Hello.

First and foremost, my partner and I just ended a 4-month relationship together, on mutual grounds. Let me say that there was an age gap between us (he is 59, I am 30). He has had failing health, due to his condition (Diabetes and heart trouble), and due to this, alot of our romance has died. We were both very solid in the 4 months we spent together, and we are still good friends to this day.

He is also struggling with facing retirement from his job. Because of this, his future has a definite uncertainty, financially especially. This I feel I can believe him on, but there are other things that make me question about what he is being real about. I have been up front and honest with alot of things I went through in life, as he has as well, and to me, talking about these things togther has helped us cope with the past and move on with the future. However, there are things that I have seen recently which made me think otherwise.

He has told me that due to some breakout on his penis, he would want to spread that to me and that I should not share his bed. Knowing that diabetics have to be careful with sores and whatnot, I accepted this. I also accepted the fact that he has a certain anxiety with everything going on, and having me in the same bed when I spend the night only made things worse. This I accepted, and backed off... and I am still coping with the strong feelings that I have for him.

Recently, I saw that he posted a profile on a site that we both frequent, and that we met each other on. Due to a move that is about to take place for myself, which is closer to him, I was looking in the area to see about possibly dating guys in the area. I came across his profile. Now, with this site, there is a potential risk that one should not take if they are choosing to not be intimate with anyone, I did ask him about it. It turned into a full day of him being defensive, and saying that we probably should not be friends, and that it is his right to look for new friends, that he is not being sexual with anyone, etc.. I apologized, perhaps I approached the situation the wrong way. We are still friends, however, I noticed a change in him. He has bottled himself up more, and when online, he seems... dodgy. This was even before I questioned him about the profile.

Now, one thing I did not intend on doing was being his father in all of this, and not questioning what he is doing. He says that he wants to try and meet new people as friends that are retired and learning how they cope and everything. When I read into the profile, he lists that he is "attractive", and his physical stats... why would someone that wants to be friends with others list their stats, and also, his age is set 25-85. This to me doesn't sound right.

Perhaps I am over-thinking things too much. But at the same time, I care for him quite a bit, and do not want to see him get hurt. He has told me of past meetings with other men that went sour, and that is something he does not need at this time in my opinion. I also found a profile on a sister site to this one site where I originally found his profile, and that has him listed as wanting a date/relationship, on top of friends. And seems more dating-oriented, and to me, definitely not the place to try and look for friends.

I guess in a way I am not sure what to believe. This makes me think that there was something that I somehow did that brought our relationship to this. I am currently not looking to date other guys, due to some personal changes in my life (move, school, etc.), but if the man I used to love is telling me one thing, then I inadvertently find out that he is doing another thing, it makes me wonder what I did wrong. He always said for me to be real with him - I could only expect the same from someone that I have a relationship with.

Throughout the whole four months that we were involved, I never once questioned him, and was up front and honest, on top of real, with him. There was no questioning, actually, we did our thing. But now I see a definite change... and it bothers me to know that one story is told, but it may not be the real story.

I don't like having my feelings played like this. I did truly love him, and would do anything for him. But the moment I am lied to, and hurt, I honestly begin to think otherwise.

Just wanted to hear some thoughts on what I just wrote. I am just not sure what to think anymore.

EDIT for left out information
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When we were transitioning from the intimate relationship to a friendship, it was very emotional for both of us. We both felt very defeated in the fact that we have to step back from the relationship, and he wants me to find someone new. When I see him be very emotional about us breaking up, and the fact that he can not be sexual with anyone, this I can believe, as he struggles day-to-day with health issues. This is the major point as to why he chose to retire now.

I guess in a way, I hope he is doing the right thing for himself. However, I just know there are other mediums to try and relate to others that are struggling with what he is going through, and on a site that is primarily for dating and sexual encounters, I don't feel is the right medium.