Womens Chat Forum - Virginity... How to Explain I Want to Wait Longer... After This

Womens Health > Womens Chat Forum > Virginity... How to Explain I Want to Wait Longer... After This

Q: Virginity... How to Explain I Want to Wait Longer... After This

asked by: sara19 on December 7th, 2007

Experienced User

Did something really stupid. My boyfriend and I were talking about the upcoming tour (for our bands), just fixing up the details, while we were at his studio, above his apartment. We were doing some drinking and we got to talking, and I started kissing him and one thing led to another and the next thing I know I am topless underneath and the door opens... it his band mate I was so embarrassed! I just put on my jacket and left. By the time I got home there was a message on machine asking me if I was okay and telling me not be embarrassed, and that he would see me tomorrow( meaning today), and wondering if I could confirm our flight.

He knows I am a virgin. I just feel as though I was caught up in the moment, and probably would not have stopped if his band mate had not walked in. How do I explain that I made a mistake, do you think it would be a good idea not to be alone with him until this blows over? That will be easy because of the tour, or do you think this is an easy situation to mend? I also cannot help thinking what his ex-girlfriend/mother of child said that he is not the type of guy to wait! But he has been so good about it I have felt no pressure from him...then I think maybe he is getting elsewhere...then I am like when would he be getting all this action? I just don't know what to do or say now I have NEVER gotten myself into a situation like this.

Replies(13)

Jude-Love

replied on December 7th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

You shouldn't feel like you need to break it to him easy or anything. You feel you made a mistake and that you would rather wait to have sex, tell him exactly that. If he's got a problem, he isn't worth your time. Just say it like you said it here-you got caught up in the moment and think you should wait.

Tylanas

replied on December 7th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

I agree with Jude; being upfront is so important in relationships. You guys aren't psychic even if you wish you were lol.

sara19

replied on December 7th, 2007

Experienced User

okay

PixieKat

replied on December 7th, 2007

Experienced User

You dont have to do anything you dont want to. Just explain to your guy that your not ready and he should accept that. I went though this with many guys, and most of them acepted it (though some still tryed) Just stick to what you beleave is right. also if you want to hang with him you can, i dont think you should be afraid to be alone with him, just be cautious. As to his x saying that he's not one to wait, maybe he wasnt with her because he thought she was ready. If he likes you alot he should be okay with waiting.. but thats just what i think

Good luck to you

sara19

replied on December 7th, 2007

Experienced User

thanks

Birch

replied on December 8th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I hope that he would have asked you before things went any further if you had changed your mind about waiting to have sex...

haille

replied on December 9th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: Virginity... How to Explain I Want to Wait Longer... After T

sara19 wrote:

I've read the replies in this thread and you have gotten some really good advice.

However, there was something in your post that struck me. You mentioned that you were considering whether or not you should not be alone with him again until thing blow over. Does this mean that if you were to be alone with him, it is very likely that you will probably end up sleeping with him?

Because, if that is what you are saying, perhaps you need to ask yourself a few questions. It sounds like there is a possibility that you are ready to have sex, but you are trying to wait.

Could it be that you are fighting against what you actually want?

Think about it and be honest with yourself always. Remember, when you consider things, only you hear your true responses. So, you can be honest with your self and see what your position really is on the issue.

sara19

replied on December 9th, 2007

Experienced User

I have never gotten to that point with any man...My issue is I want to save myself for someone I love, and though he says he loves me I have my doubts....On the other hand it felt nice to be intimate with him and at that moment I was ready, to go that extra step with him. I made him get tested so I know he is clean, I went on birth control. I really don't know what I want? I liked the intimacy, I love him, but I do not know if I am ready for that leap forward, even if my body was responding to him. You know?

Tylanas

replied on December 9th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

If YOU are not ready in your heart - and clearly you're not - then don't do it. I waited. I was in love, and had condoms and everything. We were basically naked and talked about it, and I decided I just wasn't ready. Two months later I was and it was perfect Smile

sara19

replied on December 9th, 2007

Experienced User

Okay

anniek

replied on December 10th, 2007

Experienced User

You need to be ready for you. I'm proud of you for being strong and wanting to wait! Not many do anymore. I was not going to before marriage, but I fell in love with a guy fast. And he respected I didn't want to. In fact on time he felt he pushed the line and ended up sending my a dozen roses the next day! Anyways we did get going a little to much some times and one time I was ready. After that its history I wasn't fast enough getting on bc and boom I was pregnant. We are now married and have 2 kids. So yes stick to your guns and wait until your completely ready! And good for you to have him tested and on bc!!!

haille

replied on December 14th, 2007

Experienced User

Absolutely

sara19 wrote:

I sure do understand where you are coming from. My motto is if there is any doubt, wait it out. Your virginity is something that is gone once its gone. You should put a whole lot of thought into who gets one of your most prized possessions. Besides, you're right about the love part. Many men use the word as an adjective to describe horniness. If you have decided to wait for the right person, you'll know when you've met him. There will be no doubt. So, the doubt you are feeling now is your mental side reminding you of your promise to yourself. Be devoted to your goal. Don't give up on yourself. Keep your standards as high as the are and stay careful like you are.

You should be proud of yourself.

Melina

replied on December 18th, 2007

New User

Virginity

I think is very important in a relationship to be honest... most of all stay honest to yourself. If he cares about you and wants the best for you he will wait. It has a lot to do with respect... a man only goes as far as a woman lets him. Keep your mind open and be proud of yourself... not many girls know how valuable they are... you do. When you are ready, you will know... YOU GO GIRL!!!!

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