Okay so I did something reallly stupid and i know i did an i feel terrible...
So heres the story. A year ago jan.. or dec. I was dating this guy and we had, had sex a couple times (always with a condom) One time when i came over he said to me : you came over, and your determind to not have sex huh?" I said ya, I dont want to have sex. And he persisted on trying to get me in the mood and tryed to take off my clothes and stuff, and i said no (said it a couple times) than i finaly just gave up and felt terrible, broke up with him and had avoided him until now, I went through a really hard time and felt like it was all my fault. And just blocked it out. One of my close freidns is now dating him, she called me up and asked to hang, so i got excited and went over, i didnt know he was goin to be there. and when i got there she just left! Left me alone with him and i felt so abandoned i couldnt belave she did it. He tryed kissing me and i turned away, i explained to him that i have a bf and nothing was going to happen between us. he still tryed and i was to afraid to just leave. and he started trying to put his hand down my pants and i stoped him, than he pined my hands to my side and continued trying.
i was almost in tears and the whole time i was just wishing i was with Aj. after trying for a like an hour he finaly geve up.. for a few.. but he kept trying all night (i spent the night) but nothing happend pass him trying. I felt just terrible and went home after he left. showered and still didnt feel clean. I just kept seeing him on top of my kissing me and stuff it was horrible. that happend like a week ago, im better now. When i sign online i sign in invisible so he wont talk to me, idk what happend but i signed on visible and he started talking to me and it was like the room just went black like no one else was around me and i got really scared again and i know it sounds stupid but wanted to run away from my computer. but i finaly got off. I dont wanna tell the police or anything up untill recently i didnt know it was rape the first time. .. I just need ppl to talk to. Sorry its so long