The one thing about online dating that has always struck me as an observer is that people generally present themselves the way they want to be percieved. Sometimes, this projection isn't entirely accurate and it can make things go awry when you finally meet each other.

I think if you're using online dating as a means of building a lasting relationship, there is no way to go but slowly. You're going to have to be patient and wait 'til you meet a few times to test the waters. That way you can see what he's really like, and he can see what you're really like... in person without phone/email/messaging barriers.

So. Conclusion: Don't ask any questions on where you two stand until you meet up a few times. I think that's the safest, smartest way to go.

I think your right. On my last relationship, we exchanged a message, then moved to IM, and then phone, all in the same night.. and the next Sunday after, things were set in stone, albeit too quickly.

Seeing this type of response reassures me that I am doing the right thing, and not rushing things, or trying not to. In a way, it tests my anxiety, but at the same time, I have to remind myself that good things come to those who wait.

We shall see...

So, there is a chance we may meet for lunch / coffee tomorrow afternoon. Still trying to work out the kinks though.

But now I have rather a dilemma on my hands:

I was talking to another guy last night, and he is expressing an interest in meeting me. The conversation was really good, he seems to really like me, and well... I am growing feelings for him as well.

I guess in a way I have to weigh the options: The first guy, where I know the first meeting can be difficult to find, and that taking time when online dating is a must. And plus, this first guy sounds like he is a really great guy to be around, however, with the amount that he works recently, I'm just afraid of being with someone who has little time for a relationship, and perhaps just trying to work things too much. OTOH, the second guy I am talking to, we both click fairly well personality-wise, and we both have an attraction to each other. This second person is more focused on finding someone to love, and due to a disability, can not really work. I went to bed last night with a very warm and fuzzy feeling from this second guy, and am interested in going out on a date with him to test the waters. The only thing is, I am moving in January for school, and there will be a distance - about an 1.5 hour drive pretty much.

My thing is, if I have to choose between two guys, this is going to be difficult. I know a bit more about the second guy as opposed to the first guy, but if things go according to plan today, I will be better informed. But at the same time, how would go about telling one guy that I would want to remain friends if it came down to it? I really do not like to hurt people in any way, and if anything, I would love to gain a friend out of this.

So any advice on this aspect would be great, as I never been in a position where I had two guys that were interested in me at the same time - it is just one of those things that never really happen

I think you're over-analyzing too much. You're also jumping to conclusions based on phone/online conversations.

Meet them first. There is nothing wrong with casually dating two people at the same time. It becomes wrong if one of them has feeling for you and you don't share them.

Test the waters and stop making this harder than it is.... it's just a waste of your energy. Wait 'til you meet them and assess from there.

I think I see what you are saying.

I did meet the first guy today. It went great! We do want to see each other a bit more, and he is becoming instrumental in helping me move and everything.

The second guy, haven't heard from since last night, so who knows. I still want to plan to meet him, and see where things go.

I thought a lot about both scenarios today, and I think you are right in just testing the waters and see where things go. Nothing is set in stone yet, so it is nice to see where things go.

Well, the second guy was a wash. I cut ties with him, mainly due to aggression issues. After some talking, and me telling him about my move, and potentially living with a friend that I met through the dating site that I found the second guy on, he got very jealous and uneasy about my move, and started becoming posessive of me. Just something about "jumping my bones as I walk through his apartment door" just did not sit well with me.

I know for a fact that nothing will happen between me and my friend, and furthermore, I found out that I have my own apartment secured, so that is not the issue. The issue is, I do not tolerate aggression for me to just be with someone. I am more into having an emotional connection, and letting the attraction grow from there. It is not just about the face / genitals for me, its about the man as a whole.

Now, with the first guy, things are going REALLY GREAT! We do talk a lot, and I find myself more and more connected with him. We have a second date planned for this coming Thursday, to meet for lunch again. Once again, nothing is really set in stone yet between us, and we are still testing the waters with each other, so it has been really relaxing thus far. It gives me a chance to soak in as much as I can, based upon our conversations.

Glad to hear you know what you want, and you don't settle for anything less! Continue it with this guy!

I am trying... it is a challenge, but once I move into the area, and things settle down for both of us (he is in the process of trying to change jobs), I am sure things will continue to progress.

I am still keeping options open as well, and I am more in the mindset of whatever happens, it happens for a reason, and that my main focuses are there (school, work), and anything in terms of a relationship will happen eventually. Hard sometimes to see that, but we are all human

Well, the lunch/coffee date went pretty good. I spent some time at his house, having coffee, talking, cuddling. It looks like we are both taking an active interest in each other, which is nice. He is also offering up some furniture to help with my new apartment, and in return, I will be helping him out with whatever he needs.

Where I know I need to ensure I focus on schoolwork and whatever job I may get when I move, it is certainly nice to be able to think about him and what the possibilities are. I think that once I move into the area and things settle down a bit, we will see each other more.

In the back of my mind though, I always have that uncertainty which I need to practically beat out of myself. I think alot about the past month, and how our conversations went. I'm not sure if I am seeing mixed signals about what is going on, or if it has to do with his busy life, or what to make of it. I guess you can say it can be chalked up to us just getting to know each other. The more I read this paragraph, it reminds me that I need to ensure my patience is intact.

I did make a couple moves to show him that I am interested in him - basically small talk, complimenting him about his house and his personality, and just talking about future events with my move and everything. As a matter of fact, I believe he is planning the housewarming party at my new apartment ( ).

Eh, I guess you can say that I think about him quite often. I try not to let it get in the way of my daily routine with work and everything though. He seems to be the type that can focus more on work, and any type of dating-related things take precedence when the time is right. It is nice to have someone that has that balance, which is something I need.

Just my thoughts on everything so far... seems like things are going good, but once again, my over-analyzing side seems to show a bit. I feel as though I have been very patient, and I don't show any signs of trying to rush things, or pressure him into things he does not want to do.

Things will happen when they're meant to. It still hasn't been that long. Just make sure you go with your gut. Don't continue to date someone just because you dont' want to hurt their feelings. And if you have a 'feeling' about someone... deal with it right away to avoid heartache later!!

Well, I sent you a PM in regards to this past Sunday. The date went extremely well, and, well... lets just say we had a nice extended 45-minute "goodbye" hug and kiss

It was good, I am pretty certain that interests are growing pretty well. I am already planning to see about asking him out to dinner on a more formal 1:1 date, probably next weekend. But we will see what happens.

In the meantime, I have been talking to a couple other guys, unfortunately the conversations have been a bit stale, but understandable with first interactions and all. My options are still open at this point.

^
I wish you the best!!!
<3

Thanks!

We'll see what happens. I have not had the chance to talk to him just yet, with me being busy planning and moving into my new apartment, and him with work. But the more I think about things, I am going to keep a prospective mind, and not worry / overanalyze about the interactions we had.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, its all about finding the right one

good attitude,man...you will be OK, I just know it!

Wow, I've been so busy I almost forgot about this place!

Anyways, here is some news - the first guy I was talking about, I plan on staying friends with him. There is just too much in the way when it comes to his work, it would be a waste of time, and frustration for me.

However, there is a guy I am seeing more regularly now. There is a definite spark, we have a ton in common, and he shows a genuine interest in me! I guess you can say I am almost taken

We already had two dates (on back-to-back nights, might I add), and he is coming over tomorrow night for dinner. I am making a nice pasta dinner for the two of us, and I'm sure we will end up cuddling and talking. I have been talking to him since early this month, and three dates and numerous phone calls have been enough to let me build up my confidence to see where he stands, based upon the advice that Zak has given to me so far.

I will keep you guys posted. I think I reeled one in!

AAHHHHH...young love....isn't it great?? Have fun, play safe if you play and toss a salad with that pasta!! Good luck, let me know cuz I am gonna live vicariously threw you cuz I have been married forever!!!

Not exactly young - I'm 30 And I always play safe

My biggest beef lately with the GLBT community is the lack of the LTR concept. I know this may be a bit off-topic, but I feel it applies.

The dating sites I frequent (I'm cheap - I don't primarily use match.com or gay.com or any pay-dating sites) are chock full of people looking for "hook ups" or "friends with benefits". I don't see the reasoning behind either concept. But at the same time, finding someone that is looking for a LTR is like finding a needle in a haystack, or so it seems. I am of the ilk that prefers to have that 1:1 monogamy, that ultimate commitment. Just something about being able to share lives together, hand in hand, is just so much more beautiful to me than just hopping in the sack with anyone that is just flat out horny.

Before I started dating this second guy I am seeing tomorrow night, I would browse, night after night, shaking my head and going WHY??? So many cute guys out there, all they want is a quick romp in the hay. It is almost as if we are going back to Woodstock of '69, or back to the Roman Catholics, where sex was so free-based, and had virtually no meaning.

I guess what triggers this is that you announced that you are married. And I say that YOU ROCK for having your man's hand in marriage. That is something I ultimately want one day. Committment is such a beautiful thing, and it is probably the greatest feeling in the world knowing that you have someone you can say "I love you" to, and mean it for a variety of reasons.

Anyways, thats my rant for the evening. I will post how it goes tomorrow night when I get a second.

BAM!
I love it. Though I am all about "To each his own", meaning you can have sex with whoever you want, as much as you want... I think the gay community is obsessed as retaining "Sex" as a part of it's integral identity. This bothers me because there are so many of us who prefer to have commitment and safety and that one special person. I have it, and I'm so lucky to have found him, but I find it's all too rare. Irresponsible sex and relationships can be so dangerous, physically and emotionally.

THANK YOU!

The advice I can give to you, for all the advice you have helped me with, is to hold your partner close to you. Always try to have that mutual understanding of each other. And be happy that you have each other to share your lives.