So i had this best friend since.6th grade
is i think, so its been a long time since
we met. We would do everything togeither,
there usualy wasnt a second we were apart,
had sleepovers everyweekend, hung out
after school, stuff like that.
She was always kinda jellous because I
always had bf's and she hadnt even had
one. It started kinda getting between us.
So our senior year i decided to introduce
her to a guy because i knew it bothered
her that she had never been asked out..
Well They hit it off and talked alot, than
a short time later he needed a place to
live so he lived with her for a couple
months. well she ended up getting pregnant
(the stupid guy refused to use condoms
because he didnt like them and she just
went with it) Her parents freaked when
they found out. So they decided to get
married because its the "right" thing to
do. They had only been dating for 4
months! I was her best friend... and she
didnt even ask me to be the made of honor,
i was the last perosn she asked.
This whole time i had to practicly beg her
to hang out, she never answered my texts
and got annoyed when i called. so she had
her baby, than a couple weeks later he
talked her into moving to a totaly
diffrent state, because it would be better
for them. So she just packed up and left
everyone! I wont even get to see her kid
grow up..
So now i cry alot about it.. And i hate
myself for introducing her to her
husband.. And i know that makes me a bad
person.. and no one understands that that
Guy stole my best friend! And i hate her
because she abandond me and was stupid
enough to get pregnant, let alone get
married to the first guy she ever dated.
When she calls she talks to my mom, not
me.. my mom is the Perfect mom everyone
wish's they had, i sware what little
friends i have talk to her more than me.
I know i should just be happy that she
found her "true love" but i just cant.. i
often day dream that i hadnt introduced
them.. i feel like everone just abandoned
me.. and i feel horrible for regreting
introducing them to eachother. I know im
probably just jellous or something...i
just dont know what to do.
Thanks for listing to me, sorry so long.
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Lion79
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 307 Location: Sunderland, UK
Thanks: 4
Thanked:5
Posted: 12-07-07 05:29am
It's not your fault for introducing them
because you didn't know that would happen.
It's her silly fault for not keeping in
contact with you because one day she'll
get lonely and she will realise what she's
missing. You never know, sometime in the
future she might call you in tears begging
for your help, and it's up to you whether
you're there for her or not.
Have you tried telling her any of this?
Tell her you don't feel close to her
anymore, and you don't want to lose such a
good friend. It's hard when you're in
different places but maybe on holidays
suggest going to each others houses or
something, just so you get to see each
other.
I know you feel bad, but don't let her
silly mistake get you down. She'll need
you some day, and then she'll realise what
she's thrown away.
|
Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 12-07-07 09:33am
Getting married and having a child means
you have to grow up. You don't get a
choice. When you become an adult, your
family comes first, not your friends.
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Lion79
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 307 Location: Sunderland, UK
Thanks: 4
Thanked:5
Posted: 12-07-07 09:35am
True, but that doesn't mean you have to
abandon your friends completely.
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 12-07-07 09:46am
Moving away to a place that is better for
your family isn't "abandonment". It isn't
like she is her friend's child, spouse, or
parent. People move away, it's a part of
life. It's sad, but all she's thinking
about is herself. Her friend is starting
a new life. She should be happy for her
at the same time, but her only concern is
how this is all affecting her. We don't
know, her friend could have picked up on
her not being happy for her and decided to
involve her less in things. I know that
if my friend said I was "stupid" for
getting pregnant and that I shouldn't get
married, she would not be MOH at my
wedding!
|
Hart74
Moderator
Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 532 Location: Woodlands (not like there are woods anywhere near) Garden City ,
Thanks: 9
Thanked:7
A~sonia Posted: 12-07-07 12:29pm
If she your true friend she won't do that,
she is unworthy to be your friend so why
must you think of her and cry for her. You
deserve someone better all the best.
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-07-07 13:04pm
It sounds like your friend has simply
become an adult; and I agree with Jude.
She probably sensed your anger and
hostility. I know I wouldn't want to hang
around with that. She may view you as
immature; still just a kid whereas she is
now a mother, and adult, and a married
woman.
I may be a bad person to be giving advice
on this, but truly: life goes on. People
are going to leave and move away. What did
you expect? To live next to her, share a
picket fence and a garden and raise your
children together? What about college?
Believe me: People go away. It just
happens.
To me it sounds like she and the guy have
stepped up to their new responsibility...
and the adult world they are in doesn't
involve you unfortunately.
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-07-07 13:07pm
Lion79
wrote:
True, but that doesn't mean
you have to abandon your friends
completely.
I honestly did. I knew my friends in
highschool for the longest I'd ever known
any friends (4 years) and after I
graduated... we hung out once. We never
talk now. I really didn't miss them much
after I graduated. They were close
friends; but I simply moved on.
When I graduate from college, I will have
known these friends even closer and for
even longer (5 years). I'm still going to
just move on. I'll probably talk to them a
little more than I did my highschool
friends, but honestly once people get jobs
and lives it becomes difficult. You make
new friends. You start new networks. Life
goes on.
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@~Sonia
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2007 Posts: 13
Posted: 12-07-07 13:12pm
Jude-Love
wrote:
Moving away to a place that
is better for your family isn't
"abandonment". It isn't like she is her
friend's child, spouse, or parent. People
move away, it's a part of life. It's sad,
but all she's thinking about is herself.
Her friend is starting a new life. She
should be happy for her at the same time,
but her only concern is how this is all
affecting her. We don't know, her friend
could have picked up on her not being
happy for her and decided to involve her
less in things. I know that if my friend
said I was "stupid" for getting pregnant
and that I shouldn't get married, she
would not be MOH at my
wedding!
Im not just thinking of myself, How many
marriges do you think last from ppl that
got married because they got pregnant
after only dating for a few months.. let
alone so was only 17. You dont think i
know i should be happy for her? Ya im
happy she found her dream guy. but im
pissed because after like a week of dating
him she just pushed me asside like I never
even mattered to her. Best friends
shouldnt do that. I understand you want
to be with your guy alot, but i atleast
still make time for my friends.
And i never tould her she was stupid, i
kept that to my self, i stood by her to
whole time, when she went to the dr's when
she needed someone to cry and talk to.
Before she got pregnant i even took her to
planned parent hood a couple times to get
plan B because she was afraid she might
get pregnant. I was there for her the
whole time even though she just kept
pushing me away... dont you ever just
regret something you do and feel bad about
regreting it?
I tould her i missed her, and she just sat
in silence.. So now i just have to ger
over everything
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-07-07 14:58pm
Human emotions are strange. I can't
explain why she dumped you after meeting
this guy. Maybe emotionally, he became her
new best friend. She perhaps just plain
didn't want or need to spend time with
other people.
Yeah, you do just have to get over
everything. Honestly, thinking bad about
her can help with this, though that's not
for everyone. I had a friend abandon me as
well. She had absolutely no reason other
than she just wanted to cut off contact
with me. She said she hated me for
something I said on the internet
How immature!! Anyway, yeah, I kept trying
to contact her. But you know what? I
shouldn't have. It caused me more pain and
meant nothing to her.
So I say: your friend dumped you. You need
to dump her.
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@~Sonia
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2007 Posts: 13
Posted: 12-07-07 16:12pm
Thank you, you guys
I'll just stop trying to be friends with
her.
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Lion79
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 307 Location: Sunderland, UK
Thanks: 4
Thanked:5
Posted: 12-07-07 17:32pm
When I said abandon, I didn't mean
actually physically leaving her. I meant
abandon as in cut off contact completely.
I know people grow up and have their own
lives, I've experienced it myself, but an
occasional phonecall wouldn't hurt,
surely?
But I guess yes, if she's not interested
at all then don't bother. It's just a
shame when people who were so close don't
even speak to each other.
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PixieKat
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Posts: 201 Location: UT,
Posted: 12-07-07 17:55pm
I totaly agree with Lion. I think if
someone was close to you, you should try
to keep in contact with that person.. even
as your lives change. You dont have to
constantly be talking like you might of
been when you were close friends, but
everyonce in a while is nice.
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Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3963 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 129
Thanked:12
Posted: 12-08-07 16:49pm
Sonia, I think your friend may need you
more now than ever. Be sure she knows you
care about her and no matter what you will
always help her if she needs it.
She is very young with a lot on her plate.
Who knows how she feels? Things may
change one day. Ten years down the line
you guys might end up best friends again.
I think you should always treat people
well enough for your own conscience to be
ease. I want to be able to look back and
say, "well, I think I did the right thing"
and feel good about it.
I have a friend under similar conditions.
I always make sure she knows I am here
for her; even if getting her to return an
email takes months of waiting and there
were years when she wouldn't even answer
her phone if I called her. I think she's
embarrassed, maybe ashamed, maybe abused
by her husband and doesn't want to talk
about it. I make it clear that no matter
what, I am always here and will always be
here.
|
haille
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 81
Excellent And Posted: 12-09-07 12:47pm
Lion79
wrote:
It's not your fault for
introducing them because you didn't know
that would happen. It's her silly fault
for not keeping in contact with you
because one day she'll get lonely and she
will realise what she's missing. You never
know, sometime in the future she might
call you in tears begging for your help,
and it's up to you whether you're there
for her or not.
Have you tried telling her any of this?
Tell her you don't feel close to her
anymore, and you don't want to lose such a
good friend. It's hard when you're in
different places but maybe on holidays
suggest going to each others houses or
something, just so you get to see each
other.
I know you feel bad, but don't let her
silly mistake get you down. She'll need
you some day, and then she'll realise what
she's thrown
away.
I think the advice in this post is
excellent. I would like to build on this
advice by suggesting that you write down,
pretty much what you wrote in the post, in
a letter and mail it to your lost best
friend. Believe me, it will be therapy
for you, and your friend can't hang up on
you. She can chose not to finish reading
it. But at least, you know she will
start.
I would sent it in a gift box addressed to
her. When she opens it, there would be my
letter.
Don't shy away from the truth in any
matter. It is very important that you
remain honest with yourself.
Acknowledging and knowing who we are helps
us to resolve issues and weaknesses we
would otherwise ignore.
Your only human, and jealousy is one of
the most common human traits. We all feel
it. Just some of us, hide it very well.
|
haille
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 81
True Posted: 12-09-07 12:51pm
Jude-Love
wrote:
Getting married and having a
child means you have to grow up. You
don't get a choice. When you become an
adult, your family comes first, not your
friends.
This is true to some level. However, most
friends don't expect you to give up
family. In this case, she mentioned being
bothered by not getting to see her best
friends kid grow up. This suggests that
she wants to be a part of the family not
take her away from her family.
I think, as adults, we all, I hope, by
default put our family first. It goes
without saying.
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bitzy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-29-07 23:54pm
that's horrible, very sad- i think your
friend is going through some major trauma-
she just takes off and abandons
everything. She probably needs you and
her family but can't face what has
happened , even if she has a baby now.
You sound young and I think she needs time
to mature - find out her address and send
her a letter telling her that you miss her
as much as you do and that you feel really
sad how you don't talk anymore. the fact
that she calls your house to speak to your
mom just says to me that she misses you
also but doesn't have the heart , or
courage to try to fix it. Don't let years
pass by before you get the nerve. Tell
her you want to visit her or at least talk
to her once a month.
How immature!! Anyway, yeah, I kept trying
to contact her. But you know what? I
shouldn't have. It caused me more pain and
meant nothing to her.
