Dealing with death of mother - how to cope? Posted: 11-30-07 09:55am
well my mother died 3 weeks ago suddenly
and i woke up the next day i dont know
what to do i hate feeling like this plus i
have 3 beautiful girls i love them but im
in the mind set that maybe thier better
off with out me what can i do i need to do
something i would appericate any advice on
how to deal with this
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RejuveNATION
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Joined: 22 Nov 2007 Posts: 25 Location: , NY
Sorry to Hear About Your Mom. Posted: 11-30-07 21:13pm
Hun, Don't give up. This is a change in
your life that is emotionally mixed
feelings of sadness and some good times.
Do the best for yourself and your girls
and with time passing you will feel
better. When you get on a positive path
the sun shines brighter...
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kymm
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It Does Get Better Posted: 12-03-07 06:28am
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother.
I know how hard of a time it is right now.
I lost my husband this year to sucide.I
had alway's heard people talking about
time healing all things. I didn't
understand what they were saying, till
now. Time does heal all thing's. You never
forget, but there will be a day when you
wake up and it won't hurt as much and you
will remember all the good time's without
crying.Remember you have 3 beautiful
girl's that still need you and love you
very much. Everyone griefs in there own
way and time. There are 5 steps and they
don't all go in this order. Denial
Anger,Barginging with God,Depression, and
Acceptance. You can also go to the funeral
home and they have litature for free that
you can read , they can also give you
names and numbers to supports groups.
Again I'm sorry for you loss and if you
would like to reply please feel free to do
so.
Tabatha,
My condolenses to you and your family. I
do understand where your coming from. I
lost my mother November 5, 2007 and it was
the hardest thing I've been through. I am
mother of 2 children and they really loved
their grandmother. Like Kymm has
mentioned, it's going to take time to
heal. I really miss her, the other day I
found her jacket that she wore last and
when I smelled it, I just held it and
cried like a lil girl. I held it like I
was holding her. I have to remind myself
that my mother was truely a wonderful
women and taught me a lot. Just remember
that she's not forgotten her spirit lives
on, cherish what she's left behind and
that's a beautiful daughter. You're so
important, not only to yourself, but to
your family. You really mean a lot to
your love ones. Also take time for
yourself as well. I was finding myself
just feeling so depressed and saying to
myself "what if", but I had to learn how
to let that go. I had to clean out my
mother's apartment, a place that she lived
in for forty years, yes 40. In doing that
I cried, but I had a lot of laughter as
well. You are in my prayers sis and if
you need someone to talk to, pm me. Be
blessed, TColeman
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Blue Tink
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Joined: 10 Jan 2008 Posts: 7 Location: ,
My Heart goes out to you Posted: 01-30-08 13:01pm
I'm so sorry 2 hear about your mom.. i
lost a cuzn in a head on collision in Nov.
people say it gets better with time and it
has, not much a little. Look at the 3
beautiful little girls u have and let them
be your joy cause if anything was to
happen to you their little hearts would be
as empty as yours is now. if you need to
go get on Anti depressants, i'm not saying
its good for everyone, i did. It helped me
cope a bit better. I couldn't even see my
cousins son that survived the accident
cause he reminded me of her. My cousin was
only 20. It gets better slowly but it
does.. Just know that their are many more
people who love and care 4 you..
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CarolDiane
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Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2396
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Posted: 04-23-08 15:37pm
I really can't answer this one. My mom is
dying of late stage lung cancer and I
myself am not sure how I am going to deal
with it. Be strong!
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Hart74
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CarolDiane Posted: 04-27-08 12:15pm
Sorry to hear about your mom hun,
Tabatha1, life have to go on hun, cherish
her in your memories love her in your
heart care for your 3 wonderful children
as they will be the sunshine in your life
from this day onwards. Love Hart74
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lonestarguy
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Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 592 Location: , Hoosierland, USA
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Posted: 04-27-08 12:44pm
CarolDiane
wrote:
I really can't answer this
one. My mom is dying of late stage lung
cancer and I myself am not sure how I am
going to deal with it. Be
strong!
Carrie,
I didn't realize you were going through
this with your mother. I'm very sorry to
hear about her suffering and what you will
have to face. I lost my own mother to
lupus years ago.
I just wanted to say that I am here if you
need to talk anytime.
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CarolDiane
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Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2396
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lonestarguy Posted: 04-27-08 14:35pm
I see my GP tomorrow and am going to
mention it. I am already on every med you
can think of. My mom say her third
greatgrandchild for the first time today.
Daniel is three days old. That is why I am
taking a LOA from my duties on the board.
I am in no shape to help anyone right now.
I just wiah we could get her out of the
pain she is in. Hospice is still working
on it. The Oxy is not even lasting her 6
hours now. I think the end is near.
Love ya lonetarguy,
Carol
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Wishingforpeace
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2008 Posts: 1
Losing my mom Posted: 05-06-08 21:20pm
I'm going through the throws of dealing
with grief after losing my mom from
pancreatic cancer on Feb 23, 2008. It's
been incredibly difficult considering she
looked and seemed to be in perfect health.
In fact, we celebrated her 70th bday in
November with a great dinner party. My
siblings and I treated my parents to a 5
star trip to Madrid...something that she
always wanted. We were completely
unprepared, when out of nowhere, while on
another vacation this year (Jan 2008) in
S. America she became ill and was
diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.
After flying my parents back from S.
America and having additional med tests
done in NYC; the results were still the
same. The worst part of the loss was the
speed of her death. My mother died 12
days after arriving back home in NY. One
minute I'm picking her up from the
airport, the next I'm wheeling her into
the emergency room, the next feeding her
ice chips and massaging her feet because
she was too weak to drink. It was awful
to see her under those circumstances and
to feel the intense emotions of
helplessness. All I wanted to do was to
find a way to make my mom get better. We
did all the right things.... the best
doctors, the best hospital, the best
care....but the disease was too advanced
and nothing helped. I feel horrible and
completely in pain that one day she was
alive and chatting, and the next she was
being intubated. I knew that when that
happened I would never hear her voice
again. God it was awful to realize that!
To think that the voice which you heard
all your life would be extinguished is
really difficult to bear. I honestly
don't know how I'm coping with all of
these feelings. Thank God for my
therapist and now hopefully this site!!!
I'm a 39 year old male and I have never
experienced such sorrow, anger, pain,
despair, etc. I had no idea that I would
react this way to my moms death. Luckily
my friends, siblings and therapist have
helped me deal with all of the feelings
that come with such a tragic and speedy
loss.
AR
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redbird57
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 May 2008 Posts: 5
Lost My Mom Posted: 05-06-08 22:51pm
I know how you all feel,I lost my Mom
October 16,2007 to Lymphoma Cancer. I
loved her so much, and life without her is
so lonesome. I remember her words to me
the day before she died, she told me she
would call me. Every time my phone rings I
think it is my Mom. We all love our Mom's
and never want to let go. I was kissing my
Mom's cheek when she took her last breath.
Now that hurt's! I am 50 years old but I
feel like a little lost girl with out my
Mom. The pain has eased some,I still cry
every night and I pray.In my prayer's I
talk to my Mom,I know she hears me and I
know some day I will be with her again.I
have a daughter and a son who loves me and
needs me very much,and that makes me
smile,and I have three grandchildren who
loves me also.Now that is something to
want to live for.I heard a saying
once;live every day like it's your last.
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Yolita
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Losing Mom-Sorry about my book but you have to read this!!! Posted: 05-06-08 23:51pm
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mom
March 26th 1999 from kidney failure (a
complication from diabetes). She had just
turned 46 years old 2 mos. before she
died.Her death was so sudden. From the
time of diagnosis of Chronic Kidney
Failure until her death was less than 15
mos. She never even got to start dialysis.
We thought that we would have alot of
time.The last time that I saw my mom was
on Mar.25th around 11:15 p.m.(she watched
my two sons,then ages 5 and 3 while my
husband and I worked 2nd shift) we went
and picked up the kids after work and I
told my mom that I was really tired from
work and probably wouldn't call her that
night when I got home,but that I would
come over early the next day before work
and visit with her more,and she said
okay.I knew something was wrong the next
morning when she didn't call my 5 yr. old
to tell him to have a good day at school.
I went over before I took my son to school
and my son found her in her bed,she had
passed away in her sleep the night
before,the coroner said that she held on
just long enough for me to pick up my kids
and say goodbye to me.And you have to
understand I am an only child and my
parents were divorced.This was the hardest
thing I've ever had to go through.I blamed
myself for along time because that was the
one and only night that I didn't call her
before I went to bed,I felt like if I
would have called I could have done
something.But I realize now that God took
my mother for many reasons, one being
that she always said "I hope God takes me
before I have to start dialysis,I hear
it's very painful." And he heard her
request because he took her 4 days before
she was due to start dialysis. Also my 5
yr. old son(the one that found her) got
sick about 3 mos. after mom died and I
kept taking him to his Dr. and different
E.R. Dr's and thay kept saying that it was
just a flu with no fever. In Aug.my mom
came to me in my dreams and told me that I
needed to watch my son otherwise he was
going to be taken from me,and I asked her
what she was talking about and she told me
that she wasn't sure but he either had a
brain tumor or a tumor on his spinal cord
and if not watched it would turn to a
stage 4 cancer and he would be taken from
me(die).When I took him to the E.R. again
I told the Dr.about my dream (he knew my
mom for yrs.) he did a CT scan just to
ease my mind,and that's when they found
that my son had a brain tumor on the left
side of his brain about 2-3 inches in
diameter!! I dropped to my knees in the
hospital and cried because I knew mom
wouldn't lie to me.My son has had brain
cancer twice but has been cancer free
since 2000.I would have never known if it
hadn't been for mom coming back to me.
I'm not going to say that it is ever EASY
but it does get easier as time goes by. I
still miss my mom terribly!! But I also
know that now she is better off,she's no
longer in a wheelchair,she's able to walk
and I know that she is always there
watching over our family!! She's our
Guardian Angel. Sorry about my long
response but I had to tell my story.Anyone
feel free to PM me if you want to talk,I'm
here if needed.And you all are in my
thoughts and prayers.God Bless You All!!!
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jessicad7188
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to caroldiane and tabitha Posted: 05-16-08 00:14am
CarolDiane, my mom died of lung cancer
too. i remember being in the position
youre in right now, my mother was on
hospice and all we could do was wait for
it to happen. it is an awful situation to
be in and im sorry you have to deal with
it.
My mother died when i was 17. It was very
hard to get through. I was kind of a
sheltered kid and i was really close to
her. i dont know how to explain how i got
through it. i just, did. She is gone but
you will see that time still goes on--
life doesnt stop. That is really
depressing and at the same time
comforting. it is hard to get over, it
really is. I remember her crying over my
grandmothers death even years after she
died. The best thing you can do is talk
about it alot and know that she is still
there with you. i dont know if you are
religious but dealing with her passing has
made me more religious. the only thing
that made me feel better at first was
thinking that she was in a better place.
not married to my father anymore (who was
a lousy husband and father, she only
stayed with him for me and my brother but
thats a WHOLE different story), and shes
not in pain anymore. i also believe that
she is still with me. i have had some
pretty crazy things happen to me since she
died and when they did i felt her there.
2 years and i still stop sometimes and i
just cannot believe that she is not here.
it will take a lot of time but just
remember that she is still there with you.
hopefully you will be as fortunate as i am
to know that she is still there with me
when i need her.
i am so sorry you have to deal with this
but i know things will be ok! your kids
will understand that you are sad and they
will know espeacially as they get older
that your actions now are due to the pain
that you are in.
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CarolDiane
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A comfort and yet remorse Posted: 05-16-08 06:06am
I want to thank those above for your posts
and heartfealt words. I know I am not
alone. Your stories although sad, have
much streangh and wisdom in them and I
know after reading them, I also will find
that streangh and wisdom to deal with what
is ahead.
Her pain right now is holding under the
medication pretty well. It is the day that
she can't do anything for herself anymore
that I dread. Even though being in the
hopsital setting for so many years and
being a caregiver an emergency response
team member, it is not the same is being
one of your own.
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heaven has an angel
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Sep 2008 Posts: 7 Location: ,
i feel you pain Posted: 09-30-08 18:42pm
i lost my mum, november 2007 i was 17 at
the time had her buried 18th of december 1
day before my 18th birthday.......i no
alot of ppl say time is a healer yes it
probly is........but we r tlkin about the
here and now....i was not tlkin to my mum
a month before she passed because alot was
goin on....i feel so guilty now because
she passed away from a brain aneyrysm so
it happened so fast i didnt get to tell
her how much she ment to me....your 3
girls are so lucky to have u and u have to
think about what ur mum would of wanted
for u she wouldnt want u to think that
they are better without u she would want u
to bring them up in a loving way and let
them no u love them everyday....need to
tlk im here i no its nice to get things of
ur chest i hope this helped a little
let me no how u get on
danielle
x