My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 14 months. He is 3 years older than me. Some of these problems are in the past...but they do sometimes keeps arising. First off, he used to get really mad last year when I wouldn't let him come visit me for a weekend because I had too much homework, or other things going on. (It's a long distance relationship, we are 3 hours apart). He would tell me that he understood that school was important, yet he would get angry and try and make me feel guilty about not letting him come. Then he would get angry because he never knew where our relationship was going because he told me he loved me within like 3 months of dating, and I was not ready to tell him that. But I finally did during our 1 year anniversary. Then he used to get angry when I couldn't give him a definite answer as to whether or not I saw in him in my future. I am 20 years old...and he is 23, soon to be 24. And he is the first boyfriend I have ever had, and yet he expected me to be positive as to whether or not I wanted to commit to him and marry him?! We don't really argue about that much anymore, but we recently had an arguement about engagements...because I am a junior in college, and I wanna finish my schooling, and that won't be until december of 2009, and so I had said I don't wanna get engaged until after I am done school. And then I wanna teach a few years before I get married. And he got really mad about that...because he said he doesn't wanna date me for like 4 or 5 years and then later down the road have him propose and then me say no. Well I don't wanna commit to him if I am not positive that I want to marry him. Then we got in a huge fight about abortions...I said something about if I got pregnant I would maybe get one because I am not done school yet and I am not having a baby until I am married. And he of course got mad about that, and I told him well it's not his body or his decision. And then we argue about sex sometimes. We aren't having sex yet, and I am always confused to as if I wanna wait until I am married to have sex (for personal reasons, not religious). He is not a virgin, he has had sex with one other girl. He told me if I wanted to wait, obviously he would wait for me, but he might propose sooner than expected. He also wants to live together before ever getting married. He might move closer to me soon, and he was kind of mad because I will be going home in May when school is up. So he would be moving here, and we'd be an hour apart, but then I would be moving home in May, and we'd be 2 hours apart...but only for 3 months until school starts again. I am not living with him until I am done school, I am living here at school with my friends.
Sometimes I just feel like he acts the way that he does because she is at a different point in his life. He is done school and has a job. His parents had him when they were 17 and 18, and so they are both young and they want grandkids...and he wants to start a family when he is relatively young. Well I am not having kids anytime soon. I want to graduate school, get a teaching job, then get married, and then start a family. He wants to have a kid, or 2 before he is 30. Which puts me at 26/27. I guess that is reasonable. But with the whole abortion thing, I just feel like he is at the point in his life when he could have a family now...which is why he is soo against it...well sometimes I just feel like saying tough luck...it's not his decision.
It takes me a longer time to feel a certain way and feel certain things. We just recently starting progressing in the sexual aspect of our relationship but that's because he is the first person i've ever done anything with. It just takes me longer to get comfortable with someone. Which is why it took me so long to tell him I loved him.
I guess I just want advice on things, or thoughts or anything. I do love him very much, I just wish he would wait for me to "catch up" to where he is in life. I don't want to break up with him...I just need advice on things. I guess this is like a therapy session lol. Thanks!
I just want to say that I really like you. You sound like you have your life together and that you have a really good head on your shoulders. You know yourself and your hopes and dreams and you are determined to make them come true. You sound very head strong. But it sounds like your boyfriend may not like this about you. He sounds a little controlling and demanding. I think he is being selfish about you not "moving faster." You have every right to live your life the way you want it. You do not have to be tied down with marriage or children and you definitely dont have to do anything you arent ready for. He doesnt seem to see this and I am sorry to say this but it sounds like you guys are in two different places right now. He wants one thing and you want another. Its possible you can work this out but he has to be willing to wait for you. I dont think he wants to wait. So either he accepts it and stops giving you a hard time or he moves on and finds a woman that is willing to drop everything for him. I guess just see where this goes. If he still treats you bad and makes you feel like you dont love him enough then maybe you should break it off. Or you can try to explain to him how you feel.
I personally am like you. I am 21 and a freshman in college. My degree will be done in 2011. I am in a 2 year committed relationship. We live together and are in love. He wants to marry me and he has already asked my father. I want to marry him and have his children. But not now. I told him that I am not ready and not to ask me anytime soon. Well I said it a lot nicer than that, I wasnt so mean. but he understands this and is willing to wait. Why be in a hurry you know? We are going to enjoy our life and I told him that he will know when the time is right and so will I. I really do not want to get married until I am ready to have children. When I am ready to raise a child then I am ready for marriage. To me the ultimate commitment is giving someone a child. So yeah there is my opinion.
Please stay true to yourself, I think you already know that though
I agree with the above post, I'm a guy so here's a males opinion. I'm in a relationship a bit like yours, our age difference is only one year, but we are both very in love. In your situation (dont take this the wrong way) I think you are allowed to be a little selfish here, and really it isnt selfishness at all. Your future is extremely important, do not let it be determined by a form of bullying into it. I think, that if this guy really loved you, he would be willing to do anything to simplify your life and make it easier. Now it is not my place to determine whether you love one another or not off a forum post, this is just my opinion, I'm a bit old fashioned as well when it coems to the treatment of women. At any rate I think questioning his views on both of your futures might not be a bad idea, the last thing you want to do is regret your past 5 years from now. I wish you the best of Luck
All I have to say.. HE GOT ISSUES. You keep on doing what is best for you. I'm 24 years old and on my third kid. I'm strugguling with going back to school and on a dead end job... Honey if he can't see that you are trying to make something out yourself and have a better life.. DROP HIM. You are going to have the opportunity to meet someone with your same goals and perspectives. Do not comform with less. You go girl!!!!!!!!!!