talk to him about it

ok, i've been married for 6 yrs. to an awesome man. But for the longest time our sex life, well sucked We went through a lot of rocky periods, he swore sex didnt have anything to do with it, but lets be honest, he's a man. He also, is not very romantic. it took me forever to realized just because he wasnt romantic didnt mean he didnt love me. Ok, fast forward to now. Our sex life is OUTTA THIS WORLD!!!! and now, so is our marriage. Its hard i think for womean to get turned on. at least harder than men. I used to health forum at him for always watching porn late at night while I was sleeping. Then for the sake of our marriage (really, cause i was just not into that stuff, i found it gross) i started watching them with him. omg!! it made all the difference. and one more thing, Oral sex! I never gave that. OH, the thought of it. But I sucked it up (no pun intended) watched our little movie and well..........anyway, i know this is silly but all that really made a difference, in my sex drive and our relationship. I love him, so whatever it takes. Anyway, men are so simple, you give them a video game, beer and a blow job, theyll love you for eternity

My man is the same. And i have talked to him about it, and it last for a couple weeks, and then it's back to the same ol same ol. I know before we got together he had only been with a few women. Maybe 2 or 3. So i think maybe that might have something to do with it. I love watching porn, using toys, and being what i call "spicy" lol ( inside joke ) And i think his lack of being romantic, or creative kinda turns me off a bit. We still have sex, but i sometimes just don't get into it.

my main thing about sex is oral
i wish there was more oral involved

Well I did talk him and he said that he does not have the desire to have sex because he is tired of always initiating sex, which I feel was just hurtful to say. He states he will have sex when he wants to, which now makes me feel as though he doesn't want me in that way.

Well from a male point of view... I can understand what he is saying. There are a good deal of females that have lower libidos then males. This could be causing a mental block with him where he is thinking that you are only doing it to please him and you are not very into it. It's the same as being pleasured by a partner who doesn't seem like they are enjoying pleasuring you... it's not quite the big turn on. He wants you do initiate it, you can start the intimacy and let him know you want to be intimate and still be submissive in bed if that is what you desire. You need to go out of your way to turn him on so that he knows you want it more than you show... this will make him more comfortable initiating it more and hopefully provide a healthier sex life.

He is probably thinking the same thing... you don't initiate intimacy because you don't want him in that way... and yes guys get hurt too.

I guess hearing it from another man makes sense. I think Im more into sex then he is, its just that he acts like he doesn't want it, but again he properly feels the same way if Im not initiating anything. I have not been comfortable with initiating so what can I do to try to get pass that?

You need to be self confident (big turn on for guys). Tell yourself that you are a sexy woman who your man would love to be intimate with. Just go ahead and try to arouse him. Whether it be by wearing something sexy, or just doing things that you know turns him on. Walk up behind him while he is on the couch and kiss on his neck some while rubbing your hands along his arms or his chest, then whisper into his ear what you want to do with him. Try to make it seductive though, don't just whisper "I want to have sex". Try something as simple as "I want to make love to you" or even go a step further as "I want to feel you inside of me". Men are graphic creatures and we generally will respond greater the more detail you go into... as long as you make it known how much you want to be intimate.

Guys do not want to have to do all of the work. You relationship is a partnership and he probably feels like you do not want him in the same way he wants you and there for doesn't want to try as hard.

You should talk to him about it and let him know how you feel about the situation than let him talk than see how things go!

Thanks guys! You all gave good advice....I will try....will let you know how things turn out.

I couldn't agree more. Guys can be very horny creatures, but if the guy loves you... your emotions/show of affection affect his ability/want to perform because well... it's no fun if she just lays there or doesn't look like she's enjoying it. And make sure to give seductive looks or just let it be known that you are enjoying it... a blank stare is a turn off!