Joined: 23 Nov 2007 Posts: 1 Location: , Ohio United States
the Fear of Being Alone.... Posted: 11-23-07 11:06am
Hi, this will be my first post in this
forum and I'm really seeking some help.
I'm an 18 year old male living in Ohio and
I have an extreme fear of being alone. I
think this all started when I was in about
the 6th grade when I went into a terrible
depression, I had the worst fear of being
alone, I was constantly worrying that my
parents, my grandparents, and those people
were going to die and leave me all alone.
I also was extremely paranoid...I was so
worried about school I would probably
check to make sure my homework was in my
bookbag 5 times a night. I never got any
help for it and finally I was able to get
over it until this past summer. I got
over it by making myself numb to the world
and just basically staying on the computer
for about 6 years of my life. I was able
to block out all human contact and I felt
as if I didn't need anyone but then my
senior of high school something happened.
I met a girl that I really fell in love
with and she was slowly able to pull me
out of my depression and I went from being
a shy anti-social hobbit to someone that
talked to everyone. Over the summer when
I graduated I ended up cheating on her and
breaking up because I guess I was feeling
over confident and felt as if I didn't
need her anymore. Since then we have
gotten back together, I'm in my first year
of college but things seem so different.
I feel so alone, sometimes I just want to
lay down and cry, I try to get over the
feeling but for some reason I can't. I
see her occasionally but she has to work
and maybe its just me but it seems like
she has no interest in me and my fear of
losing her is pushing her further away and
I dont trust her at all. I'm afraid that
when she leaves I'm going to be all alone
and I don't know how be by myself anymore.
I have a want to be with her all the time
and be her center of attention, it makes
me feel so selfish. This pain I'm feeling
makes me wish that I never even met her
and I was back to the way I was. I don't
know where to go with my life, I feel that
inevitably we are going to break up
because we fight so much. My parents tell
me my college should be the most important
thing but its very hard to see a future
that I'm all alone in.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-23-07 17:55pm
well
you got over this once hun! you CAN do it
again
first off death is a very scary thing to
think about. it can make you go crazy. it
can make you hurt to think of looseing
ones we love
cherish every day you have alive on this
eartha nd while your at it make it a happy
one! because if your sad all the time one
day youre going to regret it
you never get time back
when the clock moves it goes and it keep
on going. it doesnt turn back
these seconds
these minutes
are YOUR life
YOUR chance to be happy,sucessful.
dont hold onto this girl like shes
everything. relationships are a learning
expierience. if its meant to be it will
bloom and keep on blooming. if something
happens remember,its ok to be sad. but
dont dwell on it
youve got a life to live
hope this helps
im here if you need me
-suzy
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marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1104 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 11-23-07 22:02pm
Suzy is so right!
You can't define yourself by what and who
is around you. You have to define yourself
by YOU and what YOU stand for and what YOU
want to do.
It's easier said than done.
If you can somehow talk to a therapist
about this, I think ti would benefit you.
They have a great way of ironing out all
the kinks that have led you to feel this
way. Seriously... take my word for it!
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RejuveNATION
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2007 Posts: 25 Location: , NY
Turn Your Focus to Something Else Posted: 11-24-07 17:56pm
I had to learn to Love Me. I thought
everyone else was more important and I
didn't strive for anything better because
thats all I knew. As years flew by and my
life was not getting any better, my
friends branch off dealing with their
lives and it all was'nt rosey for them
either. I knew I had to work to get
finacially better to take care of myself,
but I over did it. My goal became more
important than keeping a closer
relationship with my friends and things
were rocky at home at the time because I
didn't know how to get along with people
that pisted me off. It was part my fault
immature did not deal well with immature
affectively.
Well, time can be your friend like it was
to me. I am dating a man that I dated
eleven years ago that I had to walk away
from because he drank to much for me. He
turned his life around and has his
priorities together and I have grown by
not doing street drugs for a year. Now
we have been seeing each other for two
years, we don't see or talk eveyday but we
don't let three day go by without talking.
But we get together when ever possible in
an exclusive relationship. We go to
movies, walks, and do things separately.
Let me say this also, even though we have
been together for two years our working
schedules are different. It works for us
that we are not always around eachother
and also have separate interests. I like
to be alone alot, the creative side of me
has time think and sometimes do things
with other people and so does he. By the
way me and girlfriends still talk and drop
by each other house once and awhile. A
girlfriend I had since we were 14 invited
me to a bar-b-que and I went by myself. We
just hooked back up after five years.
You are all seem young, don't get stuck on
one thing or person right now. Do your
best in school, wish I had. Learn a
career/trade its better than just a job,
even though there is nothing wrong with
just a job it has helped me to do things.
Your Older Friend
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bigtusa
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 9 Location: Tustin, CA United States
Try to Appreciate What You Have-it Can Always Be Worse Posted: 11-29-07 08:35am
Been a loner all my life, not by choice.
I'm socialy akward, and not good looking
to most people. But I met a woman 27 years
ago that still thinks the World of me, I
don't know why. Find someone who loves you
as you are, no matter what. Makes Life
worth living, with all it's pain.
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philusworld
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 2
Dream of What You Can Get- Life Has Taught Me This. Posted: 11-29-07 08:55am
Pleaseunderstand the fact that all of us
are going to die one day. Its because you
have many desires you feel lonely. Please
dont coccon yourself this way. Try not to
expect more from this life. All of us are
destined for something and we cant get
something more than this.This world is all
about glitters, beauty, looks and want.
Dont let behind that relation of yours .
Dont forget she was the one with you when
the world seemed to an alien. Dont stick
to the relation if it gets more on to your
nerves. Wait for her decision. If you feel
happy with her, If u want her, u can alwaz
be with her. Better being with a persom
who loves you than being with someone whom
you love. So decide what you want.
Everyone of us have got to be alone at
some point of life. So why being depressed
at this young age. Try to know the reason
of u r existance in this world. All of us
are here for a certain reason. Meet that
reason n thts it. The life cycle is
completed.
Wish you luck in all you do.
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taoist7star
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2007 Posts: 1
You're Not Alone Posted: 12-01-07 20:45pm
you know devon, I'm going to tell you
something from my experience. I have
anxiety. Fear of women, fear of failure,
fear of crowds, fear of social situations.
It stems from me going to a rough high
school in NYC. You know they say those
years are supposed to be the best years of
your life?..........For me, it was not a
pretty scene, even though I never had a
problem with anyone there. Never had a
fight, not even an argument, never even
thought about talking to a girl that gave
me the "eye". In that school, I saw a lot
of stitched faces. So my philosophy at the
time, was it's better to keep to myself
than to face a boxcutter. Even though,
racial slurs were hurled in my direction
on almost a daily basis I just shrugged it
off and kept walking. Isolation was a
defensive strategy, but my instincts kept
telling me to embrace something that can
strengthen me physically and mentally.
Thus my martial arts training began. Apart
from training, I hungered for more
knowledge. Reading books on Taoism &
Buddhism, meditation, qi gong(chi kung)
helped me tremendously. It made me more
aware of my surroundings. Even though I'm
a grown man now, I'm still not much for
words, still shy with women, still
standoffish with acquaintances, still a
small circle of friends....thanks to high
school. But it made me more of an abstract
thinker. I am not afraid of being alone,
even in NYC, because of the teachings I've
embraced. Loneliness stems from desiring
approval from others. Today's concept is
you don't have a girl, you're not normal.
You want to belong, you want to "fit in".
But living for the sake of appeasing your
peers is a life wasted. So in my limited
knowledge, I'm gonna leave it off with an
old Taoist proverb "One can not see his
own reflection in running
water."............stay strong
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kymm
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 38 Location: AR,
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
I Know the Feeling All to Well Posted: 12-02-07 22:44pm
I married my high school sweetheart at 17
and was married for 20 year's, till this
year. He had a drinking problem and was
very depressed. Me and my daughter came
home on day and he pulled up and shot and
killed himself in front of us. I don't
want to be alone. I hate being alone, but
I have found who I am now and where I'm at
in life. Being alone isnt so bad. It's not
all fun, but it's not all bad. You have to
find things that make you happy and get
out. You can't hide.
