How Do I Get Out of Denial? bulemic, depressed for years Posted: 12-02-07 21:58pm
I am a middle-aged woman, a nurse, and
have had off and on bulimia for many
years. I have been in and out of
hospitals for the last 12 years for
depression and suicide attempts and am now
in DBT. They immediately started
treatment for the ed, which none of my
prior therapists ever addressed. I don't
have stomach or intestinal problems, no
tooth decay, no throat problems. I read
about the health problems, and I just
don't see myself in that picture.
I am able to discreetly b/p and thus feel
little shame over it. It's been hard to
stop, a lot because I don't really see the
need to. I do well for a while with no
b/p, then run into stress and give up. If
p feels so much better, it doesn't make
sense to me to stop.
How do I get to a place of caring whether
I quit or not?
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kellyowens
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Dec 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 12-11-07 10:16am
My heart goes out to you! I've been at
that place so often. I eventually do get
to a place where I start caring and
recovery does look appealing. I really
believe a time will come for you.
Has your therapist addressed this
denial/apathy specifically with you?
Like you, the apathy is there when my ed
is not affecting my physical health. It's
when it's "easy" and I'm getting the
results I want that recovery doesn't seem
necessary. I've spent most of the last 16
years in that frame of mind (called
denial).
Even if we're doing fine physically though
we usually come to a breaking point
mentally and emotionally. If your ed is
anything like mine it tends to escalate as
the stress/anxiety builds. Eventually
there's a cross-over and the ed starts to
add to the anxiety rather than be an
outlet for it. That's the point at which I
usually begin the process of reaching out
and getting help.
How do you feel the DBT is going for you?
Thinking of you (((hugs)))!
Love, Kelly
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gerlschaf
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 17
Posted: 12-11-07 21:17pm
Thanks for your thoughts. I don't know if
I've ever made the connection to the "ed
adding to the anxiety rather than an
outlet for it". I feel like I'm still
in the place of thinking more of it as a
relief (denial).
DBT is a tough program, very challenging,
tiring, but I've also had more "ah-ha"
moments about my thinking and beliefs with
this form of therapy than any other. It's
less coddling, definitely not for the
faint-hearted. It's sometimes referred to
as the end of the line treatment for
people with a variety of long-standing
psychiatric diagnoses.
I guess I'm just feeling a disconnect
between the mounting anxiety and the
resultant ed.
