Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 118 Location: Conroe, TX Montgomery
I Am Lost, And Clueless Posted: 11-27-07 03:56am
I just went through a divorce, and heart
surgery. I now find myself all alone. I
tried to get some family to move in with
me. But it didn't work out. I am 53yrs
old. I have always lived for others. I do
not have a clue on how to live for myself.
I am very lonely and depressed. I wish I
knew how to live through this. If I could
live for myself, I think I could keep
going. I don't know how people do it. I
have always given everthing away to
others, is why I have nothing now. I was
always for someone else. I have no value
on myself. I feel worthless. My value
was always how others valued me. I don't
know how to even raise my own value to
myself. I feel like I am now a piece of
trash. I don't know what to do with me.
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TamB
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 6 Location: , CA USA
Posted: 11-27-07 14:46pm
I'm very sorry to hear all this, Mike.
There's really not much I could say to
make you feel better because it is a sad
situation. However, it's very important to
seek professional help when you feel this
way. It was difficult for me to seek
professional help because I thought those
people wouldn't care, but it has really
helped me through my depression, and while
I didn't go through the same circumstances
as you, I think they will be able to
help.
Try to find a clinic or some place that
has a psychiatrist as well as therapists
because it's helpful to have both in the
same place.
On a side note, I think it is very common
and normal for you to judge your own value
based on what others think. It's human and
you shouldn't be ashamed of it.
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marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1104 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 11-27-07 16:02pm
I think you're far from clueless, Mike!
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 90
Thanked:32
Posted: 11-27-07 18:19pm
I completely agree.
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Mike East Texas
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 118 Location: Conroe, TX Montgomery
That's What I Get Posted: 11-27-07 20:33pm
Then my emotions are right? I am
worthless after all. When I took 3-4yrs
of abuse from my X, everything she said
about me was true, and the divorce was
deserved. I am alone. How do you get
revalued alone, when your only value comes
from others. I am a burden to the planet.
Maybe, I know the correct answer. But, it
must me lost under giant pile of paper
work, stacked up high, on my mental, and
emotional desk.
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marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1104 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 11-28-07 01:45am
No, your emotions are NOT right! They are
appropriate, however, considering your
past experiences. Anyone who has to deal
with as much abuse as you took would be in
pretty rough shape too.
You have to slowly correct yourself and
ween yourself off of this giant system you
have of assigning value to yourself.
I think you do know the correct answer...
and I think it is piled high on your
mental and emotional desk... you're right.
Learning how to love yourself can be
painful, hard work and so incredibly worth
it. Start signing off on all that paper
work and filing it away! You'll find what
you're looking for:)
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Mike East Texas
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 118 Location: Conroe, TX Montgomery
My Answer Posted: 11-28-07 03:22am
I say this like a kid being asked to
answer a question in a class room, and he
thinks he has the right answer. But, he
isn't sure.
Here is my stab at it. All love, and
appreciation is temporary. That we can
never count on anything being true, that
comes from others.
To quote Shakspere, " To thine own self,
be true." When someone no longer loves,
cares, or appreciates you. Then, it should
be their problem, and not yours. It's
going to take time. I have already
started down the path of being true to
myself. Just trying to find that feeling
of selfworth is comming very hard to me.
Will it be in one great epiphany, or will
it increase only a little bit at a time?
Will it just come in time, or is it
something I have to work at? If I have to
work at it, how?
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 90
Thanked:32
Posted: 11-28-07 18:53pm
little bit at a time. That's how all good
things work!
And yes, some people really do have to
work at being happy and healthy. Actually,
most people have to work at it. Life is
not easy!!
What do you like to do? What makes you
happy?
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Mike East Texas
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 118 Location: Conroe, TX Montgomery
Happiness Is Posted: 11-28-07 19:32pm
What makes me happy is getting a smile
from a pretty lady, a hug from a
grandchild, chocolate, donuts, and giving
MsCarrie a hard time.
For now, giving MsCarrie a hard time is
all I got.
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RejuveNATION
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2007 Posts: 25 Location: , NY
Are You Doing Special Things For Yourself? Posted: 11-28-07 19:33pm
Once a week get my a manicure, everyother
week a pedicure in the warmer months
because I have to budget the funds and get
my hair done at the shop when ever
possible. Try to keep the car clean,
house decent, just the basics that I use
to not keep right because I was always
worried about bills. Bills will always be
there by I only have one time to remember.
One day that cruise is going to happen
for me, I know it and a few other things.
I am 50 and have just begun Again (Don't
Quit). I know my weakness and my
strenghts. It's uphill and yea there will
be some bump in the road, it is how I deal
with them. With positive thoughts of how
to go through it. That is my Goal... I
had to seek help to as I mentioned before:
Counsiling, Church, Positive TV (I found
out I was not alone).
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Mike East Texas
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 118 Location: Conroe, TX Montgomery
the Real Deal Posted: 11-28-07 20:30pm
The real deal is that I just bought
another house, and now I am looking
desperatly for a future X to take it away
from me. Now that is really what makes me
happy.
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TamB
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 6 Location: , CA USA
Posted: 11-29-07 15:00pm
Mike, I don't know the details of why you
had a divorce, but keep in mind that the
reason she divorced you is her own reason
and most likely is not shared by most
people on the planet. I wouldn't give up
on love and appreciation as your X is
probably a bad example since she was not
the one for you.
Your feeling of worthlessness is not
indicative of the real situation. They do
not reflect the truth about you. They are
appropriate for what you went through and
you cannot be blamed for feeling this way.
It is extremely difficult to remain happy
during these times. But if you give it
time, Mike, and let the haze clear up a
little, you'll realize that there are far
more people who think you are worth
something than that one woman that thinks
you are not.
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Mike East Texas
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 118 Location: Conroe, TX Montgomery
Down, Again Posted: 11-30-07 22:27pm
I am depressed.
Everything I loved is gone now. The fun
and physical moments with my wife are
gone. Sitting, singing, playing, with my
grandaughters are gone. Being with my
children is gone.
In the past, when I found myself in
isolation, my pleasure was eating. Now, I
am a diabetic.
