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Q: Oral Sex Question
asked by: TrollSlayer on November 21st, 2007
New User
I've got a few questions that I'm hoping to find answers for regarding oral sex in my current relationship. I am a male that has been with my current girlfriend for just over 4 years now. I have always been lured to oral sex for some reason.

My girlfriend has had a bad sexual experience in her past which it did take about 2 years before she was comfortable to have sex vaginally with me. However we had performed anal sex several times prior to that.

Oral sex has always been a touchy subject with her. At first she seemed like she was heisitant to peform oral sex, but did it and seemed to enjoy it at least a little when she did do it (rarely).

Then about 6 months ago, she seemed a little more determined to get into it and was performing oral rather frequently, but she was worried that she wasn't doing it well enough to please me. I reassured her that she was pleasing me. During this time, I performed oral on her several times as well with very few comfortability issues...Now it seems as if she is completely uncomfortable with it...

I'm ok with not getting oral, but I would love for it to become part of our sex life. What would have caused her to become uninterested in it like that? Now she just says that she's not comfortable for me to have my head near her vagina like that. The only issue we had during the time we were performing oral was that she wasn't able to do it for long before her jaws would start hurting her.

Some advice on what I can do to help get oral sex part of my sex life would be great. I love her to death and would love for us to be able to exchange the favor of pleasuring each other in as many ways as possible.
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TrollSlayer
replied on November 23rd, 2007
New User
Anyone have any advice/answers for me?
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young Girl
replied on November 23rd, 2007
Especially eHealthy
talk to her
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TrollSlayer
replied on November 24th, 2007
New User
Done that. She says she just sometimes isn't comfortable with it. But she was semi-comfortable with it at one point in time. I just feel as if there's more to it than that for her.
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beepbeep176
replied on November 24th, 2007
Experienced User
It doesn't sound like she's a very sexually open person. You did say she had some kind of negative expierence with vaginal sex so I'm sure it has something to do with that. It's strange that she was letting you perform oral and you were recieving oral and now she just doesn't want to. Maybe her sex drive is getting lower or something. Or maybe she just needs reassurance that's she doing it right. Sorry I couldn't be much help.
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Maddie34
replied on November 24th, 2007
Moderator
Did she say why she's not comfortable with it?

I didn't have a real good experience with my ex and it really bothered me with my current boyfriend. It took me a long time to get comfortable doing it with him and we had to have a lot of talks about it. He didn't really get why I wasn't comfortable until I told him everything and even now I still need a lot of reassurance that I'm doing everything right.
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TrollSlayer
replied on November 24th, 2007
New User
Well, her bad experience wasn't only vaginally, I believe it was anal as well....

The thing that confuses me is we had anal sex first, then oral, then vaginal...now it seems vaginal is all she is comfortable with...not even anal anymore which used to be something she really loved.

It doesn't seem to be the taste that she doesn't like about oral sex, she's stated that she likes it several times...it just seems like oral sex is a topic she tries to avoid if at all possible when I try bringing it up.
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young Girl
replied on November 24th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
maybe she just isnt an oral sexx person?
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TrollSlayer
replied on November 24th, 2007
New User
Then why was she fine with it and was enjoying it at one point and time, then she just slowly faded away from it? That's what I'm trying to figure out. Anything she's ever said points to the fact that she liked it other than the fact that she says she isn't comfortable with it. Which we've talked about ways to help her become comfortable with oral sex. When talking, she seems like its somethign she wants, but doesn't seem too much like she wants to work toward it.
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Happiness03
replied on November 25th, 2007
Experienced User
It may be something with her sex drive. Sometimes mine goes all sorts of crazy. My husband loves oral too. I used to do it for him, but unfortunately it just wasn't my cup of tea. I should have just told him at the time. He kept pushing for it and pushing for it, and then it was more of a "chore" for me to do it. Now, I really just don't care for it. He understands, and just allows me to do it when I feel like it. It is rare, I must say, but when I feel like it, it is more pleasurable for the both of us. That's the most important thing of all.
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Georgia59
replied on November 25th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Do you think it's possible that she thinks she's smelly or icky? If so, try giving her some subtle compliments about it... "I love the scent of a woman... (with a wink)" or something to boost her confidence down there. Otherwise I'd just talk to her, use the same words you wrote to us and be completely honest. But do it in a way that gives her an out so she doesn't feel vulnerable or cornered. Know what I mean?
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candymom419
replied on November 25th, 2007
New User
watch a porn together!
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Tylanas
replied on November 25th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Yeah, I always thought I was smelly, but my ex solved that by being obnoxious and always smelling his fingers afterwards. Rolling Eyes I believe his comment one time was "I can smell you and get horny all day long now..."
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majorjustin06
replied on November 27th, 2007
New User
Ok, everyone, I am TrollSlayer...Obviously there was an issue with my username so I had to re-register. I have another twist to my story here. And we have watched porn together. Seems to make sex a little spicier to have a porno playing.

But a few nights back, my g/f was attacked by two guys and raped. She seems to be very comfortable with me being around her, but it still is in the back of her mind. Something else wierd has came out of this. It seems she has a split personality! That or is possessed. Last night, while we were sleeping, I had my arm across her and was kissing her on the cheeks. She slowly began to kiss me back and before I knew it, she was forcefully holding me to her wanting me to have sex with her and I knew that before we had gone to sleep, she had wanted to wait quite some time before having sex. She was talking to me as if she were awake, but she claimed to be someone completely different. My girlfriend's name is Janie and she was claiming to be Kaitlyn, a girl that her original body had died in a crash in CA 10 years ago.

All she would do was to say, "F**k me!" She was getting very upset the longer I went without doing the deed. I actually asked her about the oral sex issue and it seems that there was an issue with oral sex in her original bad experience. I verified this when my g/f woke up. While she was asleep, she had a totally new voice and everything as if she were someone different.

This morning, it happened again, she rolled over and said in a calm voice, "How's my sex toy? Do you wanna f**k me again?" Since we had a chance to talk about this, I knew I wasn't having sex with her. She strattled me and pinned my arms down, I barely got out from underneath her. It seemed her strength had increased by at least 50%. I had realized she was strong and quicker the night before as well.

I had splashed water in her face to wake her up this morning but it didn't seem to work for a while. While all of this was happening, several times, she would scream my name and sounded as if it were a plea for help. Janice had been skeptical of my story last night, but she was scared to death when she woke up from this thing this morning. She told me she could actually feel something else inside her. She could hear me talking to her but couldn't wake up. This 'Kaitlyn' seems only focused on having sex with me and was making comments of her plans for this 'new body'. Which was to behead it. Kaitlyn claims that she's been switching bodies since her original body's death 10 years ago.

I asked her when she came to possess the body and she said the night of the raping, my g/f needed someone there for her but wouldn't come to me since I was a guy. She saw the opportunity and took it. What am I to do now? When my g/f turns into Kaitlyn, I'm worried about her safety. I don't want this personality to be suicidal and kill my g/f.
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Tylanas
replied on November 27th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
If your story is true then she needs to go to psychologists immediately to deal with the severe mental imbalance she has developed. I do not believe in the spirit world. This rape has clearly broken something in her mind and she needs serious medical and mental help.

I have no idea what you're talking about with "original body". People only have one body and one mind. Trauma such as rape can cause the mind to become unbalanced and fracture; but there is not two "people" in her head; just her one mind that is broken.
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majorjustin06
replied on November 27th, 2007
New User
By original body, I was referring to what the second personality was saying. As if Kaitlyn were somehow able to transfer her spirit between bodies. I don't really know whether I believe in the spirit world or not, but I'm open to the possibility. I think it's more of a mental issue myself. She's been to sleep two times without any problems...

Hopefully this was somehow linked to a dream she was having and it's all over with.
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Georgia59
replied on November 27th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
She just got raped a few nights ago? Really? Are you lying to me?

The girl should be in therapy. The police should've sent her to one right away.
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majorjustin06
replied on November 27th, 2007
New User
No. She was staying at a friend's house that night. It was about 3 or 4 am when she was going to her car, which she had parked in an alley behind the apartment building. She was going to get the car, bring it around front to pick up her friend. As she was about to get in her car, she was hit from behind. She says she can't remember anything about them other than one guy was white. The hit to the head had caused her to be so dizzy. She remembers her friend running to her with a baseball bat to beat the guys away.

She never reported it to the police or seeked medical attention or anything. I found out about it later that evening when she showed up at my work place. Her clothes torn and everything still yet. When showering, you could tell there was dried blood in her hair because the water was red.

I tried getting her to report anything she could recall to the police so that her information may help prevent the same guys from doing this to another person.

Also, during this Kaitlyn deal, she claims that Janice is gone, locked away. So this other personality feels as if they are taking over total control of the body forever it seems.
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Georgia59
replied on November 27th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Well she obviously needs to see someone asap.

It could be possible that the trauma of the rape triggered a mental illness that she was predisposed to or that the trauma itself was just so terrible that she hasn't emotionally recovered (this seems likely) either way, she needs to see a professional.
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majorjustin06
replied on November 27th, 2007
New User
I know that and you know that but me convincing her to seek help is the problem. The first time she was raped, no one helped her with it and she had turned to drugs/suicidal ideas. Until she met me and was able to open up to me, tell me about everything. So it seems at the moment that my help is all she wants. I'm trying to convince her to see a professional though. I'm a sophomore in Psychology, but that doesn't mean I'm a professional just yet.

I've recorded some of this audio on my cell phone and played it back to her. She feels that is possible that she had feeling that she had pinned up from the first time she was raped and that this second raping has combined with those feelings to manifest this new condition.
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