Medical Questions > Relationships > Grief and Loss Forum

Dealing with death of mother - how to cope? (Page 1)

well my mother died 3 weeks ago suddenly and i woke up the next day i dont know what to do i hate feeling like this plus i have 3 beautiful girls i love them but im in the mind set that maybe thier better off with out me what can i do i need to do something i would appericate any advice on how to deal with this
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First Helper RejuveNATION
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Users who thank tabatha1 for this post: katyt1234  katyt1234 

replied November 30th, 2007
Sorry to Hear About Your Mom.
Hun, Don't give up. This is a change in your life that is emotionally mixed feelings of sadness and some good times. Do the best for yourself and your girls and with time passing you will feel better. When you get on a positive path the sun shines brighter...
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Users who thank RejuveNATION for this post: alicat77 

replied June 27th, 2012
I am so sorry hun, I lost my mom january 17 2012, I miss her so much sometimes, I cant stand it, I can be ok for weeks and then one memory of her and im in tears and the longing for her is so heart wrenching,How can somehting as natural as death be so hard to deal with? My mom was 81 years old, she was so sick, I knew she wouldnt live forever, but it still does not make it right, Your mom was so young, I wish I could tell you its gonna be ok, but it wont be ok, your gonna miss her for the rest of your life, your gonna live your life, and your gonna raise your daughters, but there's always gonna be that pain, I hope you have a good support system, I had to finally go to the doctor and he put me on medication, Your little girls are the most important thing to you, love them, and be there for them, someday they will be going through this same thing, I will remember you in my prayers, I feel your suffering God Bless you my dear...
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replied September 15th, 2012
Grieving for my Mom
Noriemae, this is happening to me also. I lost Mom to Ovarian Cancer 5/11/2012, and I thought I was doing ok. I have put all me of into my work, so weekends are a challenge to me.

I'm on the maximum of Cymbalta, and at times remembering something she said, actually dialing her number to tell her something, will throw me into a period of crying I can't seem to make go away. I am sorry for your loss.
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replied September 19th, 2012
I too still suffer daily with the pain of losing my mom who passed away February 2012. Though I go through the motions every day at work, at home, mentally, I feel a disconnect. My mother was such a permanent fixture in my life that I am having to try and reevaluate my life. I have a husband, children, grandchildren, siblings....that all sounds so complete, but the loss of my mother has left me empty. Everyone says I should go and talk to someone. I ask why???? Will it bring her back??????
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replied December 5th, 2012
Remember the good memories about mom...I love and miss you mom..
I know what you mean. My loss my mother 3 weeks ago to an unexpected heart attack. I try to think that she is still here with us in heaven to deal with the pain but at times, I will cry when I remember something about her. I went to Target and remember all the times we would go together has an adult now and when I was a child, all those good memories bring tears to my eyes. I like to remember the good memories about her. I can create a place in my heart for her and she is still here with us from above.
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replied January 4th, 2013
both me and my brother are suffering acute loss at the death of our Mom suddenly in July 2012 after only a week ill with pneumonia and then our Dad died exactly sixteen weeks later also of pneumonia. My brother is unmarried and lived at home with Mom and Dad and suddenly he is living alone, we were all Very close, I live next door and did not work so spent my days with mom and dad, taking them out and being with them. Mom was our best friend and always helped us with problems and decisions. My children are 22 and 19 and also miss them terribly as they say Grandma was like another Mom to them. We are finding it difficult to know what to do. What do i do all day now I dont have mom to talk to? What is the point of doing anything at all? I do my housework on autopilot but really want to just stay in bed. I have no friends. Mom and Dad were all we needed. What is the poinh of bothering with anything now?
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replied September 22nd, 2012
Hey dcartier, I am sorry for your loss, really. Today its been 4 weeks. Four saturdays ago was the worst day of my life as well of my siblings.
I tottaly relate to you on the matter of weekends. I was a mess today, and cried a lot. I feel really terrible and miss Mom so so so much. I realized very quickly that this pain will remain with me for ever. We the childrem will have to learn how to deal with this feeling, that's all.
I dont know your personal situation, as far as family, it would help if you could be around other family who are feeling the same. Myself I dont have such privilage, i am waiting for my visa to go back home to the USA. I have a mother in law who does not let me have contact with my daughter.
I never thought Mom was going to go so soon, and I was fighting to go Home and take care of her, and get her better. I never thought we would loose her so quickly, really. She had lymphoma, she was seventy four, and I will love her every day of my life.
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replied October 11th, 2012
dcartier, I was surprised when you mentioned that your mother died on 5/11/12 because my mother also passed away on the exact day. She had pre-leukemia and her immune system was not strong enough, therefore she died of a lung infection but leukemia would have gotten to her either way...unfortunately, I never got the chance to say goodbye to her, nor was I there when she had passed away... I was just minutes away from her. Somehow life has a way to help people cope with a pass of a love one but unfortunately no matter how busy our lives get, we still have those moment of where we think and misses them and uncontrollable sadness and tears overwhelm us. But I can't forget the last moment when I saw her, the days I spent with her during her last days. I regret a lot of what I didn't tell her and the days and moments I wasn't with her. I couldn't forget and I won't forget the last moment I saw her. I'm sorry for your loss. Holidays will be hard. But stay strong and remember of the good memories you had with the person. It's all in good hand.
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replied December 22nd, 2012
Ovarian cancer
Thinking of you. I lost my mam to ovarian cancer too on the 14/2/12. It was sudden and three weeks in hospital before she was taken. She was suffering with pains at home and after spending a weekend with her I persuaded her to go to hospital. The guilt I feel is it was my fault she died. Maybe if she had of stayed home she would still be here. I know this is silly and I know she got the best care but sometimes I feel why was she taken. It is a horrible disease with no warning and she like your mam did not deserve this. Days go by and I'm fine but now with 3 days to Xmas I am not doing well. I have children of my own and it's not fair to them to see their mother cry at such a happy time. Just writing this I am telling myself to stop and celebrate my mams life this Xmas knowing she will be with me in spirit. I miss her so much but what I try to remember is I had to say goodbye to one amazing person that has been with me through everything. She had to say goodbye to everyone. She would not want me miserable so today I am going to be strong just like her and be the best mother I can just like she was to me and your mam was to you. Be proud of who you are and be proud of your mam. That's the way it should be. Live for them the way they thought us. Life is too short and can be taken in a heart beat. I will think of you and know I am not alone and maybe they are somewhere chatting together and smiling down. Be strong and know they are with us as best they can. Take care
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replied December 3rd, 2007
Experienced User
It Does Get Better
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know how hard of a time it is right now. I lost my husband this year to sucide.I had alway's heard people talking about time healing all things. I didn't understand what they were saying, till now. Time does heal all thing's. You never forget, but there will be a day when you wake up and it won't hurt as much and you will remember all the good time's without crying.Remember you have 3 beautiful girl's that still need you and love you very much. Everyone griefs in there own way and time. There are 5 steps and they don't all go in this order. Denial Anger,Barginging with God,Depression, and Acceptance. You can also go to the funeral home and they have litature for free that you can read , they can also give you names and numbers to supports groups. Again I'm sorry for you loss and if you would like to reply please feel free to do so.
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Users who thank kymm for this post: Fairy Godmother 

replied December 11th, 2011
It has now been just about a year. Today has been the most painful day. I know last year at this time that this was Momma's last Sunday. Pancreatic Cancer!! My heart literally hearts.
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replied April 2nd, 2012
I so feel for you..i lost my mom 1,5 year ago from pancreatic cancer too...I cannot explain the pain i feel. It feels like i have lost my half self. i dont know if this helps but keep in mind that she is always by your side even though you cant see her. Thats what i say to myself. Just know that you are not alone in this...
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replied May 10th, 2012
I have only lost grandparents and aunts/uncles but loosing one of my uncles was especially painful. He was like another father to me, and he was, even though he lived in Australia (I'm in the UK but he visited all the time, we visited too. spoke on phone and texted each other daily)other than my father and mother the most important person in my life. It hurt bad for months. Still pains me to this day and i'm 3 years on. i'm sure it is not as bad as loosing a mother, but I really want to let you know you CAN beat this. I have found that having a dark sense of humour + the fact that I know I still have people that love me and that I love. You have 3 daughters man, cherish them and make them your world. x
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replied July 31st, 2012
I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer Sept 1990 and she was my best friend. I love her dearly still and it only began to get easier when I chose to allow the sadness and anger that she left me out. Be strong and love yourself, she will always remain with you and much better so when you remember the best times and the little things.
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replied July 31st, 2012
I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer Sept 1990 and she was my best friend. I love her dearly still and it only began to get easier when I chose to allow the sadness and anger that she left me out. Be strong and love yourself, she will always remain with you and much better so when you remember the best times and the little things.
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replied July 18th, 2012
PL34
I am sorry about your mom. I just lost my mom to pancreatic cancer, on her 57th birthday.I took a leave of absence from work to take care of her before she ended up in the hospice. After that I spent every moment at the hospice with her until she passed. She was my best friend and now I am lost without her. I cry everyday on my way to work because I know she won't be calling me, there are days I am ok then something will set me off. People say it will get easier but I can't stop thinking about how different she was near the end, and how unfair it was to be taken so young.
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replied August 17th, 2012
I just wanted you to know i how you are feeling,i lost my mum on the 13th july 3 months to the day after being told she had terminal cancer. I too took leave off work to look after mum and to help dad out. I`m so glad i did that but the hardest part is coming to terms that i will never see or hear her voice again.
People say time is a healer,but at the moment all i want is my mum.
I do hope that you are coping at least you can say you where there for your mum when she needed you and she must be so proud of you.xx
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replied January 26th, 2008
Reply to tabatha1
Tabatha,
My condolenses to you and your family. I do understand where your coming from. I lost my mother November 5, 2007 and it was the hardest thing I've been through. I am mother of 2 children and they really loved their grandmother. Like Kymm has mentioned, it's going to take time to heal. I really miss her, the other day I found her jacket that she wore last and when I smelled it, I just held it and cried like a lil girl. I held it like I was holding her. I have to remind myself that my mother was truely a wonderful women and taught me a lot. Just remember that she's not forgotten her spirit lives on, cherish what she's left behind and that's a beautiful daughter. You're so important, not only to yourself, but to your family. You really mean a lot to your love ones. Also take time for yourself as well. I was finding myself just feeling so depressed and saying to myself "what if", but I had to learn how to let that go. I had to clean out my mother's apartment, a place that she lived in for forty years, yes 40. In doing that I cried, but I had a lot of laughter as well. You are in my prayers sis and if you need someone to talk to, pm me. Be blessed, TColeman
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Users who thank TColeman for this post: lovemymom  flojo259 

replied July 19th, 2011
lost my mother on 4th of july 2011. At first I was at state of denial, was thinking that it was mistake and she is still living, even when I saw her on my own I did't recognised her, but after my brother-in-law went to see her in casket, he confirmed.

Then came an anger, was blaming my father for her death, since then I don't talk or see him.
I look at her photos everyday and I am crying internally, with no tears and thinking, what could be done to prevent her death.

And now writing this post to help myself, to move on.
P.S.Sorry for you loss. I saw dead people before but was never emotionally attached to them, but now I can feel the pain, sadness.
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replied July 28th, 2011
I'm truly sorry to hear about your loss. I too just lost my mom July 7th, 2011 from lung cancer. It has been three weeks today, and today would have been her 72nd birthday.

May 25th she went in to see why she was having troubles breathing, and that same day was one of our worse nightmares. She was diagnosed with lung cancer. Six weeks and 1 day is all we had with her. We had to call hospice in and to watch her dye slowly and suffer with pain was extrememly hard. Hopsice gave us a lot of meds to help keep her from being in a lot of pain but then she slept most of the time and we had to take 24/7 care of her.

Emotions change daily, hourly and even w/in minutes. Angry, hurt, lonely are only a few of what I feel.

I wish I knew what to tell you to help you. The one thing that helps me is I know I will go to heaven some day and I will see her again. Praying for strength and comfort helps me too.

We all move on, day by day, step by step. People tell me to cry and let it out. I'm tired of crying but at the same time I know I need to let it out. I've been so focused on my dad that I'm not giving myself time to totally grieve, but how do I, we almost lost my dad the night she passed he had a heart attack, we are lucky he is still here.

I am truly sorry for everyone's loss, life definitely isn't a bowl of peaches right now.
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replied July 31st, 2011
your mom's passing of lung cancer
thank you for this post..I am exactly in the same place that you are right now. My mom was having breathing problems and after three years of battling melanoma, she has an advance lung cancer. They transferred her to a nursing home for hospice a few weeks ago and I'm about 4 hours away in another city. She has six children, of which I am the youngest. I don't know what the point is of joining the crowd there if she can't even tell I am there. Having a lot of wobbly moments as well. She just turned 79 July 3rd. I'm so sorry for your loss..if you have any advice, I would be grateful.
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replied July 31st, 2011
Jaderabbit thank you! I'm am the youngest of five and yes we were all there and it does seem to be a bit much but I have no regrets. I was close to my mom even though for a good portion of my live we lived so far away. I wouldn't change a thing about being by her bedside. With my mom we took care of her till the end and had to give her a lot of morphine for the pain (cancer spread quickly through her body). She too had a very difficult time breathing, the day before she passed I would watch her breathe and between every breath would be anywhere between 12 and 15 seconds, so it was hard to watch. If you are close to your mom at all be there if you are able, she is more aware of whats going on then you think or at least my mom was. My mom told my husband the night before she passed "to make sure to take care of her". She seemed to be sleeping a lot but she wasn't. What ever you do make sure that you wont have any regrets when she does pass. I hope that this has helped, if you have any other questions please ask. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
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replied September 21st, 2011
Sorry for your loss. My mom died of breast cancer last November 2009 at the age of 58 and then 5 months later my father of pancreatic cancer at the age 58 also. I was really devastated and all i can do is to blame everybody for my loss. Almost 2 years has gone by the feeling of emptiness and loneliness are still in my heart. But i know i need to be strong for myself and my sister. So no matter how hard it is, i just pray for guidance and help from the above. And i know, they are happy wherever they are right now.
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replied September 30th, 2011
sorry for your loss guys-i too lost my mom this year, on june 9th. she was 56 and went into hospital dehydrated and generally unwell. she was rushed to intensive care a week later in the middle of the night and died a day later. the hardest thing was not saying goodbye. even though we were with her throughout her final hours it was not a proper goodbye. the grief comes and goes, although married i am an only child and the things that hit hard are the isolation and the random points during a day when i actually realise i will never see her again. truly a life changing experiance for us all.
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replied November 4th, 2011
To all of you please accept my sympathy. I too lost my mother because of COPD 2/22/11. I went to the nursing home everyday for 4 years. She had frequent hospital stays because of breathing difficulties. When it was getting close to the end I feel too that I did not have a proper goodbye. She seemed so well in the morning and I had been up all night so I told my mother I was going home to get some sleep and I would be back in 2 hrs. She held out her hand to me and I said don't worry I will be back soon. Exactly 2 hrs passed and I went back to the nursing home where I found her getting much worse. She was sort of in a twilight sleep. She did not respond to me. I am ridden with guilt because I didn't stay those 2 hrs. All the times I had been there for her everyday. I was there when she passed but I just feel I did not have a proper goodbye. I cry every night because of losing my best friend and not having a chance to say our goodbyes. I loved her so much and I hope she forgives me.
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Users who thank BESTMOM2 for this post: mben 

replied November 27th, 2011
LostwithoutmyMOM
I really did not knw that it was so many people out here with the same story, I lost my mom my best friend december 14,2006 , and that was the worst day of my life. I went to the nursin hm everyday, and I was there till she past away, I am just sad that I did no say good bye the way I wanted to, I guess there is nt a right way, I miss her so much, and I wish she was here,, christmas is not the same anynore and my life is so foggy,, I have no brothers or sisters and the rest of my family have just went on with there life I just wish it was easier,, lost without my MOM
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replied December 14th, 2011
Hello I lost my mom on November 3, 2011. I feel like I am just going through the motions of living . I am an only child with a wonderful husband and 2 great kids. I was so close to my mother. I have no regrets but i feel so empty. I am trying to be thankful that i have great memories with her but this is the worst feeling in the world. I dread Christmas that was her holiday- she always did it up big. my life will never be the same .
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replied January 20th, 2012
Hi I can totally relate to you. I just lost my mom, my best friend to cancer on November 18, 2011. Even though she was sick for awhile and I know she is no longer in pain I am lost and empty and am going through the motions of living. I am married with two kids also but am unemployed with no prospects out there and every day is always the same, I cry and am sad and depressed. The holidays were awful and I agree, our lives will never be the same. I am tired of hearing people say oh it will get better it just takes time. I am having trouble believing that. I don't think it will even get better, and yes, this is the worst feeling in the world. If you would like to talk please feel free to contact me. Nothing seems to be helping me even going to a bereavement group at church. Maybe talking to someone who experienced this recently as I have will help.
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replied January 26th, 2012
Hi rush 2112. I lost my mother on dec. 11 2011 to breast cancer that spread to her bones and then liver. My sister and I cared for her the last five weeks of her life. watching her take her last breath and suffer was the hardest thing i ever had to watch. I feel the same emontions as you. the holidays were awful. you have to think of the positive times with your mom. my sister and i talk about this past summer we spent every weekend with mom at her house. I to feel like you go through the motions and people who have never lost a parent have no idea what you are going through. Try to look and the good your mom did in the world. The people she might have touched. I am sure you see your two children have traits of you and your mother. live through them. I have had no closure with my mom it is the one thing I can not understand. She knew she was dying and never talked about it. I hope you find peace
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replied January 30th, 2012
My mother also died November of 2011. She was diabetic and had heart and lung problems. I could cry when ever I think of her I miss her so much.Anytime something is going on in my life I pick up the phone to call her, but now I can't. The holidays were horrible for me. I hate going to my parents home and not seeing her there. I still need my mom. I pulled pictures out and framed them around my house, I have a picture of her on my phone. I even have a file on my computer of her photos. I know your pain.
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replied April 9th, 2012
mother
I sorry for your loss I lost my mom in Nov its the hardest thing in the world . I miss her everyday she was my bestfriend I'm truly heartbroken ..n
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replied April 10th, 2012
Thank you for sharing your thoughts....my precious little Mother passed away on 11th February 2012 and I too have reacted in the same way as you.....I feel totally lost without her....my heart is broken
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replied September 9th, 2012
hi sadme66
funny, i do the exact same things. i even make sure every time i get out of the house, i have something of hers to remind me of her. i also keep a picture of her on my phone and carry lots of happy pictures of her with me. i cry when i see people with their moms.
just be sure there's so many of us in this and although i am not sure it gets easier, im sure God is ALWAYS close by. take heart sunshine.
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replied February 7th, 2012
Hi my name is Sally I lost my mother 3 weeks ago she died
14th Jan 2012, I am heartbroken and feel so lost, I don;t know what to do, would love to talk
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replied February 17th, 2012
I just lost my mother February 1, 2012. As I sit here at work crying because I miss her so much, I try to figure out how to move on. She didn't know this was coming even though she was battling cancer. We didn't know it was this severe. It's not fair, but it's not fair for any of us. I have found that I hate the word "time". It's all everyone seems to say give it time, in time it will all be okay, take it one day at a time.....It's not settled in my heart that my mom is a peace. I pray everyday for a sign that she is at peace. It was up to her five children to make sure everything went well with her, and I feel we let her down when it came to her life. Will she ever foregive us....it just wasn't suppose to be like this....how did I get here
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replied February 24th, 2012
I lost my mom feburary 15,2012. She had ovarian cancer but I had no clue that it was this bad. I am the only girl and my mom will not see me get married or have kids ..... I am so angry I am only 32..
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replied March 19th, 2012
mother
Hi,my mother is at her last breath. She has suffered two strokes and her body cannot cope.
I feel for you and the comment you make that you never got married and had kids.Like you i am the only daughter My biggest issue right now,is that she will never experience the kids i wish to have and the man i wish to marry.I am also in my thirties and it feels far to early to have to loose your mother.Like you i am angry at life and cannot stop thinking how unfair this is.I feel for you and am very scared how i will be able to cope with this pain....
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Users who thank sweetsanna for this post: mben 

replied April 1st, 2012
Mother
Hi sweetsanna,

Loosing a mother is I think the most painful process children could ever experience especially if they have closely lived and developed good relationship with her.

I too lost my mother due to brain hemorrhage. I am not emotionally prepared for this thing but there is nothing more I can do. I do not know where to start my life. I cry day and night. I could not sleep well because her memories flash in my head when I close my eyes. Even when I am outside, I cannot help but cry everytime I remember how good she was as a mother.

They say that best things are yet to come, but I don't exactly know if there are still good things in store for me. There can be no experience as painful as this

aichan
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replied April 1st, 2012
Aichan,

I feel the same way. My beloved mother died three weeks ago. I can just about cope during the day but the nights...they are almost unbearable. I feel haunted. And lost. I don't know how to get back on track or begin to work towards all the things I wish for myself and which I know my mother wanted for me too.
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replied April 1st, 2012
Mben,

Let us just be strong. There is no way to go but ahead. Just always remember that one day we shall see them again and will never part ways anymore.
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replied April 2nd, 2012
Dear Aichan,

You are right and hopefully time will help to clear the fog and let us move forward, not forgetting, just understanding that everything will be different forever. I know that I cannot collapse into my grief because all my mother wanted was for me to be happy as I'm certain yours and all the mothers grieved for here did. It is up to us to honour them.

I am taking genuine comfort from reading everyon's stories here. All tragic, yes, but how lucky we all are to have known so much love and to feel it in return. What a gift! No one can ever take that away from us.
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replied April 15th, 2012
Thank you for sharing this. I lost my mom on March 1, 2012 and miss her constantly. I cry many many times everyday. Mom was diagnosed with four terminal illnesses and on Hospice almost year and a half. Surprisingly it was not one of the terminal diagnosis that took her but a blood clot that moved and allowed her body to return to it's normal size and color. She lived much longer than they expected and I attribute that to the good care of Hospice workers and that I spent 6 to 16 hours everyday with her and dad. I fixed healthy meals and did other things. My favorite part was spending time with them. My mom and I were very close and I can honestly say we shared the good, the bad, and the ugly in those many hours. We left no stone unturned. My sister, Linda, and I got even closer sharing time with mom and dad. Today is the 68th Anniversary of my parents wedding and we are going to honor that day with dad at a family cook-out. I know mom will be there - I just wish we could all reach out and touch her again -especially my dad. The love they had for each other is truely the greatest gift they gave us. I miss her sooooo much that I can hardly function sometimes but I believe that she has come and let me know that she is at peace and happy. One day when I sat in the den crying, the room suddendly filled with the most beautiful fragrance and as suddenly as it came it was gone. Another time, the angel figurines I have on the entertainment center were turned completely sideways as if watching over a picture of my dad that was there. My sister said mom knew how hard I was going to take her death and believes that she was trying to let me know she's more alive than ever - healed of all her illnesses and pain -and waiting for us in the presence of God . Why then do I still grieve so deeply?
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Users who thank nonnacarole for this post: heartbrokendaughter 

replied May 6th, 2012
What a beautiful post. All the signs you have witnessed I keep wishing for, and I am hopeful. My mother had similar experiences after my father died and again in the year before I lost her. You grieve because you are human and long for all that is tangible: sound, touch...all we are left with is silence and the space of where someone once was. It is earth shattering. Even though I nearly lost my mother so many times, when the end finally came, I was completely unprepared. I wish I had asked her all the things I will never be able to.
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replied September 9th, 2012
you still grieve deeply cos u r human-flesh and blood. Jesus wept too. the night before my mom passed, i somehow got a revelation to read a scripture which was about the after life and i got uncomfortable cos we always read scripture on healing. at her funeral service two days later, the Reverend read the exact scripture. three months down the road i still cry bitterly altho i know she is with the LORD. nothing prepares us for the departure of moms, NOTHING!
take heart sunshine we r on this ship together and it will not sink cos we have a Wonderful captain who never sleeps nor slumbers.
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replied September 10th, 2012
That bitter painful cry I can so relate to even after 7 months. Nothing does prepare us when you have had someone who no matter what saw the best in you, who no matter what you did, still loved you who knew exactly the right words to say in good times and bad times, who no matter what time of day or night would just be there to listen....this someone who had been there from birth, a permanent fixture in my life just taken away. And the pain is the most unexplainable pain I have ever experienced. You are right, nothing prepares us!
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replied January 20th, 2013
Hi,
I lost my mum on 23rd January 2012 and i have never seen a person suffer so much, I wish there had been something I could have done to ease her pain, I wish I could have taken her pain and Made it mine. She died of a very rare diesese called "acquired leukaemia" meaning you are not borned with it but you acquire it at sone stage of your life and no one was able to diagnose it until it was too late, we took her to hospital on dec 24th 2011 and she died after 30 days of agony, operations and so forth... As her anniversary approaches I feel even more upset, angry, and so very alone. I sometimes find myself wondering around like an idiot, I snap and get angry with my husband for no reason and dont know how to deal with all of this, but I know I have to be' strong for my boys (9 & 7 yo) who cannot see me cry all the time. I wish I could feel her next to me, or smell her, of feel her hugs... I love you and miss you terribly mum.
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replied May 25th, 2013
my mother died 2 days back at about 82 years age. she was suffering from asthma, duodenal ulcers, TB, and 75% damaged lungs and she struggled a lot and couldn't see her suffering to breath. i have shown her to many doctors in the city. all of them said she should take nutritious diet and keep moving limbs to be fit. i used make her ear atleast 5-10 dates. last October i had admitted her in to hospital and they kept her in ICU for 3 days. no one allowed to see and talk to her. she was almost tied to bed. she has been on wheel chair even after discharge. i was told her lungs are in bad condition. thanks to dates(desert fruits). she regained her health to walk slowly on her own. but this month summer was so severe. i thought i should provide an A.C for her room. i was busy and thought to get an fixed just after 2 days once i become free. but meanwhile she died of fever and breathing problem. i felt so guilty since 2 days. i keep thinking that had i provided A.C she might have survived for some more days. some say she is already having lungs infection and it is because of my care that she survived till now. still i feel guilty. i love my mother so much. she has nothing else in mind except our well being. she sacrificed all her pleasures for the sake of her children. i had the privilege of keeping her with me and serving her in the last days. my wife used to give medicines to her on time and give injections whenever she complained of breathing problem. she used to utter always that she should die without getting bedridden and giving trouble to me and my wife(her daughter-in-law). she used catch hold of my shirt's edge while travelling in bullock cart in 1960s when i was a kid. she was afraid that i may fall down from the cart. once she narrated that when i was an infant and just learning to walk- one day i crawled on the wooden plank placed across the opening of the backyard well and sat there with the deep well under me. my mother noticed it and at once she ran to me and asked me to crawl back stretching her hand to just make me crawl. obviously i crawled to the middle of the well and her hands could not reach me in spite of her leaning and stretching. some how luckily i crawled back somewhat and she grabbed me and pulled me to her and saved me. such was her affection. she once narrated that once a stray dog has bitten her when she was about 6-7 years old. the dog has bitten 2 peopl at once. the other died but my mom luckily survived after giving local rural treatment. she also narrated me that once she has tried to take out the eggs from the corner of shelf in her room which was some what dark but pulled her hand back on suspecting snake's hissing sound. later when checked closely a cobra was there. thus she luckily escaped. she used to share her old memories with me and i used to give patient hearing. she often used to share her memories of my father who died 10 years back. i used record her musing as audio and video. in the process i developed such a strong bond with my mother i am yet accept her death. i feel the vacuum in my house. i miss her so much. when i open her shelf in her room i could not stop tears rolling down when i saw her writings, and her prayer books, her medicines the 2 packets of date fruits i kept in store for her.

i dont know how to over come this feeling. may be as time passes i can forget the grief somewhat.

oh god please bless my moms soul to be in peace.

Indian philosophy (bhagavatgita) says that our mother has given us this physical body and the god puts eternal life (atma or soul) to that body which put together make us able to live. nothing in this world can repay what we owe to our mothers.

oh god please bless my mom's soul to reach you.
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replied May 25th, 2013
my mother died 2 days back at about 82 years age. she was suffering from asthma, duodenal ulcers, TB, and 75% damaged lungs and she struggled a lot and couldn't see her suffering to breath. i have shown her to many doctors in the city. all of them said she should take nutritious diet and keep moving limbs to be fit. i used make her ear atleast 5-10 dates. last October i had admitted her in to hospital and they kept her in ICU for 3 days. no one allowed to see and talk to her. she was almost tied to bed. she has been on wheel chair even after discharge. i was told her lungs are in bad condition. thanks to dates(desert fruits). she regained her health to walk slowly on her own. but this month summer was so severe. i thought i should provide an A.C for her room. i was busy and thought to get an fixed just after 2 days once i become free. but meanwhile she died of fever and breathing problem. i felt so guilty since 2 days. i keep thinking that had i provided A.C she might have survived for some more days. some say she is already having lungs infection and it is because of my care that she survived till now. still i feel guilty. i love my mother so much. she has nothing else in mind except our well being. she sacrificed all her pleasures for the sake of her children. i had the privilege of keeping her with me and serving her in the last days. my wife used to give medicines to her on time and give injections whenever she complained of breathing problem. she used to utter always that she should die without getting bedridden and giving trouble to me and my wife(her daughter-in-law). she used catch hold of my shirt's edge while travelling in bullock cart in 1960s when i was a kid. she was afraid that i may fall down from the cart. once she narrated that when i was an infant and just learning to walk- one day i crawled on the wooden plank placed across the opening of the backyard well and sat there with the deep well under me. my mother noticed it and at once she ran to me and asked me to crawl back stretching her hand to just make me crawl. obviously i crawled to the middle of the well and her hands could not reach me in spite of her leaning and stretching. some how luckily i crawled back somewhat and she grabbed me and pulled me to her and saved me. such was her affection. she once narrated that once a stray dog has bitten her when she was about 6-7 years old. the dog has bitten 2 peopl at once. the other died but my mom luckily survived after giving local rural treatment. she also narrated me that once she has tried to take out the eggs from the corner of shelf in her room which was some what dark but pulled her hand back on suspecting snake's hissing sound. later when checked closely a cobra was there. thus she luckily escaped. she used to share her old memories with me and i used to give patient hearing. she often used to share her memories of my father who died 10 years back. i used record her musing as audio and video. in the process i developed such a strong bond with my mother i am yet accept her death. i feel the vacuum in my house. i miss her so much. when i open her shelf in her room i could not stop tears rolling down when i saw her writings, and her prayer books, her medicines the 2 packets of date fruits i kept in store for her.

i dont know how to over come this feeling. may be as time passes i can forget the grief somewhat.

oh god please bless my moms soul to be in peace.

Indian philosophy (bhagavatgita) says that our mother has given us this physical body and the god puts eternal life (atma or soul) to that body which put together make us able to live. nothing in this world can repay what we owe to our mothers.

oh god please bless my mom's soul to reach you.
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replied May 2nd, 2012
Hi, My mum died on 5th January 2012. She'd had a massive stroke 2 years ago, which left her paralyzed. She couldn't speak or do anything. She couldn't smile, and that's one of the things I missed the most. She was so unhappy being like she was. The stroke took her personality. I loved her so very much, and I always will. Seeing her suffer broke my heart, but my heart was broken more when she passed away. She fought until the end. She caught pneumonia, and it took her away from me. Her suffering is over, but mine is everyday. I have counseling to help. I have to find peace, and I hope I will. I miss her so much, and the pain never stops. I take one day at a time, and I take love and strength from my wonderful husband. I hope, one day, I'll get there. You take care, and be kind to yourself. xx
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replied May 3rd, 2012
I can almost feel your pain. I lost my mum only 3 days ago, and share the same regrets, I'm 30, not married and without children. But I keep repeating to myself that she gave me inspiration and strenght to live on. I told her evereything I wanted and ment, as well as she diid tell me..I love her and I know she will love me forever.
Be strong
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replied July 2nd, 2012
I feel the same. My mother passed away just over three weeks. I am an only child and my father passed away nearly 10 years ago. She became ill really suddenly, and although I was with her at the end, it does not make it any easier to deal with. My friends and family just seem to expect me to get on with things, but how can when I have lost the most important person in my life? I just wish she could come back to me, but I know she can't. I am 33, single and no children.
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replied July 3rd, 2012
Hey true, I know how you feel and I am sorry for your loss and the losses of others on here. I am also an only child and I lost my Mom 2 weeks ago after her battle with cancer. We were best friends and she was, by far, the best Mom I could have ever asked for. People say the usual cliches to comfort you, but I don't know what else they can say. I am 34 with no kids, and that is the tough part that my Mom will not see her grandkid(s) if I have any. Like others have said I take comfort in knowing we will be reunited one day, but it sure sucks waiting it out. I feel worse for my dad who has a bad heart and is in his 70's...I just think of it like this...We don't complain when times are good, just when they are bad. For all the many good times you can die only once, and though painful at least she is not suffering physically anymore. What bothers me the most is the doctors not discovering it until it was way past time to be able to do anything about it to help her. I hope you all find some peace, as it's a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day emotional roller coaster. Try and remember how much we were loved, the many good times and that we are all probably harder on ourselves than our parents feel we should be. Take care!
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replied September 9th, 2012
it is ok to b mad hun. its three months since my mom passed and i get angry.when i look back, i think i should have cared more although was by her side my whole life. i tell her every day how i miss her and i konw our moms miss us too...terrbly
big hug! cka.
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replied December 6th, 2012
Hi Kelly Elaine,
I completely understand what you are feeling. My Mom passed away 2 weeks ago. She was 61. She will not be present physically on the day of my wedding or when I become a mom but I know she will be there in spirit. Feel free to message me back if you would like to talk.
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replied December 17th, 2012
I love mom almost 5 weeks agoto breasst cancer and the pain seems to getting worse.were so close and she was my best friend. I feel so lost and empty without her. She would always call me to see how my day at work was and I'm sitting here at work crying knowing that I'l never hear her voice again. She was such a beautiful person inside and out. I am getting married in a few months and I don't understand how I can possibly be excited knowing she won' t be there. When she got sickm her one wish was to make it to my wedding. so completely life changing.. t to be strong for my dad ut somedays I feel like the only thing that will help me get through is having her back. I feel for all of you and although the stories are sad it makes me feel less alone.
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replied February 28th, 2012
Hi, lost my mom too Oct 4th 2011 due to heart failure. She was my world, my best friend, my everything. I feel the same way, I feel that we, her children didn't do everything for her health, we didn't see her death coming, it came suddenly and now I am feeling a lot of guilt. I am going to live with a heavy heart for the rest of my life.
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replied December 1st, 2012
Death of mom
Dear Iwantmama, dont feel guilty. We all feel we could have done better. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer...we did not see it coming either. Guilt of being self centered arose, since moms are so selfless in their love, we kind of ignore their needs. Would she like it if you feel guilty. Instead love her now with your whole heart. She would be happy.
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replied December 1st, 2012
Death of mom
Dear Iwantmama, dont feel guilty. We all feel we could have done better. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer...we did not see it coming either. Guilt of being self centered arose, since moms are so selfless in their love, we kind of ignore their needs. Would your mom like it if you feel guilty? You are her child... she loves you. Instead love her NOW with your whole heart. She would be happy. And Osho says.. Death is final. 100% of people who are born die, including ourselves. We are all mortal beings. So live every moment with happiness and peace. Try.
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replied March 20th, 2012
Hi Sally,
I lost my mum two and a half years ago, but it feels like yesterday. It was so out of the blue, a heart attack at 65 years of age. I was all the way on the other side of the world, and alone. It was, and still is awful.
I really feel that for those of us unfortunate enough not to have kids or a partner of our own, its a whole lot worse!
One thing is for sure, it gets better...that I promise.
You just take each day as it comes.
I know a psychiatrist would probably say its wrong, but you know what worked for me..every time I thought of her I would break down, so I committed myself to "every time you think of her, divert your attention to another topic" it really worked for me!
Now I can actually think of her and not break down.
You will get there I promise..
It will always hurt, but remember your not alone, and its all about the lovely memories we have of our mummies. A lot of people dont have those Sall!
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replied April 27th, 2012
i lost my beautiful mother 2months ago i lived with her all of my 65yrs. i have a son 45 she raised him while i worked had a drinking problem years ago clean long time in 2007she had a double bybass i took her all over doctors and doctors times she was good and not good i thought she was ok i was in complete denial my son said to me ma she in the hospital 2times a month cant you see complete denial i dont know how to live without her everyday is more empty then the next i was a person always on the go shopping cleaning doctors visitors get her toe nails clipped we had our days its like being married every time i took her to the hosiptal i brought her home not this time i was with her me and my som that nite i wonder if she knew what was happening i wonder so many things i look up to the heavens and say ma can you hear us can you hear us life is not the same my days were so busy and always thanked god for a full day i used to get uop in the morning and go in her room check her chest and say thank you god for today i m not mad at god i yust miss her seeing her saying every nite goodnite ma i love you and she would say i love yopu to. so i pray read all kinds of healing books and it works for the moment till i close my eyes and go through that nite now our home that had the rock of gibrtir is not here and ill never see her on earth again untill god calls me and says if im worthy to see her i look up at the heavens and say ma can you see us hear us what are you doing last year i went through cancer clean now thang god and was wondering if something happened to me who will take care of her well im clean now and no mother to take care of its like someone stapped u with a knife in your heart and the blood is just sitting there with no place to go.god bless and keep all of you in your moms heart her spirit is always with u remember that god loves you and so does your mother.fran
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replied April 27th, 2012
i lost my beautiful mother 2months ago i lived with her all of my 65yrs. i have a son 45 she raised him while i worked had a drinking problem years ago clean long time in 2007she had a double bybass i took her all over doctors and doctors times she was good and not good i thought she was ok i was in complete denial my son said to me ma she in the hospital 2times a month cant you see complete denial i dont know how to live without her everyday is more empty then the next i was a person always on the go shopping cleaning doctors visitors get her toe nails clipped we had our days its like being married every time i took her to the hosiptal i brought her home not this time i was with her me and my som that nite i wonder if she knew what was happening i wonder so many things i look up to the heavens and say ma can you hear us can you hear us life is not the same my days were so busy and always thanked god for a full day i used to get uop in the morning and go in her room check her chest and say thank you god for today i m not mad at god i yust miss her seeing her saying every nite goodnite ma i love you and she would say i love yopu to. so i pray read all kinds of healing books and it works for the moment till i close my eyes and go through that nite now our home that had the rock of gibrtir is not here and ill never see her on earth again untill god calls me and says if im worthy to see her i look up at the heavens and say ma can you see us hear us what are you doing last year i went through cancer clean now thang god and was wondering if something happened to me who will take care of her well im clean now and no mother to take care of its like someone stapped u with a knife in your heart and the blood is just sitting there with no place to go.god bless and keep all of you in your moms heart her spirit is always with u remember that god loves you and so does your mother.fran
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replied July 2nd, 2012
can someone tell me what to do fran
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replied September 9th, 2012
pray sweetheart. even if u get on your knees and just sob, God will make sense of it. do not try to get your mind off her,just be natural. reach out to other people and help them deal with their pain,even in the tiniest way possible. God will give u strength to deal with your own in the process. it works for me although i get very sad too. take your pain and dump it at the feet of God's throne. u will find solace there...i have.
cka
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replied September 9th, 2012
hi madeira. i am so so sorry for your loss. i lost my mom three months ago and it feels like it happend a few minutes ago. i also do not know what to do. i hope you believe in GOD. Pray, get close to GOD and although i cannot guarantee that you will get answers,it will help. i am sleepless right now so i am here. cry when you need to, scream when you need to. just do not hold it in, whatever it is. i know it is hard to believe and trust me, it will not get better, not now but maybe one day you will learn to live with it. life does go on...empty and sad but it still goes on.
i will pray that GOD envelops you in His loving arms and u will find everlasting strength in the shadow of His wings.
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replied September 2nd, 2012
I just lost my best friend, my confident, I mean, Mom, 8 days ago. Needeless to say, I am heartbroken. Honestly I am not ready to feel better soon. I am convinced that my life wont and cannot ever be the same. Let just live with this feeling forever. I know I will. Sorry if I wasnt much help to you. Your situation for some reason touched my heart.
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replied September 4th, 2012
Hi, I lost my mom on August 27, 2012. I am so sorry for your loss. I can understand the feeling that life cannot be the same ever as I know my life will never be the same. I have a hole in my heart and my chest hurts everyday. My heart is broken and I seriously feel like it will never heal properly. You are in my prayers.
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replied September 4th, 2012
Hey there, thank you for replying mymommir49. Mother passed on August 25th in Florida; she was seventy four. The worst part was that I could not be with her. We are Brazilians and immigrated to the US over 20 years ago. I got deported 5 years ago. I now live in Costa Rica, and I am in the last step of getting my immigrant visa through my husband. Sadly I could not put the money together to pay for the waivers fees, a lousy 1.200 dollars. I asked people for financial support, but got very little response. I finally got the money the morning of her passing....way tooo late. I was the oldest and the closest to Mom, and I wish I could be there to do all the nice things other kids got to do for their Moms. I was though present over the phone, and I called and spoke with Mom, doctors, nurses, social workers, nursing home receptionist even. I feel great guilt and anger right now. Mom needed me, and I should really tried harder...Its been 11 days right now, today I did not cry a lot, but the feeling is very much there. I am grieving Mom dearly.
Let me know more about you. Did you have the good fortune to be by your Mom's side? How was your friendship with her?
I am knew in this forum, so if i made a mistake, please forgive me.
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replied September 5th, 2012
Hello,
Sadly, I wasn't able to be by my moms side when she passed because I live in England and my family live in the US. My mom went into the hospital on July 15th and was diagnosed with a blood infection, tho the doctors were not sure exactly was causing it. -Just a side note real quick, if anyone on here is in the vicinity of the Rutland Regional Medical Center in Rutland VT, I highly suggest you seek medical attention elsewhere if possible. They were absolutely horrible to my mom, we ended up having to have her sent to another hospital two hours away because the nurses and doctors at RRMC were incompetent and they had no idea what they were doing. I am not saying that in anger either, one of the nurses on my mothers case said herself she would be better off at another hospital over that one.-
Anyways, my mother was admitted the 15th of July, and then rushed to ICU and intubated on the 18th of july. We were told her kidneys were failing and that they the staff needed to know her last wishes and that they could make her "comfortable". We ended up having her transported to another hospital two hours away and they gave her dialysis. My mother never really recovered tho. She had one problem after another. Every time she would make a small step in the right direction she would end up taking six steps back the next day. She just had so many problems that kept cropping up. Eventually my mom didn't want to fight anymore. The final straw came when they tried to remove her breathing tube and give her a trach on August 24th. They were able to do that, but when they tried to reinsert her feeding tube, they inserted it into her lung accidentally and it collapsed her lung. She was fighting off pneumonia at this point as well as she had been in ICU on a tube for over a month. The doctor eventually suggested we let her go because there was nothing more they could do for her. As they said, it had become a case of "what we were doing to our mother rather than for her". So my sisters decided to turn off her vent and give her morphine to keep her comfortable and my mom died August 27th, 29 minutes after turning off her vent.
I am grateful for the fact that I was able to go home for a bit to see her while she was in the hospital. When I left tho, her prognosis had improved, but two weeks or so after I got back, she had gone. I was lucky to be able to have a bit of time with her. She knew I was there cause she squeezed my hand when I held it and when she opened her eyes occasionally and saw me she mouthed the words "I love you".
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could find comforting word to share with you but I am at a loss at the moment. I wish you had been able to see your mom. It breaks my heart that you couldn't be with her.
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replied September 5th, 2012
Hi mymommir49! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I log in here because I found great confort, reading other people stories. I am completely alone in Costa Rica, and I found that writting and sharing has given me some strengh; of course I am deeply sad and depressed over this situation. Nothing and nobody will bring our Moms back, and honestly I really wish I could have had the chance to take care of her. This alone gives me terrible sense of guilt, and its so profund that i kind of envy the daughters and sons who could be there for their Moms. I guess I am just going throu the anger stage, but I doubt I will ever forgive myself for not being there. About 6 days before Mom passed, she wanted a simple cup of coffee with sugar at seven a.m. but she could not get up, she was so frail, she was that day weighing 68 pounds. The nurse made Mom wait for 2 hours before bringing my starving Mom some coffee. This is what's killing me inside. Its so bad, and I feel so bad, that at times whish G-d punish me with cancer as well. Not being able to fulfill the simplest task for Mom is beyond heart break for me.
I know mymommir49 that you are grieving so much today, and I can honestly say that i feel your pain, because like you Mom is gone, worst yet I have nobody here to cry with me. I cannot even go over her apartment and take care of her things...
Right now we have the right to cry anywhere and be angry and sad, our best friend isnt here, and we feel a big empty space in our heart.
Again, thank you for sharing. Today I will be home, i am a teacher here, but there was a earthquake and class have been suspended. Being alone is hard, but i also do not want to see people. I dont know what really I want.
Let me know how things are with you.
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replied September 7th, 2012
Hi lovingmymom1!
Thank you for sharing as well. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for the way your poor mom was treated by her nurse. What is wrong with these people who we trust to help our sick loved ones? They seem to lack compassion. Was a simple cup of coffee to difficult for them to get? In my case, I will NEVER send anyone I love to the hospital that my mom had been originally admitted to before we had her moved. I will tell anyone who will listen how horrible the care was there.
I really think the people who say things will get easier just say that because they don't know what else to say. It's been 11 days for me and I feel like crap still. My sister has said that she "hates our new normal" and she is right. For me, all the "grieving stages" seem to be all over the place.
I understand how you wish god would punish you, but please don't be so hard on yourself. Your mom would not want that for you. Please keep letting me know how you are. I genuinely care. We may not know each other, but I really do care about how you are.
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replied September 8th, 2012
Hello mymommir49!

Thank you so much for the reply, it really helps me. Again I feel for your loss, and one only understands when we go through this. Frankly its umbelievable, I find myself thinking I will come home from work and call her and half way my thought I realize that I cannot talk with Mom today...per say...its very hard to admit the truth, dont you think?
It's going to be 14 days tomorrow, she passed two saturdays ago, what a bad day that was.
Honestly I found a lot of confort here in this forum. I just have a hard time finding the replies, I am glad I found yours, but i had to search one by one. In case you know how to manage your replies, can you please guide me. I really want to keep in touch here, but I am not to computer savy...
I too would like to keep on hearing from you.
I hope that somehow my post can help you somehow.
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replied September 15th, 2012
Hello mymonmir49!

I am wondering how are you feeling lately. As for me here, today 3 saturdays ago I lost my sweet Mom. I am still in some kind of disbelief, its a weird feeling, and of course I miss her dearly. So much was left unsaid so much stuff to talk about, and so many things to share which all of those we cannot do it anymore...Its a terrible reality I am having a very hard time ajusting, and perhaps I will never be able to adjust.
Time doesn't necessary has made me feel much better, the only difference today is that i can control my crying but the same empty feeling in my chest is there. Sadly my siblings are suffering as well, my nephew and my 12 y.o. niece is very depressed. I wish I could take that feeling from my little niece, she is only a child and is already going through grieving...
I hope you are also learning to deal with your feelings, keep me posted.
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replied September 9th, 2012
hey rush.
i am in the exact same spot u r. well, no job, few prospects of the same,no kids, and cos of the grief, i left my boyfriend, i just did not want him around me anymore and i still do not want him cos nothin makes sense anymo. it gets harder and i also cant stand it when ppl say it gets better! i feel your pain. it feels like someone has punched a giant hole thru yo chest and ripped your heart out. the healing starts from the inside out, so give yourself time to grieve. it will take a while, a long while but you did not choose this. do not rush yoself. live a minute at a time. i personally do but even the minutes seem too long when you are in pain. i lost my mommy three months ago so its very fresh and confusing i might add.
take heart. i know it is scary, but hold on to the precious gift of life.
just know i am with you...
cka
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replied April 18th, 2012
I lost my mom April 3, 2012. As an only child of a single parent, I feel as if my life has been turned upside down. Her sudden passing at 61 is tearing me apart and I feel so empty. And yes, it is the worst feeling in the world. I thought she would always be around. Missing her so much it hurts.
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replied July 6th, 2012
Hi MissingYouMom

I know exactly how you feel. My mother passed away four weeks ago and it was only the two of us for nearly ten years. My father passed away then.

I'm sorry to say I don't have any words of comfort as I do not know how to deal with this myself. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

True109
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replied December 13th, 2011
You are amazing and you were with your Mom. She held her hand out and said goodbye to you in her own way. Feel no guilt, she would not wish it, you loved her and she you.

How would I know? I just watched my Mother die, 3 weeks ago. I too had to go home to sleep and each time I wondered if I would be back on time but we have to take care of ourselves, we have no crystal ball! They are our mothers and they love us more than anything. They would not wish us to feel guilty for the moments we had to eat, sleep or catch our breath, they would have nothing but love for us and thankfulness that we were there for them.

You han only 2 hours sleep! That is amazing and you made it back on time. Your mother passed away in a twilight sleep, how amazing is that? No extreme pain or fear, just a gently fassing away. Please don't feel bad, you are amazing and you gave her all you had and I fully believe she will know it. Now you need to pick yourself up, honor her memory and remember her in life, in love and for all the wonderful things she did and said, not for her death, you and her other children (if she has any) are her greatest accomplishments.

How do I know? Because I'm a mom too.

My heart goes out to you in this time, you sound like an amazing daughter and we can only hope in our life times to have someone love us as much as you loved your Mother.
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Users who thank SJJT for this post: mben  heartbrokendaughter 

replied March 31st, 2012
BestMom2, like you I was with my mother every day, although not for as long as you, but for almost two years. She suffered through a skull fracture, a stroke, multiple cases of respiratory failure, repeated chest infection and two brain seizures yet somehow came back fighting each time and never lost her sense of self. I never gave up hope of getting her well...she died of a massive aneurism on 12 March. Like you, I left her to go home for the night and when the nursing home rang me the next morning...I feel everything that you say and keep asking if I could have done more, been more pro-active, spent more time with her. I cannot stand that I never asked her for all her stories, her recipes, her wisdom even when I knew how lucky I was to get her back each time, I cannot stand that I have no photos of myself with her from the last two years of her life. But I also know that I couldn't have gone through that period treating each day as if it were her last. That is not how we are wired. As SJJT says, we needed to rest, to eat, to recharge, to sleep, to keep a little bit of our lives for ourselves. And this I know for sure: if you could see your mother and ask her to forgive you, she would tell you that there is nothing to forgive. How do I know? Because this is what my mother told me when I asked the same of her, believing I had fallen short. I am 41 and still hope for love and a family one day and I never thought that my mother would not be around to share it with me. She always worried so much about me being alone and I am so lost now that she has gone. A bereaved friend told me that time doesn't heal the hurt, time just lets you get better at coping with it, that is all. Like you, I worry so much that she didn't tuly know how much I loved her, even though I told her every day, but friends of hers assure me that she did. "Believe me," one of them said, "A mother knows when her children love her, without the need for words." And I do know this: if I could do away with all the love I have for her and the love she had for me just to escape this pain, I wouldn't. We HAVE to take comfort in the truth of how fortunate we all are on this page to feel so deeply. That is love. We have loved and we have been loved.
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replied April 2nd, 2012
So good words...there is nothing more beautiful than the love of the mother and we are all blessed to have experienced this. Life goes on, sometimes we dont know how, but it does..and all with the guidance of our mothes from above. We do have our angels to protect us..
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Users who thank bestmamasgirl for this post: mben 

replied April 20th, 2012
For Bestmom2
I am sitting here reading these posts with tears streaming down my face at the grief everyone is going through. I lost my own Mum on Decemeber 13th after being told 3 days before that there was nothing that could be done. We knew that she was sick but we had no idea it was this bad. What has made me respond to you, Bestmom2, is your heart wrenching comment about the guilt you felt for having left for a couple of hours. I just want to say that grief and loss is hard enough without adding guilt to the mix, believe me..I know. Holding on to guilt over "woulda, shoulda, and coulda's" is going to tear you apart. Perhaps if you look at it this way....you were meant to leave...so that your mother could leave. Our mother held on for 3 days, we all gave her permission to go, we all told he that we would be ok, but still she held on. You hear stories about people on their death bed who pass away once the last family member arrives, like they were waiting. We could not figure out who she was waiting for as we had all been there. Then, in the end, she left us when we all stepped out of the room to let the nurses clean her up and turn her (thankfully my sister in law stayed as she is a nurse as well). She wasn't waiting for someone to arrive, she was waiting for us all to leave. Maybe that is what your Mum did too? You had to leave to allow her to leave....your mother knows you love her and she is holding your hand while you cry and she is telling you that the only person who needs to forgive you is yourself, and she is giving you the strength to do that..
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replied May 13th, 2012
I remember talking to a priest who had a lot of experience with being there for people in their last moments. I never forget, he said that more often then not that the people dying would hold on until their was no one in the room when it was their time, to pass on, maybe they don't want to distress you in their last moments. What I am sure of though is that your mother would of understood and would not you to beat yourself up for it. If any mother was given a wish it would be that their children grow up healthy and happy, she wouldn't want you to be sad; she spent your whole life trying to make that wish come true.
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replied April 2nd, 2012
It so helps me to see that other people go through the same things i go. I have never thought about joining a forum...I lost my mom 1,5 year ago from pancreatic cancer. All of a sudden we rushed to the hospital not knoing whats wrong and for three months we were trying to stop this. She passed away..My whole life has gone upside down, i am an only child, had a fiance, a mother, know nothing. Trying to cope with life...Thank you for this guys...
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replied April 2nd, 2012
bestmamasgirl, same here. But I can't sleep and then found this forum and although reading everyone's stories is like feeding my own heartbreak, there is also so much comfort and relief in knowing that I am not alone. I am 41 and I have friends who lost their mothers in their teens, their twenties, their thirties...Honestly? Now that it has happened to me, I don't know how they made it through the other side. But they have. And we can too.
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Users who thank mben for this post: bestmamasgirl 

replied July 6th, 2012
We can make it through. Our mothers gave us the strength and the love we need to go on. Amongst all the cliche phrases people have thrown my way in the last few weeks, one has stood out and put me at peace... There is nothing natural about losing your mother. Nothing prepares you for it and nothing makes it better. Not time, not the memories, not that she is "in a better place now." It is unnatural and, as such, we aren't expected to know how to handle it. I am thankful to have other people like each of you to let me know that I'm not alone and we can handle it by helping one another.
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replied September 9th, 2012
finally someone agrees with me...nothing makes it better. it feels worse sometimes actually. but all of you have made it a notch easier. i lost my mom exactly three months ago today and i get lost in the voices and crowds and just stare at nothing. does it ever get easier???
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replied September 29th, 2012
Hey LAE23! Thank you for your words!! I really liked the "there is nothing natural about losing your mother". I will be thinking out this for now on...I confess that i really hate the cliche coments from people, specially with they havent been there. The worst of them being "she is in a better place now" really makes me punch that person...what a nerve, dont you think? However I control myself, and lately I avoid mentioning or engaging in conversations about Mom with the casual person; by doing so, I avoid hearing cliches.
Yes, this forum has definetely helped a lot of us. I am alone in Costa Rica, waiting for my resident visa to be reunited with my husband and dauther, however I am all alone, and this is very difficult to cope alone.
Hope you are feeling better!
Regards!
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replied September 9th, 2012
hi mben.
i desperately wait for the day when it wont hurt this much to wake up and know that i will not laugh with my mom again.
thank you for sharing. i tell you, it makes such a difference!
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replied September 9th, 2012
i am deeply sorry for your loss pfla2. i lost my mom on 9th june 2012 too, and she passed on in the ICU so we did not get to say goodbye either.she was 55. where i come from 9th june is celebrated as heroes day, so there u r, yo mom is a hero in this part of the world. nothing prepares you for such a HUGE blow, not even goodbye. yes, the grief comes and goes but its mostly there. sometimes i look for her in crowds and i never find her. i tell her i miss her, i pray for her soul, i cry, i scream, i stare at nothing and i find i just cant get over her departure, maybe one day i can live with it. turning off her cell phones was really painfull. i stare at the texts she used to send and just break down afresh. i am so grateful that there is a platform like this. i cant sleep, i dont want to sleep cos i will wake up and remember afresh that today, i will not hear her voice...
big hugs!
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replied December 6th, 2011
honesty
how do u know they're happy???where are they?Do u know?Or U just believe what we have been told all of our childhood?? Where are they? My mom's also gone last damn month and my questiion is WHERE???.....anyone....plzz think before answering....don't give lectures on this...honestly...WHERE??? "cause I really wanna see her, I would give everything I AM just to go exactly where she is...life right know it's not life is just a bunch of time and crap...and I just want some honest answers please....
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replied January 3rd, 2012
Your angry just as I am! I have to believe she is in a good place or I will kill myself! I hate everything about this! Lost my mom 6 months ago and I know I'm changed for the worst! I hate it all and I'm sad and pissed off and I guess I'm selfish I want her here with me! Just as you want your mother with you! When someone can tell me when this gets better let me know!
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replied April 27th, 2012
faith in god
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replied September 9th, 2012
hi iceboxxx.
i know how it feels to lose both parents. although i lost my dad when i was 6 and my mom just three months ago. the sadness and anger mixed with pain and grief is just overwhelming. i wish i could say it gets better, but i do not believe that myself. but i do believe that God's strength is made perfect in our weakness, and it is human to be weak, so cry when the feeling comes and remember that somewhere in the world someone is praying for you and you are not alone in this. take heart sunshine!
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replied August 18th, 2011
Hi, ( and please ignore the user name) Its Sally...

This could have been me writing your post. My lovely mum passed away 16 July 2010, with lung cancer. she was a beautiful, vibrant, 64 year old, and like your mum, had a cough, and after a course of anti biotics, with not much joy, had a x ray on march 27th to be told she had grade 3 terminal lung cancer. She never once complained, and only worried how my father, her husband of 46 years, and her only love and myself, and brother and sister would cope, and put up such a brave fight. We actually never spoke like the end was coming, and tried to carry on as best, because my mum still made sure that is how it should be. She went into a hospice 9 days before she passed, because breathing was so bad, but we all said it was just a stay to get her medication right, and I am so grateful for St Christophers for their support, because it was so lovely there, but I know in my heart my lovely beautiful mum knew she was going, and I think "God Mum" you were so strong, cos you still to the end, would say, you ok? or, have you eaten?. She looked so beautiful, radiant, and had full make up on, and would not want anyone seeing her without her hair done, and looked and seemed much much better on the thursday night than she had in a week. She passed early hours friday morning, after her best day, I'd say in 2 weeks. We are all in bits, and I think its getting harder, but I beat myself up when I'm down, and know my mum is with me, and think to myself, how dare I pity me, when she was so so strong and know my darling dad, as lost his wife, and us three kids have lost our mum, but we all got to be there for eachother now, and do what she would want us to do... Be strong, be there for eachother. I must say thou, it is getting harder right now, and I know I was in denial, but I keep on cos I know, hundred percent, I am going to be with my mummy again one day. My heart goes out to you, and everyone that as lost their lovely mums way too soon. Big Hug. Sally x
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replied August 24th, 2011
loss of mom
Hi Sally - I can't believe how many people are out here going through the same thing. I mean, not like it's a surprise that other people have cancer - there's so much of it out there. But no one else knows what it's like unless they've lost someone to it. My mom passed July 21st and I'm struggling to deal with my new, empty life. She went into hospice in mid July and that's when I flew down to MIami (I live in NY). The back and forth visits to the hospital in the past 2.5 years were exhausting but I'd do it all over again to get a chance to speak with her again. I keep wanting to pick up the phone and call her but I can't. ANd my poor father - they had just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary in June. He's 63....my mother was too. I can't imagine what he must be going through. I feel like I'm just rambling but I'm glad I found this page. Just to see that I'm not the only one trying to figure out how to deal with emptiness in my life...this broken heart. I hope we all heal and find ways to cope.
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replied October 27th, 2011
I lost both my parents tragically 2 months ago now and i decided to do a search on the internet and see if there are any people hurting as much as i am. I started questioning God asking why us? why put us in so much pain. They were at the prime of their lives and did not deserve to leave - i (in my twenties) was looking forward to spending a bright future with them . Life is so unfair and really sucks right now!. I am not sure how to grieve- i might be fine for a few days but then there might be one really bad day. Should i be looking at photos? I am finding it so hard to cope right now...they were the most wonderful parents i could ever ask for . My mam was also my best friend and i use to ring /chat to her every day. I feel i can't look forward to anything in life now. I always dreamed of my parents having a grandchild to adore ..now i don't even want to get married. My life has completely changed and i don't know what to do.
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replied November 18th, 2011
I lost my mother a year and half ago, a month after her 56th birthday. She was the sweetest, kindest, and the most gentle human being I know, She was my best friend. It's left a devastating impact on us. The feelings of emptiness, and loneliness exist like never before. Sometimes we don't understand why..but if we seek to be comforted and loved through this difficult time, God will provide it to us. He may also be using us to reach out to others experiencing a loss. Have faith and confidence that you will reunite with them and keep their memory alive by living out their legacy. My prayers are with you.
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replied December 11th, 2011
Hi there
I read your post and can totally relate to what you say. I'm in my early 30's and lost my dad and then my mum suddenly a few months ago. My friends have been so good but none of them have lost both parents as we are still young, so it's hard for them to know what to say. I also feel blessed to have had the most wonderful parents and i know people say time heals but i feel so angry when they say that as i don't want it to get better because i then feel disloyal. My mum really wanted to be a grandmother but I can't ever even imagine meeting a man now, and feel so sad that she never experienced grandchildren. I feel cheated that i never had the chance to say goodbye or tell her how much i love her. I know her and dad would be so disappointed to have left me and my brother and my heart breaks at the thought that i will never see them again. My friends think i'm really strong because i dont really cry about it or discuss it much. I often think what it would be like not to be here anymore but i know i'm being ridiculous......I feel so sad that we will never be a family again and that all that is gone. I have dreams that we are all together again watching telly, chatting, and laughing.....then reality sets in that that is the past. All i can say is that i know our parents would want us to carry on and loved us so much that they would want us to find some happiness again...
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replied January 12th, 2012
Hey...
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm going through something similar. If you need someone to talk to you may contact me
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replied April 2nd, 2012
I have lost my mom 1,5 year ago. I am on my late twenties and a lonely child. I feel exaclty like you do. I have good days and then all of a sudden a face a major break down not knoing how to make myself good. My mom was for me my sister, my best friend, my other half. Every time i had a problem she would be the one to make me feel good. Always new how to guide me to the right way. i sometimes feel like the phone will ring or that i will call her to tel her my news. I always imagined the day i would have my child and how she would be next to me sharing the joy. Now i feel like i have nothing to expect anymore. I cant share anything else with her and thats what hurts me more. I look at the sky and feel her watching me from above. I ask of her each night before i go to sleep to take care of me and guide in her way. I miss her, I SO miss her. my life has turned upside down and i dont know what to do to make it better. I just feel that my happy days are gone. This pain feels like i have lost half of me. You will find your way, you will find what to do. You will have your moments where you will not be able to stop crying and then again you will stand tall and move on with your life, and that is how it will go. I hope (just as i hope for me) that you will have your children and you will be able to share this wonderful experience with them, just like you had it with your mom. Just try and learn how to live from know on in a different way.
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replied September 9th, 2012
kitten, i am very sorry! i feel exactly the way you do... and i thought i was just being a mummys girl. well, atleast now you know someone feels the way you do. feels like i am losing my mind. the day my mom passed, i crawled from the ICU to the end of the hallway on all fours. i did not care who was watching. i sat on the floor, i shivered and just lost it for a while. i wish she could meet my kids, but she wont. and i lost my dad too, so i know, my dear, i know. and eventho its almost a year since you posted, im sure it still hurts. just b sure i care, and i empathize!
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replied October 14th, 2012
I am lost without my beautiful mom
I am so sorry to hear about your loss.. And when I say sorry I truly mean it and feel it. I know you have posted this about a year ago, I hope you are feeling better now, although I know the pain will never go away.. I lost my best friend, my angel, my dear mom a month ago. She was diagnosed with breast cancer (triple negative) and there was no cure for it. I was fighting with her for over a year. Going to chemo treatments every week. I was depressed, angry and heartbroken. I knew she was going to leave me one day but I never believed it. I would tell her why you, why me? why us? She was very young (only 52) and I'm 28 not married and without children. Thank God I have a supportive boyfriend but I too don't want to ever get married or have children because I know how much my mom would have loved to see those days.. I feel so empty and lonely.. I cry every single day. There is not a minute that I don't think about her. I know my friends are trying to be there, but they just don't understand. I can't look at photos because I can't stop crying.. I spent the past year by her side at all times.. The house feels so empty without her.. I feel like I have lost a part of my soul and myself.. I know everybody says life goes on.. But how? I sleep at 6-7 am wake up at 3-4 pm just cause of my dad and boyfriend.. The only thing that brings peace is that I was there for her when she needed me and the thought of spending 28 beautiful years with her. Some don't get to experience that... Please let me know how you are feeling now? (if you check this) and how have you coped this past year... I pray to God for strength and courage and I hope you do too.. Lots of positive blessings.
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replied September 9th, 2012
dear sal... big hug to you too...
i empathize because i lost my mom, and dad too and have just three siblings. yes it does get harder, much harder and i dont know if i want to be around when it gets really hard, but if God has not called me yet, i guess ill just stick around and share my experience. i started writing a book about my mom so that i can share her with the rest of the world. all moms are remarkable, yours was and so was mine and we will carry their legacies on.
bigger hug sunshine!
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replied September 21st, 2011
I am so sorry to hear about all of the losses on this forum, however reading all of the stories has helped me so much. My father passed from lung cancer seven weeks ago today at the age of 60. He was diagnosed on July 15th and passed on August 3rd. We were able to bring him home and have hospice care for the last week, which was awful and wonderful all at the same time. The hospice meds kept him free from pain, but he slept most of the time and I found myself clinging to the few moments of lucidity that he had. I am glad to have been able to have been there with him when he passed, even though it was so sad. It was such an overwhelming moment. I am 39, and yet I feel like this experience finally made me feel like an adult.
And yet the constant roller coaster of emotions makes me feel helpless like a child.
I just keep taking it day by day ( or minute by minute ) and hope that with time things will get better.
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replied November 23rd, 2011
Hi. I'm glad I came across this website. My mom also died of lung cancer on October 4th 2011 after battling one year of breast cancer, almost a year of tectal cancer and a few months of lung cancer. She got diagnosed with breast cancer on 2nd October 2009, and passed away on October 4th 2011. She fought for 2 years. And she never gave up. she was a strong loving caring and a beautiful woman. And only lived for 47 years. People say it gets better, I honestly don't know how? it keeps, getting harder and harder. I can't concentrate on my studies. I have finals coming up in January and I can't open my books and study. I'm a medical student, I need to study 30 hours a day In order to pass my exams. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm worried about my dad too. He's all alone now. He has nothing to look forward too when me and my sister get married. he will be all by him self.
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replied January 10th, 2012
lost my Mom to lung cancer too
Dear lovedonesinheaven

Your story is very similar to mine!!! I lost my Mom Aug 11, 2011. I don't think I have actually mourned her death even today!!! I believe what keeps me going is knowing that I too will see my Mom again and that is in Heaven.

She also died of lung cancer and hospice was there to keep her comfortable during her last days, She took her last breath while I was holding her hand. I miss her a lot bit knowing where She is, is comforting to me. I'm so so sorry for your loss also and please understand that there are people that have lost a Mom and still don't know how to cope with her not being here. I put it in God's hands and he helps me thru my toughest times. God Bless
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replied March 24th, 2012
I lost my mother on January 10, 2012 on tuesday. One week before my 21st birthday. She died in her sleep due to throat cancer. I am the baby the last of 5 daughters. We didn't know she was going to die and before she died my sister said she asked to see me. If I would have known she was going to die I definitely would have seen her. She was my bestfriend. I have cried so much today. I read the letter she wrote when her mother died and it made me cry because that's the same way I feel. Why did you leave me? and I do put this shield up between me and other people.I hate when people say it's going to get better. When they say that I wanna give them a peace of my mind. I just have so much anger and I just want to sleep all day and night until I can be with her again.
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replied March 29th, 2012
I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother, especially just before your birthday. I don't know what to say.

Everything changes when someone you love passes. I've never been able to understand why life unfolds as it does but the thought of you feeling so sad is heartbreaking. Please take good care of yourself and reach out to your sisters, family and friends.

Your anger is justified, you lost someone irreplaceable. Please remember how much your Mom loved you and be kind to yourself as you grieve. Be kind to yourself ALWAYS.

I'm sorry I don't have better advice for you. My dad passed on December 12th, 2011 and I'm still trying to make sense of it myself, as so many of us here are trying to do.
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replied February 29th, 2012
Seeing your mother in a hospice and knowing their is no hope is truely one of the hardest things in the world. Pallative care nurses are truely amazing, at least in a hospital there is some hope. It is an exhausting cycle providing 24 hr care and having your grieving 'on hold' until that awful day comes. I lost my mum the 01/02/12, people keep on telling me the first year is going to be so hard, nothing terrifies me more then the fact that I could be feeling this for an entire year. But having already lost my dad and my brother I know how it feels. With the death of my mum there has also been terrible family breakdown, I have 25 yr age gaps, in my family, yes, I am the baby. The brother I was most closest too was very nasty from day one, he just crumbled and I can not forgive him for how evil and inconsiderate he was to me. so I feel like I have had two deaths. I know there is no turning back from losing my mother or the family collapse but only to look to the future and create my own. Luckily, I have a great partner who without I think I would have thrown myself off a cliff by now. I have had a history of depression so and studied psychology so luckily I can monitor myslef a little and my friends know that they can tell me if I am going off track. Luckily this forum exists as there would be too many sad people out there...
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replied May 8th, 2012
Hi ladies, I have lost my mom on 21 July 2011, wish I can erase this date from my calender, she was the only parent I had left, so difficult for me to pick up the peaces & carry on...I can still remember the day we had to say our final goodbyes, felt as if a part of me went down in her coffin, my life feels meaningless, dark & grey without her. She meant so much to me. It's a nightmare that I am still hoping to awake from, just collapsed & a severe heart attack caused her death, it happened all in a few minutes, we lost her. I cannot forget the look on her face, we could not understand what was going on with her, I pulled out of my yard, not knowing where I was going to get help, whilst she was already gone...I cry so so much!! even now, its morning hrs in my country, I have difficulty sleeping, I can feel my body is becoming weak, I miss her so very much!
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replied September 1st, 2011
Lost my mom
I lost my mom Aug 21 2011. She was 58 and my best friend. Having such a hard time. It's only been little over a week. I hope it gets easier
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replied September 1st, 2011
I lost my mother February 2010. She was 80 years old and worked up to 2 days at our store before she passed quietly in her sleep.

She left 10 children of which I am the oldest. I do not like funerals and would not go to one, even my own, if I did not have to be there.

I am still having a hard time in quiet moments dealing with the loss of my mother. Although I live 1,000 miles away from her, I was the one everyone came to. I even raised 3 of my siblings.

I've lost so many friends and family members (I was close to).

It is difficult for me although I go about my daily routine.
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replied September 5th, 2011
I too lost my mom on August 21st. She was only 64. I know how you feel. I hurt every day and am struggling to find a way to just get through each day. I have a 15 year old son. That is the on thing that keeps in perspective I have to press on. My mom too was my best friend.
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replied September 5th, 2011
I too lost my mom on August 21st. She was my best friend. This is the worst thing I have ever faced in my entire life. My prayers go out to you Vbandres and to all of those on here who have lost their moms. It is truly heartbreaking!
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replied September 7th, 2011
coping with a loss of a mother
I just found out that my mom is going into hospice.She isn't going to make it. I haven't been without her ever. I don't know what I'm going to do,I can't stop crying.
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replied September 12th, 2011
illness of mother
Dear micheleh; I'm so sorry to read your note about your mom. Be with her and cherish the moments, the memories, and make sure she is ready for heaven.

It's ok to be scared. The Lord will be with you every step if you ask Him to. There are many wonderful scriptures about how He is our guide even unto death, and walks thru that valley with us and our moms.

Hospice can't tell you how long she has. Only God knows that. I send you a hug and a prayer for strength. Celebrate this woman you've had all these years. Many don't care at all. You are a rich individual.

God bless you.
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replied November 4th, 2011
Posies
You have written such a beautiful replay. My mother passed on 11/22/11. I miss her so much and your words were very comforting.

Thank you and God Bless
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replied December 2nd, 2011
My Mother passed away on 11/21/11 suddenly and without any real warning. She went into cardiac arrest and passed shortly after. I am heart broken and filled with pain. Her funeral was last week. I have two small children, 3 and 6, so I am trying to be strong for them. I also have a wonderful husband. I went back to work this week and I am trying my very best to move on with life but it's so hard. I miss my Mom so much I ache for her....It's only been a week and half, but I can't imagine it getting any easier. My 6 yr. old daughter was very close with my Mom, and she is so sad it's heart breaking. I am finding the posts on this board very comforting, so thank you all for sharing.
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replied December 8th, 2011
My mother also passed away last month, on the 23rd November 2011. She was 49 years old. Last year, the hospital that she went in for what should have been a simple surgery- gave my mother an infection that took over 6months to battle.
She finally came good this year, but she was weak. Any minor sickness would knock her down, and she wasn't strong enough to fight the last sickness.

It started as just something like a virus, Wednesday 23rd November 2011 at 8:30 am, she was unwell and went to the Dr. He gave her a Maxillon shot to stop vomiting. Then by 1pm, my father had to call an ambulance because my mum had collapsed. Mums heart stopped on the way to the hospital. they tried to keep her alive, but she died at 5:30 that same day.

Im so MAD! She died in the same hospital that GAVE her the infection!

I slowly watched the blue fade from my mothers eyes as she died that evening, and that was the worst thing i have ever had to face. I stroked her hair, and inhaled the sweet scent of her hair, knowing she was going to die, but trying to capture that smell. I remember that smell, but i cant smell it now. Sad

My mum, my rock, my safety died on that table. And now my 3 children and i face the world on our own, with out their dear nanny, and my irreplaceable mum.

My birthday is Dec 25th, and mums is Dec 26th. We usually share a cake together at christmas time. im so scared of facing xmas this year, and not being able to handle it, and in turn ruining xmas for my partner, kids and my father. I hate that this has happened.

And i am soooo sick of people saying 'Sorry to hear about your mum, if theres anything i can do, just let me know'. I know they are only trying to help, but Damn, it doesnt!Im sick of being polite, and thanking them. I dont want to be mindful of their emotions. My world has been torn to shreds and i am angry at the hospital, angry at the situation, and basically overwhelmed with grief.
I am not a religious person at all, so words of mum going to heaven does not help. Not in the slightest. All i know is that mum is gone forever, and i can never get her back. And even though i have my children- i dont feel like i belong to a family anymore. My father is not my biological father as mum re-married when us kids were young. But my father and i are close- but nothing like my mum and I.
My siblings and i really dont get along. So all i have as security are my kids. I love them to bits. But i need to belong- and with mum i did. I have heard time will heal, but nothing can heal this. I am planning on focusing my anger in a positive way, and investigating the hospital's care of my mother.

Apparently a whole lot of people have caught this infection from this hospital during surgery- but obviously they were strong enough to live through it, or didnt face other illness's. I dont know, but i do know that I will be pursuing it.
I am sorry to all who have lost someone, i now truly know how it feels to lose someone so close.
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replied September 20th, 2011
Micheleh, my mum just passed away on the 10th September she has been very ill for three years with pulmonary hypertension - they took her into hospital to try and improve her life make it more comfortable but we knew she was coming home with palative care, we thought we had sometime with her. They did not allow us visit her for first few days as they wanted to get her oxygen levels up - and she likes to chat so they felt it better we gave her a chance to get some energy back. However, she died suddenly on the Saturday morning 10th no of us made it in on time....Spend every moment you can with her, cherish her, hug the bones of her because I can tell you the pain you will feel when your mum is gone is beyond words. Tell her everything that's in your heart and you will never have a regret. My thoughts are with you at this very difficult time. Karen
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replied September 23rd, 2011
My Mom
My mom just passed away Sept 15,2011 . She didn't tell us she was sick just that she had a bad cough. She was a smoker not mad about that, she did what she wanted too.We where all by her side we had her one week before she left us. My sister and brother have talked everyday since but you just have this hole inside you that you can't fill. 65 is not old to me we should have had her longer, but did have the chance to say goodbye and love and take care of her till the end. They say the last thing they lose is hearing so they do know everything you are saying, love and talk to them as much as you can. Mom would just say stuff out of the blue and we were like wow she is listening. Talked about old times and when we where kids, she would just smile. We love and miss you mom god speed!!!
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replied October 13th, 2011
Just lost my mom
I am so sorry. I just lost my mom 3 weeks ago. I, too, heard the terrible words, "We've done all we can medically do. You might consider hospice." I asked the dr. how long she might live (as we had many decisions to make, based on how long she might be with us) and, though he had a terrible time trying to "guess", he said a week. 8 days later, she died.

I still feel lost, blank, sad. It's so hard to beleve that I no longer have a mom. I miss her so much.
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replied June 15th, 2012
Sorry for your lost
I'm so sorry for your lost I lost my mother in 2001 to colon cancer and we heard those same horrible words that everything was done medically and we did put her in hospice and not a day later she was gone. I can't even explain to you how 11 years later it still hurts so much but, time will pass and you will get to a point where you can laugh at memories and not just cry. Pain and the feeling of being lost will never go away but, it gets better I came to this forum to express how I was feeling and seeing your post you touched my heart because how you feel is how I've been feeling lately its crazy and having lost my father in 2007 it just makes it so much worse. But, what I do know it that it does get so much better.
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replied October 23rd, 2011
Lost My Mom too
My Mom was 57 and I"m an only child. I never had much of a relationship with my father and he died just before I had my son, but my mom was my best friend, my favorite person to share all special moments with. I"m not married so this is really hard. Some days I feel so strong and then I just weep. She passed away October 5th 2011 and my father October 14th 2005. I know that God is with me because I thought I would have lost my mind by now, but it is still a journey, I thank God for helping me through and sending me to read all of your comments. I pray for peace and joy for all of us as we move forward in our lives, remembering the beauty of our parents and converting any loss or pain to love and thankfulness of having their souls and spirits in this world and play such a major role in our lives. I miss you mommy.
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replied February 5th, 2012
i am sorry. i know how you feel. i was the one that alway took care of my mom. i have been doing it for the last 15yrs. i knew everything about her illness and body. i left her with my friend just so i could go to the store and get some air.well i came back to my mother in the hands of emts and fire and rescuse. out side of our apt get chest compresstion done. and they put up a fighting chance they went on for awhile.it was like 20min or so.i was so mad i started to yhell at god and i pretty much told him off and that what the hell was his prombelm taking my dad and my grandmas and grandpas years before wasnt enough pain to put me in.i then thought it was my fault because i wasnt there and only if i was i might have been able to keep her with me alittle longer.i wasnt there when she need me the most.i just had to go to the store.i feel like she is mad at me for not beening there with her in that moment. she must have felt something.and know i have the same dream.its a normal day and mom gets up from the chair and starts to walk and falls.i help her up she starts to say iam ok and she goes limp. i drop with her to the ground and start to due chest compression and i get so despreat that i slap her across the face and she is back but not for long with in moments she goes limp and i am trying everything and i screaming mom mommy mom mommy please dont go stay with me please i need you mom mommy please please and i am crying my eyes out and i wake within a second after it end and i am still crying my eye out and i had just scream everything i dreamed out load for my man and who ever is in ear range to hear.and they look at me like i am crazy or need help. well maybe i do. i just know i miss my mommy verymuch and its killing me alittle more everyday that she is really gone and i can never hear her voice or touch her face or smell what she smelled like.this is my nightmare and i want to wake up now please.
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replied February 25th, 2012
Lost
Hi, My name is Dee
I lost my mother on Feb 10th 2012. I'm a only child (no kids/husband). I know how you feel. I feel so lost without her, but I have to believe she's in a better place. I also want to believe that the pain she was feeling on earth is no more. I feel your pain, but I try to make every minute count with my father. I try to deal with my situation minute by minute. Know that God loves us all and one day we'll all get a chance to see each other again. Love your family and make every moment count. Our mother's are constantly watching over us. I have to believe that! Take care!
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replied July 31st, 2012
Hi Dee, I lost my mum on June 4th 2012, she was 68, a very 'young' 68 and she died of COPD. I stayed with my family in Scotland for 7 weeks and now that I am home again in England it has really hit me. I'm an only child as well and not married and I wondered if that makes it harder, like not having the next generation to focus on, but reading the comments in this forum have helped me understand that the pain of losing a mum is just as painful for everyone who was close to their mum. It has made me wish that I had a sibling though. It has comforted me seeing that I'm not alone in the depths of the emotions i am experiencing and it is also evidence of all of our wonderfully close and loving relationships.I too believe that she is in God's care. I feel lost too but I try and remember that I am not lost to God's care and that I want to do what my mum told me to do which was to have a good life and do my best, take care Diane
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replied July 31st, 2012
Hi Dee, I lost my mum on June 4th 2012, she was 68, a very 'young' 68 and she died of COPD. I stayed with my family in Scotland for 7 weeks and now that I am home again in England it has really hit me. I'm an only child as well and not married and I wondered if that makes it harder, like not having the next generation to focus on, but reading the comments in this forum have helped me understand that the pain of losing a mum is just as painful for everyone who was close to their mum. It has made me wish that I had a sibling though. It has comforted me seeing that I'm not alone in the depths of the emotions i am experiencing and it is also evidence of all of our wonderfully close and loving relationships.I too believe that she is in God's care. I feel lost too but I try and remember that I am not lost to God's care and that I want to do what my mum told me to do which was to have a good life and do my best, take care Diane
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replied January 30th, 2008
My Heart goes out to you
I'm so sorry 2 hear about your mom.. i lost a cuzn in a head on collision in Nov. people say it gets better with time and it has, not much a little. Look at the 3 beautiful little girls u have and let them be your joy cause if anything was to happen to you their little hearts would be as empty as yours is now. if you need to go get on Anti depressants, i'm not saying its good for everyone, i did. It helped me cope a bit better. I couldn't even see my cousins son that survived the accident cause he reminded me of her. My cousin was only 20. It gets better slowly but it does.. Just know that their are many more people who love and care 4 you..
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replied April 23rd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I really can't answer this one. My mom is dying of late stage lung cancer and I myself am not sure how I am going to deal with it. Be strong!
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replied April 14th, 2011
Sry to hear about your mom. If you have any questions and need my help let me know k. I am dealing with the loss of my mother, she passed March 12, 2011 to lung cancer, not to scare you. But just know my heart is with you. Praying 4 u.
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replied May 11th, 2011
Losing your mother
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I lost my mom the end of October 2010 also to lung cancer. Mother's day was awful, I had to ignore the day and just move on. I am blessed to have a son that understands and just gently called and wished me a happy mother's day. Each holiday is a hurdle the first year. I have found that the further I am away from the day she died the more I am remembering the times she was well. However, I have noticed that I am remembering the few things my mother said that were not kind. I dearly loved my mother and she was very good to me. I think I am grasping to those few things that were bad to help me let go. I am not sure if it is so healthy. Please know I am thinking of all of you and your amazing relationships you had with your mothers. They give us strength and teach us so much. The one thing I wanted to ask my mom to teach me at the end was how do I ever get over losing her.... Blessings, love and hugs to all
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replied June 29th, 2011
Just make sure you spend all the time with her that you can. I just lost my mama 4 weeks ago to cancer and if anyone had told me that she would have been gone that soon I would have told them they were crazy. I just want her back so bad.
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replied August 18th, 2011
I just lost my mom on July 1 and I agree with you. I just want her back. It really hurts but some days are better that others.
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replied August 6th, 2011
Lost my mom to stage 4 lung cancer
Hi, I lost my ma last june 25, and she was my bestfriend. She also died of stage4 lung cancer. Being honest, I want you to stay with her as often as possible as this stage of cancer is very aggressive. While she is lucid and aware, tell her that you love her, say sorry if you have made her feel less important and tell her not be sorry as she was always there to care for you. And when the time is right, when she is tired, tell her its ok to let go. Assure her not to worry about you and the family, you will take care of each other. It won't be long now. Cherish the days you have left. All we have is borrowed time.

I still want to hold her hand, to feel her skin, to see her. I miss her greet me and ask me if I am hungry when I get home everytime. I miss most of all her voice. We celebrated her 40 days last week. There are happy days with the fa,ily but it is still hard for me. Most things remind me of her and I shed tears at the most inappropriate times, but I guess its part of grieving. I am trying to find ways to amuse myself and to move on, but it is difficult. I hang in there, I know my ma will be disappointed if I gave up. Smile
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replied April 27th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
CarolDiane
Sorry to hear about your mom hun,

Tabatha1, life have to go on hun, cherish her in your memories love her in your heart care for your 3 wonderful children as they will be the sunshine in your life from this day onwards. Love Hart74
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replied January 4th, 2013
hurt anger after death
I lost my mum on the 13/12/12. I got a call from my brother to say she had 4 hrs to live. My mum had cancer but I had no idea she was as I'll as she was as she kept it from me as I think she knew I wouldn't be able to cope with it. I live an hour and half from her so as soon as I knew she was dying I quickly sorted out childcare for my children and my hubby drove me there as quickly as he could. Luckily I got there just intime to give her a kiss and tell her how much we all loved her and what a fantastic mum she had been. Everyone kept telling me how she had been asking for me and waiting for me which I hope is the truth. I'm struggling now though but I have to try and get through every day for my kids but I have to admit that I feel like I'm pushing my hubby away even though I love him soo much the moment he shows me affection I feel like bursting into tears so I don't let him hold me or hug me. I just feel so angry my mum is not here. She was only 54 and such a strong woman I just wish I had spent a little more time with her and told her more often how much I loved her. I even have a voicemail from her that I won't delete so every now and then I can hear her voice. I'm sorry for rambling but I feel like I need to get some of the anger hurt I feel out
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replied April 27th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
CarolDiane wrote:
I really can't answer this one. My mom is dying of late stage lung cancer and I myself am not sure how I am going to deal with it. Be strong!


Carrie,

I didn't realize you were going through this with your mother. I'm very sorry to hear about her suffering and what you will have to face. I lost my own mother to lupus years ago.

I just wanted to say that I am here if you need to talk anytime.
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replied October 5th, 2011
Hi It would be so good to talk to you, I just lost
my mum to Lupus 4 months ago I am not coping at
all.

Paula
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replied April 27th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
lonestarguy
I see my GP tomorrow and am going to mention it. I am already on every med you can think of. My mom say her third greatgrandchild for the first time today. Daniel is three days old. That is why I am taking a LOA from my duties on the board. I am in no shape to help anyone right now. I just wiah we could get her out of the pain she is in. Hospice is still working on it. The Oxy is not even lasting her 6 hours now. I think the end is near.
Love ya lonetarguy,
Carol
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replied May 6th, 2008
Losing my mom
I'm going through the throws of dealing with grief after losing my mom from pancreatic cancer on Feb 23, 2008. It's been incredibly difficult considering she looked and seemed to be in perfect health. In fact, we celebrated her 70th bday in November with a great dinner party. My siblings and I treated my parents to a 5 star trip to Madrid...something that she always wanted. We were completely unprepared, when out of nowhere, while on another vacation this year (Jan 2008) in S. America she became ill and was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

After flying my parents back from S. America and having additional med tests done in NYC; the results were still the same. The worst part of the loss was the speed of her death. My mother died 12 days after arriving back home in NY. One minute I'm picking her up from the airport, the next I'm wheeling her into the emergency room, the next feeding her ice chips and massaging her feet because she was too weak to drink. It was awful to see her under those circumstances and to feel the intense emotions of helplessness. All I wanted to do was to find a way to make my mom get better. We did all the right things.... the best doctors, the best hospital, the best care....but the disease was too advanced and nothing helped. I feel horrible and completely in pain that one day she was alive and chatting, and the next she was being intubated. I knew that when that happened I would never hear her voice again. God it was awful to realize that! To think that the voice which you heard all your life would be extinguished is really difficult to bear. I honestly don't know how I'm coping with all of these feelings. Thank God for my therapist and now hopefully this site!!!

I'm a 39 year old male and I have never experienced such sorrow, anger, pain, despair, etc. I had no idea that I would react this way to my moms death. Luckily my friends, siblings and therapist have helped me deal with all of the feelings that come with such a tragic and speedy loss.

AR
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replied May 6th, 2008
Lost My Mom
I know how you all feel,I lost my Mom October 16,2007 to Lymphoma Cancer. I loved her so much, and life without her is so lonesome. I remember her words to me the day before she died, she told me she would call me. Every time my phone rings I think it is my Mom. We all love our Mom's and never want to let go. I was kissing my Mom's cheek when she took her last breath. Now that hurt's! I am 50 years old but I feel like a little lost girl with out my Mom. The pain has eased some,I still cry every night and I pray.In my prayer's I talk to my Mom,I know she hears me and I know some day I will be with her again.I have a daughter and a son who loves me and needs me very much,and that makes me smile,and I have three grandchildren who loves me also.Now that is something to want to live for.I heard a saying once;live every day like it's your last.
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replied May 6th, 2008
Losing Mom-Sorry about my book but you have to read this!!!
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mom March 26th 1999 from kidney failure (a complication from diabetes). She had just turned 46 years old 2 mos. before she died.Her death was so sudden. From the time of diagnosis of Chronic Kidney Failure until her death was less than 15 mos. She never even got to start dialysis. We thought that we would have alot of time.The last time that I saw my mom was on Mar.25th around 11:15 p.m.(she watched my two sons,then ages 5 and 3 while my husband and I worked 2nd shift) we went and picked up the kids after work and I told my mom that I was really tired from work and probably wouldn't call her that night when I got home,but that I would come over early the next day before work and visit with her more,and she said okay.I knew something was wrong the next morning when she didn't call my 5 yr. old to tell him to have a good day at school. I went over before I took my son to school and my son found her in her bed,she had passed away in her sleep the night before,the coroner said that she held on just long enough for me to pick up my kids and say goodbye to me.And you have to understand I am an only child and my parents were divorced.This was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.I blamed myself for along time because that was the one and only night that I didn't call her before I went to bed,I felt like if I would have called I could have done something.But I realize now that God took my mother for many reasons, one being that she always said "I hope God takes me before I have to start dialysis,I hear it's very painful." And he heard her request because he took her 4 days before she was due to start dialysis. Also my 5 yr. old son(the one that found her) got sick about 3 mos. after mom died and I kept taking him to his Dr. and different E.R. Dr's and thay kept saying that it was just a flu with no fever. In Aug.my mom came to me in my dreams and told me that I needed to watch my son otherwise he was going to be taken from me,and I asked her what she was talking about and she told me that she wasn't sure but he either had a brain tumor or a tumor on his spinal cord and if not watched it would turn to a stage 4 cancer and he would be taken from me(die).When I took him to the E.R. again I told the Dr.about my dream (he knew my mom for yrs.) he did a CT scan just to ease my mind,and that's when they found that my son had a brain tumor on the left side of his brain about 2-3 inches in diameter!! I dropped to my knees in the hospital and cried because I knew mom wouldn't lie to me.My son has had brain cancer twice but has been cancer free since 2000.I would have never known if it hadn't been for mom coming back to me.
I'm not going to say that it is ever EASY but it does get easier as time goes by. I still miss my mom terribly!! But I also know that now she is better off,she's no longer in a wheelchair,she's able to walk and I know that she is always there watching over our family!! She's our Guardian Angel. Sorry about my long response but I had to tell my story.Anyone feel free to PM me if you want to talk,I'm here if needed.And you all are in my thoughts and prayers.God Bless You All!!!
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replied May 13th, 2011
Oh wow! this made me cry alot!! I am sorry about your loss, and I am numb right now just thinking about how I Am feeling about it. My mom passed away dec 31 (newyears eve)of 2009 and I am having a hard time talking to people about the odd up and down times that I have... I keep playing the whole last week of her life in my head...how she looked, how she felt, I wished there was more I could do for her, she managed to hold out till christmas Day and have a nice christmas but that was all strength put into a week from on Christmas Day... As soon as boxing day hit, she went right downhill and passed away on Decemeber 31 2009. Somedays I just have such a hard time thinking of what it would be like with her around, I'm really upset with myself for feeling angry at her going through treatment sometimes, but it wasn't her fault. She wanted to die at home,so she got her wish, but I often see her laying there after she passed away before the funeral home came and picked her up.
It has been a year and 5 months and I can't imagine going on without her some days, I wanna get married one day, have a baby, she will never see that Sad Makes me think it might not be abig deal if I don't do those things as I can't take it without my mother, and I wonder what kid of day I would have. Time Heals, but its just these out of the blue moments (usually when its time for me to settle down and go to bed) that I start to feel grief and sadness overload about it Sad
Prayers to you all!!
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replied May 31st, 2011
Mother's passing
Hi My Mother just passed away the sunday before memorial day weekend.. I am 28 and single.. not much family and very little close friends,, I am struggling on how to deal with all of the above as they all play a part in the greiving process.. I am asking for suggesstions and other sites that may help me tackle these next few weeks/months..

Not sure if i am in the right spot but any help would be appreciated.

thanks,
Kyle
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replied June 3rd, 2011
You are not alone.
Hi Kyle,
I'm 32, and going through the same; My Mom passed suddenly in Febuary 2011. I am in a similar situation friends-and-family-wise. I'm learning that this is difficult for people to cope with even if they do have a solid friends and family structure. In fact, many people tell me their relationships with friends and family were adversely impacted as a result of grief.... So, don't feel you are at a disadvantage or without support. Ultimately, this is a very personal process.

I don't claim to have the answers, but I can tell you what helps me. I read... a lot... because I don't always have someone to talk to or to get advice from. My Mom was my closest friend and confindante. We spoke daily. Reading is a pensive, meditative activity that helps me calm down when the anxiety and pain become too much. Some of the things I've been reading are self help, sometimes fiction to distract myself or escape. The fact is, nothing and no one can "fix" this situation or heal this wound. You just have to get through the bad days somehow, and then treasure the good days. And believe me, there will still be good days. I find the grief surfaces frequently and unexpectedly, so on days when I really feel lost I just make myself scarce. Be patient... you are here for a reason, don't forget that. And whatever your belief system is, rely on it as much as you can to help you find the logic an understanding that will help you cope with this. Some days its hard to make sense of anything - I'm told this is because grief clouds the mind and chemically changes you.
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replied October 3rd, 2011
I am so sorry. I lost my mom August 28th 2011. She had kidney and liver failure due to a 11 year battle with sarcoidosis. She had two week long stays in the hospital which have been the only times she had hospital stays. I did not expect for her to leave me. Everything they tried just did not work and as they transported her to the medical university she became worse and they could not help her. I am the only child of a single mother and she was my best friend!! She was a wonderful mom who always made my world a wonderful place. The last time I talked to her before she was unresponsive was after she had dialysis and she wanted to know if I ate dinner and would I be okay in the storm. I love her so much! I have days when I am so angry, so sad, and just so alone. My family, my church family, her friends and my friends have been helpful. My faith and her faith has helped. I am a mental health counselor so I allow my peers to remind me what I need to do. I journal and that has helped me some. Bless you all.
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replied June 3rd, 2011
BTW Kyle, sorry if my message wasn't exactly what you're looking for (advice wise)... I'm looking too... and I don't tend to be social; so, I am not sure of any similar sites that have helpful grief counseling resources. However, I just want to say that I am so very sorry for your loss. I cant event find words enough to convey how sorry I am that you are experiencing this. But I wish you well, and I truly hope you find what you're looking for.
When I was packing my Mom's house last week, I found she'd framed a picture I took in an old cemetery when I was young... It was of a sign that read "That which is so universal as death must be a blessing".

If you find anything/anyplace that truly helps, please drop us a line here.

"Deep Peace
of the running wave to you

Deep Peace
of the flowing air to you

Deep Peace
of the quiet earth to you

Deep Peace
of the shining stars to you

Deep Peace
of the gentle night to you,
moon and stars
pour their healing light on you

Deep Peace to you."

~ Gaelic Blessing
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replied June 4th, 2011
CactusRose,
thank you for your reply..Reading was HUGE part of my mothers life. She had struggled with diabetes and health issue most of her life and after reading your post i now truly believe that is the reason she read so much, it was her way of easing her mind and allowed her temporarily relief

You are absolutely correct in that i shouldn't view my lack of support/family situation as a disadvantage.. its just so hard not to Smile i feel it would be much easier to deal with loss if i was surrounded with family..

Your words truly did help me put things in prospective and for that i thank you. I will be sure to share anything that i find that helps with you.
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replied July 15th, 2011
Kyle,

I wanted to comment on your post. I am however from a very large family as my mother was 1 of 10 kids. She passed away a year ago from battling cancer for 8 years with having treatments every week. She was my ROCK and my best friend. I am a 34 year old divorced man and I find myself coping by myself. Even though I have a huge family it is just like you have read above, people deal with loss differently. You will ALWAYS find yourself wanting answers and wanting to have one more day or hour, I too have had a rough time but you have to find inner stregth to move on and look at the positive which is extremly hard. There is not one day that goes by that I do not have a crying session but they are good. I am not going to agree with saying time will heal becuase its been a year and still feels like I lost her yesterday, maybe more time will tell but hold you head up and remember the good things and know you will join her again and in her mind it will be second but to us it feels like an eternity. You can always email me if you need any questions answered and i will try my best to give you the advise which helped me.
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replied June 16th, 2011
Hi Kyle

I am sooooo sorry for your loss. I will pray for you. Keep posting your feelings. It helps, and you know the responses come from people who trully understand. You must grieve, so keep posting anything and everything you want to pour out. Do not hold it in.

I am praying for you.

Taiyana
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replied October 21st, 2011
Hi Taiyana
Hi Taiyana,
thank you for your post...it does help to post feelings every now and then.. it has been 4 months since her passing and i find myself still coming back... it has been unbelievably hard...

i keep it all in until i know it isnt healthy and then i post it here.. i know that is probably bad but i dont know know what else to do... good days and bad days i guess ..

Kyle
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replied August 6th, 2011
Hi Kyle,
I lost my mom too a few weeks later than you. I feel for you and know that you are not alone. My Dad and I spent our birthdays in ICU with my mom. Don't give up, don't let your Ma down. Make your mom proud. You are in my thoughts..Mitzi
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replied June 16th, 2011
Hey healhoper

I know exactly what you mean. I had just started Grad school but now the excitement of going on has faded. Im also beating myself up over not having given her the grandkids she always wanted. I kept telling her to give me 5 more years. Now i even feel sad over the thought of my having kids who will never know their amazing grandmother. I wonder what is the point of it all? Oh, mum passed on 23rd May. Its just been 3 weeks and i have the rest of my life to get through. Times like these i suddenly feel it would be ok if i died young, and that way i'd get to see her again! Sigh......
I will say a prayer for you, that your healing continues. I cant quite pray for me yet, so i will pray for you Smile
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replied July 30th, 2011
Yeah I feel the same- mym mum died on 22nd January 2010-I had only got amrried aged 25 on 3rd July 2009- sometimes feel bad having not given any grandchildren sooner and now just don't see the point of living without her here to be proud of me. I can't cope at all!My mum was only 56 and a lovely person!
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replied July 30th, 2011
Mothers death
Just reading through these stories and can relate to this one. My Mum died on 22nd January 2010 jsut 5 months, 5 days and 2 hours after being diagnosed with cancer. I only got married on 3rd July 2009. I really miss her so much and can't cope without her. Married life isn't what it should be as she isn;t here to talk to and I feel I am doing so much wrong. I also found out recently I cannot have children naturally and will need fertility treatment which we currently can't afford. Like you I think all the time how much better life would be with her around and I get so so angry and have out of the blue moments of saddness especially at bed time! Sad Sad Sad
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replied July 30th, 2011
Mothers death
Just reading through these stories and can relate to this one. My Mum died on 22nd January 2010 jsut 5 months, 5 days and 2 hours after being diagnosed with cancer. I only got married on 3rd July 2009. I really miss her so much and can't cope without her. Married life isn't what it should be as she isn;t here to talk to and I feel I am doing so much wrong. I also found out recently I cannot have children naturally and will need fertility treatment which we currently can't afford. Like you I think all the time how much better life would be with her around and I get so so angry and have out of the blue moments of saddness especially at bed time! Sad Sad Sad
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replied June 16th, 2011
Hi Yolita
I am reading your story three years down the line and i have cried copiusly! Its so touching! I lost my mom three weeks ago and im so so so lost. I turned 30 5days after she died. I am grateful that she passed on before the pain set it...she had advanced lung cancer. God was good and gave her time to say goodbye and make peace with her condition. She even refused chemo. Her biggest fear when it came to dying was we her children, and i hope in my heart that i did my best to assure her that my brother and i would be ok. I was holding throughout her final hours, and i pray she knows i was there and was comforted. Her absence is so heartbreaking. I havent even had a dream about her yet. I cant even pray these days, but i keep asking God for a sign from her that she is still with me. I am afraid of completely giving in to my grief because i might become a cabbage, and i know she wanted me to be strong. I pray that she will appear to me in my dreams one of these days. Im so unbelievaly sad and lonely despite all the love that surrounds me. I just want my mommy. Sob sob...
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replied June 16th, 2011
Tiayana, I lost my mother 3 weeks ago as well to lung cancer. I'm also absolutely devastated.My mother was the world to me and cancer is such a nasty and ruthless disease. My mother died just about 9 days after diagnosis (we were told for awhile it was a lung infection, granuloma and other more benign issues). I talked to my mother every single day and saw her at least 2 times each week. My heart is broken but I had my mother in my life for 43 years so I am very grateful for that. My mom was 80 years old when she passed and she was a wonderful woman indeed. When my sister called me to tell me that my mother had passed away (my mom was in the hospital and died in the early morning hours when we weren't permitted to be there) - I was horrified. This was my worst nightmare come true. I'm only relieved to know that I will never ever have to go through hearing those terrible words again in my life ("mommy passed away") as it was so horrible to hear those words just once...and I couldn't handle hearing it again. I'm grateful that my mom is no longer suffering in pain, isn't being poked and prodded in the hospital any longer, and is now reunited with my dad (her husband of 40 years) and her family whom she often reminisced about in her later years. My role now is to be the best person I can be so that I can show the world what a great mother she was in bringing up her daughter to be a decent person in life. I wish all of you the very best as I know exactly the pain you are feeling. Losing a mother is tragic - it makes you feel lonely, sad and scared. My mother would also look out for me even at my age - she would complain if I didn't wear the right coat in the winter to stay warm and stress about where I parked in the mall at night as she worried I would be attacked going out shopping on my own. Nobody cares like mom! And while I complained that I was "no longer a kid" and didn't need her to worry - I realize now that I would do anything to have her ask me to put on my hat or make sure I have my cell phone charged in case of an emergency, etc., etc. etc. She truly cared about me and I miss her with all of my heart and soul forever.
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replied November 21st, 2011
wow, there are no words for me to say to your story. i lost my mom 2 weeks ago. like yours she was diagnosed with choronic kidney failure inresults to her having cancer. she was only only on dialysis 1 month befor she passed. this the hardest thing ive have gone thru and i just dont see if i can see the light out of this dark hole. the only times i smile is when i think that she is no longer bound to a wheel chair or a walker nor have to be poked with needles allthe time.
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replied May 16th, 2008
to caroldiane and tabitha
CarolDiane, my mom died of lung cancer too. i remember being in the position youre in right now, my mother was on hospice and all we could do was wait for it to happen. it is an awful situation to be in and im sorry you have to deal with it.
My mother died when i was 17. It was very hard to get through. I was kind of a sheltered kid and i was really close to her. i dont know how to explain how i got through it. i just, did. She is gone but you will see that time still goes on-- life doesnt stop. That is really depressing and at the same time comforting. it is hard to get over, it really is. I remember her crying over my grandmothers death even years after she died. The best thing you can do is talk about it alot and know that she is still there with you. i dont know if you are religious but dealing with her passing has made me more religious. the only thing that made me feel better at first was thinking that she was in a better place. not married to my father anymore (who was a lousy husband and father, she only stayed with him for me and my brother but thats a WHOLE different story), and shes not in pain anymore. i also believe that she is still with me. i have had some pretty crazy things happen to me since she died and when they did i felt her there.

2 years and i still stop sometimes and i just cannot believe that she is not here. it will take a lot of time but just remember that she is still there with you. hopefully you will be as fortunate as i am to know that she is still there with me when i need her.

i am so sorry you have to deal with this but i know things will be ok! your kids will understand that you are sad and they will know espeacially as they get older that your actions now are due to the pain that you are in.
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replied May 16th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
A comfort and yet remorse
I want to thank those above for your posts and heartfealt words. I know I am not alone. Your stories although sad, have much streangh and wisdom in them and I know after reading them, I also will find that streangh and wisdom to deal with what is ahead.
Her pain right now is holding under the medication pretty well. It is the day that she can't do anything for herself anymore that I dread. Even though being in the hopsital setting for so many years and being a caregiver an emergency response team member, it is not the same is being one of your own.
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replied September 30th, 2008
i feel you pain
i lost my mum, november 2007 i was 17 at the time had her buried 18th of december 1 day before my 18th birthday.......i no alot of ppl say time is a healer yes it probly is........but we r tlkin about the here and now....i was not tlkin to my mum a month before she passed because alot was goin on....i feel so guilty now because she passed away from a brain aneyrysm so it happened so fast i didnt get to tell her how much she ment to me....your 3 girls are so lucky to have u and u have to think about what ur mum would of wanted for u she wouldnt want u to think that they are better without u she would want u to bring them up in a loving way and let them no u love them everyday....need to tlk im here i no its nice to get things of ur chest i hope this helped a little
let me no how u get on
danielle
x
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replied November 13th, 2008
how to deal with my mothers death?
I found my mother dead on October 21, 2008. Im 39 years old and have to help her mother deal when i cant deal. My mother was only 57 years old. What can I do? help me please.
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replied November 13th, 2008
Experienced User
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry for your loss. Talk to family member's , friend's or get into a support group. When I lost my husband the funerial home actually gave me alot of brouchers to read, they helped me to where I could deal, but counseling was the best thing for me. Again I'm sorry for everyone's loss, time does heal all thing's.
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replied November 13th, 2008
Supporter
There are no words I can say, but to each of you who have lost your beutiful Mothers, know they are in a wonderful place. They will ALWAYS be with you in your heart. Mothers hold a special place in our hearts. I wish I could say something or do something that would help to ease the hurt each of you feel...... in reality I know I can not..............but I hope you all know I do deeply care. I am always here to lend an ear or shoulder if you need one.............God bless you all.
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Users who thank Fairy Godmother for this post: Lam1  sandrakay 

replied September 20th, 2011
My Mum
My mum just passed away about 7 days ago. Wed 14 Sept 2011, just 10days to her 64th birthday!! I am still grieving. My heart is broken into pieces. My world ended. It's as if a sword was shot deep into my heart? The most painful part is that I wasnt there when it happened! She was my best friend, my confidant, my sweet mother! Always there for me! What will I do without her? How can I move on? This pain is too much to bear! I spoke to her 2 days before she passed away & she made promises to see me soon! I need my mum!! I want my mum!! Will this pain ever go away?
Sade
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replied January 9th, 2009
Supporter
I know how u feel....
My mother passed when I was 13 yrs. old now 21. It isnt easy too deal with at all. When I was going through the grief I must say that church was and other family members is what helped me pull through it. I was on the brink of wanting to kill myself and release all the pain I was goin through but I can tell you that isnt the answer by far. Would your mom like too see you in such a bad state?

Everyday you will think about her but dont cry tears of sadness but of happiness. Death is a celebration she is in a better place watching over you. She isn't gone at all you will see her again in dreams and the after-life, everytime you close your eyes when your going through something you will see her smiling face pushing you to go forward.

I know from personal experience its not easy but that is one thing that will make you a stronger person in every aspect of life. There are no particular words I can say but as time heals you, you will see what I am talking about.

If u need someone to talk too please IM and we can talk anytime you need it.......

God Bless You
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replied January 26th, 2009
I have never got to say good bye..
My mom is 57. She is back in Russia and I am here in New Jersey. I have a 3 year old who is turning 4 in less than a month. She's never gotten to see him. Myself, I left Russia 7 years ago, being 19 years of age and haven't seen her since then. Long coversations over internet, international texting, phone calls. I know I am loosing her, and I dont want to accept it, nor do I want to live. I feel undescribable pain, which never goes away. I am on the phone with my daddy, my brother all the time. I am on zanacks because I cant sleep, waiting for this call that it is over. I dont want to believe this, I dont want to know this, I just want to go to sleep and wake up, like it was all just been a nightmare. I want to talk to her, I want to see her, and make all the things she was never able to do.
You wondering why am I still here and not by her side? what can I say? I tried everthing possible and impossible. My son's US passport was done practically in 10 hours, but he wasn t given Visa. At first, I was ready to go without him, but how could I. He is the only little connection line of me with my life. I am trying to keep my sanity, but I feel like Iam doing a really poor job. My family has been through a lot financially. I am the only help they have. On top of me being a single mom myself. My dad was ashamed to tell me that even if I get the money for the tickets which is almost $2000. There is not going to be money for ... I don t want to say the word. I feel guilt, pain, non stop pain, and desparation. I dont want to live. Right after her surgery in October, 08. I was accepted to Columbia University. She was so proud of me and now I just don't feel like it even matters now. Its all fake. Alll our goals our ambitions, every day little worries are fake. They are over nothing. As I said I am trying to keep my sanity, but I just don't want to get out of the house. How can all this go away, if I could not even come to say good bye. Life is so empty. I dont feel strong empowered and invincible any more. Like I used to feel before. I hate Russia, with all its corruption, with all its health care system . I feel like I am loosing it. And the words be strong just dont make any sense at all. Help...
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replied September 23rd, 2011
Dealing with loss of my mother as an only child..
I wish we didnt have to deal/cope with the pain, sadness, and depression that comes from losing someone important in our lives. But the sadness that I hear in your words fills me with fear and Im not sure what to say to you for comfort. My heart hurts for the sadness of everyones grief. Im an only child and I just loss my mother(best friend) on 8/24/11 and I had no idea how badly the pain of losing her would be. I wake up each day unsure if I can ever see life the same again. I feel so loss without her and I cant imagine continuing this life without her, but I know I have to. I just want my mom back. I never anticipated feeling so lost and alone. But I trust that God will pull me through this and I believe he will do the same for you. Do the best you can and forgive yourself. Im sure your mother knows your heart. I hope and pray we all stay encouraged and find our joy again. God bless!
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replied September 26th, 2011
My Mom Died 1 week ago tomorrow
I feel like you and so many on here - I Lost my Mom 1 week ago tomorrow - my Dad dies in 1985 and my brother died when I was 13 - I do have a sister bue she often seems distant to me - My mom was 77 made it through the surgery but had a massive heart attack and was DNR. She was just diagnosed about 2 weeks ago but it's obvious now that she has had it for a long time because she has been going downhill for the last 5 years if not longer. She was only 84 pounds and I cry when I think about seeing her like that.

I cry like a baby and I am 51 - I miss her so much. We are all lucky and happy she didn't wake up and survive because the surgeon said her lymph nodes were loaded with cancer and she would have probably not lasted 6 months. I cry all the time - I cannot believe she is gone. I do not want to see these holidays coming - they are always so happy and cheery like everyone in the world is so happy - not EVERYBODY is happy during the holidays - I am not suicidal but I sure do understand why people lose it at Holiday Time

God I miss my Mom so much - my life will never be the same - I know that.
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replied December 4th, 2011
I can really relate to you.I lost my mother to Hodgkins Lymphoma 4/26/11 at 83. I am a single white male, just turned 60 on 10/23/11. My mother was the happiest most loving, unselfish and generous person I ever knew. Even during her chemo therapy etc she never once complained about anything, just smiled all the time and asked about everyone else. I was with her when she passed away and I just can't stop thinking about her. We were very close and I loved her so much, I just wish it had been me instead of her. I'd like to move on with my life but I am having such a hard time of it. I still cry when I hear a tune she liked or pass by her favorite places. This holiday time is the worst because she so loved the Christmas season. I couldn't handle Thanksgiving without her so I bowed out of the family get together and stayed here in my apt. I told my sister I am not doing Christmas either because it would be like torture to me not to have her there. She always came with me because I'm the only single one. I just can't bear it. When my mother was around I was a totally different person, outgoing and fun loving just like her but how things change. I have a lot of friends but I just don't want to see anyone, the grief just overwhelms me. I do what I need to do, excercise and eat right and all of that but like you, I miss her so much I can't stand it. My heart is so broken over her death that I find it hard to concentrate. I was strong making all the arrangements for her funeral and handling the sale of her home etc but now that its all done, I find it so difficult to move on. Your not alone in your feelings. It helped me a little to read your story so maybe by reading mine, it will help you a little. I hope so. God Bless You.
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replied December 13th, 2011
Reading these posts are heartbreaking but adequately express the saddness I too feel in the loss of my Mom. My heart goes out to all of you. Mom passed away April 29, 2011, she had emphysema and had been on Oxygen for 13 years, never hospitalized until 4 days before she died, she was 2 weeks shy of her 70th birthday. Mom was talking to us in the morning and told us she couldn't fight anymore she was tired. we all spent time with her telling her we loved her and that she was an amazing mom and we would miss her terribly but we knew she fought as hard as she could for as long she could. We put her on morphine and she died a few hours later. There were no regrets as we fulfilled her wishes. I am an ICU RN and I deal with death and dying everyday but nothing prepares you for the loss of your Mom. I am one of 4 siblings and Mom had 6 grandchildren, fammily get togethers were loud and crazy and mom wouldn't have it any other way as she was an only child. Now we are struggling as a family because our "glue", our matriarch, is no longer there. Our Dad is having his own difficulties trying to get on without his "better half" of almost 49 years. I go on everyday because I know that is what she wants but sometimes it is, as many of you said, almost unbearable just to breathe knowing she isn't here with us. I still reach for the phone to call her when i leave work to let her know about my day and it has been 8 months now. I am watching others lose their moms and see their pain and it is a constant reminder of my own loss. I share my story with them and it seems to help them not sure yet if it helps me or not, seems to keep opening the wound. I was blessed to have her for those extra 13 years because in that time she attended the birth of 3 of her grandchildren and walked me down the aisle with my dad and fulfilled her life long dream of taking the entire clan to Disney world. There is something amazing about Mom's, their selflessness, their ability to always know when we need them. When they pass the void they leave in our lives appears unfillable. I miss her terribly everyday and with the holidays approaching it seems to be intensifying. They say the first of everything is the hardest and that appears to be true and time heals all wounds, I guess that remains to be seen. My mom's legacy remains in those of us she left behind just as your moms' have done for you. Whether you got the opportunity to say a proper good bye or not she knows you loved her very much, Mom's just seem to know.....
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replied December 15th, 2011
your mom sounds like my mom,. She was only 73 and died November 3, 2011 from bladder cancer. She underwent chemo last winter and never once complained. Dad and i were with her October 12, 2011 2 days before their 50th anniversary when the dr told her 3-6 months left. She never shed a tear or felt sorry for herself. She was the bravest person I ever knew. Instead she worried about me, my dad and her 2 grandsons. I am dreading Christmas too. I stayed home from work today to go to the cememetry the first time Ive been there since her burial. I have a great husband, friends and children but I feel no one knows what its like. I wish i had words of wisdom for everyone dealing with this but I dont think there are any. If you want to IM me back maybe we can help each other. I pray for the holidays to be over fast.
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replied March 21st, 2012
Boy do I relate to you! My mom also had bladder cancer and we thought we had been through the worst a long time ago. She survived chemo, radiation, everything they put her through. And after 16 years of being told she was cancer free imagine our surprise when they told us the cancer was back and there was nothing they could do. What did they mean there was nothing they could do? This was my mom!! Dad called and said he'd put mom in the hospital as she was sick and they couldn't figure out why. That was the end of June 2011. I went down to see her and all she could ask about were the grandkids and when was I having my back surgery? The fourth of July they told us she had a tumor that filled her abdomin and was attatched to her tailbone. All these drs and all they could say was maybe you should call hospice. Really??? That's it? That's all you have to say after all she'd been through? You took care of her all those years and that's all you had to say to me. I was so angry. Some days I still am. Dad and I brought her home the 7th of July and took care of her til she died August 20th,2011. I feel horrible because I wasn't there when she died. I had to come home for a dr appt and to see my lawyer and she died while I was gone. I feel so guilty because she was always there for me when I needed her. I feel like I let her down. I didn't get to say goodbye, even though when I left to come home I said my goodbyes I still hoped she'd be there at least until I got back 2 days later. no one was with her when she passed. Dad said she'd waited for that one moment when no one was there because she didn't want any of us to see her take that last breath. I'm sure that's true, that was Mom. I cry every day. I am so lost without her. Life will never be the same again. I dread the holidays. Mothers day is coming, her birthday, their anniversary, even my daughters wedding in July. How do I get through this? I am so lost without her. I wish I had words to comfort you. All I can say is I am so sorry for your loss. It seems so lacking doesn't it?
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replied September 23rd, 2011
Dealing with loss of my mother as an only child..
I wish we didnt have to deal/cope with the pain, sadness, and depression that comes from losing someone important in our lives. But the sadness that I hear in your words fills me with fear and Im not sure what to say to you for comfort. My heart hurts for the sadness of everyones grief. Im an only child and I just loss my mother(best friend) on 8/24/11 and I had no idea how badly the pain of losing her would be. I wake up each day unsure if I can ever see life the same again. I feel so loss without her and I cant imagine continuing this life without her, but I know I have to. I just want my mom back. I never anticipated feeling so lost and alone. But I trust that God will pull me through this and I believe he will do the same for you. Do the best you can and forgive yourself. Im sure your mother knows your heart. I hope and pray we all stay encouraged and find our joy again. God bless!
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replied November 1st, 2011
i searched for how to get over the death of a mother, am trying to deal with the death of my mum,who left to glory 21/10/2011,after two years of fighting cancer,her burial is 19/11/2011, so am trying to write my tribute, she is 47,beautiful,my best friend ,my all on earth, she is like no one, i cant imagine my future without her cos i planned every bit with her in it.am just 19 and i wasnt in d country when she died. i still cant believe it. i pray all our mothers are resting in peace.
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