I did; but neither she nor I has any mental problems. I kept pushing away my parents for almost two years. Dumbest mistake of my life. Your situation is totally different, however so I can't really advise what to do, other than if you don't live at home, do the following:

1. Turn of the cell phone/ignore her calls.
2. Don't respond on AIM or to e-mail.
3. Avoid contact in any situation.
4. Don't write letters or respond to them.

That's what I did. Again, I feel I was incredibly stupid for doing so, but it worked.

If it's not one thing it's your mother

Your situation mirrors mine growing up.

My mother was/is mentally ill, very manipulative, hurtful, dysfunctional, abusive, etc. My codependent father perpetuated this.

I have separated myself from them for going on ten years. Physically, that was very easy. I moved away. I had not a dime, just a small suitcase, but I knew I had to get out of there. I stayed with friends from college initially, and ended up working three jobs and going to school and graduating with my degree. I learned that people will help you if you tell them what's going on.

My parents were very angry, and made up all kind of lies and attempted to destroy my reputation amongst my community. I would receive phone calls from my father, who was calm at first, and then my mother would get on and it would escalate. It was slow, but I learned I had the power to hang up the phone and not have to listen to the abuse. It went similarily with email. I blocked them from my email account.

It was hard, but a big lesson I was learning was that I am not powerless. Having such a manipulative parent means feeling like you have no power.

At the behest of my sweet grandmother, who begs the family to reconcile, I attempted to do this many times, but on my terms, not theirs. They continue to be deceitful and controlling and I cannot have a relationship with anyone like this.

Emotionally...now, that is difficult. Even if you are physically separated, you will be emotionally affected your entire life. I have dealt/am dealing with the effects of her treatment of me, and I think I am doing well, but it is a long road.

They say kids are resilent if they have some kind of strength going for them; I was lucky enough to have talents in the arts and that kept me afloat and motivated to be healthy.

Emotionally you will have to work through it- daily. Be reflective about your actions and feelings. Ask yourself, "why do I feel this way" or "why am I doing this" within relationships. Are you retaliating against their treatment, or are you trying to empower yourself towards a better life?

It is unfortunate for this to happen. However, the only thing I feel is grateful...grateful for the experience, grateful for the ability to get out of it, and grateful to be able to reflect retrospectively and work through it.

I hope you are able to do what you need. PM me if you ever need it.

thanks so much for the support everyone!

i realized that part of the problem was me. though, not all. what i mean to say is that i do know that i have control over who i allow in my life and to what degree. i decided to tell her that i can't be the one that everyone complains to right now. and that i would be blunt with her when she started to get down about family stuff. i've always felt a great deal of pressure to keep my family together but it never works. so, i have to realize that i can't keep trying to hold them together anymore. in addition, i now cut her off before she gets me worked up. so far that seems to be working. and i don't have to feel like i'm hurting anyone. i know that it's hard on the other side of things... the people we love sometimes think that we don't care. it's not that we don't, it is unfortunately that we can't for our own well being. we have to help ourselves first, especially when we are sick.

Birch - i'm very sorry that you have to go through that on top of being sick. it is a very lonely place to be, i know.

I have never experience this situation. But I read through the thread because I like to be aware and broaden my horizons on just about every issue.

I wanted to tell you that not only was your post touching, it was thorough and sound advice.

I just wanted to tell you that you should feel elated about your strength and make sure that you continue to nurture and develop your strength.

You are amazing.