make him want u

There is a problem when a man chooses his hand over his wife who is willing to please him. If there is a lot on his mind then talk to him about it, be there for him.. that level of comfort will surely heighten his libido. If it is something else, then ask him why he would rather masturbate then make love to you.

Sometimes, a guy just wants to pull one off quickly before going to bed. He does not want to waste 15 minutes or so making love. Just get it over and done with. You should try to understand.

Now, as for him doing it in the bed where you might notice. I think he should find a more private place. Just the same, next time help him out. Do not get upset.

that would really bother me if i was you, i would probably not sleep in the same room as him or do somthing extreme like destroy all his porn right away, i'm not saying you should do this, it's just what i would do if my husband was watching porn.

If you are not happy with him watching porn and have confronted him about it, then he is cheating on you. You deserve the attention that the porn is getting, not the porn.

It needs to stop. Hiding the porn is lying to you and this lack of truthfulness will ruin your relationship. If he is doing this there could be other things that he is doing or more likely to do (nightclubs.) I speak of this as a person who has seen it happen. As his wife you have your rights and if he doesn't want to respect you in that way any more you are right to up and leave him for a while...

Having something on his mind is no excuse. You have things on your mind too. That is what husbands and wives do: they are there for each other and help each other resolve each other's problems, even if it is just to be able to blow off steam, not make new ones by bringing up things like this.

I'm sure that if you started doing something crazy like that he wouldn't be happy about it either. To you it means that you are not enough for him and that is very insulting. If my husband did porn, I'd leave him in a heartbeat with all my 6 kids.

i find that very sneaky obviously he aint happy my boyfriend was doing it i told his that if he was happy he wouldnt do it i hate the thought of him doing that over other girls......we really had a bust i really taka them things seriouse now everythings okay but you should make your point clear about it ..............................and tell him that if he was happy he would nt do it

im pretty sure my boyfriend has a porn addicition and i hate it. everytime he gets on the computer he feels the need to go to those sites and he stays on for hours. So i asked him to cut down and he gets upset. But if I'm standing right there most of the time he wont go to them unless he really thinks im not paying attention. everytime i leave the room he sneaks porn, and it really bashes my self esteem and he says thats a problem i have and it has nothing to do with him because me and porn are completely seperate. he has been looking at the same kind of porn for a long time and im nothing like those girls. so of course im going to feel unattractive to him in comparison. Once it even went as far as we were about to have sex and all he could do was complain abou this want to look at porn. We're not as intimate together when he looks at porn and this bothers me. But...before i met him i made a giant mistake and i told him about it. I had sex twice with a guy i knew for 2 days and we had a pretty wicked language barrier. so he constantly uses that against me in this argument though i see no correlation he apparently does. I even suggested taking pictures or taping us in the act so he would have somethign to look at but he flat out said no and that im not what he wants to look at when hes looking for this kind of stuff. I've asked him to slow down on the porn but it still hurts me and when i see it i just dont feel like beign close to him then he gets upset and we fight. So i asked him to stop completely....I mean its not like i deny him unless he looks at porn cuz i dont want to be with him like that when he is fantisizing about other women. So he said that him stopping is the only option other than ending the relationship but hes angry at me for it. I don't see the big deal, i dont think about other guys period i dont even look i completely have tunnel vision. But he just cant see the way i feel and refuses because of that mistake i made. I'm not sure how to get through to him

Yup, I agree that it's time for you to move on. Once a porn addiction starts, it usually doesn't stop, and your relationship is definitely not going to go anywhere.

All because you've made mistakes in your present or past doesn't give him the right to do whatever he wants and make things worse. "Two wrongs don't make a right".

my man is similar, but its only when i do not hav e sex with him. Ill find it on his hisrttory all over it crazy porn sites. i actually caught him once pleasing himself while i was asleep, once i woke up he came over and tried having sex with me. but is i am out of his site for a few hours or a day hes all over porn. i have asked a few guys the deal and they say its normal. as for him choosing porn over you thats something else. are you giving it up a lot? or reject him if so dont anymroe some men need it A LOT! and if you are willing to then check him hes got issues

i think that's funny... maybe i'm uninformed but i've never liked or have been interested in porn. i just thought it's funny he'll change the channel for you.

for what it's worth - i'm only in my first relationship, mid 20s, i think that there are different reasons that my man needed sex/blowjob etc. when the reason for it is, stress, my boyfriend never wanted to straight up make love (he's a little crazy) he wanted a blowjob or handjob or touch himself with me there. i don't know. it just gives me the impression that with all the times that a guy really "just needs to get off" (whether using porn or whatever) because life sucks and is stressful and when it's about just us it's really special and loving.

I think it's actually quite rude if a boyfriend does that while you're around. I mean boys will be boys but haven't they ever heard of being discreet. we have mobile phones that can connect to the internet these days. I know my partner has looked it up at times. And sometimes he goofs around with his mates when he's drunk and will hop on the net and have a look and have a laugh and thats ok. Who cares, thats life, he would never sit in our lounge by himself and watch it while i was around NO WAY! or in my bed THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Tell these guys to grow up and to show a little RESPECT! (or get help if it's necessary)

ok, i recently got married to a Marine and i went on his laptop to look up a snake he found in our yard.. trying to figure out whether to kill it or let it go... well when i looked in the history of his recently visited sites for that day it was weird stuff like cartoon porn and jetsons naked and 3D incest porn and all that.. i approached him about it and asked why he looked at it. he told me he was playing a game on the TV all day and he wasnt even on his computer. no one else was at our house, and it just doesnt get there all by itself. im not stupid. i know he lied to me... and i was at work when he did it. idk what to do about it. he used to watch porn alot until we moved in together.. what should i do? keep asking him about it or let it go?

Go to candeocan.com and learn about the scientific explanation of pornography addiction... He's not bad, perverted nor doomed to a life of sexual addiction... Women are so quick to hit the road because of a misunderstanding of this drug-like addiction... Take the tine to understand what his brain is going through and you WILL save and better your relationship...

do what he does and see what happens. go please yourself if hes not doing it... maybe it will bring you guys closer... new stuff can make the difference. as for him choosing it over you thats rediculous. but maybe when you catch him bring out a toy and say well then ill just do it myself if you dont want to.

Your partner cannot cheat on you with porn. That's just ridiculous. Is he making time with the Hard Drive? Developing feelings for the 1s and 0s? Porn serves male needs that cannot and must not be met in the relationship. You have an active fantasy life, don't criticise your husband because his comes with pictures.

1sadlady
I'm sorry things are rough for you and the husband. It sounds a lot like he's not communicating with you about problems he's having with the intimacy between you. The last thing you want to do is take a miscommunication and turn it into a fight. This obviously bothers you, but making it about you is only going to prevent you both from dealing with the situation. Sit him down and talk about this with him. Realize that he has needs that he feels are better met by porn and likely doesn't understand how that makes you feel. Suggest ways that you can be incorporated into his fantasy life or at least share in it.

Men look at p0rn. It satisfies curiosity and yes it can become addictive. Women often misunderstand and think that a man looking at p0rn means that he's somehow unsatisfied or that he's using it as a substitute for the woman he's with. I've been in perfectly happy relationships and still looked at p0rn, it wasn't because I felt my relationship was lacking. It was simple curiosity and in my case it wasn't a compulsion or an addiction.

That said, I have met women who's husbands were indeed addicted and collected p0rn in great volumes. I do not know if those men used it as a substitute for their partners. I have also met men who start out looking at fairly tame p0rn and then slowly escalate to ever more hardcore images. Obviously this isn't a good ting either. I cannot help but wonder if that escalation causes them to lose interest in their mate and pedestrian sex.

P0rn can be used in a healthy manner. It can give couples a spark of desire, it can also give ideas for bedroom activities. Sometimes it's even amusing!

What is it about this activity, in this case, that is a problem? Is it that he's being secretive? Is it that he's being evasive? Do you feel inadequate or replaced somehow? You've tried to restrict him to only watching it with you - why? Is he not allowed to masturbate either? Does he impose such restrictions on you?

It sounds like an open an honest conversation needs to take place. I'd start by dropping the confrontational aspect and by not labeling his explanations as "excuses". Talk to him honestly, don't corner him with accusation. Find out if there's something in the relationship that's not satisfying him. Watch some of what interests him with him, ask questions, try to get involved a little. Try to remove some of the stigma and perhaps he won't feel the need to be so secretive, maybe he will be more honest. Find out if there's some unfulfilled fantasy going on perhaps, discuss it openly without being judgmental.

Relationships are partnerships. Being confrontational and combative isn't going to make things better. If you're hurt by what's going on say so calmly, discuss it, find out what's going on without cornering him. If you corner him he will become defensive, he will lash out, he will retreat. You're partners and you don't want to do that to him anymore than you want him hiding things from you....

I hope that provides some insight. FWIW I don't find p0rn to be "evil" or unhealthy normally however I'd imagine those involved in the industry are probably a little messed up - not a job I'd want anymore than being a stripper! Given a choice I prefer something with a plot or completely amateur but different strokes for different folks obviously...

How long can you really be curious for....there just people, they pretty much look like ur girlfriend, you find then hot...and u find ur girlfriend hot? So why watch porn while she's sleeping? 'i've had that happen to me numerous times, and he says its because he's too tired to have sex.....He said he doesnt picture hiself having sex with them....In fact he said he doesnt even think of anything...that its just there...something to look at, but think nothing about...i still dont know if he fantisizes about having sex with other woman. I'll probably never know.

There are a lot of reasons men look at porn and none of them have to do with the similarities between porn starlets and their wives or girlfriends. Men have an instinctual need for variety as part of an archaic process that motivates them to spread genetic traits and improve herd survival. Men want to see women that are of different builds, hair colors and ethnicities than their partner. It's a good thing. It's how they process and deal with the urge to sleep with other women.

A lot of men also have desires that aren't compatible with a relationship. They are aroused by threesomes or piss play or other things that they don't think will work inside of the relationship. Porn allows them to exercise this desire without degrading the woman they love or damaging the trust in their relationship.

Women, porn is your friend. It is a window inside of your man and the reason you're not having twice as many fights in the bedroom. Be involved in his porn if he'll allow it just like any other interest he has. Making porn your enemy just creates more friction in your relationship than needs to be there.

I'm not sure men are completely hardwired to want to sleep with a variety of women although certainly men find many different women interesting and not just all of one sort only. I would put this in the same category with the assertion some men make that they just "have to have sex" or get off as if not having that experience will cause them pain or make them crazy - I kind of laugh when some men try to play off that kind of excuse. I will most certainly say that it's possible for a man who is in love with a woman deeply to get excited by some other woman - even if a relationship with that other woman would NEVER work out. Maybe that's the instinct Wolf is speaking of surfacing but if so I'd say it's also possible for women to experience it so it's not just men. Whatever the reason, men and some women do enjoy p0rn and it doesn't have to destroy a relationship.

As for watching while she's sleeping - probably because then she might not catch him. Because it's a moment of privacy and perhaps in the evening when you're wound down, a little sleepy, and maybe just a bit horny it's a good time to play? Men that are secretive about looking at this stuff are secretive because they are forced to be - because they have people around them that will judge harshly otherwise. Want men to be open about it? Then don't go nuts when it happens or you catch them! Act interested, tell him what you like, comment on attractive attributes of the actors, or just watch silently without acting angry or pissed off. You might be surprised to find that it's not a substitute after all and you might even find out interesting activities to try together - why not try?

As for curiosity - yeah we're curious! Women do NOT all look the same anymore than men do, not by a long shot. Some women's vaginal lips are thin, some thick, some pubic areas are hairy, some not (although 99% of p0rn is clean shaven it seems now!). Some nipples are large, some small, likewise breasts themselves. Some men are interested in what an Asian woman looks like naked, or an Indian woman, or whatever race\nationality they have never experienced but found attractive. Some men are interested in the vocalness\assertiveness of women in p0rn and some are just interested in different sex acts - perhaps acts you aren't interested in performing. The list of things a guy - or gal - might find interesting in p0rn is ENDLESS. There's plenty of variety out there, don't kid yourself.

I'm not 100% sure p0rn is every woman's friend but if more women would be a little more open minded, a little less judgmental, and maybe even look for some positives themselves there would be less friction about it. For some reason p0rn offends women as if somehow it's taking something away from them or they aren't "good enough" to hold their man's attention 100% and it's simply not true. I don't think most men look at p0rn as a substitute for their mate, not at all.

Where problems occur is when men become obsessed. Certainly chemicals are released when someone gets turned on and apparently it's possible to get hooked on this somehow. Whatever the reason some guys just get crazy and out of control - they just cannot help but want to watch MORE p0rn. That isn't me and I don't understand this behavior but when it does occur it is indeed trouble for the relationship. Perhaps if the men didn't have to be secretive about it in the first place, perhaps if they never got that thrill of being naughty hiding it this might end differently. I don't know, maybe some folks are just wired differently and cannot help it. If they weren't addicted to p0rn perhaps it would be some other compulsion - I truly do not have an answer. When we're not talking about those kinds of edge cases and are instead talking about more normal healthy people then no I don't think p0rn is a problem unless the partner turns it into one.