Broken Hearted Forum - Newly Wed, But I Ran Into a Bump I Guess

Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > Newly Wed, But I Ran Into a Bump I Guess

Q: Newly Wed, But I Ran Into a Bump I Guess

asked by: Chackery on November 27th, 2007

New User

hi, i don't really feel myself right now for some reason, not totally sure. Anyways, I'm 20yrs old, the wife is 20 as well. I'm overseas on a 1yr short tour and the wife is in Mexico studying at a college or something. We got married before i left, i still ask myself if it was the right thing to do. i only regret it sometimes just because i wonder if it was worth doing. I love this girl with all my heart and her the same way. Ive known her for little over a year, met her at work, hung out since then and thats history. Anyways to my problem..sorry for the bio, just figured it would help if any questions popped up.

She asked me if it was alright to marry a Mexican citizen so that he could get his green card or something. She is telling me that his family isn't doing to well because good jobs are hard to get in MX. I personally don't know anything about all of that because i'm a us citizen, i didn't have to go thru all of that. Her mom married a us-cit. and thats how she got her papers, so..for some reason she feels like she should help him out. She tells me i have nothing to lose, because even tho where apart, nothing much would change. i told her that kind of thing is illegal and i don't want to risk losing her to something stupid like prison. I realize it could help this guy out, but i have morals about marriage, i feel like i found The girl and I'm going to be with her forever and i don't care about anyone else because i'm happy with her. I told her why i didn't want her too, she said i was being selfish because i'm not losing anything.. i don't know what to think.. I'm sad at the same time confused because i really don't know what to do.. i told her not to do it, and i feel like if i don't get a 2nd or even 3rd opinion its going to start affecting me in some depressing way. thanks in advance, i hope someone is out there to give me there honest opinion.

Replies(6)

shelley27ky

replied on November 27th, 2007

Experienced User

its illegal and she can go to prison and its illegal to be married to more than one person. If she really loves you she will not push this. Someone else can help this guy out. I think its wrong shes married to you I would tell her as much as it hurts that if she does this or insents on it you will get a divorce.

But thats my thoughts

heres this to i found some info for you hope it helps out

http://www.answers.com/topic/green-card

must read this one
http://www.professorshouse.com/family/rela tionships/green-card-marriage.aspx

Green card marriages are based on the principle that anyone granted a residential visa for the United States based on a marriage must stay in the marriage for only three years. It can take as long as 4 to 4.5 years to receive a green card for those who marry a permanent U.S. citizen, despite the three year mandatory law regarding marriages. The United States issues only 114,200 green cards annually for those who have married a U.S. citizen and their underage children.

PenguinsRus

replied on November 27th, 2007

Supporter

If she really loves you, she will understand when you tell her that it hurts you thinking of her being married to another girl. Tell her how sacred marriage is to you.

Tylanas

replied on November 27th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

I would never let my spouse do some thing like that unless the foreigner was someone we'd both known for a very long time and were very close friends with. Never ever. You married only HER and she married YOU, no one else.

Chackery

replied on November 27th, 2007

New User

thanks for the replies, i'm out of it today because this just keeps eating at me. I understand where she is coming from and its a noble thing to do i guess to try and help someone out. Ive looked for another way but it just doesn't seem like there is one. She has had this idea before but the other way around, me marry her friend so she could stay in the states and i told her no. So she was a little worried i guess to tell me her plan this time. That 2nd website put it in perspective for me and ill be sure to share it with her, doubt she wont give it a 2nd thought since she is stubborn sometimes lol. in my opinion, the only reason why i'm upset over this is because i couldn't let her do something like that, i couldn't live with myself if she got in trouble. I'm sure tons of people do it all the time and not get caught. I'm just worried over it all, Plus my original ideology kicks in about marriage. the time difference sucks so i hope to get some decent time to at least talk about it without her getting emotional about having to tell him no.

Mikolas

replied on November 28th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

This is some male, that she wishes to be married to for the sake of his green card and his happiness? I'd be concerned sir, I can't imagine an ideal woman who loves you mouthing off permission to go marry another guy just so that he can get his green card. What next, will she ask to have sex with him because he feels lonely one day, will she ask you if its ok to have his kids because he wants them? Sounds like an affair waiting to happen, if it hasn't already. I don't think it was a great idea to leave her so soon after such a young and early marriage.

I feel as if you are walking on thin ice sir. Good luck

P.S. On an immature note, I'd say go find a extremely attractive immigrant woman who is not yet a american citizen, go show her off to your wife, ask her the same thing, and see how she deals with it.

Chackery

replied on November 29th, 2007

New User

nah its cool, we had some time to talk. She just wasnt ready for marriage so i wont bring it up anymore. If i talk about something that she isnt confident on, like moving in with me, she can get sad/mad and thats probably how this started. Her tradition has me meeting her family, them getting to know me, and finally one day asking. This will be over the course of years. etc. we just kinda skipped ahead because her mom is crazy and doesnt like me. ive tried to email her and talk but she deletes the emails without reading them. Im willing to Wait that long, just visiting can be costly, and hard for me because of my schedule, so im really hoping getting to know her family will permit her to visit me. If she asked now it would be unheard of.

And no, its not like that.. she just felt bad for him because she had to go thru being an illegal immigrant until her mom married and acquired greencards for them and eventually citizenship. i trust her, and her the same for me, In our discussions i told her i didnt want her to marry him for the sake of a green card, and she respecs that, like i respect that she wasnt ready. She is in mexico, myself in Korea so time zones are wierd and all i can really do is webcam some in the morming, noon, and nighttime. She isnt the type of girl who would do that kind of thing like cheat on me.
i believe we have it figured out for now, im going to fly out to mexico and start the process of meeting her grandparents, i hope that goes well. im studying up on my spanish now lol. i get paid 2 times a month, and get 2.5 days leave a month, so, im just counting it up and it seems not so far till i get to see her again. 70 more days for a nice week btw. Smile

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