Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

My husband Left! How long do I wait? (Page 2)

Must Read
Do you know what bipolar is exactly? And what types of bipolar do doctors classify and diagnose? Learn more basics about bipolar disorder here....
Can stress put you at risk of developing bipolar disorder? Read here for information on risk factors which increase the likelihood that someone becomes bipolar....
Bipolar is difficult to diagnose as an illness ... but bipolar symptoms are usually accompanied by extreme changes. What are the symptoms of bipolar disorder?...

User Profile
January 22nd, 2008
Supporter
hey junebug77 =)

just wanted to let you know that you are a strong person. and i think that you are making the right decisions. it's hard to know what to do. i'm sort of in the omg i have bp phase too. i'm glad the kids had some time with him. the little one's are so innocent in all of this mess. i'm sure he was on his best behavior... which might be a good sign?? maybe it would be better to communicate in writing with him. i'm not saying don't see him but it might be easier to put your thoughts to paper... for both of you. stay strong. xoxo puzzld
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 28th, 2008
well...I don't have to wait anymore...I'm meeting with my attorney tomorrow. I can't do this anymore. I can' t let him hurt me and the kids anymore. He is so unstable. He is more committed to taking care of his drug-addict brother (who lives with him, by the way) than taking care of his wife and children. I don't care if he cares about me anymore...he should care about his children. I really think he is a horrible person outside of being bipolar. I could be more understanding if it was just the BP...but he really is awful. This has been the worst day of my life. I just ant to protect my kids...that's all I want. All we did today was exchange hateful emails... is such a liar. And I kepe finding out more and more what he is lying about...and it's being going on for a while, evidently. His mom is enabling him...she thinks there is nothing mentally wrong with him. She said he only threw things at me and yelled at me to get my attention..WHO SAYS THAT????? She said he just stressed...not mentally ill. Did I mention before that she is the one who set him with his apartment when he left us?? Oh yeah...what a good mom.

He told me today that he did not abandon us...I'm pretty sure he did!!! He hasn't been back has he?? I'm so angry right now...I don't want the kids to not have their father in their lives but I can't risk doing more damage to them. He has done enough already! AAAAHHHHH


HELP ME!!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 31st, 2008
My attorney filed the papers for divorce yesterday...I know I wanted it, but then again, I don't....I know this is what I have to do to protect my children and stop torturing myself...I just didn't know I would hurt this bad. I'm a mess...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 1st, 2008
Experienced User
I think you did the right thing. I'm not saying that I support divorce as an option for when things get bad because a committment was made "for better or worse," BUT in circumstances like these, it was in your best interest and your kids to cut the cord from this guy and move on.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 1st, 2008
Supporter
sweet junebug77
sorry junebug77 Sad i'm sure you made the right decision. you made a decision to protect you and your children. it's OK to grieve the loss of him. but maybe your right about it not just being about bp... ya know? i wish i could be a fly on the wall for you. i know your heart is breaking/broken. remember he left not you. and that is just plain awful that his family enables him like that. run don't walk. sorry, i'm just mad for you. you don't deserve this. we all love you!!!
xoxo
puzzld
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 4th, 2008
He told me he doesn't love me anymore. And that I should stop calling him my husband. Whatever. He also said that I'm "the crazy one." That there is nothing wrong with him and I that I drove him to the point where he had to check himself into the psych ward. He said he's doing better than he's ever been in his life. He said he's going to go to court "guns blazing" against me. That I'm a terrible mother and that he didn't abandon us. He is delusional...What is wrong with him?? I do not know who this person is!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 4th, 2008
Supporter
Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*Godmother
I for one am very proud of you for you taking hte bull by hte you know what and proceeding with a divorce. It is NOT right for a man to treat his wife and children the way you have been treated. I have read your comments from the past, and you and your children deserve so much more in life. Believe me, ther ewill be someone out htere who will adore you and those beautiful kids and treat you with respect. Do not allow him to try to put the blame on you.......Let him make his threats....... You are hteone who has the kids and he's the one who walked out....no judge in their right mind will take the children away from a caring and devoted Mother, and most will respect the ones who actually go ahead and try to make a better life for themselves and children. He's the one on record for going inot the psych ward.........DUH......We are here to back you up girlfriend....you are not alone and never will be. Yes this hurts, but from what you've written in the past, you've been hurt plenty. Time heals all wounds.....You just hang in there girlfriend, and be the best Mother you can be......You are gonna come out smelling like the rose you are! HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 7th, 2008
Supporter
he is delusional!!! and very ill. i pray i never hurt anyone like that. he'll never get those kids. duh is right. love u girl!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 16th, 2008
My husband left me too
I am new to this forum and new to this disorder and am trying to learn all that I can about it. I believe my husband is an undiagnosed bipolar. He left about 4 weeks ago now, before we even reached our 6 month anniversary. We just got married at the end of last summer. We have known each other for several years now, friends in the beginning, turned into great friends, and then turned into love. We had a lot of ups and downs to say the least when we started dating but that would be a whole novel to write. After some time we seemed to get on the same page and after living together for 3-4 years, he asked me to marry him. We were married within 8 months after our engagement. We had just gotten the proofs from our wedding and we still had wedding presents on our living room floor that we didn't have room to store in our small apartment, and now all these things are in boxes in storage in my sister's basement and in my brother's house.

He had left while I was at work. I didn't realize he wasn't coming home until I called him when he normally would already be home. He had seemed frantic earlier in the day while I was at work. For some reason he had thought I was mad at him and he was trying to contact me. My battery died on my cell phone while I was at work and I had to turn it off, he had tried to call me but I was on the phone with a customer. I had emailed him in the morning that I would be leaving work early because we had talked the night before that resulted me in tears throughout the night and I was wiped out. I guess my lack of responses to him during his frantic state forced him to think I didn't want him around. So he left work early and packed as much as he could. I didn't realize how much he took until he was about an hour late coming home. After a weekend and talking to people with experience with this, I got nervous. I was hearing all these scenarios where I needed to find out if he was going to work, check our bank accounts, close the credit cards because as I'm finding out, spending sprees are part of the manic state. In doing all I could to try to figure out the puzzle, I found out that there was also another woman involved and that they were maybe moving in together. My heart broke and I was destroyed.

I didn't know what to think. Up to that point I had been staying in our apartment to show him that I did not leave and that I was there waiting for him and wanted to work with him to figure out what was wrong. I hadn't seen any of this coming and now am seeing a psychologist myself. He does not take my calls or his family's. He's shut us all out. I have a pretty strong indication that he is bipolar because his sibling also has it who has been diagnosed and is undergoing treatment. As I research it, I shake my head because all the symptoms were there. Everything up to this manic episode. There are a lot of holes in what I know - as far as this other woman, where he's living, etc. Everything I hear is from other people and I don't know what to believe. I want to talk to him and show him I'm here for support, even if it is only as his friend. We were friends for almost 10 years, I can't turn that off, that caring. For a long time I was the one he came to with his problems. The infidelity, I don't know what to say about that - it sucks yes - but do I attribute that to his illness? Right now he isn't the man I married. I feel like that man has died and this illness has taken him over. For the last 4 weeks I've been mourning him. We don't have kids and everyone is saying that it's best for me to find out now. I know they have my best interest at heart but how do I know when to turn my back? He is my husband, and most of all he is my friend. I want help for him, even if that means the end of our marriage. Getting him help is what's most important to me right now.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 16th, 2008
I was behind on your story Junebug77. I didn't read far enough to where you announced your pending divorce. Good luck. Knowing how hard it's been for me for these 4 weeks, I can't imagine being a single mom at the same time.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 17th, 2009
Never diagnosed bipolar husband left again
My husband of 11 years and I are currently divorcing ... He has left me many times over the past 4 years and I always thought it was due to our communication problems, because I felt guilty being unable to stop complaining about his sleeples nights, going outs, internet adiction, gambeling and since recently cocaine abuse.. I got solid proof that he was using for last couple of years, his supplier told me...I've come accross of similar stories over the net, look up for the symptoms of Bipolar and everything made sense: the mania and highs, the depression and the lows... The problem is I still think I love him, I can not let go even though I know it's for my best..and our doughter.Last time I saw him 2 months ago when confronted him about drug abuse... I found this woman's number in his phone that he accidentally left behind when visiting last time... She said she was his supplier, but I think she is more than this...The same day I confronted him he cried, and promised he only loved me.. I am so hurt, I think that our marriage was a big fat lie... that everytime we made love it was because he was high, not because he ever cared..Is he ever going to show the signs of regret? Ever come back to say at least sorry? He does not call, even swithced his phone off.. Should I look up for him and ask him to acknowledge his problem, or just let go... the problem is I just can not let go... thinkig of him with someone else is killing me...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied May 18th, 2009
My boyfriend of 14 years...
Reading the stories above makes me want to cry, but mostly the thing I take from them all is the repeated good advice for the person who loves a bipolar to take care of themselves first. My boyfriend has been slowly slipping more and more bipolar over the years. We're under a lot of life stress right now (in debt, selling our home, moving.) From his point of view all of this is my fault, which is hard for me, as I've mostly supported us both the entire time.

I know I love him, and I know that we can't live together at this time. I don't think I'm ever going to want to live with him again. I'd like to live within walking distance, so we can see each other when things are good, but be separate when we need to be.

Mostly I just want to say, that find this forum has been very good for me, during a day of tears.

Thanks to everyone for sharing what the did, and my prayers go out to you all, and to your loved ones who are bipolar.

Blessings.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 16th, 2010
confusednewlywed
I don't know what to say....im going threw the exact same thing with my husband, but he left and i didn't hear from him for 3 months and i found out that he crossed the boarder illegally and he's not even of mexican decent he's white. and now he says that im obsessed with him and that I 'Made' him marry me. what in the world do i do.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 23rd, 2010
Experienced User
Dear confused...

File for a divorce on the grounds of desertion, and pick up the pieces of your life.

It really is the only way to move forward.

You and he are married, that means you are ONE financial entity. He is gone, and you really don't have any idea or control over what he is doing to you financially.

My girlfriend had this same situation happen years ago. He ran up an unsecured debt of over $60,000..and then filed for bankruptcy. She nearly lost the house because of him. When the divorce finally happened (she came to her senses)...she had to pay for his health insurance, and pay half of his debt too!!!

He is gone. Now, make it legal.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 14th, 2011
My husband has bipolar and he will NOT go to a doctor or take any kind of medication. Our marriage has been an uphill battle from Day 1; but we are still together. One thing I have learned over the years to cope with bipolar is to just remember that I am responsible for myself and my children; my husband can be responsible for himself and his actions. Mentally distance yourself from your spouse, but be there physically. It helps. If you have to suffer, these are ways you can suffer with a smile.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
<< 12