Hi. My name is Jay. I'm a 17 year old male from montreal, and I have no real friends.

My problem isn’t that I’m totally isolated and anti-social. In fact, at school I’m very friendly with everyone, and lots of people smile and wave at me as they pass in the hallway or that I could sit with at lunch time. It’s just that, I feel as though none of these people really like me, because none of them really know me.

I never get close to anyone. I never talk about myself or say anything that people might disagree with. And I instinctively adapt my personality to suit those I’m around. I wish I didn’t have to do this, but past experiences have made it abundantly clear to me that when I act like myself, people don’t like me. They really don’t like me. But when I stay quiet and distant enough, and pay close attention to say only the right things, people do like me.

The problem is that after school, every night and all weekend, I’m totally alone. Nobody calls to invite me to the movies, tells me about where the parties will be, or even just invites me to hangout. And I can’t call and start trying to include myself because it makes me seem desperate and people just blow me off.

In the end, I’m on good terms with everyone, but I don’t have any friends. The happy, simple guy I pretend to be is nothing more than a façade. Even when I’m at school with everybody, I can’t help but feel completely alone.

And I know what I should do. I should take a chance and open up to someone, and if they don’t like who I really am, then they’re not the kind of friends I want to have. Aside from the fact that this idea seems disgustingly clichéd to me – the sort of lesson a Disney movie would try to pass off as good advice – it’s really not that simple.
I’ve spent so long wearing a mask, I no longer know who I am beneath it.
I don’t know how to be me.

What are you supposed to do when you're so lost you don't even know how to be yourself anymore?