My heart goes out to you! I've been at that place so often. I eventually do get to a place where I start caring and recovery does look appealing. I really believe a time will come for you.

Has your therapist addressed this denial/apathy specifically with you?

Like you, the apathy is there when my ed is not affecting my physical health. It's when it's "easy" and I'm getting the results I want that recovery doesn't seem necessary. I've spent most of the last 16 years in that frame of mind (called denial).

Even if we're doing fine physically though we usually come to a breaking point mentally and emotionally. If your ed is anything like mine it tends to escalate as the stress/anxiety builds. Eventually there's a cross-over and the ed starts to add to the anxiety rather than be an outlet for it. That's the point at which I usually begin the process of reaching out and getting help.

How do you feel the DBT is going for you?

Thinking of you (((hugs)))!

Love, Kelly

Thanks for your thoughts. I don't know if I've ever made the connection to the "ed adding to the anxiety rather than an outlet for it". I feel like I'm still in the place of thinking more of it as a relief (denial).

DBT is a tough program, very challenging, tiring, but I've also had more "ah-ha" moments about my thinking and beliefs with this form of therapy than any other. It's less coddling, definitely not for the faint-hearted. It's sometimes referred to as the end of the line treatment for people with a variety of long-standing psychiatric diagnoses.

I guess I'm just feeling a disconnect between the mounting anxiety and the resultant ed.

Thanks for your response! I feel less alone.