas
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Posted: 12-12-07 23:59pm
I hope she makes the decision I'm
currently considering the smartest one...
abortion. I hate to see parents having to
raise accidents.
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Aunt WeeWee
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Posted: 12-13-07 09:28am
Well guys. She is go-n through w/ the
abortion..... She has an apointment next
wk. I feel so bad 4 her, cause she scared
2 death.
Her bf and his family is mad @ her, but
it's wut she thinks is right.
Like I said B4, I don't agree w/
abortions, but mayb N her situation it is
the right thing 2 do. It's her choice,
and I'm her friend so I'm still stickin by
her side, no matter wut her choice is..
Thanks 4 all ur help.
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 12-13-07 10:30am
You are a good friend.
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Aunt WeeWee
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Posted: 12-13-07 11:13am
Thanks!!!! I try my best!!! I kno dat if
I was n her shoes i would want a friend by
myside.