Family Relationships Forum - Why Is My Son And His Girlfreind Doing This to Me

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Q: Why Is My Son And His Girlfreind Doing This to Me

asked by: jinnymc on November 27th, 2007

New User

can anyone help me to try and understand whats happened it tearing me apart me and my son have always got on we are like best mates ive looked after him well always done my best for him hes never wanted for a thing then 16 months ago he met his girlfreind she lives 35 miles away from us so he started going there at weekends he had always worked within 4 weeks hed left his job and moved in with her and her family i thought thats what he wants to do he was 21 so i had to go along with it and he seemed so happy then i found out she was haveing a baby i was over the moon has they was too hes my only child so haveing been told i was going to be a grandmother was great well like us mothers do i bought almost everything they needed and more when she was born i was so happy so proud .she was in hospital for the frist 6 days so i went up everyday . then the baby was allowed home on the saturday so i said i wouldnt go up for a couple of days has they live with her parents and family give them chance to settle in which they where pleased about but i rang them to make sure they were ok and if they needed anything anyway that was on the sat and sunday then i went up on the monday took my son out to buy them more things bought my son and his girlfreind presents aswell everything seemed fine and i was just so happy for them i rang for the next few days then on the thursday i rang at 12 oclock and my son spoke to me has if i was crap i was so upset its not like him then i was to go the next day but was told they had things to do then it was everytime i asked to go and visit it got to 5 weeks and they still made excuses but i didnt say anything just went along with it even though i knew it wasnt right then i asked my son what the problem was why wasnt they letting me see her and he told me his girlfreind said there was no time for me has he works mon/friday 8till5 and the weekends were for her and the baby and if i go and see them ill be takeing time up when she says thats her time i cant belive what has gone on her family live with her so there involed all the time shes 5 months old now and my son hasnt even been intouch with me since she was 10 weeks old ive sent letters and text messages and i get nothing back they have broken my hart im not a bad person i have a lovely home lovely husband and a brillant family who are also very hurt by this i spoke with her sister and she says that its unfair what they have done to me but also says her sister knew all this was gonna happen even before the baby was born her sister also said they used me to buy everything im dreading xmas has my son has always been here some nights i cant even sleep has im that upset anyboby else gone through this

Replies(8)

nightangel73

replied on November 28th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I am so sorry to hear about this. I can only imagine you must be heartbroken. I believe that in time he will learn as this woman doesn't sound right. I wish you the best.

mommy_2_dallas0813

replied on November 28th, 2007

Supporter

I'm so sorry you are going through this..I have a similar situation though...but

I'm the girl with the baby and it's my boyfriends mother that is going through a lot. He left his family last October to move here to go to school, 500 miles from his parents, and we met. I got pregnant and now our son is 3 months old. I'm 18 and my bf is 21, we live with my mother.

His mom blames it all on me, which isn't true. I encourage my boyfriend to call his parents, and he doesn't. We won't be able to see them on Christmas because he only has one day off and that's my fault.

My biggest problem is she is in our business way to much about everything. She doesn't know how to back off. I've met her twice and she has treated me poorly each time.

Anways enough about me, my advice to you...

Back off a little bit, I hope that doesn't sound to harsh but it's true. They do need their family time, that is understandable. Txt or call your son and let him know you love and miss him. He will figure it out after awhile, that he is hurting you badly.

Again I'm so sorry, he will come around...

jinnymc

replied on November 29th, 2007

New User

Thank You

hi and thank you for your reply i hope my son does come round and his girl ive never interfeared with them ive always been nice to his girl aswell its my sons girlfreind so i had to be taken her for meals bought her presents but most of all ive been nice to her just wish i could do something has im so upset

sillyakchick

replied on November 29th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

That is so sad. I am sorry that you are oing through this. Can you just write a letter laying it all out for them? "I want to be a part of your lives and the life of my grandchild on whatever level you feel comfortable. I know that there have been a lot of changes involved, etc etc, but I love you and your baby and want to be a presence in her life etc etc. I would NEVER EVER EVER do this to my parents, no matter what they have done to me in the past-my kids have a right to a good relationship with their grandparents. I treasure the closeness of my mom and my daughters. She loves them so so much and Geneva who is 6 has started writing her letters. They are all in her own hand now, and very difficult to read, but my mom treasures every single one of them. I am sorry that this is happening. I wonder if he will come around soon?

*edited to add*

Don't buy them anything else. You wouldn't want them to think that you are trying to buy their affections, and on holidays, try to give the child modest gifts that are practical. the reason I say this is because it makes me mad when my dad and step mom go overboard on the holidays and get my kids things I don't really want them to have, like the porcelain doll collection they somehow decided my oldest child needed to have. This is just my opinion, but I really hate it when they go overboard with buying. It sort of offends me, but i can't explain why-maybe its the feeling I get that they want me to reciprocate and I just can't. Besides I would rather have their time and their presence than gifts or money. Just my 2 cents worth.

jinnymc

replied on November 30th, 2007

New User

Thank You All

hi ive read your replys and want to say thank you ive tryed everything i even sent my mother up to speak with my son and tryed to talk to him but he said the same thing to my mum ive not been very well this year myself i had emergency operation and couldnt walk for 6 weeks but this was before the baby was due but even when i was ill my son or his girl never even came to visit me but they said its cos he works but you know something i wouldnt care if i was working if i knew my mum was ill id of been there for her i never even said a thing to them about not even coming yet when my son and his girl had a fight i still full of stiches and when her mother called me to ask if i could come up at 1 oclock in the morning has ill has i was i was still there for them both and no i dont take sides of any of them i had to get my mother out of bed to take me i was so ill at the time and yet again i never said a word since my granchild has been born i feel they both have been horrible to me maybe i should of stood up to them both then they might of thought different yet what i cant understand most of all is they live with her parents who are always fighting her mother drinks most of the day after the baby came out of hospital she was only 4 days old and her mother tryed to kill herself then the week after she was arrested for fighting with the neighbours . i just find it all so hard to take in and wish my son would relize how much im hurting me and my husband are really decentpeople we have a lovely home and like i say we have always been very close to my son we are not old parents we all used to go out together and get on so well .dont get me wrong the house they live in is lovely you could eat off the floors but rest of the things that go on are not right but again never said anything oh we will see what happens im hopeing he will be intouch for xmas

nightangel73

replied on November 30th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

jinnymc I think your son needs to see Sean Penn movie "Into the wild". Have any of you guys out there see that movie? It has a nerve racking ending as the boy dies but it gives you so much to think about. Parents, love..

jinnymc

replied on December 3rd, 2007

New User

ive not seen the film and ive asked a few freinds and nobody i know has seen it jinny

californchick

replied on July 25th, 2008

Experienced User

I am sorry to hear what is goin on with your life

It makes me so sad that they treat you like this you have every right to see your Grand babies they have your genes too. You know I don't see why she doesn't understand that she is lucky to have a mother-in law like you and your son doesn't know how luck he is to have a mother who cares if she wasn't like this to you would you treat her as one of your own kids?
. There are a few possibilities your sons girlfriend might feel that she is married to your son and that she is the boss and he allows her to walk on him. I think what you need to do is talk to them together and ask what the problem is? I know your son and his girlfriend are hurting you alot, You could also try to talk to your sons girlfriend about her issues with you? Communication is key But you cant just blame her because your son is allowing it to happen you should talk to him about his problem with and Stand your ground and say how you feel!!! Don't be afraid and when your son keeps taking advantage tell him enough is enough it will be really hard but tough love is the only way they will learn. How do you and her react to each other? What kind of relationship do you have with his girlfriend ? Also how many kids do you have? I am trying to figure from different situations to figure out a solution. Talk to them

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