well friends should help friends if they are capable.. but when ur pressed for time, or this certain friend is constantly asking for favors there comes a time when u need to say *Wait.. im not ur paid help.* ESPECIALLY if they are telling you to and not politely asking.

Dont let people take advantage of you, babe.

Could it be that by "help" she meant she just wanted your opinion? Maybe she just wants you to tell her what will look good where, what colours to use, etc.

What I would do is go over there, and if she actually wanted you to physically help her then do help, but say something like "this is great, what day can you come help me do my house?". If you are actually being put to work when you get there, then impose the same thing on her.

I think that is fair.

I agree with Tanya. Might as well try to use her if she's trying to use you.

Maybe to her that is what friends do...help out with decorating or whatever. I think it's odd she would elect your husband to help her hubby clean out the garage, but I can see having a friend help me decorate.

I would go, but while I was decorating I would say...geez this is a lot of fun...next time I'll have you over to help me. If she does it she is friend indeed. If she doesn't I'd stay clear of her.

two wrongs dont make a right.. we're supposed to be above childish things like, "well she did it so can i!"

How I see it is that if she is willing to do the same for Karen, then there wasn't even anything "wrong" done to start with.

I don't think it's wrong to ask someone something that you would be willing to do for them. If she's willing to help Karen then she obviously isn't just asking in order to take advantage of Karen.

I think it's a good way to test the friend's intentions, and also where the friendship is at. If the friend was in fact not taking advantage of Karen then she would be happy to say yes to helping her too. And I don't think Karen asking for the same help she is giving is a "two wrongs" situations, because there is nothing "wrong" being done.

Well said Tanya.

well the girl could have gone about asking nicer, instead of making herself sound like she was volunteering her to do something.
I dont like being told to help.. ask me and i'll be more inclined to do so.

hum it depends. if my friend sharon asked me over for dinner and then said "good yall can help do whatever" id be like ok w/e cuz we are close but if it were someone i was just occasionally friends with i might be like i can maybe help a little but we have to be home to do x by this time.

Thanks everyone! This is not a really close friend of mine and she just volunteered me to help her after she asked us for dinner. If it were a one time occurrence, that would be one thing. It seems to happen at least twice a month. We usually have an excuse when she volunteers me because I feel used. This time, she asked us for dinner first and then a few minutes later stated that I will be helping her decorate. Perhaps she just lacks social skills and doesn't know the difference between asking and telling me.

I will test it out tonight and see what she says when I say, "This is fun, perhaps you can help me out with my home." I am sure she will say, "OK" but then I bet she will have excuses later. She knows how busy I am and how much I am on the go. I am so darn tired, it would have been nice to just go over to her house to relax. I guess that is how I am different. When I ask friends to come over, I like to host and let them relax as much as possible. I have invited her to come over on several occasions just to hang out and for dinner, and there is always an excuse. It's much easier for her to come over to our house because they don't have kids. I think they prefer to stay home and she doesn't want to be hassled.

I do have a few close friends that if they were to ask me to help with whatever, it would be different.


Perhaps it's just a misperception on my part. I am overwhelmed right now.

I guess it's just frustrating because when I talk with her, she is always talking about herself. When I start to say, "I still have to unpack and organize my stuff" she quickly changes to subject to her house and her life and I listen like a good friend should.

This is the same friend that has had her nursery set up for five years in two different states (I knew her in AZ). She does not yet have children but has a lot of baby stuff for when she gets pregnant. She is very obsessive with babies, too. I think there are more issues that come into play here.


I do think she is not entirely selfish. She does have a good heart but perhaps she has difficulty really placing herself in another's shoes. I will let you know how everything turns out!

Thanks everyone for being so honest!! I love these forums.

perhaps shes just an over achiever?

or a creepy lady planning to steal a baby! i think thats a little weird but then again i dont have any issues getting pregnant obviously.

So tell us what happened!

Overachieve lol!

Actually, it was completely strange on how overly obsessed she was. We actually stayed away from her when Nathan was younger because she was so obsessed and very rough with babies. She held Nathan a few times when he was a month old. She would just pick him up and not hold his neck and head. Even after repeatedly being told to do so. It was pretty scary. She has mellowed out a bit, although she still is a bit rough.

When I arrived, she had already did most of the decorating. She saved the tree for us and my son had fun decorating. It wasn't too bad. I didn't mind helping out with the tree since they did buy the pizza. She really goes all out on the Christmas decorations. I ended up not feeling used. I think it maybe a way she interacts with her friends. I didn't really ask her to help us out during our time there.

I do have to watch her with Brian. She is really rough. She carries him around like he is made of tefflon. I do have to gently remind her to be careful She sometimes gets too rough in that it looks like she is almost shaking him. Her husband is so nice and I don't think he sees anything wrong. She just doesn't seem to have any common sense. When she tickles him, it looks extremely hard. She hasn't made him cry yet, though. She is much better around older kids, like Nathan's age. He is more tefflon-material. The older Brian gets, the more comfortable I will feel. I just don't have the guts to say, "You can't hold my child because you are rough." My husband has come really close to saying that. He cringes every time she holds Brian. I know a 9 year old who is more gentle than she is.

Oh well. I will continue to be friends with her but I really need to be cautious. I think there is something mentally off with her.

Karin, I am glad you post this stuff. It makes me laugh and it makes me understand that my life ain't so strange after all. We should have coffee some time!

Hey, where do you live anyway?? Arkansas? Would love to have coffee sometime!