Marianne0558
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15-yr-old sis-in-law lost virginity - what to say?
Posted: 11-21-07 09:54am
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I copied this topic because I think I will
get more answers in this forum.
Please anyone, give me some advice!
Okay well here goes the drama.
My little sister-in-law is 15 years old.
Last Friday night, she went off with 4
older boys and ended up losing her
virginity to not only one, but TWO of the
boys.
She confided in her mother Monday about
this, I guess expecting some empathy or
something. Obviously that wasn't the
case.
My question is, what should I say to her?
Her mother wants me to talk to her about
this since we are closer in age and (just
as most 15 year old girls) she thinks her
mother is evil right now.
I'm very disappointed, but everyone makes
mistakes.
Any ideas?
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Rosie H
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Posted: 11-21-07 09:58am
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Wow what a way to start off. I guess you
could just share your experiences with sex
and tell her about pregnancy and std's.
All you can do is tell her your mistakes
and/or experiences and hope you she takes
you to heart. But, eitherway she is going
to do what she is going to do. No matter
how much people talked to me at that age I
still had to learn the hard way....Wish
you luck.
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Marianne0558
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Posted: 11-21-07 10:05am
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Yeah. It's tough to get through to
teenagers.
I thought about having her mom take her to
the free clinic. She can get a firsthand
experience and get a little embarrassed as
well.
Her mom took her to the police station and
she had to tell the men cops what
happened, which I'm sure was embarrassing
too..
Her friends are trash and have corrupted
her. I'm pretty sure she was the last
virgin around.
Her mom had my hubby when she was only 16,
so I suppose the apple doesn't fall far
from the tree...
This is just really hard on her mom right
now. She just found out she had MS... a
lot of stress isn't good for anyone, let
alone someone who is ill.
Thanks for the advice!
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lightweight
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Nov 2007
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Location: ,
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Posted: 11-21-07 13:40pm
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Yes, i think that besides telling her all
the facts she needs to know, u should tell
her that although you're not trying to
tell her what to do, let her know that she
should never do anything she's not
comfortable with. Tell her to never give
into pressure, and that if she's gonna do
something, (stupid or not) it better be
because she wants to personally, not
because someone forced her to. 15 is such
a tender age....
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Marianne0558
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Posted: 11-21-07 13:42pm
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Yeah. The age of consent in Maine is 14
though so nothing legally can be done.
These little buttholes did this with their
parents home.
what the heck is wrong with parents
today?!
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lightweight
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Posted: 11-21-07 14:27pm
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What? 14? and, EW! Shame on those parents!
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Dannzibelle
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Posted: 11-21-07 15:36pm
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| Marianne0558
wrote: | Yeah. The age of consent in
Maine is 14 though so nothing legally can
be done.
These little buttholes did this with their
parents home.
what the heck is wrong with parents
today?! |
14? really?
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Birch
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Posted: 11-21-07 19:06pm
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I think it is a good thing that she told
her mother.
You could probably talk your ears off
about what's "right" but she's going to
have to learn for herself. I would make
sure that she was extremely well educated
on STD's, pregnancy, rape, & self
esteem issues.
Fifteen year olds believe they are
invincible. Hard to get through that
shell.
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PenguinsRus
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Posted: 11-22-07 21:17pm
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14 is so young for the age of consent.
That's crazy.
Maybe the part of her who told her mother
was scared and needed someone to talk to,
even if it doesn't seem like she wants to
listen. Good luck with it all. What a
hard situation
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Tylanas
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Posted: 11-22-07 21:39pm
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Well, she's sexually active now so she
needs a pap smear asap to make sure she
has no STI's. I think the idea of
embarrassing/scaring her with the truth is
a pretty good idea. There's no need to
fake it; the truth about sex and the
diseases and other risks is frightening
enough. Did the boys even use a condom?
Was she on birth control? Good god, she
needs to be terrified of pregnancy right
now!! It's too late for plan-B.... She
really should have gotten a sexual-assault
exam with is extremely invasive.
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Marianne0558
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Posted: 11-24-07 10:04am
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Well I know I can preach about pregnancy
and STD's until I'm blue in the face.
It's going to go in one ear and right out
the other.
She lives like 1,000 miles away, so that
is troubling in itself.
Her brother and I had Kyleigh and she has
seen first hand how hard we struggle. Even
that won't sink in.
I don't know if the boys used condoms. The
night this all was relayed to us, she was
in the background throwing a temper
tantrum...she sounded like a dying cow.
Get this:
her parents aren't even going to punish
her. She gets to go out and do whatever
she wants. You wanna know why? They think
she did all of this because of the
medication she's on. They are scared she
might commit suicide if they punish her,
so she's allowed to do whatever.
That's crazy to me.
That just teaches her that she can use her
condition as a crutch and every time she
might get into trouble, just throw that
suicidal card out there and it won't be a
problem.
They are going to be raising her children
within the next 2 years, watch.
And she wanted to go to Duke and become a
doctor. So much for that....
Friends are terrible influences in high
school.
Oh, and she's been on birth control for a
while now. Not sure if the boys used
condoms, I'm doubting it though.
As soon as she catches the clap she'll be
sorry she didn't listen to her big
sister!!
I'm just more disappointed than anything.
I mean I can understand losing her
virginity but I can NOT understand with
TWO boys. That's trampy. Skanky. I'm 23
and don't know of ANYONE who has lost
their virginity by letting some boys run a
train on them.... GROSS
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Birch
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Posted: 11-24-07 12:09pm
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Ah, that adds a whole other piece to the
pie. The parents and the medication and
apparently a mental health issue, too.
She needs a therapist.
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Tylanas
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Posted: 11-24-07 13:53pm
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The parents need to be taught how to
parent, and the child needs therapy for
her issues: aka she needs some sense
knocked into her. Parents shouldn't be
afraid to punish their children.
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haille
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007
Posts: 81
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Re: 15-yr-old Sis-in-law Lost Virginity - What to Say?
Posted: 11-25-07 09:02am
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| Marianne0558
wrote: | I copied this topic because
I think I will get more answers in this
forum.
Please anyone, give me some advice!
Okay well here goes the drama.
My little sister-in-law is 15 years old.
Last Friday night, she went off with 4
older boys and ended up losing her
virginity to not only one, but TWO of the
boys.
She confided in her mother Monday about
this, I guess expecting some empathy or
something. Obviously that wasn't the
case.
My question is, what should I say to her?
Her mother wants me to talk to her about
this since we are closer in age and (just
as most 15 year old girls) she thinks her
mother is evil right now.
I'm very disappointed, but everyone makes
mistakes.
Any ideas? |
Considering every one is an individual
with their own thought and reasoning
patterns.
Perhaps, you can start off your
conversation with her by asking why she
decided to lose her virginity, and why she
choose to loose it in the manner that she
did?
If she didn't take the time to think about
the subject seriously before, considering
her actions. These questions may start
the right type of thinking and get her to
face up to who she really is and why she
does what she does.
Every action causes a reaction.
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Marianne0558
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Posts: 1726
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Posted: 11-25-07 17:15pm
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| Birch
wrote: | Ah, that adds a whole other
piece to the pie. The parents and the
medication and apparently a mental health
issue, too.
She needs a
therapist. |
She has one.
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Marianne0558
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Posted: 11-25-07 17:19pm
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You know, I've been thinking and
discussing this issue over the weekend
with a few people.
Here's the conclusion we came to:
She wasn't a virgin when she did this.
Her friend told her the pain in her
stomach was normal, but I'm assuming this
scared her and that is the only reason she
told her mom.
I think she made up the whole virginity
thing to be in less trouble with her
mother.
Think about it.
Who loses their virginity and then goes
right on to the next guy?
I'm doubting she was a virgin at this
point.
I had my doubts before I was even told
about this.
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Marianne0558
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Posts: 1726
Location: Charleston, SC USA
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Posted: 11-25-07 18:00pm
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The whole family is getting therapy.
The problem is they are blaming her
"mental condition" (of being a snotty
teenager) for making her do these things.
She is only learning that she can use that
as a crutch to get away with whatever she
wants to.
This is just so frustrating.
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Flurries in the air
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Nov 2007
Posts: 388
Location: Chicago
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Posted: 11-28-07 20:38pm
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I dont think she was a virgin either, i
never heard of anyone losing their
virginity to two boys at once, and then
telling their parents about it. She was
probably just scared that she is pregnant
or something so she told her parents about
it and just said she was a virgin before
so they dont think so bad of her. She is
just a teenager she is using her
"condition" to get out of trouble. Her
parents really need to think what message
they are sending to her by letting her do
whatever she wants to. I think she is a
teenager and she will grow out of it, but
she does need to get some help.
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Birch
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Posted: 11-29-07 12:45pm
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| Marianne0558
wrote: | The whole family is getting
therapy.
The problem is they are blaming her
"mental condition" (of being a snotty
teenager) for making her do these things.
She is only learning that she can use that
as a crutch to get away with whatever she
wants to.
This is just so
frustrating. |
What's her meds for?
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haille
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007
Posts: 81
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You Have a Very Strong Point...
Posted: 11-30-07 13:32pm
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| Marianne0558
wrote: | You know, I've been thinking
and discussing this issue over the weekend
with a few people.
Here's the conclusion we came to:
She wasn't a virgin when she did this.
Her friend told her the pain in her
stomach was normal, but I'm assuming this
scared her and that is the only reason she
told her mom.
I think she made up the whole virginity
thing to be in less trouble with her
mother.
Think about it.
Who loses their virginity and then goes
right on to the next guy?
I'm doubting she was a virgin at this
point.
I had my doubts before I was even told
about this. |
Having considered what you posted, I tend
to agree with you.
I smell cover up and pretense on her part
too.
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