Medical Questions > Relationships > GLBT Relationships Forum

Bi? - to Know For Sure?

I know, an age old question.

How to you know if you're bi, or just open minded and horny?

People sometimes ask me if i'm gay, to which I have to say "just a little bit" or just lie for simplicities sake.

I feel about 80% straight and 20% gay. Is this possible and if so how do I try to explain this to the uninitiated?

How can I know for sure? I don't mind being labelled if it's accurate.
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replied April 14th, 2004
Experienced User
Have you been with a guy before? (i'm assuming you are a guy - I apologize if I am wrong). So if you have been with both a guy and a girl, I would say you were bi. If you have only been with girls but want to be with a guy - i'd say you were bi curious. If nothing else you can say you are open minded - you don't discriminate. That's what I do. I've been in love with both guys and girls. There is nothing that determines if you are xy and z then you are definitely gay and if you are ab and c then you are definitely straight. Its your decision and its your decision what your label is. Go with what you feel like. And have a good time :d
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replied April 15th, 2004
Haven't been with a bloke before. If I get the opportunity I don't know what i'd do you see. Suck it and see I suppose :p

problem is, people don't know how to handle `open minded`.

I'll try it anyway
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replied April 16th, 2004
Experienced User
As for never being with a guy and not knowing what you will do - who does know what they are going to do the first time they have sex? You just kinda go with the flow - do what you think feels right or what you think will feel good. Go slow - go fast - do it - don't do it - whatever feels right.

Now as for what people think - that's a bit more complicated. Most people are tolerant of "open mindedness". However it can be to very different degrees. For example - my parents know that I have been with girls before. I confessed it to them one night and with the exception of one short conversation with my mom - its never been mentioned again. They know, but we just pretend it doesn't happen. And that works for them. On the other hand, the guy i'm seeing absolutely loves that i'm into girls (what guy wouldn't??) and he loves to talk about it constantly. And I have friends with varying degrees of tolerance inbetween. You just have to figure out their comfort level and go from there.
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replied May 31st, 2004
Hey sweetie...Yup it's possible...I feel like i'm 60% into girl and like 40% into guys. Yeah a lot of people have problems with open minded people but I think that that is very stupid and ignorant for someone to hate someone because of how they are. Well g2g love love!
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replied September 30th, 2009
i agree kitty im 60% into women and 40% into guys even though i have to kids. its what ever floats your boat.
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replied October 5th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Your sexual preference is really determined by your sexual partners. If you're a man sleeping with men only you're gay. If you're a man sleeping with women only you're straight. If your a man sleeping with some mix of the two you're Bisexual. If you haven't gotten around to having sexual contact with either gender you're a virgin, no preference applicable.

If people hassle you about not being homophobic you need to realize that this is their problem not yours. When you look ashamed when people question your heterosexuality you empower them to fear same-gender relationships. When you make fun of them or shake your head pityingly you send a message that they are defective people for trying to make one type of relationship superior to another.
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Users who thank W0LF for this post: homerx 

replied December 8th, 2009
Experienced User
Sexuality can be fluid.

There are people who are attracted to the opposite gender for romance, and who have also experienced feelings of attraction for a person of the same gender on occassion.

It's hard to say how honest people are about this subject. Views are rigid sometimes in culture.

I heard one time a psychologist say that when kids put up posters of male heroes, like sports figures or rock stars, in their bedroom there's a bisexual component to it somewhere in them. It's an interesting view.
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replied December 8th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Bisexuality is fluid. Homosexuality and Heterosexuality by definition are solids.
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Users who thank W0LF for this post: homerx 

replied December 8th, 2009
Experienced User
What if someone who is fulfilled having sex with the opposite gender, has had unclear feelings about two people of the same gender during their lifetime. Where the person felt stronger feelings of affectation for a friend or acquaintance than they normally would, but the feelings weren't so clear. It was an attraction of some kind with probably a sexual component. I'm not talking about desire, but an attraction.

Does that make them bisexual? I just think what I described is not uncommon. Freud and Jung experienced an attraction to each other at one point. They didn't act on it, but they found it to be a curiousity.

Many therapists think that sexuality is fluid to some degree.

I do agree if someone is having attractions to the same gender that are common or frequent, the person is bisexual. If it's a rarity, it's still bisexual, but I don't think it redefines the person.

I will add that a lot of people with molestation or incest issues in their past feel somewhat ambiguous about their sexuality, though they find romantic fullfillment with one gender over the other. The idea of sex with the same gender isn't as unattractive as it is to some people because they've already experienced it. They may never feel the same love feelings for the same gender as to a person of the opposite gender who they desire. They can still experience ambiguity on occassion; It's normal for many survivors of incest and molestation.



That's my point.
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replied December 8th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
By our modern usage of the terms that define sexuality. Your sexual preference is not defined by attraction but by action. The sex you have makes you sexual. The definition of sex is something our culture still struggles with. Few would argue with you that a man who makes out with another man is at least bisexual even through he hasn't had penetrative sex.

Sexuality is "fluid" to a very large degree. If you put stock in kinsey or many of his contemporaries, something like 75% of the world's population has an attraction to both genders. If they act on those feelings they become Bisexual or "fluid" in the terms you're describing. However, few will argue that there aren't those people who aren't capable of sex with both genders. There is simply no arousal response for their own or the opposite gender. These people are and will always be straight or gay.
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replied December 23rd, 2009
i've been in the exact same position.
about a year ago i thought i was bisexual and that i liked a girl.
but i wasn't so sure. so i just tried it to see how it felt.
i dated her, and obviously got intimate with her.
and after a while i got tired of it.
i relised that i prefer men.
but, if you enjoy the being intimate side of being with the same sex, but no relationship.
it's most likely that your just horny and want to have fun.
haha, so all i can say is, give it a try.
then you'll know for sure whether your bisexual or not.
(:
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replied March 2nd, 2010
Here is how I know that I am Bi - I like to have sex with my wife, my friend's wife and oral sex with my friend.
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