First Time Asking a Man Out - Need a Bit of Help Here... (Page 1)

The one thing about online dating that has always struck me as an observer is that people generally present themselves the way they want to be percieved. Sometimes, this projection isn't entirely accurate and it can make things go awry when you finally meet each other.

I think if you're using online dating as a means of building a lasting relationship, there is no way to go but slowly. You're going to have to be patient and wait 'til you meet a few times to test the waters. That way you can see what he's really like, and he can see what you're really like... in person without phone/email/messaging barriers.

So. Conclusion: Don't ask any questions on where you two stand until you meet up a few times. I think that's the safest, smartest way to go.

So, there is a chance we may meet for lunch / coffee tomorrow afternoon. Still trying to work out the kinks though.

But now I have rather a dilemma on my hands:

I was talking to another guy last night, and he is expressing an interest in meeting me. The conversation was really good, he seems to really like me, and well... I am growing feelings for him as well.

I guess in a way I have to weigh the options: The first guy, where I know the first meeting can be difficult to find, and that taking time when online dating is a must. And plus, this first guy sounds like he is a really great guy to be around, however, with the amount that he works recently, I'm just afraid of being with someone who has little time for a relationship, and perhaps just trying to work things too much. OTOH, the second guy I am talking to, we both click fairly well personality-wise, and we both have an attraction to each other. This second person is more focused on finding someone to love, and due to a disability, can not really work. I went to bed last night with a very warm and fuzzy feeling from this second guy, and am interested in going out on a date with him to test the waters. The only thing is, I am moving in January for school, and there will be a distance - about an 1.5 hour drive pretty much.

My thing is, if I have to choose between two guys, this is going to be difficult. I know a bit more about the second guy as opposed to the first guy, but if things go according to plan today, I will be better informed. But at the same time, how would go about telling one guy that I would want to remain friends if it came down to it? I really do not like to hurt people in any way, and if anything, I would love to gain a friend out of this.

So any advice on this aspect would be great, as I never been in a position where I had two guys that were interested in me at the same time - it is just one of those things that never really happen

I think you're over-analyzing too much. You're also jumping to conclusions based on phone/online conversations.

Meet them first. There is nothing wrong with casually dating two people at the same time. It becomes wrong if one of them has feeling for you and you don't share them.

Test the waters and stop making this harder than it is.... it's just a waste of your energy. Wait 'til you meet them and assess from there.

Well, the second guy was a wash. I cut ties with him, mainly due to aggression issues. After some talking, and me telling him about my move, and potentially living with a friend that I met through the dating site that I found the second guy on, he got very jealous and uneasy about my move, and started becoming posessive of me. Just something about "jumping my bones as I walk through his apartment door" just did not sit well with me.

I know for a fact that nothing will happen between me and my friend, and furthermore, I found out that I have my own apartment secured, so that is not the issue. The issue is, I do not tolerate aggression for me to just be with someone. I am more into having an emotional connection, and letting the attraction grow from there. It is not just about the face / genitals for me, its about the man as a whole.

Now, with the first guy, things are going REALLY GREAT! We do talk a lot, and I find myself more and more connected with him. We have a second date planned for this coming Thursday, to meet for lunch again. Once again, nothing is really set in stone yet between us, and we are still testing the waters with each other, so it has been really relaxing thus far. It gives me a chance to soak in as much as I can, based upon our conversations.

Glad to hear you know what you want, and you don't settle for anything less! Continue it with this guy!

Well, the lunch/coffee date went pretty good. I spent some time at his house, having coffee, talking, cuddling. It looks like we are both taking an active interest in each other, which is nice. He is also offering up some furniture to help with my new apartment, and in return, I will be helping him out with whatever he needs.

Where I know I need to ensure I focus on schoolwork and whatever job I may get when I move, it is certainly nice to be able to think about him and what the possibilities are. I think that once I move into the area and things settle down a bit, we will see each other more.

In the back of my mind though, I always have that uncertainty which I need to practically beat out of myself. I think alot about the past month, and how our conversations went. I'm not sure if I am seeing mixed signals about what is going on, or if it has to do with his busy life, or what to make of it. I guess you can say it can be chalked up to us just getting to know each other. The more I read this paragraph, it reminds me that I need to ensure my patience is intact.

I did make a couple moves to show him that I am interested in him - basically small talk, complimenting him about his house and his personality, and just talking about future events with my move and everything. As a matter of fact, I believe he is planning the housewarming party at my new apartment ( ).

Eh, I guess you can say that I think about him quite often. I try not to let it get in the way of my daily routine with work and everything though. He seems to be the type that can focus more on work, and any type of dating-related things take precedence when the time is right. It is nice to have someone that has that balance, which is something I need.

Just my thoughts on everything so far... seems like things are going good, but once again, my over-analyzing side seems to show a bit. I feel as though I have been very patient, and I don't show any signs of trying to rush things, or pressure him into things he does not want to do.

Things will happen when they're meant to. It still hasn't been that long. Just make sure you go with your gut. Don't continue to date someone just because you dont' want to hurt their feelings. And if you have a 'feeling' about someone... deal with it right away to avoid heartache later!!

^
I wish you the best!!!
<3

good attitude,man...you will be OK, I just know it!

AAHHHHH...young love....isn't it great?? Have fun, play safe if you play and toss a salad with that pasta!! Good luck, let me know cuz I am gonna live vicariously threw you cuz I have been married forever!!!