Great question --- I was reading a Spanish novel that likened it to this: a man is like a light bulb to be turned on or off at will. But a woman is like an iron which requires slow heating ..But once she is turned on, there is a volcano of heat that is unleashed.

When was the last time that you wooed her? Tried to engage in her favorite activities? Spent an evening massaging her feet. It just takes a little more effort... ask her to define maybe three things about her turn ons and then try them out. Its hard to be subtle about that one, though.

Thank you for the reply. I am very passionate with her and spoil her daily. full body rubs, hot baths, nothing helps but giving her oral sex. then she wants to have sex but it's more like payment for my duties. she will be turned on and never let it be known.

Maybe try not doing anything special and just out of the blue start kissing her passionatly. Dont make a move or if she does, ignore it, and kiss her for aggess. You might find it will eventuat into making love.

Is she on birth control?

If so, that may be killing her libido.

Or any other medications for that matter.

this is a very hard thing to be subtle about however it also sounds like you may be looking into this to much. when you give her oral sex what gives you the idea that she only has sex with you as payment? i had thoughts like this once in my relationship and it did get bad for a while but i finally talked to her about it and we worked it out and all it was was she was a little stressed from a few things in her life. does she have a big load at work? or maybe exams in school? i would say your best bet is rather than asking us you should ask her and let us know of her reactions