Trust Or Move On - Please Help Posted: 12-01-07 05:59am
Please HELP, I lost an ability see things
clearly
I have been with this guy for 17 months.
We have had a lot of ups and down and
split up about 30 times but then got back
together. It is usually the same scenario,
he acts disrespectfully or find out that
he lied, I leave, he chases for days,
sends me numerous emails and texts begging
to give him another chance. Stands outside
of my house, sends me little gifts and
then I give in thinking that may be this
time it would be different.
A couple of weeks ago I met another guy
and went on a date. I found this guy
really interesting and had a really good
time. My ex-boyfriend found out about it
and begged to come back. He asked me move
in with him and contacted my parents. I
eventually gave in again. But 3 days later
I found out that he lied again. He was
invited to a party and never told me about
it, even though all his friends invited
their girlfriends. He just said he was
going out with his brother. I found out by
accident about the party and asked if he
was going but he lied and said no. Cut the
story short - I left and moved out. Now he
is asking me to marry him and begging for
forgivenes as says he feels foolish and
regrets what he's done.
Please help with your thoughts as I have
lost an ability to see clearly!
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jawjen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 9
Same Response, Same Results Posted: 12-01-07 07:19am
Hi there
my sympathies to you, because I know all
too well what it means not to seee clearly
and be all shook up about it.
But let me tell you something, which has
helped me once when it was told to me and
which is very true -- the same causes
produce the same effects, let me give you
an example. A short while ago I was
visiting an aquarium with my family and my
attention was drawn by a tortoise which
was swimming gracefully in a large basin.
What surprised me was that each time the
tortoise passed in front of a particular
point in the basin it banged it's head and
front feet against the glass. This never
seemed to hurt it particularly but it
always seemed a little surprised at the
impact. As a matter of fact the tortoise
endlessly repeated exactly the same
actions at each new tour of the basin
without really realizing what it was
doing. Think about your own situation and
how many times you have reacted in the
same way - knowing how it would turn out -
and then being surprised about it. And
each time you get a reaction which you
don't like. You know what I am talking
about, it is difficult to hope for a
different reaction by always acting in
exactly the same manner.
so ... either : put all your trust issues
aside -- which isn't going to be easy
because you and your man will have to sit
down and TALK about them first, very very
openly, and not only once, but often.
Or: you leave for good and don't do the
same thing of returning when he comes
begging.
Either which of the above ways you choose,
the main important thing is that you will
NOT DO THE SAME THING over and over again,
expecting a DIFFERENT result each time you
do the same thing. If that makes sense to
you ...
good luck. I am living through something
similar regarding a decision! we're all in
this together (another good point to
remember, because as long as you're
INVOLVED with another, you're PART of the
problem but you BOTH can be PART of the
solution also!)
j
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Marisha
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2007 Posts: 2
Reply: Same Response, Same Results Posted: 12-01-07 07:32am
Thank you very much for your reply.
I think you have a good point..I am basing
my responses on the films and stories that
I have heard. She leaves, he runs after
her, she resists, he begs and proves
himself, she returns and they jiv happily
ever after.
I am going to communicate honestly from
now on, as I really need to start living
and not waiting..
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jawjen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 9
:) Posted: 12-01-07 11:01am
exactly! I know it's sometimes easier said
than done, but once you start it's
actually pretty easy -- simply because
it's the truth, and the truth sets us free
there's so much stuff floating around on
TV that can really make us think that we
can live in this fantasy world, but
sometimes we just have to get real.
Otherwise we get confused indeed. yes ....
living ... that's what it's all about
