So let me first off explain a little about myself. I'm a 25 year old man, I date fairly often and have no difficulty finding dates. I have been in love and I think I know the difference between love and infatuation. But anyways I have recently met this girl who is absolutely perfect for me. The first day that we me we just instantly clicked and I rarely instantly click with women. We have hung out on several occasions and always have a great time. We can talk for hours, we have so many things in common its almost scary, and I swear that we are flirting with each other a lot.
The only snag is that she has a boyfriend. Now she has been completely upfront about him, and they are in a pretty serious relationship. They live together and have been dating for almost 2 years. I have never gotten the impression that their relationship is rocky and she seems to really love him. The only thing odd was she once referred to him as her tentative boyfriend, and when she explained what she meant by that she told me how she really doesn't want to marry him (but it seemed more of a I'm not ready for marriage statement).
So all of this is making me thoroughly confused of whats going on. In all honestly if I were in her place, and I was in a serious relationship I would immediately see the danger in her and cut her off. So right now I'm really unsure what to do. I'm really not the home wrecker type but I don't want to miss out on woman like this. But on the other hand I could just completely be setting myself up for heartache. Everytime I spend time with her I definitely feel myself falling harder and harder for her. I honestly have no idea what to do.
I agree with Maddie.....off limits. This girl isn't perfect until she's free to date. Put yourself in her boyfriend's shoes for a moment..... you wouldn't like it much to be referred to as the "tentative" boyfriend would you? Her statement makes me wonder about this girl's agenda right now....a statement like that keeps her options open doesn't it? It leaves both you and her live in boyfriend on the "backburner" until she makes a choice. Never EVER make someone a priority who makes you an option. A person who does so is very far from perfect....no matter how wonderful she seems at first. Tread carefully on this one, and remember that if she's willing to make such statements about a partner she's lived with for 2 years, she may think nothing about doing the same to you down the road. Much luck....can't be easy.
I see your point inferior, and I have thought about that. Especially if she dumps her boyfriend to date me, what does that say about her and how she feels about relationships. Thanks for the insight about what the tentative boyfriend statement meant, I never thought of it in that way.
Hey man I'm in the same boat. There is this girl I go to college with who is AMAZING. Best personality, beautiful smile, same interests, get along great. But she has a boyfriend back home...It broke my heart when I overheard her talking in class to someone and heard her say "my boyfriend.....". It's tough. Nothing we can do about it though
Until she becomes available there is nothing for you to do. She has been up front with you which is great! I would continue being her friend cause yo unever know what could happen in the future (unless it's too much for you!)
Hey, I just wanted you to know that theres nothing you can do,but express to her how you feel. If she not happy she should have been left him, she must not be that unhappy that she sees a great guy (you) right infront of her and still wants to be with her boyfriend. As you can see she must not feel the same way about you. I think she want the cake and eat it to, which is not fair for you. You deserve to have a woman all to yourself. Just let her go. If she wanted you she would have been left him. I know it plenty of women out her with similiar personalties who are single. i hope you take all of our adive and let her go. Yeah I Know easier said then done but hey get over her she's not your. Sorry to say it like that but its reality this world is very cold hearted people don't care anymore. Wish you the best. XOXOXO
I am sorry to hear that a wonderful women has entered your life and it happens to be that she is already involved with someone. Out of pure respect for her and her boyfriend you should stop all flirting with her. It shows that if she left her current boyfriend for you she could find another guy who might do the same thing you are doing and you could loose her to him. I understand that when you find a women that you really like you want to hold on but out of respect for your fellow man and for yourself lay off.
A personal rule I have for myself is that when I find out that a women has a man I slow down everything that I am doing right away. I don't break off a potentialy great friendship but instead I keep on great terms with her and if she wants to tell me anything about her relationship than that is on her. Never ask about how her relationship is going, because as a new friend that is none of your business. If anything is going to happen then it is better that she be 100% available for things to work out for the two of you.
As much as waiting sucks it shows that you are a real man who knows how to act like a responsible adult.
it could become painful to get very emotionally attached to someone who is not available to you... try to detach yourself from her and focus on finding somebody else for now.
her relationship with her boyfriend might not last forever, so I would stay in touch with her if I were you. just decrease the intensity of the conversations to a strictly friendly level so that you don't fall for her before the time is right.
as well meaning as the above people are, i don't agree that the situation is hopeless. If you truly feel that this is the woman you would like to spend the rest of your life with then, you have get serious about a long term plan of attack. First, you are TOO available. she has already hinted, possibly, that she's not FOREVER with her current boyfriend. maybe she has feelings for you but doesn't know where she stands with you.. i would begin to recede. don't be so available. pull back. see if she follows. maybe she will start to miss you and maybe she will be pushed to make a decision. as long as she has you and the bf she doesn't have to decide. you are just at the beginning of this thing - but skillful maneuvering could get you a wife. obviously you're young people with not as much experience as you think. read the biography of harry s. truman if you really want to see a suspenseful courtship! good luck!
i totally agree with barbette, this is spot on advice, if you just leave her be then you will never know and sometimes the one you seek is already in a relationship, thats how life sometime rolls, so roll with it, you just have to hang in there as a friend first and yes sometimes that magic does turn in your favour, it all depends how much you really like her, but never forget to live your own life aswell and pressume you WILL get her, maybe you will maybe you wont
and the funny thing is maybe while your waiting somebody else will enter your world and really blow you away
Well you could play your cards well and steal her, but you're most probably gonna make someone very unhappy. And if you don't plan on staying with her or if you realize that she's not the right person for you (which might very well happen if you see her cheating on her man), then you might make 3 persons unhappy. Unless you're a jerk and have no feelings, in which case that will only be 2 persons.
As you can see it gets complicated, and can get even more complicated. Its very tricky and unstable too.