I am asking for help! I am in a situation
that has cycled for three years now.
Though I might have some issue, which I am
not claiming I don’t. This situation is
about my girlfriend
I have been with my girlfriend for over
three years and there has been a
consistent cycle that occurs. She gets
completely tired, and everything she says
seems to be negative. I am an optimist
and try to pump her up, but that does not
work. She also has a commitment problem,
being that there was a rough up bringing.
So she gets into this stage where she
tries to prove to herself she is not
co-dependant. She will go out and get
drunk till she blacks out. She tells me
she doesn’t remember what happened. She
then will turn it around on me saying.
Well I am confused and I don’t think we
are supposed to be together. Though 12
hours before she is completely in-love
with me and her actions and words prove
it. It seems to be a complete mood swing.
I understand that anger and love are close
in relationship both giving off
pleasurable endorphins. It would seem
that she copes with her situation by
string up the pot I call it. My example
is I leave for thanksgiving and she goes
out gets so drunk she says she doesn’t
remember anything. She then processed to
say she needs space. That she feels that
our love is not meant to be. She
doesn’t really care that it ruins my
thanksgiving. In fact I think that gives
her pleasure subconsciously. She brings
in this drama and it helps her feel
better. She will even confide with
another guy because she doesn’t want to
be co-dependant to me.
Why I think this is a mental problem is it
is a cycle. She is not stable, she is not
happy, she is to stressed out with work,
her MBA, and because she has said to me
multiple times I don’t understand why I
am this way. I want to love you, but I
can’t. But, she says I don’t
understand.
She seems unhappy, but everyone that is
close to her loves her and gives her 100%.
In my mind most girls would be so excited
and because they are having a Biltmore
Christmas, and an amazing new years.
Though she seems to fight the good in her
life to try and prove she is so
independent.
I say to myself why do I stay in this
relationship and it is because I love this
girl and I am committed to her. I know
she has something wrong with her and I
feel bad just walking away because 70% of
the time she is amazing it is this 30% I
hate.
What do you think her problem might be?
How do I help her? Please do not answer
just walk away. If I could I would.
Thanks for your time,
Andrew
|
marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1099 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 11-22-07 12:33pm
Hi, Andrew.
Have you tried talking to her about the
30% you hate while she's happy and all
lovey dovey etc.? It seems as though she
might be more receptive to what you're
saying to her while she's in that state.
You've mentioned that she had a rough
upbringing and it seems as though she's
relying on alcohol too much as a crutch.
She says she doesn't need you
(co-dependency), but she resorts to
alcohol instead, which is far worse an
option. I'd be careful to watch for a
budding alcohol addiction which could
wreak havoc on you two in the future...
that 70% of the time you like with her
could slowly be dwindling.
The cycles you're experiencing could be a
mild case of Bipolar or some other type of
depression.. which is another thing you
might want to investigate with her.. if
she'll allow it.
You have to get to the bottom of why she
feels like she has to be so independent,
and why she goes through such extremes to
make her feel that way (even though with
the alcohol, she's hardly becoming
independent).
I hope this helps. If you want to talk
more, you can PM me or any other Supporter
or Moderator... or you can just continue
talking on here in the forum.
