This is what has really been going on.

To start this off, I haven't said anything about the situation with Nick and me lately because I didn't want any of you to think I was trash, or unable to be a mom.

Nick is scaring me. About a week and a half ago, Nick came home drunk around 1:15 AM, started yelling at me, calling me names, and breaking everything in sight. He grabbed me and shook me, and I was floored. I didn't know what to do. He was completely out of control, so I called the police. They showed up and he ran. When they found him at his parent's house, which is a few streets over, they told him to stay away for 24 hours. He came back within two.

He was remorseful, so I let him back in. He then became even more upset than he was and started throwing things and breaking things and saying things to me that nobody has ever said. I called the police again. I was so scared. When they came the second time, he ran again and took the keys with him. They asked me some questions. Previously, I had left out the fact that he grabbed me and shook me, but this time I told them. He has raised his hand to me before, but he has never gotten so close to violent.

At around 4 AM I called Spruce Run which is a women's shelter, because I was so shaken and scared because he had the keys with him and the police still hadn't found him. They said they couldn't do anything because he didn't "really hurt me". I guess you have to be beaten to a pulp before they do anything, huh? After I hung up with them, Nick called me. I asked where he was and he told me he was walking around in the woods to hide, and he was at his parent's now because the police showed up there but they had left. They told me to call them if I got in contact with him because he broke the law. I called them, and they arrested him.

When he got out the next day he told me he wanted counseling. We also had to contact the court to amend his bail and stuff like that, so yesterday (a week and a half later) we had a hearing and they amended his bail under the condition he will take anger management and substance abuse counseling.

Last night was fine. Today was rocky. He immediately starts blaming EVERYTHING on me. I missed work today because I couldn't get myself together. Luckily my manager is understanding.

Anyways, tonight he went to the store with his mother and his friend to get some groceries. He said he would be home in about a half hour. 40 minutes goes by and he says he's at his parent's getting some things together and he's going to his friend's house (four of them live together, and they're all alcoholics and potheads) and I asked him to please not smoke pot. I don't like it when he does, or how he acts. He got upset with me and said if I ever try to control him again, it's over. He also said that his ex tried to control this aspect of his life and that's why he cheated on her. He told me to get out of his life and just stay away from him.

I don't know what to do. I'm sorry this was so long. I'm hurting so much and have nobody else to talk to about it. I want help, but I don't know where to get it. This is killing me.