please consider ending this relationship

its unhealthy

i feel so sad for you my answer is get out of this leave her stay away from her she might just relize what she has lost and get her head together

Oh sure, just give up like everyone else does. If you really love her, my opinion would be to hold on to her and help her the best that you can. Drugs can do some damaging things to your body, you need to fight this addiction with her....that is if you love her.

Maybe you can help her seek professional help. It sounds like she has serious anger issues and insercurities. When this happens to people they usually lash out at the ones closest to them. That would be you. She has an addiction and maybe she hasnt handled or dealt with that yet. She also has mental issues, if she does have ADHD she needs to address that also. The abusive is a way of her expressing her feelings, as bad as that sounds

get the hell out of there. you will not change her or save her. in the end you will be left feeling used abused and like garbage. give yourself a christmas gift this year, dump the hag.

It seems to me you are the saviour type. The problem is if you are a giving, compassionate person and you meet someone who will take advantage of that it can lead to chaos. I have been with my partner now for two and a half years and he lies constantly about his addictions and will go behind my back when he can.
He knows im forgiving and my approach is to help. But the fact is in the end im staying with him and just making allowances for his behaviour which isnt really helping him at all. If you love her, help her by leaving her. Its been so long for me and the abuse hasnt stopped. Focus on what relationship you wanted growing up. Dont settle for someone so selfish. Your worth more than that.

BTW look up Nacsisstic personality disorder!!!

Ok, maybe not in exactly the same situation, but I understand what it's like to have an abusive relationship. I dunno if your girfriend is anything like mine was, but if she is, then she probably makes you second guess every decision you make if it isn't in her benefit, right? Like, I remember making up my mind that something was totally right thing to do (like you trying to get her back in school and stuff) and if she didn't like it, she'd manipulate and coerce till I was disgusted with myself and so shocked that I'd ever think such a thing. Worst part is, I didn't realize it till months later! Abusive girlfriends can be extremely manipulating. MY ADVICE TO YOU: This is what I did, and it worked, I promise, or I wouldn't be telling you to do it. When you have a goal for her (like getting her back in school) write it down along with all the reasons why you think it's the right thing to do, so that later when she begins to coerce you, you have something to remind you, something to stick to. Trust me on this, bro.
Best of luck! So sorry you were dealt almost the same cards I was.

I wouldn't stand for it at all i know you love this girl but she is abusing you and my guess is she always will!...She is saying you control her and put her down 24/7...Well it doesn't seem that way to me she is the one who is violent towards you when your trying to help her...It seems she might not want help...I know that is harsh but it is what i see from your post good luck steven777......Jenny

I wonder how you are getting on stephen777 ?,
I've looked for information on 'something' on the net for my own problems and found this thread, how would i know what i'm looking for i'm no doctor! i just have no-one to talk to about it. I can relate almost 100% to what you saying has happened except for the physical side. I seem to argue with mine almost every single day. She starts out very elated normally, when she�s elated i know from experience of 5 years the next thing that comes will be a big drop in mood usually started with an argument. she gets very excited and it's very hard not to tell her to calm down a bit, when i do tell her to calm down a bit (nicely) she says i am trying to control her and starts raising her voice and bieng more annoying, almost purposely if you know what i mean to see when i will give in, she takes the arguments to a level of swearing in your face and calling you hurtful names and saying she wants to end this relationship and sell the house, it really hurts you know. i would never have sworn first i would have tryed to keep my calm, I just want to diffuse her anger and live peacefully and happily. i find it very hard to communicate without her bieng abusive to settle a simple disagreement, I know if I don�t agree with her (most of the time) I will more than likely end up in an argument saying that I am trying to �control her�.

She has phases where one week she�s great, then the next week its all hell on earth at home.
I am now having a week off work on holiday and so far we have argued almost every day over trivial stuff that you would think is not worth arguing about, honestly!, you feel any other person would talk it about it rationally.

In the end i sometimes give in and swear back and call her names its very hard when someone is telling you to f off at full volume and saying that she�s not putting up with this and cant cope with it, day after day, week after week, year after year its the same thing. At christmas because i did not buy her a present she liked, in front of her daughter (16Yo) she told me to f off to my mothers for xmas and then went and got into her bed and was inconsolable and saying again 'i always do this i never 'listen' to her' and am uselss and she wants to end us and sell etc, because shes 'not' putting up with this. I made every effort to make sure everyone had a present at xmas and all the food was brought and I did the cooking aswell and did what I could, so when that happened its like you open yourself up and give as much as you can to try and make it a good day for everyone especially to her because you know she is very tempromental at that point it feels like she just stuck a knife in your heart its very demeaning and frustrating, your left explaining to her that you did as best you could and you hadn�t done anything wrong and she just continues the shouting and wearing until I usually exit the house. I come back later and she�s all changed and calm, I know if I mention it it will bring up another argument, so I just try to be reassuring and I forget it and move on.

This morning it was because I made a comment on her splashing the bathroom floor, I said I should �give her a good thrashing!� now.. that was me being confident and jokey (trying to hold my confidence I am!).. and I then went to the shop , by the time I returned she was crying and again I had �ruined her day� by saying that .. I immidiately said I didn�t mean it like that and I would never or have never done that etc, and she took it the wrong way.. so you go to hug her she pushes you away and starts swearing.. and uncontrollably bursts into a fit of tears while swearing at you �f off etc�, its very hard and hurtful I�ts like you cant do anything right.. and you always put your foot wrong, I have been tiling the bathroom floor for the past few days and reminded her not to splash the floor before it was dry every day, the floor was wet that�s all, I have to say something. It does not matter what it is, or what is say if I try to do something my way it will only turn out wrong. She says often that I have ruined her life, hey, I was just a single guy with normal friends before i met her.

So before I met her, she was living in a studio flat on her own. She could not afford to look after her daughter so her daughter was kind of entrusted to her sister and brother in law to look after. She had not lived with her daughter for about 7 years, and I fell for her because I wanted to have a nice girlfriend, and also for her to have her daughter steadily in her life, I thought I could help with that, you know who is lucky enough to have a perfect life?.. its what you make it right. and since then we had moved into various one bedroom flats, then two bedroom, now we own a 2 bed flat and her daughter comes to stay sometimes at the weekends ( her daughter is an absoloute angel, educated privately abroad). When they are together sometimes they get on but most of the time they disagree and row aswell, the daughter usually stays away because she knows of the mothers temproment.

I�ve not much more to say really, well I could go on all day but you probably wouldn�t understand its just so mixed up. I�m a level headed engineer, don�t go out drinking or anything like that!. Someone help.

i don't know if your still with her i am surpirsed you haven't hit her i know how it his to get hit from my boyfriend and i know how hard it is not to leave them, i haven't made a move to hit him though i feel like i should beat the hell out of him, i would say it would be easyer for you to separate yourself from that person little by little if you don't want to be with him, evenually you will then separate. but if your like me you will be stuck with the person happy when the happy times come and devistated with the sad times come. i wish the best for you man and hopefully you will be a good man and not hit her and walk away.

These threads are so different from eachother, it literally astounds me.. the responses vary greatly..
Anyways, for the previous post about the engineer, Is she bi-polar? I have a sister who acts just like this, she's bi-polar. Anyways, the best way I would deal with it, is ask, honey, honey listen, what do you want me to do? If she tells you, do it. If not, keep asking until you get a response. When/if you do it, and she has another fit, just say, but honey, you told me to do this if you acted like this.
I'm not sure if these type of people want to be helped so much as they just want to vent out complicated emotions and have different reactions to the strangest things. In any case, FIND the REASON for what she does and why. That should be the first project, if you plan on staying with her. Once you understand a situation, it's that much easier to find a resolution in the tangles of each issue. Mind you, it takes time.

This is very real. Don't equate this to some romantic drama. You can't fight her addiction for her. She has to fight it. Alone. You can support her as a friend. But, if she is abusive, there is no point in staying in the relationship. I'm being completely honest when I say this; because intense situations can cloud your judgement. Also, you need to find out why you are attracted to women who degrade you like that; it's very very unhealthy. Is this similar to a situation you have experienced in your past? Are you trying to overcome a past wound by striving to deal with the abuse of this deplorable situation?