You have to get to the bottom of what it is in life that is so hard to handle before you are going to be able to stop any drug IMHO. You can't start at the end and work toward the begining. I would advice you to get some help as soon as possible. Your finding it to hard to live in the world of reality without drugs.

Carrie

I have never been addicted to opiates. But I do know people that have and still are. This type of drug is very hard to overcome because there are so many physical withdrawls, not just mental. I was addicted to meth and I went to a 12 step program to overcome my addiction. But for you it sounds like you may have to detox your body. Stopping cold turkey may do you more harm than good. Have you tried to wean yourself off? Have you though of checking yourself into a program (hospital or clinic) that helps you detox?

thank you both for the advice. To answer Rosie, yes i have tried to decrease my intake several times. When the addiction was still in it's early stages this was easy, but now i can't really do that without rationalizing (something I've gotten very good at) another hit, and then another. As for detox, that would involve my friends and family finding out about my habit. They prob. already have some idea that somethings up because of my appearance (pale skin, dark circles under my eyes) but that wouldn't be good. What i could do is self administer methadone. I have tested it and i think i could do it, but then I think to myself "what do I do once i'm off the drugs?"

Well you need to tackle one thing at a time. Dont try to think of life after pills because you will just get overwhelmed. Think of what you are going to do today and maybe this week. But do not get to ahead of yourself. They say thats setting yourself up for disappointment.

I know it seems impossible to tell your family, but they are going to be the strongest support you have. I think you should tell them and ask them for help. This is totally up to you though. A lot of people can do it themselves and a lot of others cant. But your family loves you and they will help you.

where would you get the methadone?

I think your friends and family would rather see you alive and clean.

Them Bones, I am so the same as you. I gave up herion 5 years ago and very gladful for that. Now after taking dihydrocodeine I discovered how happy it makes me. It improves my quality in life,because I struggle with depression. I know how dumb it may sound. I am already on an antidepressant, but I still feel morbid sometimes. I am recently on subutex, it works great for the first few days and then I crave again. I don't know what to do anymore!??

To Rosie: For me, telling my family is not an option. I love them a lot and couldn't bear to tell them the (brutal) truth. Since I am the oldest of four, there are siblings who sort of look up to me. If i let them know about my prob. it might make them think that it's ok to do what I do, and it's really not. Not to mention that they could lose respect for me.

As for the methadone I am VERY lucky in that I am in a position where I can relatively easily acquire medication. Because of that, I have already acquired a copious amount. Methadone is weird because they say that it has the same effects as morphine or heroin, but for me it doesen't. It just makes my cravings less severe and thats it. No euphoria.

Something thats deeply troubling me though is how I am going to get my next batch of drugs. I am (unfortunately) burning through my current one very quickly. No matter how much you have saved up, no matter how many times you have to screw people over, you always have to get up and do it all over again. Another thing that bothers me is that the drugs don't make me feel good anymore. I take more because of my tolerance, but even then it doesen't do anything! Sometimes I think about taking the easy way out. (never seriously tho)

to butterfly: The thing with the dihydrocodeine is the same as with my thing with morphine and other opiates: At first it's good, but as time goes on things start to worsen. you should know this considering you've used heroin.

"First it giveth, then it taketh away"-QOTSA

Wow, you sound just like I did. I have 5 siblings and I am the oldest. I have been their mother since they were born, more than our own mother has and ever will be. My brother 16 at the time, told me he hated me and that he never wanted to see my face again if I didnt stop. I cried to him and told him that I was going to and that this time would be the last. Well the very next day I came home and got high. He saw me, he looked at me with such a look of disgust and hatred. I was just like our no show mom. My other sibling gave me the same reaction. They didnt want to see me. They are the world to me. I dont have kids but I love them like I would my own. This is the worst feeling I can describe. But it was necessary for me to stop. I had to see what I was doing by getting to realize that I needed to stop. I had to hit my bottom. I told my father and all of my friends. I should have blurted it out on the street.

It sounds like you are a true addict, not just a recreational drug user. So in order for you to be rid of this addiction you have to come out in the open with it. You have to tell your family. Dont you think they love you enough to understand? Some may be angry, but above all else you are their big brother. By you not telling your family tells me that you arent truly ready to give up your addiction. Because if you were ready you would be willing to do whatever it takes to get the help you need.

Please dont be brushed off by me because of what I just said. This is just some of things I have learned while overcoming my own addiction and helping others overcome theirs. Take what you like and leave the rest. Please feel free to keep talking to me though. It sounds like we have a lot in common. I am here to help

Wow, thats heart-breaking. How did your family treat you after you told them that? I agree with you on one thing, that it is possible that I am not ready to quit. Like I said before I cannot imagine having to live without opiates.

I do think it's time though, for me to get my act together. Actually It's weird, because I am a full time student at a community college, and I am doing very well in my classes, so it's not like i'm in a downward spiral into oblivion, my addiction is only a small fragment of my life, albeit an important one.

As for telling my family, that is SO much easier said than done. I would be putting myself (and my family) in a horrible, horrible position. I dunno, what do you think? Also, Im curious, could you tell me more about your meth use? (When did you start, how is that kind of addiction like, etc.)

From what I have read from your posts you do not sound ready to stop. But that is ok. When you have truly had enough you will stop. Just dont wait for your life to be almost over either. When you are really ready to quit completey then tell you family. Its really up to you whether or not you want them to know. But they will be your biggest support.

Meth was awful, I have to go to dinner right now so I will tell you more later. Lets just say it ruined my entire life and I have spent the last 3 years trying to rebuild it.

Them bones, hey whats up dude. Im from cali to, la to be more specific. I was just reading your thread and wanted to add some stuff.

I understand 100% why its hard to tell your family. Its a hard thing to confront being addicted to opiates. I was addicted to h for years and at first i thought like you, its only a minor thing in life. But trust me dude, if you dont kick it, no matter what it will bring you down no fail. You cannot win, unless you kick. Also per your family, all i can say is, honosty is the best policy and the truth will set you free. You dont want to walk around with all these lies theyll haunt you. I hope you dont think im trying to sound like your dad or anything, im just really trying to help out.

Per you saying you cant picture life w/o opiates, all i can say is that you wont have a life if you continue on opiates. Trust. There are no successfull, happy, old, junkies. Never will be cause it will literally kill you. Anyways sorry for raining in on your thread like this, just wanted to give some input. Be well and talk soon.

Keep it real and be true,
ed~

Hey there EveryTimeIDie (cool name btw), I am also from cali, I'm glad to have someone young (No offense rosie) to talk to. You make some pretty valid points, i sort of disagree about the statement that opiate addiction always destroys life. I actually have a very productive life (as I had previously hinted at). I go to school, I try hard and get good grades, I have friends and a decent job.

When people think of the term junkie, they envision a loser without anything going for him who is on the fast track to self-destruction. What people do not think about is the other side of the coin, the junkie like me who has a meaningful life, but is in the clutches of addiction.

As for the family thing, I must once again say this: It is WAY easier said than done. I love my family very much and by revealing my dark secret, I would jeopardize the relationship I have with them.

THERE IS GOOD NEWS THOUGH!! In an act of uncharacteristic resolution, I decided to sever the connection between me and my source of drugs. Before I did so though, I amassed a gigantic stockpile of opiates to last me about 4-5 months. Now that I have no connection, I will have no choice but to quit. Of course, I'm probably going to suffer and hate myself for it, but I really hope that will be the end of this disease. What do you think? and how did you finally quit H?

Hello! I just want to tell you that I understand how you feel about quiting ang telling your family. Im 23 and was an Oxy addict, that got too expensive so I switched to dope. I was on it for a couple years and then decided I was done and wanted to get clean but like you didnt want to go to rehab or detox cause my family didnt know and I did not want them to. Well I got on a methadone program and I regret it. It stoped me from using dont get me wrong but it was harder to get off of them heroin/opiates. I was on that for another few years and then got pregnant, want to know how my family found out I was on methadone and was an addict? After I had my c-section the dr. gave me Nubain. I went into severe withdrawl and convuslsions with my mom and family at the end of my bed wondering what the hell was wrong w me. Well they found out and you know what I wish I had just told them from the beginning. They were a lot more understanding then I ever would have imagined! So you need help, get it. It is very hard to do it alone. You can do it and you should before you hit rock bottom!! Best of luck!!