Depression to Anxiety to Emotions to Awareness to Better

I have went to church, off and on, for most of my life. I even tought myself to read and write in the ancient Greek. So, I could read the original manuscripts. For years I prayed, everyday, God, save my family. Now I don't have one. If you would like to recieve a curse. Have me pray for you. Let me know what you want.
Eukoristo Sui.

Everyone has their trials to endure and hurdles to rise above. It must be hard on people that do not have HOPE. I endure the daily up and downs of life but I have hope for better days. I use Church and the shows I mentioned as a tool and the different topics help me. I like Oprah, Dr.Phil. and others... Oprah features: Dr.Oz
he shows us how to get or stay healthy. Comedy, Cooking Shows, HGTV and Animals, I've got to get started on My Profile.

What do you mean about not having any family? I have family in my area but we are not close, never been a kissie, huggy or real talkative of our feeling. So things happened that were'nt resolved for years because I did not bring up how hurt I was. Now some of the baggage I carried has been resolved. I've got to learn to talk about the issues that turn into baggage quicker. When I hear someone say something I don't agree with, I need to talk about it then and don't stew in it. That's one of my hurdles.

Do you know there is a certain way we are suppose to Pray. Not only for what we want but what we are Thankful for. I try to remember to pray to be "Thankful for waking up and be my best, Protect me with the Armor to reflect Negativity away from me" and Wish the Best for Others and our World. I've always wanted to help others but had to Learn to care and help myself. .."I am important too"..

I set my ship down on Planet TV for very short periods, once a month on average. Everything on TV has only one true objective, make themselves rich at your expense. If that wasn't true, It wouldn't be on TV. They will tell you wonderful words. Then, they will ask for money. If not directly, through their advertisers. It's not reality, it's entertainment.
I am happy that you found something that works for you, and is available to you. thank you for sharing what helped you. But, you assume way too much that it is for everybody.
On my second Heart attack, I nearly died. I had to think about the rest of my life, and what is after, seriously. In my deepest heart, and likely in yours too, I know it's all a bunch of B<!! S^!t. I just can't leave this world with that stuff on my conscience. It's truth or nothing at all. T.V. is the biggest lie machine ever created.


Let me splain another reason why I feel the way I do.
I come and go at strange hours. I came home and the door locks were changed on the house. My wife and children were on they're way to church. I figured she just wanted shiny door fixtures. So, I called her to see if she had a new key for me to come get. That is when she told me she didn't love me no more and wanted a divorce. She was a good christian woman who prays and says she loves Jesus, who she has never really met. But, she couldn't love a man who adored her, and would have done anything for her. Matter of fact, I had even given her power of attorney over me, just to make her feel secure.
Own my way back to my car, I started having chest pains. I had them for three weeks. I only treated them with asperin. Until, I had my first heart attack.
I just think we trade reality, that we can't live with, for a fairy tail that we can. If there is a God, Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, there not real out there. They're only real inside of us.
I'm sorry for the harsh responses, but you hit a very delicate nerve inside me.

I was only offering what has helped me and my turn around of accepting negative situations were with the help of those shows I mentioned. Yes TV is big business just like college, retail and scams. I know everything has its good & bad, I took the good. I've gotten the booklets w/envelopes asking for donations and if I do choose to contribute hopefully some of it will get to the people that need. Yea the founders usually over spend on themselves, but people are people.

Not knowing why you came & went at strange hours leaves a few questions and were there any signs or communication of her displeasure with the situation. My father was only concerned with his wants and what he would or wouldn't do for his wife. Believe me she was at the bottom of his priorities. Until her plan to rise above the years of being ignored, over powered, and manditory chef would be no more. I just wish he would have admitted/apologized how he treated her before he passed. He was the King in his mind. I am not saying this reflects on you, this was my reality.

To some I have admitted to my mistake but some people aren't worth my breath because of the situation and how it started. As I said I didn't handle negativity very well. So I listen to the shows I like but have not been able to forgive some.

She never cooked for me. The house had to be perfect. She made the children keep it clean. I would come home from a job, in which, could start or end anytime. I am away from home at least three weeks out of four. She would meet me with insults. I would be tired after going 30 hrs without rest. Hence, I was lazy. I would need at least two days to get my strength back. But, I would have to be working outside on the second day. I had to shower three times aday. No matter how I combed my hair, it wasn't right. I had lost a lot of weight. I was too skinny and ugly. I put on a bunch of weigh, I was fat and ugly. If a kid left something in the wrong place, I did it. If anything got broke by one of the kids, I must have did it on purpose. She would get mad if I spent more than $40/wk on food. I ate a lot of ramen noodles. If there was anything I want, we couldn't afford it.
I bought her everything she wanted, a big Four Poster Bed, Stone tiled the floors. She spent money on anything she wanted. If she hinted that there was something she liked, I bought it for her. All the money was her's.
I would beg her, " please, let's me and you get away", she wouldn't here of it. It was a waste of money for us to have any quality time together. Everytime I came home I was treated by my wife, and children like I was a little bit more a stranger. Until the last time I was home, I was treated like I was an intruder.
Maybe I am better off without her. I kept praying that it would get better. I thought it may be a faze she was going through and we would get past it.
That was just another failed dream with no help from above.

If you don't mind me interjecting, it didn't sound much like a dream..... a wife who treated you like that.... a family that treated you like a stranger. Is that something you aspired to??

My ultimate dream was that my wife would get better, that she would get past here issues. She was a control freak. Sometimes the children wanted to be close. But, everyone was scared to offend her. That's why I hear nothing from the kids, today. Not only was she materialistically selfish, emotionally as well.

I am happy to have met the men that I was not cute enough, slim enough, smart enough or too nice. Hopefully the men that I felt weren't enough have the same mind set I do now. Believe me I wasn't cruel, just young and dumb. I looked back some years ago and realized it was not their fault so I stopped blaming them. It was my choice. But best to believe I love me, something I was missing back then.

Well Moving Forward Mr. Texas... This man on the news was talking about problem people. He said, "I refuse to let them rent space in my head". I'm thinking everyone has issues big or small. I use to make myself the Genie of the lamp making everyone elses wishes come true, one of my issues. I'm still learning guidelines: Do I think its too much and by what others are not willing to do for me and I don't ask for much. Don't get upset its a guideline to take notice of. It's time to clear your thoughts and walk to your future. Hopefully you and your children will embrace one day.