I am so desperate for some kind of help!
Today I called 911 because i had such
severe pain in my chest, i couldn't even
move my chest to breath! all the time the
paramedics were there treating me for a
"possible heart attack" i deep inside knew
what it was! I had been vomiting so much
due to my "secret bulimic tendencies"
(which i have been doing off and on for
the last 17 years!), that i know my
esophogus is in so much pain! It felt like
it collapsed today inside of my chest! Is
that at all medically possible?? I can't
tell anyone!! I am involved so deeply in
my church, my husband has a high position
there, I sing in the worship team. (but i
fear not for long! I can't even swallow
right now) I am totally embarassed to
tell anyone that I am killing myself to
live!! I was weighing 245 lbs. but now i
am down to 190. Bulimia induced of course.
All of it!! I am so scared to see a
psychiatrist because of all the sexual
abuse that has taken place in my
childhood, and abuse i know of now, when i
see any kind of psych they want "names"
and "addresses". I try to tell them i am
not here to report anyone! I just need
help!! I end of leaving, up to that
point!
I am so desperate right now. my family is
coddling over me cuz i just got released
from the hospital. I can't tell them it's
because I have been purging out of control
and my esophogus is in so much pain! (I
didn't even tell all the doctors that
couldn't figure out what was wrong! I am
having trouble breathing even now!! I have
no real money to afford therapy. Are there
"free" Phychiatrists out there?? Please
Help Me! I'm dying inside, cuz i want to
live so bad!
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kellyowens
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Dec 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 12-11-07 10:34am
Oh girl, my heart is aching for you right
now! Your desperation is coming loud and
clear through your post (((HUGS)))!
I just found this site today otherwise I
would have posted sooner. What a scary
thing to have gone through.
Yes, it is possible to have your
esophagus, in essence, "collapse"...it's
called an esophageal spasm. Did they just
assume it was heart related or did they do
any other tests? It sounds like you may
have esophagitis (usually associated with
reflux disease)...an inflamed esophagus.
You sound like a beautiful, precious
woman; God views you as such! Please don't
let the expectations of other people keep
you from getting the help you need. If the
secrets of everyone in the church were
revealed (and they will be someday) you
wouldn't feel so isolated and alone...I
have no doubt! We all struggle in one way
or another but we don't have to struggle
alone. That's the choice you have to
make...are you going to do this alone as
you have been or are you going to start
making right choices in your life by
taking this first step and reaching out.
A woman in our church just returned from a
six week stay at Remuda Ranch (a
Christian-based eating disorder inpatient
clinic in Arizona). Google the name and
contact them. They may be able to help you
locate someone in your area who can help
you.
You can also contact your local health
department. They should not only be able
to direct you to someone who can help you
lose weight healthfully
(nutritionist/dietician, therapist,
etc...) but also to available financial
assistance.
Please don't delay in taking these steps.
The longer you wait to get help the harder
it's going to be!
I'm glad you posted. Please keep in
touch.
Love, Kelly
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Arisha09
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 May 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Dayton
Posted: 12-11-07 18:35pm
Hey sweetie, I know you can make it
through. I have made it through ounce and
it was through my church people I made it.
But, I quit going and relapsed... badly.
Just try talking to your doctor. You
despretly need to see one. Your life is
in danger. I love you, God loves you,
your husband and church members love you
as well. We all just want you to be safe
and healthy.
God bless,
Arisha
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rebelheart
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2007 Posts: 2 Location: ,
Thank You For Your Understanding! Posted: 12-11-07 19:42pm
Just knowing that someone can understand
such a disgusting problem *but so deadly!)
really means so much to me!! I wept when I
read your words of concern!
Thank you!
