Dealing with death of mother - how to cope?

Hun, Don't give up. This is a change in your life that is emotionally mixed feelings of sadness and some good times. Do the best for yourself and your girls and with time passing you will feel better. When you get on a positive path the sun shines brighter...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know how hard of a time it is right now. I lost my husband this year to sucide.I had alway's heard people talking about time healing all things. I didn't understand what they were saying, till now. Time does heal all thing's. You never forget, but there will be a day when you wake up and it won't hurt as much and you will remember all the good time's without crying.Remember you have 3 beautiful girl's that still need you and love you very much. Everyone griefs in there own way and time. There are 5 steps and they don't all go in this order. Denial Anger,Barginging with God,Depression, and Acceptance. You can also go to the funeral home and they have litature for free that you can read , they can also give you names and numbers to supports groups. Again I'm sorry for you loss and if you would like to reply please feel free to do so.

Tabatha,
My condolenses to you and your family. I do understand where your coming from. I lost my mother November 5, 2007 and it was the hardest thing I've been through. I am mother of 2 children and they really loved their grandmother. Like Kymm has mentioned, it's going to take time to heal. I really miss her, the other day I found her jacket that she wore last and when I smelled it, I just held it and cried like a lil girl. I held it like I was holding her. I have to remind myself that my mother was truely a wonderful women and taught me a lot. Just remember that she's not forgotten her spirit lives on, cherish what she's left behind and that's a beautiful daughter. You're so important, not only to yourself, but to your family. You really mean a lot to your love ones. Also take time for yourself as well. I was finding myself just feeling so depressed and saying to myself "what if", but I had to learn how to let that go. I had to clean out my mother's apartment, a place that she lived in for forty years, yes 40. In doing that I cried, but I had a lot of laughter as well. You are in my prayers sis and if you need someone to talk to, pm me. Be blessed, TColeman

I'm so sorry 2 hear about your mom.. i lost a cuzn in a head on collision in Nov. people say it gets better with time and it has, not much a little. Look at the 3 beautiful little girls u have and let them be your joy cause if anything was to happen to you their little hearts would be as empty as yours is now. if you need to go get on Anti depressants, i'm not saying its good for everyone, i did. It helped me cope a bit better. I couldn't even see my cousins son that survived the accident cause he reminded me of her. My cousin was only 20. It gets better slowly but it does.. Just know that their are many more people who love and care 4 you..

I really can't answer this one. My mom is dying of late stage lung cancer and I myself am not sure how I am going to deal with it. Be strong!

Sorry to hear about your mom hun,

Tabatha1, life have to go on hun, cherish her in your memories love her in your heart care for your 3 wonderful children as they will be the sunshine in your life from this day onwards. Love Hart74

I see my GP tomorrow and am going to mention it. I am already on every med you can think of. My mom say her third greatgrandchild for the first time today. Daniel is three days old. That is why I am taking a LOA from my duties on the board. I am in no shape to help anyone right now. I just wiah we could get her out of the pain she is in. Hospice is still working on it. The Oxy is not even lasting her 6 hours now. I think the end is near.
Love ya lonetarguy,
Carol

I'm going through the throws of dealing with grief after losing my mom from pancreatic cancer on Feb 23, 2008. It's been incredibly difficult considering she looked and seemed to be in perfect health. In fact, we celebrated her 70th bday in November with a great dinner party. My siblings and I treated my parents to a 5 star trip to Madrid...something that she always wanted. We were completely unprepared, when out of nowhere, while on another vacation this year (Jan 2008) in S. America she became ill and was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

After flying my parents back from S. America and having additional med tests done in NYC; the results were still the same. The worst part of the loss was the speed of her death. My mother died 12 days after arriving back home in NY. One minute I'm picking her up from the airport, the next I'm wheeling her into the emergency room, the next feeding her ice chips and massaging her feet because she was too weak to drink. It was awful to see her under those circumstances and to feel the intense emotions of helplessness. All I wanted to do was to find a way to make my mom get better. We did all the right things.... the best doctors, the best hospital, the best care....but the disease was too advanced and nothing helped. I feel horrible and completely in pain that one day she was alive and chatting, and the next she was being intubated. I knew that when that happened I would never hear her voice again. God it was awful to realize that! To think that the voice which you heard all your life would be extinguished is really difficult to bear. I honestly don't know how I'm coping with all of these feelings. Thank God for my therapist and now hopefully this site!!!

I'm a 39 year old male and I have never experienced such sorrow, anger, pain, despair, etc. I had no idea that I would react this way to my moms death. Luckily my friends, siblings and therapist have helped me deal with all of the feelings that come with such a tragic and speedy loss.

AR

I know how you all feel,I lost my Mom October 16,2007 to Lymphoma Cancer. I loved her so much, and life without her is so lonesome. I remember her words to me the day before she died, she told me she would call me. Every time my phone rings I think it is my Mom. We all love our Mom's and never want to let go. I was kissing my Mom's cheek when she took her last breath. Now that hurt's! I am 50 years old but I feel like a little lost girl with out my Mom. The pain has eased some,I still cry every night and I pray.In my prayer's I talk to my Mom,I know she hears me and I know some day I will be with her again.I have a daughter and a son who loves me and needs me very much,and that makes me smile,and I have three grandchildren who loves me also.Now that is something to want to live for.I heard a saying once;live every day like it's your last.

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mom March 26th 1999 from kidney failure (a complication from diabetes). She had just turned 46 years old 2 mos. before she died.Her death was so sudden. From the time of diagnosis of Chronic Kidney Failure until her death was less than 15 mos. She never even got to start dialysis. We thought that we would have alot of time.The last time that I saw my mom was on Mar.25th around 11:15 p.m.(she watched my two sons,then ages 5 and 3 while my husband and I worked 2nd shift) we went and picked up the kids after work and I told my mom that I was really tired from work and probably wouldn't call her that night when I got home,but that I would come over early the next day before work and visit with her more,and she said okay.I knew something was wrong the next morning when she didn't call my 5 yr. old to tell him to have a good day at school. I went over before I took my son to school and my son found her in her bed,she had passed away in her sleep the night before,the coroner said that she held on just long enough for me to pick up my kids and say goodbye to me.And you have to understand I am an only child and my parents were divorced.This was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.I blamed myself for along time because that was the one and only night that I didn't call her before I went to bed,I felt like if I would have called I could have done something.But I realize now that God took my mother for many reasons, one being that she always said "I hope God takes me before I have to start dialysis,I hear it's very painful." And he heard her request because he took her 4 days before she was due to start dialysis. Also my 5 yr. old son(the one that found her) got sick about 3 mos. after mom died and I kept taking him to his Dr. and different E.R. Dr's and thay kept saying that it was just a flu with no fever. In Aug.my mom came to me in my dreams and told me that I needed to watch my son otherwise he was going to be taken from me,and I asked her what she was talking about and she told me that she wasn't sure but he either had a brain tumor or a tumor on his spinal cord and if not watched it would turn to a stage 4 cancer and he would be taken from me(die).When I took him to the E.R. again I told the Dr.about my dream (he knew my mom for yrs.) he did a CT scan just to ease my mind,and that's when they found that my son had a brain tumor on the left side of his brain about 2-3 inches in diameter!! I dropped to my knees in the hospital and cried because I knew mom wouldn't lie to me.My son has had brain cancer twice but has been cancer free since 2000.I would have never known if it hadn't been for mom coming back to me.
I'm not going to say that it is ever EASY but it does get easier as time goes by. I still miss my mom terribly!! But I also know that now she is better off,she's no longer in a wheelchair,she's able to walk and I know that she is always there watching over our family!! She's our Guardian Angel. Sorry about my long response but I had to tell my story.Anyone feel free to PM me if you want to talk,I'm here if needed.And you all are in my thoughts and prayers.God Bless You All!!!

CarolDiane, my mom died of lung cancer too. i remember being in the position youre in right now, my mother was on hospice and all we could do was wait for it to happen. it is an awful situation to be in and im sorry you have to deal with it.
My mother died when i was 17. It was very hard to get through. I was kind of a sheltered kid and i was really close to her. i dont know how to explain how i got through it. i just, did. She is gone but you will see that time still goes on-- life doesnt stop. That is really depressing and at the same time comforting. it is hard to get over, it really is. I remember her crying over my grandmothers death even years after she died. The best thing you can do is talk about it alot and know that she is still there with you. i dont know if you are religious but dealing with her passing has made me more religious. the only thing that made me feel better at first was thinking that she was in a better place. not married to my father anymore (who was a lousy husband and father, she only stayed with him for me and my brother but thats a WHOLE different story), and shes not in pain anymore. i also believe that she is still with me. i have had some pretty crazy things happen to me since she died and when they did i felt her there.

2 years and i still stop sometimes and i just cannot believe that she is not here. it will take a lot of time but just remember that she is still there with you. hopefully you will be as fortunate as i am to know that she is still there with me when i need her.

i am so sorry you have to deal with this but i know things will be ok! your kids will understand that you are sad and they will know espeacially as they get older that your actions now are due to the pain that you are in.

I want to thank those above for your posts and heartfealt words. I know I am not alone. Your stories although sad, have much streangh and wisdom in them and I know after reading them, I also will find that streangh and wisdom to deal with what is ahead.
Her pain right now is holding under the medication pretty well. It is the day that she can't do anything for herself anymore that I dread. Even though being in the hopsital setting for so many years and being a caregiver an emergency response team member, it is not the same is being one of your own.

i lost my mum, november 2007 i was 17 at the time had her buried 18th of december 1 day before my 18th birthday.......i no alot of ppl say time is a healer yes it probly is........but we r tlkin about the here and now....i was not tlkin to my mum a month before she passed because alot was goin on....i feel so guilty now because she passed away from a brain aneyrysm so it happened so fast i didnt get to tell her how much she ment to me....your 3 girls are so lucky to have u and u have to think about what ur mum would of wanted for u she wouldnt want u to think that they are better without u she would want u to bring them up in a loving way and let them no u love them everyday....need to tlk im here i no its nice to get things of ur chest i hope this helped a little
let me no how u get on
danielle
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